Frustration
So, spent a lot of today upset now I'm starting to work out costs for childcare when I go back to work. Being an unnatural mother :p, I've actually decided to go back slightly earlier than I planned. I think I'd like to go back to work and reality.
Love Ez to bits, but I think really I'm looking forward to relating to her as an individual more than being someone who really enjoys the baby stage. This was sparked off by hearing other mums saying things like 'I feel really sad he won't be a baby for ever, I love him being dependent on me' or 'I can't bear to be apart from her' and realising that's just not how I feel. And then pretty much decided by hearing my sis-in-law saying how much she's enjoying combining work and motherhood now. I guess it might be different if Ez were a difficult or very needy baby, but I feel satisfied that starting nursery a month or two earlier would be fine for her.
Ah, but there's the rub. Nursery. It'll be equivalent to about 2/3rds of my work salary, even with the feted childcare vouchers. At least during my leave I've had savings to draw on, but I won't have that when working. I feel in sort of limbo - I like my job, but I don't love it; I love my daughter, but I don't think I can cope with being at home for the foreseeable, and either way I don't get much money. Also, it rather puts the kybosh on the idea I had that if childcare all gets too expensive (especially if we have another child), I can work freelance. I just don't think that would work now.
It just pisses me off so much - if you're not poor enough to get much state support and not rich enough not to have to work, you're basically shafted when it comes to having young children. I'm variously despairing and furious today.
Love Ez to bits, but I think really I'm looking forward to relating to her as an individual more than being someone who really enjoys the baby stage. This was sparked off by hearing other mums saying things like 'I feel really sad he won't be a baby for ever, I love him being dependent on me' or 'I can't bear to be apart from her' and realising that's just not how I feel. And then pretty much decided by hearing my sis-in-law saying how much she's enjoying combining work and motherhood now. I guess it might be different if Ez were a difficult or very needy baby, but I feel satisfied that starting nursery a month or two earlier would be fine for her.
Ah, but there's the rub. Nursery. It'll be equivalent to about 2/3rds of my work salary, even with the feted childcare vouchers. At least during my leave I've had savings to draw on, but I won't have that when working. I feel in sort of limbo - I like my job, but I don't love it; I love my daughter, but I don't think I can cope with being at home for the foreseeable, and either way I don't get much money. Also, it rather puts the kybosh on the idea I had that if childcare all gets too expensive (especially if we have another child), I can work freelance. I just don't think that would work now.
It just pisses me off so much - if you're not poor enough to get much state support and not rich enough not to have to work, you're basically shafted when it comes to having young children. I'm variously despairing and furious today.