Rargh.
Just so over everything. Thought that once university had finished i might be a bit happier. More fool me. Still staying at my grandmothers and its become apparent that nobody in my family wants me to leave home. They are just quite happy to see me miserable and drinking to much. Not that they really understand anything. I'm just so tired of everything. I keep getting moral messages flung at me every fucking day. 'Why dont you say sorry to your dad'? shit like that. Every waking hour. When I'm not blind off my face I feel like a miserable ball of shit. My grandma and aunty want me to move in with them, and I just can't handle having to be responsible or indebted to anyone. Having to continually report to them about where i am and what i'm doing. I just hate it. And they seem to think that the onus is on me to keep in touch with them. What the hell happened to them contacting me? And why do i feel like its always my fault? and why to people always blame me? What the hell did i ever do wrong? Ugh, I'm not eating properly, I'm sleeping alot, but not very well, I think i might be suffering from depression. My marks were down at uni this semester. I think I've come to a stage where i need to do something or keep falling down the slope.
Anyway, some of you might see me and I'll put my wonderful happy faccade on that everybody loves, (oh god this is going to sound so emo), and i'll be completely fucked on the inside.
GOD I HATE MYSELF WHEN I SOUND THIS DEPRESSED.
on the other hand, i will be going to thailand soon, moving out. i think my family really gets me down.
God I'm just so unhappy.
Anyway, some of you might see me and I'll put my wonderful happy faccade on that everybody loves, (oh god this is going to sound so emo), and i'll be completely fucked on the inside.
GOD I HATE MYSELF WHEN I SOUND THIS DEPRESSED.
on the other hand, i will be going to thailand soon, moving out. i think my family really gets me down.
God I'm just so unhappy.