[Fic]: Good Bros Don't Cuddle (2b/?)
Title: Good Bros Don’t Cuddle
Fandom: The Social Network
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Eduardo didn’t expect to learn about Mark’s first time, nor did he expect himself to freak out over it. Nevertheless, it began with a game of Never Have I Ever.
Disclaimer: TSN and its characters are not mine.
As a result of that conversation with Chris, Eduardo spent much of dinner watching for a sign of conflict between Chris and Dustin. However, they must be better actors than Eduardo thought because he couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. Chris regained his composure, and Dustin was acting as he always did.
Eduardo wondered if he could do the same with Mark, keeping this constant hidden tension between them while still maintaining a good friendship front.
But if he really thought about it, he really didn’t want to.
***
“Nice jacket,” Dustin grinned.
Eduardo looked down on his North Face jacket. “What? I always had this jacket.”
“Your jacket?” Dustin said. “I thought it was Mark’s.”
“Why would you think that it was Mark’s?”
“Nevermind,” Dustin shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Mark wore it a lot so I just figured it was his.”
“Oh.”
***
Eduardo decided that he was going to talk to Mark. He was going to wait for Mark to come back, and then, while waiting, he would figure something out. Eduardo learned from Dustin that Mark probably wouldn’t be back until ten, and luckily, Dustin and Chris were going to be out for a while in order for Mark and Eduardo to have some privacy. He was so caught up in this plan that he jumped in surprise to find one Mark Zuckerberg sitting casually on the couch. Eduardo stared at Mark for a while because he wasn’t ready for this; he didn’t even have a plan of action yet.
“Hey Wardo,” Mark greeted, effectively cut off any of Eduardo’s escape attempt. There was no chance to avoid this.
“Hey Mark,” Eduardo said, walking in the room and closing the door behind him.
An awkward silence fell in between them. Eduardo ransacked his mind to find a way to continue the conversation, but he suddenly couldn’t remember what he and Mark used to talk about.
“Do you have to be somewhere else?” Mark asked. Eduardo felt uncomfortable under Mark’s gaze, but he couldn’t look away.
“No.”
“You could sit down,” Mark said.
“Right.”
Mark was supposed to be back at ten. It was still too early. Did Dustin or Chris manage to get a hold of Mark? But, even if they did, Mark had no reason to rush back here to talk to Eduardo. Not that Eduardo didn’t appreciate the effort, but there was no need to. Perhaps there was an implication behind this-how important he was to Mark-but Eduardo wasn’t ready for it.
Eduardo decided to take a seat on the armchair instead of the couch next to Mark. Mark’s eyes followed his every movement, and the heaviness of Mark’s stare unnerved Eduardo. Eduardo used to be very conscious of Mark’s presence, but now, he was more conscious of how Mark looked at him.
“Thanks for the jacket back,” Eduardo said awkwardly.
“I was borrowing it,” Mark said, which Eduardo took to be, ‘No, you don’t have to thank me.’
“Do you have a problem with it?”
“What?”
“The fact that I like guys as well.” Mark wasn’t looking at Eduardo anymore. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket and pulled his knees in, tucking his feet under the couch.
“No,” Eduardo said, even though it felt like a lie. He didn’t dare to glance at Mark’s reaction to his words, moving his eyes to his own folded hands instead. He was wearing the watch his father gave him on his birthday. It felt heavy.
“Did something happen?” Eduardo asked, for lack of anything better to say. He didn’t know what he was supposed to feel about Mark, and a part of him didn’t want to think about it. “To make you….”
“No,” Mark said sharply. “I’ve always been bi. I didn’t have any traumatic experience that forced me into fucking guys, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Mark’s words stung. Eduardo felt his stomach growing cold as he understood that he must have sounded like a narrow-minded person.
“Sorry, it’s just…your first time with that guy….”
“I knew that I like both women and men when I was in fifth grade, Wardo,” Mark pulled his hands from his pocket and crossed his arms. He looked defensive. “My first time had nothing to do with it.”
There was something dangerous in Mark’s tone that made Eduardo felt as if he was the worst human being ever existed. Eduardo felt that he was trapped in a landmine where, no matter what direction he went, he wouldn’t be able to escape.
“Right,” Eduardo swallowed. “Sorry.”
“And before you ask: No, I’m not a straight or a gay guy who’s confused.”
“I wasn’t going to ask,” Eduardo said defensively.
“I like you,” Mark said suddenly, and Eduardo became speechless for a moment. He quickly regained his composure, however.
“In that way?”
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
Mark paused, and Eduardo attempted to meet Mark’s eyes, only to find that Mark was avoiding him. “Since we first met.”
“Oh.” That was a long time. “Did you befriend me because you were interested in me in that way?”
“Yes,” Mark narrowed his eyes. “Sorry if you feel that cheapens our friendship.”
Eduardo felt a steady rise of anger growing in his chest. Mark was always like that, yanking Eduardo without warning into a confusing storm of emotions, and, before Eduardo could figure out what he was supposed to feel, Mark pulled away abruptly, and the world would become still again, only it would feel so hollow, the empty space that Mark left behind.
“What does that supposed to mean?” Eduardo said. “Don’t force what you think I should feel on me.”
“Well, what do you feel then?” Mark raised his voice. Eduardo didn’t notice before, but Mark was clutching at his own elbows so tightly his nails were probably digging into his skin. Mark looked like he was trying to hold himself together under the weight of Eduardo’s judgment, even though Eduardo wasn’t judging him.
“I don’t hate your feelings for me,” Eduardo said softly, and felt relieved when Mark’s stiffened shoulders began to relax. “I don’t know if I feel the same way though. I know I’ve been looking at you differently lately, but….”
Sure, Eduardo felt something for Mark, especially after he learned that Mark liked guys. He began to wonder what it would be like if he was with Mark, if he could touch Mark, if he could be with Mark as something more than a friend.
“You got curious,” Mark said flatly.
“Is there something wrong with that? Being curious?”
“Being curious is different from being interested, Wardo.”
Mark’s gaze dropped to the floor, and Eduardo wondered if he shouldn’t have said that. Nevertheless, he couldn’t lie to Mark, not with this.
“But I am interested,” Eduardo insisted. “Maybe my feelings aren’t the same as yours, but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to try.”
“Really?” Mark drawled, and Eduardo felt slightly irritated. Even though Eduardo understood that they were going to make a delicate situation even more fragile if they were to jump into this, and Mark, who had feelings for him, was in a more difficult position, Eduardo couldn’t help but bristled at the implication that he wasn’t going to have a tough time as well, that Mark was the only one to be hurt if this didn’t work out.
“We won’t know until we try,” Eduardo said.
“What if it doesn’t work out?” Mark asked, and it was the first time that Eduardo had seen him so vulnerable. He had a fleeting thought that he wanted to see more of this, more of Mark’s softer side and insecurities and everything.
Eduardo reached out a hand and traced the line of Mark’s jaw. Mark didn’t flinch from his touch, but he didn’t lean into it either. Eduardo had a momentary spark of panic that shit, perhaps this wasn’t going to work out after all because Mark wasn’t a girl here, and Eduardo couldn’t make Mark feel good the way he did with a girl, and he didn’t know anything about how they were going to do this.
Eduardo jerked his hand away. He swallowed. “I don’t know.”
Fuck, they were back to square one, weren’t they?
“We don’t have to do anything yet,” Eduardo said. “Maybe…I’m sorry,” he sighed, burying his face in his hands.
This situation was getting more and more difficult.
“You don’t have to apologize for something you didn’t do wrong, Wardo,” Mark said, sounding fond, and perhaps Eduardo had always been more affected by Mark’s words than anyone else, because he lifted his face from his palm to meet Mark’s eyes.
“Would you wait for me?” Eduardo asked, although something within him already knew the answer. He wasn’t ready yet, but he would be soon.
“Not like I have any better prospect,” Mark said dryly, and the response was so Mark that Eduardo couldn’t hold back a laugh. It was comforting, in a way, to know that Mark was still going to be Mark no matter what, and even though both of their lives were going to change after this, there was a chance that things were going to be alright. They were still themselves.
“Sorry about that,” Eduardo said.
“You’re not sorry.” The corners of Mark’s lips twitched, and Eduardo had to admit that Mark was right.
Part 3.