shit.
Yup. Haven't posted for awhile. Wonder if anyone reads them anymore...? I guess it doesn't really matter. It's kinda pointless, anyway. But it wastes time. There's always more need for that. I can't decide whether I'm an insomniac or if I just have a fucked up sleep schedule. Eh. Whatever.
I started reading The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams, of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fame. It's pretty bitchin. A darker tone and all that jazz, but I've been reading hard sci-fi (called speculative fiction by those who are afraid of being called nerds), and while some of that was pretty twisted and entertaining, Adams is a nice change.
Dakotah's lame, as always, although I've started doing better there. I'd explain it all, but it's stupid anyway. Long story short, through simple force of will you can fuck at least 3 or 4 people out of a decent hunk of money every four hours, AND get paid minimum wage for it. Woopitydoo.
I've been watching Adult Swim a lot. I love Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It's fucking great. There's no point. There's no moral. No thought required. Favorite qoute:
"But Frylocke, I thought you said no more TV...?"
"Yeah, I did. But we fucken need it."
Looking back on things, I like to thing that I had been, at one time, intelligent. I like to think that somehow I just fucked myself up too much to be even vaguely creative. Now, I'm occasionally clever, like a monkey using a stick to get to bugs. This bothers me, primarily because I think I was just always stupid, just good enough at bullshitting to be a kind of fucked up intelligent. Now I can't even do that. Funny how we progress, isn't it?
Sara's awesome. I've had several girlfriends. I cared about all of them. I like to think I loved them, primarily becaus it makes me think I'm a better person. I never really connected with any of them, though. I never felt they were smarter than me. Never thought there was anything I could learn from them. Never thought they could kick my ass if I did something really fucked up. Never thought I'd actually enjoy talking to them. She's proved all those theories wrong. I'm glad. I never thought I'd say it, but I really can't wait until I get married. I just hope I can get a job good enough once I get my GED to move out. Maybe I'll just start working two.
The more I think about it, the more confused I become as to whether or not I have a family. Not just people that are related to me, but people that I'm close enough to that I could actually depend on when bad came to worse. I used to think my friends were family. Then I more or less abandoned them. I haven't spoken to any of my friends for a long time. A very long time. That makes me feel horrible. What makes me feel worse is that I realize that even when I saw them or talked to them everyday, I wasn't there for any of them like I should have been. Now, my only family are my half-cousin's family. Still, I always feel I'm intruding there. They don't need another family member. I wonder if they really want me, or if they just tolerate me because I'm occasionally worth having around for a laugh or housework. I don't know. The more I think about the future though, the more questions I have. If I have a real wedding, who would be my best man? I'd like to ask Josh, my half-cousin. I don't know if I'm really family enough to ask that of him, though. I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know if I want to, either.
I wonder if I'm lost, sometimes. You know, lost in life or whatever. If I'm just drifting without direction. Can you be lost in a place you're familiar with? If you know what you're doing, who you are, what you need, can you be lost? Maybe I'm just... here. No reason. No purpose. Live, breathe, eat, sleep, work. Fill in the gaps with people, video games, and the ruthless destruction of brain cells.
God, I hope no one reads this. It's so fucking stupid for fuck's sake...
I started reading The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams, of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fame. It's pretty bitchin. A darker tone and all that jazz, but I've been reading hard sci-fi (called speculative fiction by those who are afraid of being called nerds), and while some of that was pretty twisted and entertaining, Adams is a nice change.
Dakotah's lame, as always, although I've started doing better there. I'd explain it all, but it's stupid anyway. Long story short, through simple force of will you can fuck at least 3 or 4 people out of a decent hunk of money every four hours, AND get paid minimum wage for it. Woopitydoo.
I've been watching Adult Swim a lot. I love Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It's fucking great. There's no point. There's no moral. No thought required. Favorite qoute:
"But Frylocke, I thought you said no more TV...?"
"Yeah, I did. But we fucken need it."
Looking back on things, I like to thing that I had been, at one time, intelligent. I like to think that somehow I just fucked myself up too much to be even vaguely creative. Now, I'm occasionally clever, like a monkey using a stick to get to bugs. This bothers me, primarily because I think I was just always stupid, just good enough at bullshitting to be a kind of fucked up intelligent. Now I can't even do that. Funny how we progress, isn't it?
Sara's awesome. I've had several girlfriends. I cared about all of them. I like to think I loved them, primarily becaus it makes me think I'm a better person. I never really connected with any of them, though. I never felt they were smarter than me. Never thought there was anything I could learn from them. Never thought they could kick my ass if I did something really fucked up. Never thought I'd actually enjoy talking to them. She's proved all those theories wrong. I'm glad. I never thought I'd say it, but I really can't wait until I get married. I just hope I can get a job good enough once I get my GED to move out. Maybe I'll just start working two.
The more I think about it, the more confused I become as to whether or not I have a family. Not just people that are related to me, but people that I'm close enough to that I could actually depend on when bad came to worse. I used to think my friends were family. Then I more or less abandoned them. I haven't spoken to any of my friends for a long time. A very long time. That makes me feel horrible. What makes me feel worse is that I realize that even when I saw them or talked to them everyday, I wasn't there for any of them like I should have been. Now, my only family are my half-cousin's family. Still, I always feel I'm intruding there. They don't need another family member. I wonder if they really want me, or if they just tolerate me because I'm occasionally worth having around for a laugh or housework. I don't know. The more I think about the future though, the more questions I have. If I have a real wedding, who would be my best man? I'd like to ask Josh, my half-cousin. I don't know if I'm really family enough to ask that of him, though. I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know if I want to, either.
I wonder if I'm lost, sometimes. You know, lost in life or whatever. If I'm just drifting without direction. Can you be lost in a place you're familiar with? If you know what you're doing, who you are, what you need, can you be lost? Maybe I'm just... here. No reason. No purpose. Live, breathe, eat, sleep, work. Fill in the gaps with people, video games, and the ruthless destruction of brain cells.
God, I hope no one reads this. It's so fucking stupid for fuck's sake...