I haven't died, honest! Just showing up fashionably late...
Yes... Fashionably late... FOR THE FUNERAL! Sorry grandma, but you had to go...
In other news, Trident white now whitens teeth in two ways! But they still have aspertane. That stuff gives you tumours... maybe... or not...
Ok, so now for a little seriousness. I am gay and I am moving to virginia to get married with my lover from georgia. Wait, what? Dammit someone's messing with the teleprompter again!
Sorry bout that. Problem fixed. Cucumbers are versitile. Now on with the news.
Yes so just how is Josh? I donno, let's ask him! We have our top reporter on the field right now preparing for an interview. Over to you Josh.
Why thank you Josh, now, as you said, we are about to interview Josh. Oh here he is now. Hello Josh, I am Josh from chanel 69 news. We'd like a moment of your time please.
No, fuck you! No cameras! No cameras! RARWR!
Hmm, it seems our link has cut out, oh well, we will have to resume the interview another day.
Ok, so shall we be serious for just two minutes before my mind runs off with my underpants? Sounds like a plan. What exactly is going on with Josh? New semester and he hasn't even shown up for a day of school yet? Why is that? Did he not say he was looking forward to a fresh start? Well maybe he was, but it's kind of hard to start fresh when you've been shat on and you're fresh out on you're supply of orbit gum.. Personally I prefer Dentyne Ice, but I don't have any of that either. Well to be quite frank I lost my mynd. Yes, I spelt that with a y! What are you going to do about it smarty-pants-balognee. Yes, mynd, gone, haha. I really don't know if this is good or bad, see, cuz when my mynd was still around it was an anoying little fuck, but at least it had a sense of reason. So yeah, who knows, maybe mr. mynd will come back, maybe it wont, maybe if I keep saying maybe I'll score a point for the maybe contest. But what about school Josh? Don't you need that for your future? Well, the way I see it, before you can set yourself up for a good future, you need to have a future to set up, and right now future's kinda looking bleak. Remember, you need today to have tomorrow, because without today tomorrow never comes. Need to focus on the present if I want to ever have a future. Am I being morbid? Maybe even a little criptic? Well deal. You are reading the inner most non-thoughts of the first layer of a miss-guided mynd desperate for redemption. You could run for the hills screaming, you could complain, but it really isn't going to do anyone any good. Especially not me, who is not good to begin with. People have sugested I take pills. Well, see, thing about pills is, if I get a prozack perscription, I'm affraid I might overdose on the whole bottle. Lovely thought. I'm hogging steve's compy. My mom wont let me use the one at home, she's being even more of a bitch latly then ever, I want out of that hell-hole of a house. As far as I'm concearned I don't have a family anymore, which is fine cuz my family alienated me since day one. So what exactly is in store for Josh? Is he still suicidal? Ha, more then ever. Is that bad? Well, some might view it as such, I don't. I'm thinking the moment Josh stops being suicidal is the day he comits suicide, so let's all be overjoyed at the fact that he can even feel suicidal, or feel anything for that matter. Lovely. Am I scaring you? Maybe I should stop. Maybe I should just ignore everything and hide it, stuff it all, an oceans worth of water under the bridge, stuff it all into a bottle, cork on the lid and see if it holds. Well I'm not making sense so allow me to stop and make sense for a second. I am on the edge, I have been for a while, and I'm being torn apart between my desire to fall and Steve, cuz right now he's all that's holding on. I hate it, I'm putting him in a bad spot, I'm putting preasure on him, I don't want to. Of course, if I didn't put the preasure on him I'd probably be dead, but maybe that would be better? Hold on... I started this post with the intent to not talk suicidal. *sigh* Now here comes the distasteful choice. Delete all this and save you the trouble of reading it, or leave it all for everyone to see? Well, clearly if you're reading this you know what choice I made. Is it the right choice? I don't know. I don't know what right means anymore. I've cracked. Officially. Un-officially I'm kinda still holding on but you know them damn democrats, they only care about the official. Today I read something that made my mind say "What the fuck?!" (Yes, mind, not mynd, remember my mynd is gone, but my mind is still here. If you don't understand what that means you weren't meant to understand.) It was an article on Steve's computer. It was writen by a friend whom I think sent it to Steve for editing or something or other. It was very insightful. The topic was of course depresion, and this article seemed to describe exactly how I was feeling better then I seemed capable of describing it myself. Now this is the funny part; that exact person who seemed to understand my predicament better then I did was once very angry with me for being so depresive. I donno, maybe I'm reading into things wrong, maybe I'm not. I was just confused by it is all. Saw Napoleon Dynamite today. It was hilarity at it's best. Pure randomness, and yet it had a profound meaning to it. The meaning almost made me crack all over again, it was disturbing in ways I can not explain. But on to more important matters, like, oh say, what is Josh going to do next? I know what you want, you want a surefire 100% garantee that I'm not going to kill myself. You want that security because it's the insecurity that scares you. Well, allow me to explain something that has been bothering me a little lately. When it comes to suicide, nothing about it is secure. You can't just expect someone to make the biggest decision of their life so lightly. I mean, it's not something you can go and say "Oh the heck with it, I'll just go and do it without concidering the reprocusions." Some people, heck a lot of people seem to be fed up with me, they seem to have nothing to say to me except "Either go kill yourself or stop complaining, we're tired of your indesisiveness." Well I'm sorry but what I do with my life isn't any of your business. And for future reference, I don't go looking for people to complain too, people tend to come to me. "How are you?" "Horrible." "Oh why?" "You don't want to know." "Yes I do, tell me!" "Ok, yada yada yada... ... ..." "OMG, you're fucked up, stop complaining about everything!"
So what am I suposed to do? Lie? Say I'm fine when really I'm not just to avoid such a conversation? I'm sorry, but I don't lie... ever. Maybe that is why I get screwed over so much, because I live in a world where lies are so essential to every day life that without it you can't succeed. I can't bring enough emphasis to the statement "People can't handle the truth." because most of the time they can't. Gah, this is dragging on more then I want it too. So let me sum everything up for those of you who have been too lazy to read it all...
Things are messed up and I've basicly given up on life, I've lost myself, there's nothing left to hold onto within me, I'm empty. As for the rest, fill in the blanks. I have a nack for being vague, I'm sorry but when it comes to details, I tend to keep most of them to myself.
Oh, and on a lighter note, aparantly my life-long profesion is male-stripper...
"Kickin' cheats and readin' e-mails in the here-after" - Strong Bad's Gravestone
"Closer" By Nine Inch Nails
you let me violate you
you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you
you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides
help me I've got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me
help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation
you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith
you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason
help me it's your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect
help me become somebody else
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive
Ladies and gentlemen and gentlewomen, I bid you goodnight.
In other news, Trident white now whitens teeth in two ways! But they still have aspertane. That stuff gives you tumours... maybe... or not...
Ok, so now for a little seriousness. I am gay and I am moving to virginia to get married with my lover from georgia. Wait, what? Dammit someone's messing with the teleprompter again!
Sorry bout that. Problem fixed. Cucumbers are versitile. Now on with the news.
Yes so just how is Josh? I donno, let's ask him! We have our top reporter on the field right now preparing for an interview. Over to you Josh.
Why thank you Josh, now, as you said, we are about to interview Josh. Oh here he is now. Hello Josh, I am Josh from chanel 69 news. We'd like a moment of your time please.
No, fuck you! No cameras! No cameras! RARWR!
Hmm, it seems our link has cut out, oh well, we will have to resume the interview another day.
Ok, so shall we be serious for just two minutes before my mind runs off with my underpants? Sounds like a plan. What exactly is going on with Josh? New semester and he hasn't even shown up for a day of school yet? Why is that? Did he not say he was looking forward to a fresh start? Well maybe he was, but it's kind of hard to start fresh when you've been shat on and you're fresh out on you're supply of orbit gum.. Personally I prefer Dentyne Ice, but I don't have any of that either. Well to be quite frank I lost my mynd. Yes, I spelt that with a y! What are you going to do about it smarty-pants-balognee. Yes, mynd, gone, haha. I really don't know if this is good or bad, see, cuz when my mynd was still around it was an anoying little fuck, but at least it had a sense of reason. So yeah, who knows, maybe mr. mynd will come back, maybe it wont, maybe if I keep saying maybe I'll score a point for the maybe contest. But what about school Josh? Don't you need that for your future? Well, the way I see it, before you can set yourself up for a good future, you need to have a future to set up, and right now future's kinda looking bleak. Remember, you need today to have tomorrow, because without today tomorrow never comes. Need to focus on the present if I want to ever have a future. Am I being morbid? Maybe even a little criptic? Well deal. You are reading the inner most non-thoughts of the first layer of a miss-guided mynd desperate for redemption. You could run for the hills screaming, you could complain, but it really isn't going to do anyone any good. Especially not me, who is not good to begin with. People have sugested I take pills. Well, see, thing about pills is, if I get a prozack perscription, I'm affraid I might overdose on the whole bottle. Lovely thought. I'm hogging steve's compy. My mom wont let me use the one at home, she's being even more of a bitch latly then ever, I want out of that hell-hole of a house. As far as I'm concearned I don't have a family anymore, which is fine cuz my family alienated me since day one. So what exactly is in store for Josh? Is he still suicidal? Ha, more then ever. Is that bad? Well, some might view it as such, I don't. I'm thinking the moment Josh stops being suicidal is the day he comits suicide, so let's all be overjoyed at the fact that he can even feel suicidal, or feel anything for that matter. Lovely. Am I scaring you? Maybe I should stop. Maybe I should just ignore everything and hide it, stuff it all, an oceans worth of water under the bridge, stuff it all into a bottle, cork on the lid and see if it holds. Well I'm not making sense so allow me to stop and make sense for a second. I am on the edge, I have been for a while, and I'm being torn apart between my desire to fall and Steve, cuz right now he's all that's holding on. I hate it, I'm putting him in a bad spot, I'm putting preasure on him, I don't want to. Of course, if I didn't put the preasure on him I'd probably be dead, but maybe that would be better? Hold on... I started this post with the intent to not talk suicidal. *sigh* Now here comes the distasteful choice. Delete all this and save you the trouble of reading it, or leave it all for everyone to see? Well, clearly if you're reading this you know what choice I made. Is it the right choice? I don't know. I don't know what right means anymore. I've cracked. Officially. Un-officially I'm kinda still holding on but you know them damn democrats, they only care about the official. Today I read something that made my mind say "What the fuck?!" (Yes, mind, not mynd, remember my mynd is gone, but my mind is still here. If you don't understand what that means you weren't meant to understand.) It was an article on Steve's computer. It was writen by a friend whom I think sent it to Steve for editing or something or other. It was very insightful. The topic was of course depresion, and this article seemed to describe exactly how I was feeling better then I seemed capable of describing it myself. Now this is the funny part; that exact person who seemed to understand my predicament better then I did was once very angry with me for being so depresive. I donno, maybe I'm reading into things wrong, maybe I'm not. I was just confused by it is all. Saw Napoleon Dynamite today. It was hilarity at it's best. Pure randomness, and yet it had a profound meaning to it. The meaning almost made me crack all over again, it was disturbing in ways I can not explain. But on to more important matters, like, oh say, what is Josh going to do next? I know what you want, you want a surefire 100% garantee that I'm not going to kill myself. You want that security because it's the insecurity that scares you. Well, allow me to explain something that has been bothering me a little lately. When it comes to suicide, nothing about it is secure. You can't just expect someone to make the biggest decision of their life so lightly. I mean, it's not something you can go and say "Oh the heck with it, I'll just go and do it without concidering the reprocusions." Some people, heck a lot of people seem to be fed up with me, they seem to have nothing to say to me except "Either go kill yourself or stop complaining, we're tired of your indesisiveness." Well I'm sorry but what I do with my life isn't any of your business. And for future reference, I don't go looking for people to complain too, people tend to come to me. "How are you?" "Horrible." "Oh why?" "You don't want to know." "Yes I do, tell me!" "Ok, yada yada yada... ... ..." "OMG, you're fucked up, stop complaining about everything!"
So what am I suposed to do? Lie? Say I'm fine when really I'm not just to avoid such a conversation? I'm sorry, but I don't lie... ever. Maybe that is why I get screwed over so much, because I live in a world where lies are so essential to every day life that without it you can't succeed. I can't bring enough emphasis to the statement "People can't handle the truth." because most of the time they can't. Gah, this is dragging on more then I want it too. So let me sum everything up for those of you who have been too lazy to read it all...
Things are messed up and I've basicly given up on life, I've lost myself, there's nothing left to hold onto within me, I'm empty. As for the rest, fill in the blanks. I have a nack for being vague, I'm sorry but when it comes to details, I tend to keep most of them to myself.
Oh, and on a lighter note, aparantly my life-long profesion is male-stripper...
"Kickin' cheats and readin' e-mails in the here-after" - Strong Bad's Gravestone
"Closer" By Nine Inch Nails
you let me violate you
you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you
you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides
help me I've got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me
help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation
you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith
you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason
help me it's your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect
help me become somebody else
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive
Ladies and gentlemen and gentlewomen, I bid you goodnight.