Mar 25, 2007 18:10
I did something last night that I haven't done in a long time. Went out for drinks for the first time with my new co-workers which was fun. Socialized with fun people, got to know my co-workers a bit and listened to a pretty girl talk about her new pretty shoes(the girl was dressed like Marilyn Monroe but in black and with Minnie Mouse like high heels). But when the night ended, I decided to walk home. I knew that it was going to be almost an hour's walk but I had just the right amount of booze in me and no money for an alternative. I used to do this alot after a night of drinking. Walk myself home, sober up a bit and talk to myself along the way.
Last night my thoughts were on relationships. I've realized that one of the reasons I have been tentative to embrace being poly is that I really haven't had a safe environment to be poly in. The only people I know that are poly, I know only through internet. I spent the night making sure of not saying certain things. Even to the point of not mentioning that I have a girlfriend. Not because I don't want them to know but that inevitably means that I'll have to or try to explain the situation to them and these are people that I just met a week ago and have to work with(also on the selfish side, may hurt my chances in developing something with someone at work). At the same time, I like these people...and I don't want to lie to them...There are things that I long for. I long for another relationship other then the one I'm in. And not because I don't love the relationship I'm in but because I feel that's the way I am. I now long for a place that it's ok to be that way. I long for friends that I don't have to go through all the back story and explanations of what it is to be poly. Because I can only explain so much on that with the little knowledge that I have and by the time you get through all that, you don't know what they really think of you and most likely, they're not wholly comfortable with the idea.
I don't know what the next 2 months will hold before I get to TO. I'm hoping I'm able to enjoy myself with my new friends and even start something with someone even in the short amount of time that I'm here. But I also crave an environment where I don't have to hide part of who I am...
relationships