close to me
I feel close to being myself again. It's weird to be a writer in my head but not be able to write a thing in four months. I was in a period of transition, sure - new job/career, new Boy (okay, same boy for those of you keeping track) - but writing had always helped me cope with change and this time it seemed like it had abandoned me.
I'm not sure what changed. The Boy had bought me a subscription to a speculative fiction magazine that I'd mentioned randomly one day, and the second issue arrived yesterday. The theme was climate change, the stories vivid, and suddenly I'm writing again. It's nothing fabulous, but that's okay. I'm just glad my writing's not broken, because it sure felt that way for a long time.
The Boy and I had our first really big argument... technically it was about him being late (again, again, again) but in an underlying way it was about me being important enough to be on time for. He said it felt like he was being interviewed for a job when I asked him what he was going to do to try to be on time from now on, and I bit my tongue and didn't say that he would NOT have been over two hours late for a job interview. And so it went.
I didn't like how we fought. Long silences of not knowing what to say - me not knowing how to talk about things without getting all emotional. But I think he's finally heard me, and I'm finally saying it right, so he can understand without feeling accused, and we're moving on. People always want to go back to the way things were before, but you can't go back, never. There's only growing, going forward, either together or not. That's all.
I'm not sure what changed. The Boy had bought me a subscription to a speculative fiction magazine that I'd mentioned randomly one day, and the second issue arrived yesterday. The theme was climate change, the stories vivid, and suddenly I'm writing again. It's nothing fabulous, but that's okay. I'm just glad my writing's not broken, because it sure felt that way for a long time.
The Boy and I had our first really big argument... technically it was about him being late (again, again, again) but in an underlying way it was about me being important enough to be on time for. He said it felt like he was being interviewed for a job when I asked him what he was going to do to try to be on time from now on, and I bit my tongue and didn't say that he would NOT have been over two hours late for a job interview. And so it went.
I didn't like how we fought. Long silences of not knowing what to say - me not knowing how to talk about things without getting all emotional. But I think he's finally heard me, and I'm finally saying it right, so he can understand without feeling accused, and we're moving on. People always want to go back to the way things were before, but you can't go back, never. There's only growing, going forward, either together or not. That's all.