(no subject)
Yesterday, a girl with whom I work's husband got killed. Apparently, he was golfing with a friend and a tree fell on their golf cart and killed them both.
At Apple, we have a partner store in Huntsville that is managed by the same woman. Today, we found out that one of the employees there was riding her bicycle and got hit by a car, killing her fairly instantly.
It's been a strange day at work, needless to say.
I wasn't emotionally affected by either of these tidbits of news, though. Most people were crying. Nearly everyone was talking about it and hugging it out. But, not me. I just sat and watched them. I didn't know either one of these people, and so, I really would be faking it if I tried to mimic how much they seemed to care. While it might have seemed coldhearted to some of the folks at work, for me it was eye-opening. I realized today just how much it hurt me when Seth died. And it still does.
For two weeks after he died, I came home from work and drank alone while listening to Johnny Cash. I didn't go out very much, and when I did, I became a sad drunk pretty quickly. I didn't talk about him to anyone. No one asked.
But, since then, I've found myself being reminded of him more frequently than ever. Things I see in a store, places in the mall, restaurants, types of food, songs, bands... all kinds of things. They remind me of him.
I don't love him now in the way I once did. But, that doesn't mean that he still didn't hold a huge portion of my heart, given all that he and I went through together.
All the times I woke him up from unconsciousness with half a gallon of orange juice, called the ambulance, had to call the hospital to be able to find him, ate healthily, stood at the finish line of a marathon wondering if he was dead somewhere, the places we visited together, the food we shared, the books we read, the shows we watched, the jokes we made...
Nearly every memory from college involves him somehow. He was essentially there through all of it. The most important parts of it, at least. So, to think that our break up was not just a door shutting, but a lockbox being locked away never to be thought of again is naive. I loved him. I lost my virginity to him. I'll never forget him.
And it never ceases to hurt that it seemed like no big deal to most. I guess I see you all as cold-hearted as Apple saw me today.
At Apple, we have a partner store in Huntsville that is managed by the same woman. Today, we found out that one of the employees there was riding her bicycle and got hit by a car, killing her fairly instantly.
It's been a strange day at work, needless to say.
I wasn't emotionally affected by either of these tidbits of news, though. Most people were crying. Nearly everyone was talking about it and hugging it out. But, not me. I just sat and watched them. I didn't know either one of these people, and so, I really would be faking it if I tried to mimic how much they seemed to care. While it might have seemed coldhearted to some of the folks at work, for me it was eye-opening. I realized today just how much it hurt me when Seth died. And it still does.
For two weeks after he died, I came home from work and drank alone while listening to Johnny Cash. I didn't go out very much, and when I did, I became a sad drunk pretty quickly. I didn't talk about him to anyone. No one asked.
But, since then, I've found myself being reminded of him more frequently than ever. Things I see in a store, places in the mall, restaurants, types of food, songs, bands... all kinds of things. They remind me of him.
I don't love him now in the way I once did. But, that doesn't mean that he still didn't hold a huge portion of my heart, given all that he and I went through together.
All the times I woke him up from unconsciousness with half a gallon of orange juice, called the ambulance, had to call the hospital to be able to find him, ate healthily, stood at the finish line of a marathon wondering if he was dead somewhere, the places we visited together, the food we shared, the books we read, the shows we watched, the jokes we made...
Nearly every memory from college involves him somehow. He was essentially there through all of it. The most important parts of it, at least. So, to think that our break up was not just a door shutting, but a lockbox being locked away never to be thought of again is naive. I loved him. I lost my virginity to him. I'll never forget him.
And it never ceases to hurt that it seemed like no big deal to most. I guess I see you all as cold-hearted as Apple saw me today.