(no subject)
Sucktastic day at work. I don't want to talk about the specifics, because I cannot deny it was due to my own mistakes and in every case I really should have known better. None of it was that big of a deal, I don't think, but still, I'm pretty sure I made a negative impression on several of my coworkers today, and I haven't been in such a bad mood for months. I managed to keep my perspective both in public and alone, however. I have ever-so-gradually learned to say, "Well, this sucks, and maybe it's even my fault, but I just have to get through it with as much grace as possible and keep trying." As anyone who knows me must know, for me that is a triumph in itself.
It's strange how bad doing badly at work can make me feel, no matter what the job is, whether my mistakes are important in the long run or not. I always try hard and want to do a good job. What breaks my heart is that even despite all that, often the outcome is not what I would hope. I feel like I am running on all cylinders, yet accomplishing so little. Yet another thing I have learned over time is that I do tend to struggle with new experiences at the beginning for what seems to me like an interminably long time, then rapidly get a whole lot better. That is good to know, because I do want to exploit this situation for awhile. I love riding my bike to work through some of the most beautiful streets in Portland, stopping at the farmer's market on the way home, picnicking in the park on my lunch break. For now, working for the man does not diminish the pleasures of my small and beautiful life.
I'm sure some people think I'm not very ambitious these days, but for me, "just living" is an adventure and a challenge. And being self-sufficient and happy is something not everyone in my family has achieved; it's not a given for me. No, this isn't the kind of life I want to live forever, but at the same time, I think it is an experience worth having. In some ways, living in Portland is much like living in Athens or Panama. Everywhere I go is a foreign country to me, with similar frustrations and exhilarations.
It's strange how bad doing badly at work can make me feel, no matter what the job is, whether my mistakes are important in the long run or not. I always try hard and want to do a good job. What breaks my heart is that even despite all that, often the outcome is not what I would hope. I feel like I am running on all cylinders, yet accomplishing so little. Yet another thing I have learned over time is that I do tend to struggle with new experiences at the beginning for what seems to me like an interminably long time, then rapidly get a whole lot better. That is good to know, because I do want to exploit this situation for awhile. I love riding my bike to work through some of the most beautiful streets in Portland, stopping at the farmer's market on the way home, picnicking in the park on my lunch break. For now, working for the man does not diminish the pleasures of my small and beautiful life.
I'm sure some people think I'm not very ambitious these days, but for me, "just living" is an adventure and a challenge. And being self-sufficient and happy is something not everyone in my family has achieved; it's not a given for me. No, this isn't the kind of life I want to live forever, but at the same time, I think it is an experience worth having. In some ways, living in Portland is much like living in Athens or Panama. Everywhere I go is a foreign country to me, with similar frustrations and exhilarations.