Would you read it?
Here is the first half of the comic I've been working on - for those of you that are interested. It's called "Everyman" - feel free to tell me what you think.
Page x (1)
Panel 1
A deserted city street - apartment buildings and a dark alley. There is a streetlight, throwing light in a single, bright pool, and a vandalized mailbox. A tired looking man walks though the light provided by the streetlamp.
Caption: My name is Chaz Welling, and I’m just your average guy. I’m kind of smart - graduated in the top half of my class. I even tried college for a while. Wasn’t my thing, so I dropped out.
Panel 2
Close up on the man’s face. He’s young - mid twenties or so. And he’s tired; maybe there are shadows under his eyes or little lines around his mouth. His coat collar is turned up against the chill night air.
Caption: Now I work at Denny’s. I make a living flipping burgers, frying bacon, and scrambling eggs. And most days, I’m okay with that.
Panel 3
The man looks up - startled. There’s a scream from the darkened alleyway.
Page x (2)
Panel 1
Looking down the alley, we see a man in a backwards baseball cap gesturing toward a scared looking woman in a business suit. He’s holding a smallish gun in a shaking hand. The woman clutches her purse to her chest and cowers against the brick wall.
Man: Just give me your money, lady, and I promise no one has to get hurt.
Panel 2
Tighter shot on the woman as she digs through her over-sized purse, looking for something. Over her shoulder, there’s a man silhouetted in the mouth of the alleyway.
Panel 3
Same shot only she’s looked up from her frantic search, eyes wide with surprise. Over her shoulder, we can still see the man (Chaz) in silhouette.
Chaz: Scram.
Panel 4
The man in the backwards baseball cap looks up and sees Chaz approaching. His small gun droops. There is something in Chaz’s pocket that is vaguely gun-like. And it’s big.
Chaz: I said, scram. Leave the lady alone.
Panel 5
The mugger drops his gun and runs out of the alley. Chaz watches him go as he pulls his hand out of his pocket.
Panel 6
Chaz unwraps a king-size candy bar, still watching in the direction of the street.
Page x (3)
Panel 1
The woman throws her arms around Chaz and plants a big kiss on his mouth. Chaz looks startled, and almost falls over from the force of the woman’s hug, and surprise.
Woman: You saved my life! Oh my God, thank you!
Panel 2
Chaz has disentangled himself from the woman, and bends over to pick up her purse.
Chaz: It was nothing like that.
Panel 3
Chaz takes a big bite out of his candy bar as he hands the woman her purse.
Chaz: Just be more careful, next time.
Panel 4
Chaz walks out of the alley, back toward the street. The woman looks after him, clutching her purse to her chest and smiling slightly.
Caption: Like I said - most nights, I’m okay with that.
Page x (4)
Panel 1
Inside a busy newspaper office, there is a group of woman in skirt-style business suits standing around a pot of coffee. One woman is gesturing with her hands while keeping a precarious grip on her mug. It is the same woman from last night in the alley.
Woman: And then he’s like, “Freeze, dirt bag.”
Woman 2: Then what happened?
Woman: The mugger practically pissed himself and ran off.
Panel 2
A harried looking executive type sticks his head around a corner. We can see that his coat is missing, his tie is loosened, and his hair is mussed.
Executive: Alice! I need that report checked, and I need the copy on Roger’s article!
Panel 3
The woman from last night (Alice) moves away from the group of women clustered around the coffee pot. She talks over her shoulder as she passes in front of an open office door.
Alice: And all that time, all he had in his pocket was a candy bar!
Panel 4
Inside the office, sitting behind a desk, is a man (Jerry) in a loud, Hawaiian shirt and jeans. He is leaning back in his chair, Converse-clad feet propped on the cluttered desk, and has his hands linked behind his head. He has one eyebrow raised.
Jerry: A candy bar?
Panel 5
We see a view from behind the man as he sits in front of his computer, typing. We can see the headline of the article he’s working on, on the screen: “Modern-Day Superhero Scares Off Mugger With Candy Bar”. The byline on the article is “Jerry Ruthers”.
Page x (5)
Panel 1
Chaz is window-shopping on a busy, afternoon street. He’s got one hand cupped around the side of his face to cut the glare from the sun. There partially crumpled newspapers blowing around on the pavement, one headline that’s partially visible says: “-Mugger With Candy Bar”
Panel 2
A mother has parked her stroller next to a mailbox (handles toward the street) as she steps to the curb to hail a cab. People are jostling all around her and the stroller.
Panel 3
From behind, we can see Chaz glance over toward the stroller as it teeters precariously on the curb.
Caption: I’m not anything special - definitely not superhero material.
Panel 4
Chaz rushes forward as the stroller begins to roll into traffic, making a grab for it.
Panel 5
Chaz grabs the baby out of the stroller as it rolls into traffic.
Panel 6
A car hits the stroller; it’s destroyed. The mother sees the stroller going into the street and lunges after it, though she doesn’t manage to get off the curb.
Mother: No!
Panel 7
The woman has turned around to find Chaz with her squalling baby. Chaz looks sheepish, and the mother looks shocked.
Mother: My baby. How did you-
Panel 8
The woman clutches the crying baby to her chest. Chaz shrugs.
Chaz: It’s nothing. Just be sure to keep an eye on her.
Panel 9
Chaz disappears through the crowd, the woman looking after him.
Caption: I just happen to be in the right place at the right time.
Page x (6)
Panel 1
The mother (Katie) from the street is sitting outside at a coffee shop, attempting to drink coffee with one hand, while the other clutches a new stroller. Across from her sits Alice, who’s munching on biscotti and listening intently.
Katie: So I’m trying to hail a cab and the stroller goes right out into the street. All I see is a blur and then it gets hit by this taxi!
Alice: Oh my God!
Panel 2
Katie has put down her coffee and is holding her baby, bouncing her gently.
Katie: I know! So turn around, ready to just die, when this guy comes out of nowhere! And he’s got my Bethany in his arms.
Alice: What did he say? Did he ask for a reward or something?
Katie: Nope. He just told me to keep an eye on her.
Panel 3
Katie, Alice, and the stroller are all in the background as Chaz walks by on the sidewalk. He is clearly dressed for work - a light jacket, open over a Denny’s work shirt, and black pants.
Panel 4
Chaz has walked down an alley and now opens a door with “Denny’s Service Entrance” written on it in black marker.
Panel 5
Chaz stands just inside the door, in a kitchen and reaches toward a hook with “Chaz” written on masking tape over it. The hook is one in a short row next to the door. Hanging on the hooks is an assortment of coats and aprons. On Chaz’s hook is a white apron with a couple of old stains on it.
Panel 6
Chaz dons the apron, tying it in front of him.
Voice: Chaz! Is that you?
Page x (7)
Panel 1
We see from behind as Chaz rounds a corner into a busy kitchen. It is crowded - three other people (one woman and two men) are all trying to move around each other in the cramped space between the griddle, oven, stovetop, sinks, service window, and cut/prep tables. One of the people - a guy standing in front of the prep table - is looking at Chaz.
Chaz: Yeah?
Panel 2
A view of the whole kitchen shows Chaz standing by a time clock, punching in. The man in front of the prep table (Eric) has turned back to his work, chopping some sort of vegetable - possibly green peppers.
Eric: I was telling Mark here about how you rescued that chick the other night.
Panel 3
Close up on Mark. He’s working at the griddle, apparently concentrating on what he’s doing and not the conversation.
Mark: A candy bar? Dude, either Eric is making shit up, or you’re stupider then you look.
Panel 4
Focus on Chaz as he washes his hands in an industrial-style sink, mounted to the wall. He is glancing over his shoulder.
Chaz: Yeah?
Panel 5
View of whole kitchen, Mark is concentrating on the griddle, while Eric is at the prep table. Eric is waving a large knife around in the air with one hand, while the other rests on the pepper he was chopping.
Eric: Man, you could’ve been killed! He had a gun. What if he hadn’t believed the gun-in-the-pocket routine?
Page x (8)
Panel 1
Chaz is standing in front of the service window, putting food on a plate. He appears to be concentrating on what he’s doing.
Chaz: It’s not like anyone saw, so it doesn’t matter. Just forget about it.
Panel 2
A view of the service window as someone (the third person that was in the kitchen when Chaz arrived) calls through the opening. The girl is holding plates in both hands and looks slightly stressed.
Girl (Marci): Saw that article about you in the paper, Chaz. Glad to see someone still has a sense of decency in this town.
Panel 3
View of the kitchen, all three men are looking at each other, shocked. Marci has disappeared from the service window.
Page x (1)
Panel 1
A deserted city street - apartment buildings and a dark alley. There is a streetlight, throwing light in a single, bright pool, and a vandalized mailbox. A tired looking man walks though the light provided by the streetlamp.
Caption: My name is Chaz Welling, and I’m just your average guy. I’m kind of smart - graduated in the top half of my class. I even tried college for a while. Wasn’t my thing, so I dropped out.
Panel 2
Close up on the man’s face. He’s young - mid twenties or so. And he’s tired; maybe there are shadows under his eyes or little lines around his mouth. His coat collar is turned up against the chill night air.
Caption: Now I work at Denny’s. I make a living flipping burgers, frying bacon, and scrambling eggs. And most days, I’m okay with that.
Panel 3
The man looks up - startled. There’s a scream from the darkened alleyway.
Page x (2)
Panel 1
Looking down the alley, we see a man in a backwards baseball cap gesturing toward a scared looking woman in a business suit. He’s holding a smallish gun in a shaking hand. The woman clutches her purse to her chest and cowers against the brick wall.
Man: Just give me your money, lady, and I promise no one has to get hurt.
Panel 2
Tighter shot on the woman as she digs through her over-sized purse, looking for something. Over her shoulder, there’s a man silhouetted in the mouth of the alleyway.
Panel 3
Same shot only she’s looked up from her frantic search, eyes wide with surprise. Over her shoulder, we can still see the man (Chaz) in silhouette.
Chaz: Scram.
Panel 4
The man in the backwards baseball cap looks up and sees Chaz approaching. His small gun droops. There is something in Chaz’s pocket that is vaguely gun-like. And it’s big.
Chaz: I said, scram. Leave the lady alone.
Panel 5
The mugger drops his gun and runs out of the alley. Chaz watches him go as he pulls his hand out of his pocket.
Panel 6
Chaz unwraps a king-size candy bar, still watching in the direction of the street.
Page x (3)
Panel 1
The woman throws her arms around Chaz and plants a big kiss on his mouth. Chaz looks startled, and almost falls over from the force of the woman’s hug, and surprise.
Woman: You saved my life! Oh my God, thank you!
Panel 2
Chaz has disentangled himself from the woman, and bends over to pick up her purse.
Chaz: It was nothing like that.
Panel 3
Chaz takes a big bite out of his candy bar as he hands the woman her purse.
Chaz: Just be more careful, next time.
Panel 4
Chaz walks out of the alley, back toward the street. The woman looks after him, clutching her purse to her chest and smiling slightly.
Caption: Like I said - most nights, I’m okay with that.
Page x (4)
Panel 1
Inside a busy newspaper office, there is a group of woman in skirt-style business suits standing around a pot of coffee. One woman is gesturing with her hands while keeping a precarious grip on her mug. It is the same woman from last night in the alley.
Woman: And then he’s like, “Freeze, dirt bag.”
Woman 2: Then what happened?
Woman: The mugger practically pissed himself and ran off.
Panel 2
A harried looking executive type sticks his head around a corner. We can see that his coat is missing, his tie is loosened, and his hair is mussed.
Executive: Alice! I need that report checked, and I need the copy on Roger’s article!
Panel 3
The woman from last night (Alice) moves away from the group of women clustered around the coffee pot. She talks over her shoulder as she passes in front of an open office door.
Alice: And all that time, all he had in his pocket was a candy bar!
Panel 4
Inside the office, sitting behind a desk, is a man (Jerry) in a loud, Hawaiian shirt and jeans. He is leaning back in his chair, Converse-clad feet propped on the cluttered desk, and has his hands linked behind his head. He has one eyebrow raised.
Jerry: A candy bar?
Panel 5
We see a view from behind the man as he sits in front of his computer, typing. We can see the headline of the article he’s working on, on the screen: “Modern-Day Superhero Scares Off Mugger With Candy Bar”. The byline on the article is “Jerry Ruthers”.
Page x (5)
Panel 1
Chaz is window-shopping on a busy, afternoon street. He’s got one hand cupped around the side of his face to cut the glare from the sun. There partially crumpled newspapers blowing around on the pavement, one headline that’s partially visible says: “-Mugger With Candy Bar”
Panel 2
A mother has parked her stroller next to a mailbox (handles toward the street) as she steps to the curb to hail a cab. People are jostling all around her and the stroller.
Panel 3
From behind, we can see Chaz glance over toward the stroller as it teeters precariously on the curb.
Caption: I’m not anything special - definitely not superhero material.
Panel 4
Chaz rushes forward as the stroller begins to roll into traffic, making a grab for it.
Panel 5
Chaz grabs the baby out of the stroller as it rolls into traffic.
Panel 6
A car hits the stroller; it’s destroyed. The mother sees the stroller going into the street and lunges after it, though she doesn’t manage to get off the curb.
Mother: No!
Panel 7
The woman has turned around to find Chaz with her squalling baby. Chaz looks sheepish, and the mother looks shocked.
Mother: My baby. How did you-
Panel 8
The woman clutches the crying baby to her chest. Chaz shrugs.
Chaz: It’s nothing. Just be sure to keep an eye on her.
Panel 9
Chaz disappears through the crowd, the woman looking after him.
Caption: I just happen to be in the right place at the right time.
Page x (6)
Panel 1
The mother (Katie) from the street is sitting outside at a coffee shop, attempting to drink coffee with one hand, while the other clutches a new stroller. Across from her sits Alice, who’s munching on biscotti and listening intently.
Katie: So I’m trying to hail a cab and the stroller goes right out into the street. All I see is a blur and then it gets hit by this taxi!
Alice: Oh my God!
Panel 2
Katie has put down her coffee and is holding her baby, bouncing her gently.
Katie: I know! So turn around, ready to just die, when this guy comes out of nowhere! And he’s got my Bethany in his arms.
Alice: What did he say? Did he ask for a reward or something?
Katie: Nope. He just told me to keep an eye on her.
Panel 3
Katie, Alice, and the stroller are all in the background as Chaz walks by on the sidewalk. He is clearly dressed for work - a light jacket, open over a Denny’s work shirt, and black pants.
Panel 4
Chaz has walked down an alley and now opens a door with “Denny’s Service Entrance” written on it in black marker.
Panel 5
Chaz stands just inside the door, in a kitchen and reaches toward a hook with “Chaz” written on masking tape over it. The hook is one in a short row next to the door. Hanging on the hooks is an assortment of coats and aprons. On Chaz’s hook is a white apron with a couple of old stains on it.
Panel 6
Chaz dons the apron, tying it in front of him.
Voice: Chaz! Is that you?
Page x (7)
Panel 1
We see from behind as Chaz rounds a corner into a busy kitchen. It is crowded - three other people (one woman and two men) are all trying to move around each other in the cramped space between the griddle, oven, stovetop, sinks, service window, and cut/prep tables. One of the people - a guy standing in front of the prep table - is looking at Chaz.
Chaz: Yeah?
Panel 2
A view of the whole kitchen shows Chaz standing by a time clock, punching in. The man in front of the prep table (Eric) has turned back to his work, chopping some sort of vegetable - possibly green peppers.
Eric: I was telling Mark here about how you rescued that chick the other night.
Panel 3
Close up on Mark. He’s working at the griddle, apparently concentrating on what he’s doing and not the conversation.
Mark: A candy bar? Dude, either Eric is making shit up, or you’re stupider then you look.
Panel 4
Focus on Chaz as he washes his hands in an industrial-style sink, mounted to the wall. He is glancing over his shoulder.
Chaz: Yeah?
Panel 5
View of whole kitchen, Mark is concentrating on the griddle, while Eric is at the prep table. Eric is waving a large knife around in the air with one hand, while the other rests on the pepper he was chopping.
Eric: Man, you could’ve been killed! He had a gun. What if he hadn’t believed the gun-in-the-pocket routine?
Page x (8)
Panel 1
Chaz is standing in front of the service window, putting food on a plate. He appears to be concentrating on what he’s doing.
Chaz: It’s not like anyone saw, so it doesn’t matter. Just forget about it.
Panel 2
A view of the service window as someone (the third person that was in the kitchen when Chaz arrived) calls through the opening. The girl is holding plates in both hands and looks slightly stressed.
Girl (Marci): Saw that article about you in the paper, Chaz. Glad to see someone still has a sense of decency in this town.
Panel 3
View of the kitchen, all three men are looking at each other, shocked. Marci has disappeared from the service window.