life after second year the peak of my life

[zimolazor]

My life has been a roller coaster all my life well at least since my parent got divorced back in 2000. I never really had any worries in my life. I made straight A's in school made mom and dad proud. When they split I wanted to rebel against the world. I wanted to be different be michevious. I bought Korn and Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock and cursed outloud with anger. I lost trust in relationships. I decided if my father ruined a family after 20 years of marriage then no relationship I ever had would work out. I dated girls off and on in high school. I dated mehgan for 10 months. She fucked up my head becuase she was a little girl. Then I dated Ariell who fucked up my head for another 11 months. I thought my life was over. I went into the worst depression of my life last summer. I would go to bed every night crying myself to sleep sometimes considering giving up on relationships all together. I developed ocd last summer. I became helpless so I told my mom I needed medicine. I wasn't well. I was sick very sick. I went on zoloft and quickly lost 15 pounds. I went into my sophmore year with all these expectations of living the college life and getting to know new people. I became extremelly close with Summer and Mel that fall. Especially mel was there for me when I was going through some really rough times in the fall. My head was all confused. I knew my relationship with ariell was over with yet I still wanted to pester her for no apparent reason. Then in september she met Brian and I felt all alone. I didn't like or have any feelings for her after that. I felt alone. All i had was Mel. She was such a comfort for me. Jason was there but in a bull shit kind of way. I had another fucked up expierence with Summer when we thought of giving dating a chance. That was immediately cut off becuase it was not meant to be. I fucked up Mel. I told you i'm sorry. It took mel many many weeks to get over that. Summer and I quickly became really close friends. The two of them was so importnant in helping me have the kind of start to sophmore I wanted and I truly can't thank them enough for that. But at the same time I wanted to meet a girl that i could have a serious relationship with. I thought relationships were just not in the cards for me. I thought my problems would never be solved and I would never find the right person for me. That all changed when Hilary introduced me to the sweetest person I had ever met. I quickly became fast friends with meg. And hilary couldn't understand. Sorry hil you meant a lot to me but some one who can't understand and respect my personal relationships with people can't coexist with me as a friend. Meg was not just a breath of fresh air she was a gulp of uncharted feelings from the pit of my stomach that I had never felt before in my life. I love meghan. She understands who I am. She makes me laugh. No girl can make me laugh like meg. I sat there on her bed in december staring at her gorgeous smile thinking I gotta be the luckiest man alive. We were kissing and then she laid back on her pillow. I knew that I loved her from that moment on. My issues with ocd quickly went away. I felt safe with meg I felt no fear just love and excitement. Laughter is what we share all day long. I never laughed with Ariell or Mehgan only argued. Meghan and I get along so well. I can't get mad at her. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to marry this girl one day. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She is by far the greatest thing that has ever come my way. Meg I just want to thank you for everything you have givin me and continue to give me every day. I can't explain in words what you have done for me not only these past months but my entire life. My life felt dead until I met you. Nathan always would sit there and ask me every girlfriend i had if she was the one. And I would say I hope so. When he asked me about meg I told him flat out yes she is the one. Meg you are my mind body and soul, my best friend in the whole world, and the woman I love with every bit of my Zimolazor body. I can't imagine my life without you right by my side. I no believer in a higher power but if there is a god I can't help but think that you are his gift to me. An angel. There two people in this world I can't live without thats meg and my mom. My mom is the other love of my life. This year has been a learning expierence for me. I've learned to deal with depression, let go of the past, embrace the present, and work to preserve the future. My life is headed in the right direction for sure. I have an amazing girlfriend, the most supportive mother on the planet, the cutest sister in the whole world, loving grandparents, nathan , and the besidicks. I've learned this year that its not the quantity of what you have that counts. Its the quality of what you have in your life that really matters. Everything in my life is love, laughter, and eternal happiness. I got a job at disney as a hotel desk man. This is the start of my career in the world of hotels. I'm very excited for this oppurtunity disney has given me. Its time to say goodbye to camp for good. 12 years of camp fun is enough for me. This year at fsu I fell in love with this school finally. I will never embrace the football team here because I am gator for life. But as for tallahassee I would never leave this school for uf. Even if I never met meg I would not have transfered to uf after two years. I'm head over heels in love with everything this school has to offer. Getting rejected from uf which at the time was the worst time of my life has turned out to be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I got fsu and my boobah all in one deal. Is this my last journal entry forever? Probably not but I feel like I've said all i needed to about this year. Im not going to bash anyone i'm just trying to pour out to you all what I live for every day I wake up. What drives me to do well in this world. I can't wait for junior year to start up again as I hope to get into my major finally and enjoy another magical year at fsu with everyone especially meg. If you are tired of me talking about meg i apologize but no not really screw off. Meg thanks for everything I love you. Sophmore year is a rap.

bye the way please listen to coldplay it is unbelievable.............

Ryan