Obvious Rant of Ranty-rant-ness
Well. What can I say. I'm less crazy today, which is good. I think my mind is starting to accept the fact that I'm not fit for this world so it's not getting me as depressed as it did a couple days ago. Still immensely depressed though. What's new in the life of Josh. Lol.
Well, there's something going on that I was really hoping would work out, because it was really important to me. Hell, if just that worked out, it would have probably made the rest of the crap suddenly insignificant to a point where it wouldn't matter anymore. Instant good-ness. But no, it didn't work out, and if anything now I'm worse off then I was before. I screwed up, yet again. Now I'm depressed over that but I'm getting over it, I've accepted the fact that it didn't work and yeah, trying to move on.
Let's see, what else is new. Well, I got cut from the play. Fuck, want to know why I was cut? Because I missed 1 rehersal... Guess why I missed it? That's right, I was at that mandatory psychiatric appointment that the hospital peoples and the school made me go to because they think I'm crazy. One look at my arm and they all freaked. Seriously, it was bananas. And the only one who didn't seem concerned about the fact my arm was all cut up was my mom. Thanks mom. Anyway, the cuts are healing and they wont leave a scar (I don't get scars... oddly enough. My skin is special.) so it'll be like it never happened. I heal fast too, I mean, they were huge at first, but they're gone for the most part now.
Let's see, I should say something good now. Well, this one chick I know, whom I've known for a while but until tonight we never really talked all that frequently, made my day. Yup, see, turns out that she's not only the best looking girl I know (so you know, if anyone knows something about good looks it would be her) but she's much much more beyond looks as well. She's a great person, and I value her friendship. Anyway, what exactly did she do? Well, I showed her a recent picture of myself and she told me I was good looking. And after a long talk, she actually convinced me that I'm not as fucked up as many people have lead me to believe in the past. Yay, go me!
Let's see, oh yes, back to the play. Well, I honestly say I disagree with the casting of the play. The director is typecasting people. He doesn't cast on skill, he casts on if they look the part. That's retarded. I bet you I'm one of the only people to have a good deal of lines memorized. Not only that, but I'm probably one of the few who actually cared about being in the play. yeah, I love to act. My passion for acting is only surpassed by my passion for making movies. Hey, if I'm lucky one day I might be able to do both. Doubt it though.
But let's see, what else is going on, oh yes, Steve. Steve helped me like crazy last weekend, and I mean seriously, I really needed that. He proved to me then and there that although he often jokes around and ridicules me all in good fun, he can be a very understanding and caring friend. We've had our rough patches me and Steve, but lately he's been the best friend I've ever had, and hell I wouldn't be here writing what I'm writing now if he hadn't been there at key moments over the past month. Such a horrible month. Thanks Steve.
But things are starting to look up. Well, not really. Things aren't looking up outwardly, but inwardly they are. Sure shit happens and my life is crap, but as long as I keep my chin just above the water I should be fine. So I guess I just got to keep looking up. One day looking up may turn into getting up, and then maybe, just maybe my life will be worth living. Cuz right now it's not. But I've got to have some hope.
My life is really mixed up right now, and I'm probably going to lean on my friends more then I have been in the past. Which means I hope Steve has a stable backing because he's pretty much the only friend I lean on. I'm sorry for putting pressure on you Steve, I know it's hard. But as long as I'm leaning on you you can lean on me and we'll help each other through this gutter our lives are being dragged through.
Thank god for spell check, you guys are never going to see how many mistakes I made in this thing... haha! Yay, tenth entry! Go me! Well, that's all for now.
Well, there's something going on that I was really hoping would work out, because it was really important to me. Hell, if just that worked out, it would have probably made the rest of the crap suddenly insignificant to a point where it wouldn't matter anymore. Instant good-ness. But no, it didn't work out, and if anything now I'm worse off then I was before. I screwed up, yet again. Now I'm depressed over that but I'm getting over it, I've accepted the fact that it didn't work and yeah, trying to move on.
Let's see, what else is new. Well, I got cut from the play. Fuck, want to know why I was cut? Because I missed 1 rehersal... Guess why I missed it? That's right, I was at that mandatory psychiatric appointment that the hospital peoples and the school made me go to because they think I'm crazy. One look at my arm and they all freaked. Seriously, it was bananas. And the only one who didn't seem concerned about the fact my arm was all cut up was my mom. Thanks mom. Anyway, the cuts are healing and they wont leave a scar (I don't get scars... oddly enough. My skin is special.) so it'll be like it never happened. I heal fast too, I mean, they were huge at first, but they're gone for the most part now.
Let's see, I should say something good now. Well, this one chick I know, whom I've known for a while but until tonight we never really talked all that frequently, made my day. Yup, see, turns out that she's not only the best looking girl I know (so you know, if anyone knows something about good looks it would be her) but she's much much more beyond looks as well. She's a great person, and I value her friendship. Anyway, what exactly did she do? Well, I showed her a recent picture of myself and she told me I was good looking. And after a long talk, she actually convinced me that I'm not as fucked up as many people have lead me to believe in the past. Yay, go me!
Let's see, oh yes, back to the play. Well, I honestly say I disagree with the casting of the play. The director is typecasting people. He doesn't cast on skill, he casts on if they look the part. That's retarded. I bet you I'm one of the only people to have a good deal of lines memorized. Not only that, but I'm probably one of the few who actually cared about being in the play. yeah, I love to act. My passion for acting is only surpassed by my passion for making movies. Hey, if I'm lucky one day I might be able to do both. Doubt it though.
But let's see, what else is going on, oh yes, Steve. Steve helped me like crazy last weekend, and I mean seriously, I really needed that. He proved to me then and there that although he often jokes around and ridicules me all in good fun, he can be a very understanding and caring friend. We've had our rough patches me and Steve, but lately he's been the best friend I've ever had, and hell I wouldn't be here writing what I'm writing now if he hadn't been there at key moments over the past month. Such a horrible month. Thanks Steve.
But things are starting to look up. Well, not really. Things aren't looking up outwardly, but inwardly they are. Sure shit happens and my life is crap, but as long as I keep my chin just above the water I should be fine. So I guess I just got to keep looking up. One day looking up may turn into getting up, and then maybe, just maybe my life will be worth living. Cuz right now it's not. But I've got to have some hope.
My life is really mixed up right now, and I'm probably going to lean on my friends more then I have been in the past. Which means I hope Steve has a stable backing because he's pretty much the only friend I lean on. I'm sorry for putting pressure on you Steve, I know it's hard. But as long as I'm leaning on you you can lean on me and we'll help each other through this gutter our lives are being dragged through.
Thank god for spell check, you guys are never going to see how many mistakes I made in this thing... haha! Yay, tenth entry! Go me! Well, that's all for now.