In which I overuse the phrase "nuggets of deliciousness"
This morning as the storm was blowing, I was curled up warm and content in simbubba's bed, dreaming of making cornbread muffins. Really. It was one of those dreams where you're trying to do some simple thing, but impossible obstacles keep arising. I don't remember just what the obstacles were, but there were a lot of them, and I was getting stubborn and frustrated. When I awoke, I was full of determination. I would make cornbread muffins, and nothing was going to stop me.
So when I got home, I made a batch. First time I've ever done it, so I left them plain so they'd be easy to analyze. They were OK, but leaving them plain definitely did leave them plain. As an assistant to chili, no problem, but they just weren't fun on their own. I was either going to have to make chili or improve my muffins.
First, I had to go to work. It being my day off would not excuse my absence at the meeting. Then I had to return a call from my concerned parents and reassure them that, despite what they heard on the news, the entire city of San Francisco had not blown down, and I had not been crushed under a falling skyscraper.
Several hours later, I returned to the muffin issue. I found exactly one recipe on the Internet that suggested green chiles as an addition. I found approximately 450,000 that suggested jalapeños and cheddar cheese.
Why? I'm not a math nerd, but I know this one:
(cheeses in store) x (peppers in store) = (possible variations on the tasty theme)
Why did 450,000 of the 450,001 recipes online call for jalapeños and cheddar? Why should they have all the fun? Is there truly no other pepper + cheese combination that works, or have our kitchens become as timid and conformist as our radios and televisions? Well, I'm not going to play that way.
"There will be no jalepeños in my cornbread muffins!" I declared. "And no cheddar cheese! Let there be chipotles! Let there be mozzarella!" I grabbed my silicone muffin pan1 and got down to business.
The rebellion did have one flaw: chipotles2 are jalepeños. I decided to ignore this for three reasons.
1. The smoking process changes the flavor enough that they may as well be a different pepper.
2. It sounded like a tasty idea.
3. I already had half a can left over in my refrigerator.3
Soon, a dozen nuggets of deliciousness were cooling on the counter. Nine of them have survived this long. I will be having cornbread muffins for breakfast and lunch tomorrow.
I briefly considered selling everything I own (except the silicone muffin pan) and wandering the earth, handing out nuggets of deliciousness and preaching against the tyranny of jalepeños and cheddar. But then I thought of the poor cheddar cows, and the effect it might have on them if the cornbread makers of the world discovered my secret. They'd all be laid off, displaced, reduced to selling their children to butchers just to make ends meat meet. I couldn't do that to the cows.
Anyway, the muffin mission was a complete success.
1: Silicone bakeware is the best thing ever. For the first time in my life, I see the appeal of breast augmentation. It's not about making your tits bigger, it's about having more silicone to play with.
2: LJ spell check refuses to recognize "chipotles" and suggests that perhaps I made my muffins with chortles. Which, in fact, I did. But also chipotles.
3: The mozzarella was also chosen because I had half a loaf left over in my refrigerator. You might call it a lazy rebellion, but I'm willing to bet these muffins aren't the first bits of deliciousness to arise from a desire to avoid leaving the house for ingredients.
So when I got home, I made a batch. First time I've ever done it, so I left them plain so they'd be easy to analyze. They were OK, but leaving them plain definitely did leave them plain. As an assistant to chili, no problem, but they just weren't fun on their own. I was either going to have to make chili or improve my muffins.
First, I had to go to work. It being my day off would not excuse my absence at the meeting. Then I had to return a call from my concerned parents and reassure them that, despite what they heard on the news, the entire city of San Francisco had not blown down, and I had not been crushed under a falling skyscraper.
Several hours later, I returned to the muffin issue. I found exactly one recipe on the Internet that suggested green chiles as an addition. I found approximately 450,000 that suggested jalapeños and cheddar cheese.
Why? I'm not a math nerd, but I know this one:
(cheeses in store) x (peppers in store) = (possible variations on the tasty theme)
Why did 450,000 of the 450,001 recipes online call for jalapeños and cheddar? Why should they have all the fun? Is there truly no other pepper + cheese combination that works, or have our kitchens become as timid and conformist as our radios and televisions? Well, I'm not going to play that way.
"There will be no jalepeños in my cornbread muffins!" I declared. "And no cheddar cheese! Let there be chipotles! Let there be mozzarella!" I grabbed my silicone muffin pan1 and got down to business.
The rebellion did have one flaw: chipotles2 are jalepeños. I decided to ignore this for three reasons.
1. The smoking process changes the flavor enough that they may as well be a different pepper.
2. It sounded like a tasty idea.
3. I already had half a can left over in my refrigerator.3
Soon, a dozen nuggets of deliciousness were cooling on the counter. Nine of them have survived this long. I will be having cornbread muffins for breakfast and lunch tomorrow.
I briefly considered selling everything I own (except the silicone muffin pan) and wandering the earth, handing out nuggets of deliciousness and preaching against the tyranny of jalepeños and cheddar. But then I thought of the poor cheddar cows, and the effect it might have on them if the cornbread makers of the world discovered my secret. They'd all be laid off, displaced, reduced to selling their children to butchers just to make ends meat meet. I couldn't do that to the cows.
Anyway, the muffin mission was a complete success.
1: Silicone bakeware is the best thing ever. For the first time in my life, I see the appeal of breast augmentation. It's not about making your tits bigger, it's about having more silicone to play with.
2: LJ spell check refuses to recognize "chipotles" and suggests that perhaps I made my muffins with chortles. Which, in fact, I did. But also chipotles.
3: The mozzarella was also chosen because I had half a loaf left over in my refrigerator. You might call it a lazy rebellion, but I'm willing to bet these muffins aren't the first bits of deliciousness to arise from a desire to avoid leaving the house for ingredients.