Expectations

[zinger04]

Over the past couple of days, I've had some things that have got me thinking. Spent Monday with M___ and there were a couple things in that time that I wasn't wholly comfortable with and on Monday night, there was a small and ongoing altercation with misskitty_79 that brought up the issue more. Expectations in relationships. Do you have them? What kinds of

Comments

[lightcastle]

There is nothing wrong with you for having said expectations. Sure, one should always look at one's expectations and be ready to have them evolve. But everyone has them.

are there ones that are unspoken but still upheld.

They might be upheld. But they also might not. Because they are unspoken and so simply might not be shared. It's easy to make the argument that the destruction of my relationship with queen-of-wands had a lot to do with unspoken expectations on both sides being violated. (It's not the whole story, as there were spoken ones violated as well, but I think that came later.) Sometimes you don't even realize you have this unspoken expectation until it starts to be violated. Then it needs to be brought up. First decide if it is really something that matters to you. Sometimes it isn't, it is just an expectation from previous relationships and you find that after looking at it, it isn't very important to you. But if it is, then you bring it up as an expectation and need and see how you and your partner can resolve it/meet it in a way that is good for both of you.