This is one thing that I really hate.
Still being up at 1:30 in the morning, for no real reason. Sitting at the computer, feeling empty inside, and not really knowing why.
I'm an idiot, you know? Despite repeated lessons to illustrate the point that I shouldn't be in a "more than friendly" relationship at the moment, I keep seeming to want one. ...But I don't want to want one. I want to be fine with just being friends, because I really shouldn't be trying to be anything more at the moment, but it just doesn't seem to work that way. ...Maybe I just like holding someone too much. I seem to have a need to show affection that surpasses my capacity for good judgement. And it's not even about having sex. Other guys get to blame it on their "little friend" when they do stupid crap, because they're thinking it might help them get a girl to have sex with them. But I don't really care if I never do again, right now. So why am I like this?
Okay, I'm going to sleep now. Maybe there I can find some peace. ...Though it doesn't usually work that way.
I'm an idiot, you know? Despite repeated lessons to illustrate the point that I shouldn't be in a "more than friendly" relationship at the moment, I keep seeming to want one. ...But I don't want to want one. I want to be fine with just being friends, because I really shouldn't be trying to be anything more at the moment, but it just doesn't seem to work that way. ...Maybe I just like holding someone too much. I seem to have a need to show affection that surpasses my capacity for good judgement. And it's not even about having sex. Other guys get to blame it on their "little friend" when they do stupid crap, because they're thinking it might help them get a girl to have sex with them. But I don't really care if I never do again, right now. So why am I like this?
Okay, I'm going to sleep now. Maybe there I can find some peace. ...Though it doesn't usually work that way.