(no subject)
Yes, I'm bummed that I didn't get the EMP job...but I am looking on the bright side of things. I've got a list a mile long of things I want to accomplish this summer, plus contract work lining up, and oh yeah...the ability to take some time off for once. Yay vacation!
Right after I went home from work, I looked into keeping my health benefits after quitting the aquarium (I can) and sent resumes to three other job ads. Then I went to Kirkland to have lunch at the Triple J Cafe, met up with Kerrick and Joel, and went to the Mos Def/Blue Scholars/Mix Master Mike/Carlos Mencia/Phantom Planet/U.S.E show at UW. Then we all went back to Kirkland to see Liam play at the Wilde Rover, with Dom running sound. He seemed totally in his element, happy and energetic and it was great to see that. He, of course, ruined it by making an assy comment to me at the end of the night...something about not having made any promises to me, like he had with his family. It was true, and I didn't expect anything, but there is a thing called tact that is appreciated when someone's putting themself out on a limb for you. Isn't it saying something that I put my self in a position of getting hurt/humiliated every week to prove how much I care?
Then I worked all weekend...the only bright spot about that was meeting Dave Hull, a soon-to-be WWU grad in industrial design who got roped into helping set up the prom on saturday night. Seems like a cool guy to have around as a friend or future business colleague, maybe.
Then last night I went to Kirkland after working a wedding and saw a cover band called Herding Cats...the drummer was AMAZING. Despite the muppet fetish. I cornered Dom afterward to try to see what was up with him and me...we ended up talking in the parking lot for nearly an hour, an emotionally draining conversation that was cut short by some dipshit KPD officer telling us to move along. I got out what I've been wanting to say to him for the past several weeks...basically that although he'd hit the brakes, it wasn't as easy for me to just toss out my feelings for him. I think I may have gotten through at least a little. I really hope so. If not enough for us to get together, at least enough to make him see that he's a worthwhile person and that there are people out there that aren't out there just to hurt him. If I can't be the person to be there for him, I hope he can find someone who he will let in, because it hurts me to hear him put himself down like that. Now I know what it must have been like to be with me when I was like that. I can't apologize for it because I was obviously having emotional/mental problems, and it's hard to apologize for something you can't control . I just wish I could have been happy, the way I am now, for the people in my life who witnessed the vast majority of my self-destructive behavior. Maybe I can make it up to them now?
So...still trying to figure out the Dominic thing. I care about him so much, and yet I'll only allow myself to be pushed away for so long before I just walk away. I still deserve to be with someone who wants me...it's just the whole finding them thing that is hard.
Anyway...I've been running errands all day. I'm going to grab a quick bite and a nap, then attempt to get some things done around the house before Sean picks me up for Chris's stand up show at the Comedy Underground. Sigh! so much to do...so little time. Can't we hit pause for a while?
Right after I went home from work, I looked into keeping my health benefits after quitting the aquarium (I can) and sent resumes to three other job ads. Then I went to Kirkland to have lunch at the Triple J Cafe, met up with Kerrick and Joel, and went to the Mos Def/Blue Scholars/Mix Master Mike/Carlos Mencia/Phantom Planet/U.S.E show at UW. Then we all went back to Kirkland to see Liam play at the Wilde Rover, with Dom running sound. He seemed totally in his element, happy and energetic and it was great to see that. He, of course, ruined it by making an assy comment to me at the end of the night...something about not having made any promises to me, like he had with his family. It was true, and I didn't expect anything, but there is a thing called tact that is appreciated when someone's putting themself out on a limb for you. Isn't it saying something that I put my self in a position of getting hurt/humiliated every week to prove how much I care?
Then I worked all weekend...the only bright spot about that was meeting Dave Hull, a soon-to-be WWU grad in industrial design who got roped into helping set up the prom on saturday night. Seems like a cool guy to have around as a friend or future business colleague, maybe.
Then last night I went to Kirkland after working a wedding and saw a cover band called Herding Cats...the drummer was AMAZING. Despite the muppet fetish. I cornered Dom afterward to try to see what was up with him and me...we ended up talking in the parking lot for nearly an hour, an emotionally draining conversation that was cut short by some dipshit KPD officer telling us to move along. I got out what I've been wanting to say to him for the past several weeks...basically that although he'd hit the brakes, it wasn't as easy for me to just toss out my feelings for him. I think I may have gotten through at least a little. I really hope so. If not enough for us to get together, at least enough to make him see that he's a worthwhile person and that there are people out there that aren't out there just to hurt him. If I can't be the person to be there for him, I hope he can find someone who he will let in, because it hurts me to hear him put himself down like that. Now I know what it must have been like to be with me when I was like that. I can't apologize for it because I was obviously having emotional/mental problems, and it's hard to apologize for something you can't control . I just wish I could have been happy, the way I am now, for the people in my life who witnessed the vast majority of my self-destructive behavior. Maybe I can make it up to them now?
So...still trying to figure out the Dominic thing. I care about him so much, and yet I'll only allow myself to be pushed away for so long before I just walk away. I still deserve to be with someone who wants me...it's just the whole finding them thing that is hard.
Anyway...I've been running errands all day. I'm going to grab a quick bite and a nap, then attempt to get some things done around the house before Sean picks me up for Chris's stand up show at the Comedy Underground. Sigh! so much to do...so little time. Can't we hit pause for a while?