The Happiest Place On Earth (Pays Ride Operators Shit), Chapter Six
Title: The Happiest Place On Earth (Pays Ride Operators Shit), Chapter Six
Fandom: Adam Lambert/Glam Nation
Pairings: Adam/Tommy, past Adam/Brad, past Tommy/Isaac
Author: i_amthecosmos
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Adam and Tommy establish some trust, but there’s still a way to go.
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4,338
Disclaimer: I made this story up, and I make no profit from it. Please do not Twitter this to anyone portrayed. My apologies to the Disney Co. but hey, I could make you guys look so much worse. You know that I could.
Adam didn’t have rehearsal that morning, instead he had an audition. He hadn’t had a part in a musical in a while, and he was really excited about just being there. He sang part of one of the songs and got a good reaction from the casting director. When Adam left, he was feeling pretty good about a callback. After that, he called Danielle and asked her to lunch when she was free.
“So,” Danielle said when they were at the diner near her job. “There’s a new guy, and this would be totally boring news. Except that he’s making Brad nervous. Also, you should see yourself dude. Normally you look happy about every guy you meet, but this…”
“What is it?” Adam said, eating a little of his salad. “Because it’s like people know something, but I’m not sure that I do.” Danielle grinned at that and shook her head in that fond way she had when she thought he was being an idiot. “What?”
“You seem to-you always throw yourself into these things you hope will be the next big romance, and you kinda did that here…” Adam looked down, not ready to hear about how much of a foolish, slutty idiot he was.
“…But this time, the guy you’re with seems to be easygoing while still not letting you control his life. I think you might have a chance here.” Danielle cut a piece of her goat cheese and grilled veggies Panini off and bit into it. “You’ll have to let me meet him, if you’re still together in a week.”
“That’s more validation than anyone else has given me, so thanks.” A thought seized Adam right then. “Oh shit, what if he hates me for his mom finding out!” Danielle slapped a hand to her forehead. “He could! He’s been closeted!”
Danielle slumped forward in her booth.“There’s not a fucking bit of evidence to support that he hates you. You told me he marched right in there and talked to his mom like an adult. So don’t even use this as an excuse to freak out, okay? That’s an order. Jesus, you’re trying to find an excuse to screw it up.” Danielle ate more of her sandwich and Adam picked at his salad for a few minutes until Danielle looked at him. “Don’t pout. I’m not trying to make you mad, I just don’t want you to worry yourself out of getting to know someone. So be happy.”
“Okay,” Adam said, smiling at her. “You’re right, we’re still getting to know each other. I shouldn’t panic.” He ate a big of the frissee and strawberry salad with balsamic dressing. “I haven’t told him about Brad yet.” Danielle just nodded and drank her latte. “Do you think that’s okay?”
“Sure, it hasn’t been that long. Go ahead and let it rest for a while. Don’t worry about that yet. So, he’s got PT today? He should be home by now. You should call him, I think. See how he’s doing-after all that bullshit he might want to see you. I gotta get back to work.” Danielle got up and put down her half for lunch over Adam’s protest, then kissed his cheek. “See you. Remember, don’t screw up.”
“Yes ma’am”, he said, and Danielle whapped him on the arm before leaving.
When Tommy got out of PT, his mom took him to lunch and then back home. When they got in, she sat down next to him, obviously trying to get up her nerve. “I want to ask you a lot of things,” she finally said. “But I don’t know where to start. I-how long?”
“I told you how long I’ve been seeing-oh”. Tommy stopped when she shook her head. “Oh, you don’t mean Adam. You mean guys.” Tommy went stiff as he thought about Isaac and how he shamelessly flirted with Tommy until all his defenses were worn down. He thought about how Isaac had isolated him from the rest of their band, until he was done and there was no band left. He didn’t know how to tell her, and thought about what he’d told Adam. But he couldn’t do the same here. “I don’t like to talk about it,” he said, and his mom looked alarmed. “No, no. I just had someone bad in my life, and he’s gone now. I’m glad he’s gone, but I still hate talking about it.” Tommy just looked straight ahead. “Let’s just let that go mom, at least for now.”
His mom was silent for a long minute, then she went to the kitchen and came back with a coke. Tommy drank it, glad for the interruption. “So...just that guy? And then Adam and that’s all?” Tommy felt his body stiffen. “And honey, you barely play your guitar anymore. Is there a reason why-“ Tommy wanted to cut that off right then.
“I’m not a slut, mom,” he said through gritted teeth. “I didn’t-look, it’s not something that a lot of people know about. Dave knew, and I told you and a friend this week. And I don’t have that many problems.” His mom looked doubtful and he sighed. “No, I’m not scared. I’m not scared of Adam or what people think about us being together.” Actually he believed this about sixty percent, but he kept making himself say it.
“I’m not scared, mom.”
When Adam got home, he checked the phone he had turned off for lunch and there were four messages from Tommy. He brain was whirring so fast, trying to figure out what he had done, that he almost missed the last message: “Just come on over, okay? My mom asked me questions forever and I want to see you. Okay?” Then Adam couldn’t dial Tommy’s number fast enough.
“Hey,” Tommy said. “Do you have to be there tonight?” Adam said no, and ignored the fear in his stomach that maybe Tommy was mad or freaked out. “Good, come over here. I need you to get my mind off this, and quick.” Adam’s eyes widened at the desperation in his voice. “Come here and fuck me.” Adam barely stuttered out an answer before he was in the car and heading to Tommy’s fast as he could go.
Tommy only had to wait a while before he heard someone nearly running up the front stairs and knocking. “Door’s open,” he said and Adam rushed in, closing the door behind him. Tommy just had his robe on and he smiled at Adam. “Sorry, but I need to stop thinking. Take me to bed, now.”
Adam’s smile was very sharp as he rubbed over Tommy’s chest where the robe was open, and pinched a nipple. “Pushy little slut,” he said. Tommy stood on his tiptoes and bit his neck. Adam growled and picked Tommy up and carried him to the bedroom. It made Tommy’s leg twinge a little, but he honestly didn’t fucking care.
“Need you,” Tommy said as they kissed. “I want you so bad.” He hadn’t been this turned on in forever. “I really want you to fuck me. Come on.” Tommy kissed Adam again, the hair raising up on his arms just from the touch of their lips. “I know you’re good.”
“Tommy, Tommy,” Adam said biting at his lip. “I’ll hurt you if we fuck. Won’t I? Tommy kissed him again to shut him up, and then Adam pulled back. “Wait,” he said and grinned at him. Tommy had to grin back, even though he was nearly dying from want. “I got it. Can you do it spooning? I love that.”
“Fuck yes,” Tommy said, and rolled on his side, sliding up so his ass was close enough for Adam to touch. Adam rubbed over his ass first, then smacked it once, pulling a whine out of Tommy. “Don’t fuckin’ tease me, just-oh god yeah-“. Adam had already gotten the lube and pushed one finger in.
“Fuck you’re tight baby,” Adam said, and Tommy shivered. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, I can tell it has.” Tommy nodded, breathing out and letting Adam touch him, open him up. “You’re flushed already, god. You’re so hard, it’s so sexy.” Adam kept dirty talking him as he pressed in another finger, then another. Tommy moaned and wanted to tell him to get on with it already. But the fingers felt so good, and so did the arm around his chest, holding him.
“Hey,” Adam said a few long minutes later. “Do you want the vibrator? It’ll help open you up.” Tommy shook his head-they could play with that later. “Okay,” Adam whispered , and Tommy whimpered when Adam withdrew his fingers and got a condom on. “Shhh, I’m right here,” Adam said, and then Tommy held his breath as Adam guided himself in. Tommy held his leg up, making it easier for him. “Breathe, baby,” Adam said, and Tommy breathed out, feeling Adam nudge in a little more.
Adam groaned when he got all the way inside-Tommy was so tight around his cock. He went slowly, letting Tommy get used to him as one of his legs slide between Tommy’s. The angle was awkward, so he pulled out, slid Tommy up a bit more, and pushed in again. Tommy moaned again, and Adam tightened the arm around his chest as his pace got a little faster. “That’s it honey, hold on for me. Don’t come yet.” It was amazing, and Adam didn’t want it to be over too soon.
He held Tommy the entire time, kissing his neck sometimes, and only falling out about twice. After a long time, he let go of Tommy’s hip and grabbed his cock. “You can come, I want you to come baby, I wanna feel you…” He didn’t get much further before Tommy came over his hand, letting out a long cry. Adam looked at the way Tommy tilted his face up, and he didn’t last much longer.
They spooned a long time after, Adam kissing Tommy’s neck, his shoulders, his back. Tommy slid in and out of consciousness, sleeping a little and then sighing as he woke. “Thank you,” he finally said, voice rough with sleep. “I needed that so much.” Tommy kissed Adam's arm, still holding him, and kept talking.. “Adam, I’m so glad you came over. My mom had a lot of questions and it was weird. I wanted to see you to…you know, I knew you’d come, but… “ Tommy stopped trying to explain and just stroked his hand over Adam’s arm.
Adam cleared his throat. “I know, it’s a little scary for both of us.” He knew that Tommy understood that he meant them together, and not just Tommy coming out. "So that's why you called me over? Because of this morning?”
Tommy paused a little, and then laughed. “Yeah, pretty much.I had never told her anything and suddenly there’s a naked man in my bedroom.” Adam laughed a little and Tommy giggled too. “So I wanted you to come by. I needed to just-this made it a lot better.” Tommy moved so he was on his back, and looking at Adam. He looked a little worried, which made Tommy worry. “You okay? Did everything go alright today?”
Adam smiled then. “Oh yeah, I had an audition for a theater production and I think I’ll get a callback. It’s just nerve-wracking, you know? And I had lunch with my best friend.” Tommy felt a twinge at that-Adam out with his best friend and probably not even mentioning him once-
“Yeah, I told her about you,” Adam said, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. “She said she wants to meet you if-“ Tommy heard him break off, but he didn’t have time to worry about that.
“Wait, you told your friend? You’re talking about us?” He grinned at Adam, suddenly even happier than he was before. “I mean-you’re not hiding me? That’s great! Yeah, I wanna meet her if she still does.” Tommy wanted to bounce on the bed, but his leg still ached a little even after PT. “God, that’s awesome, thank you.” Tommy had to kiss Adam again after this.
Adam kissed back, but there was a worried part of his brain. Why is it so important to Tommy that I talked about him to Danielle? It’s not that big of a deal. Is it? Adam decided to worry about it later and relaxed into the kiss. Then Tommy kissed down his neck, biting over the pulse, and Adam groaned. “Too early for me to go again, babe,” he said, but Tommy keep kissing and nuzzling him. “Oh, shit,” he said. “I guess I was wrong. Could you…”
“I’ll blow you,” Tommy said, and Adam slid up to his knees, in front of Tommy’s mouth. Tommy sucked and licked him, better than even the last two times, more enthusiastic. Adam thrust in his mouth, forgetting that he was supposed to be gentle. When Adam was ready, he pulled out and Tommy jacked him until he came, Adam gasping as Tommy finished him.
When he tried to reach for Tommy, he just shook him off. “It’s okay, I’m okay, we can do more later. I have to wait a little longer.” Tommy slowly got up, and Adam noticed that he was moving better than before. “I’m going to get cleaned up,” Tommy looked over his shoulder. “Don’t go anywhere.”
“Wouldn’t think of it,” Adam said, and Tommy laughed, limping to the bathroom. Adam laid back and waited for him to come back. Tommy was pretty and sweet and not as messed up as him. He was sure of that. It was then that he felt it inside his chest, like a lotus opening. He knew that feeling, he had it so many times and it was wrong that he wasn’t sure he could trust it. Adam held a breath, and waited for Tommy to come back.
When he did, washcloth in hand, Adam knew that it was love.
And his next thought was Oh god, it’s too soon.
“I think I screwed up,” Tommy said to Dave when he came in. “I mean, we had a great time, it was awesome, but he looked a little freaked out after. I don’t know what I did to Adam. I was really happy, and he was too, but-“Tommy sighed and drank his beer.
“But he stayed later, right?” Dave said. Tommy nodded. “I mean, he stayed until I got home. I don’t think he hates you or anything. How was he weird? Just right after you guys did it?”
“After the first time, yeah.” Tommy ignored the face Dave made and kept going. “He acted like he was expecting me to kick him out, or that he was going to leave or something. But then we started kissing again and he calmed down. And then...yeah.” Tommy just drank more of his beer. He didn’t want to get into serious detail with his straight buddy about all the sex they had.
“Doesn’t sound that serious,” Dave said. I think you should be more worried about you goddamn ankle. Did the PT help any?” Tommy grinned and rotated his ankle a few times. “Oh how impressive, regular range of motion.”
“It’s an exercise, jackass. They had me write the alphabet with my foot.” Tommy laughed as Dave shook his head and left the room, muttering about how some people will pay for anything. “Shut the fuck up, it helped.”
Dave came back with another beer for himself and a Coke for Tommy-his doc told him to scale back the drinking, and he was trying to. “So, Adam coming back tonight, or is he gone?” Dave sat down on the couch and Tommy took his Coke. Dave, the asshole, turned the channel onto football, Fuck, he hated sports.
“He said he needed to go home and clean up his apartment. He hasn’t been there much.” Tommy noticed that Adam seemed a little nervous when he left, but that didn’t bother him so much. Adam needed space like everybody else, and he’d either been here or at work for days. “So I’m gonna let him do his laundry and shit.” Dave grunted, and Tommy leaned back into the couch cushions, until he was half asleep.
Adam drove around a lot after he left Tommy’s. He told Tommy he had to clean his apartment, but first he just had to go. He wound up driving around West Hollywood, finally stopping at a small restored movie theater. He came out of the cute little art movie he saw, feeling better but not remembering much of it. After that, he just walked around by himself. You just need to be alone a little, e thought. Don’t call anyone and over-analyze for once, don’t hide behind your friends. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to not think about this for a couple of hours. He looked around WeHo ad thought about bringing Tommy with him sometime. That almost made him start worrying again that they might not make it that far, but then he saw a cabaret bar, and smiled. What the hell, a drag show might calm your ass down a little. Adam went to the door and paid his twenty dollars to get in.
Tommy woke up the next morning in his bead and having no fucking idea how he got there. He muttered and threw his hand out, and nearly knocked over a bottle of water. There was a note on the nightstand, and Tommy picked it up, noticing Dave’s handwriting.
Dragged your sorry ass in bed. Your mom called, and Carla too. I told them you were tired. Call either of them if you need help. Tommy frowned. Adam hadn’t called, and Tommy wasn’t sure if he had work or not that day. He got up, moving slow and careful, wondering if calling as soon as he got up was needy or not. He decided that it was, and got dressed. As he grabbed his PT exercise bands, he thought about last night. It was good. There were some weird moments, but it was good. Then he had to stop thinking about it before he got turned on.
Tommy’s day was spent alone. With less pain medication it was kind of boring, but he played video games until about four. Then he called Adam. It went to message. An hour later, he called again, and it went to message. At six pm, his hand went to call, and this time it picked up. “Adam? Hey,” he said, and winced at how desperate he sounded.
“Hey baby,” Adam said, and he sounded the same. “How are you? I’m okay, but I kind of have a hangover. How’s your leg?” Tommy heard movement and chatter in the background, and figured that Adam must be at the park. He was quiet a minute, absorbing that information.
“My leg’s okay, I’m just bored. Um, why are you hungover? What happened, did you go out?” Inwardly, Tommy was panicking, wondering if Adam had just pulled an Isaac and went out to fuck someone else after getting Tommy addicted. “Did you go to-“
“I went to a movie and a drag show,” Adam said, and Tommy held his breath. “And if you’re worried, no. I didn’t dance with anyone.” Adam’s then voice got lower, almost a growl. “I didn’t fuck anyone, Tommy. So don’t get jealous, okay?” Tommy took a deep breath out, probably sounding too relieved. “I don’t know why you even think that right now.I’ll come by tonight. See you then.”
“Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll see you.” He hung up and huddled on the couch, his arms wrapped around his body. I think I just screwed up, he thought. He sat there for a few minutes, looking at the muted TV. It was Criminal Minds, but he wasn’t in the mood for police shows right then. Tommy got up from the couch, limping on his bad foot. He needed pot after that.
Adam hung up the phone and shook his head. This is probably my fault, he thought. I’m scared, and he can tell. Fuck. Adam took a deep breath and was trying to finish his dinner when Brad walked over to him. “Trouble in paradise?” Brad said, sneering at him. “I know you like your tricks, but I don’t see the appeal of this guy at all. I mean, he’s closeted.”
“Well, be glad you’re not dating him then,” he snapped. Fuck if he was taking this shit now. “And he’s not closeted anymore, so fuck off on that.” Brad raised an eyebrow, and suddenly looked less pissed and more intrigued. “Don’t look at me like that, Brad. You’ve treated me like shit all week. I’m not dishing for you.”
Brad straightened up and stared at Adam. Adam caught the hurt in his eyes right before Brad’s expression shut down. “Okay, fine. I guess there’s a first for everything.” Brad walked away from him and went over to where Taylor was. Adam watched him go, and wondered why he had loved him so much earlier. Because he was wonderful, his inner voice said. Until it went all wrong. Don’t worry about it, he broke up with you. Adam took another drink from his water bottle, break nearly over, and thought I know, but easier said than done.
When Adam got off work (and it felt like work this time, because his heart wasn’t in it), he drove right over to Tommy’s place. Dave let him in and told him Tommy was in his bedroom and stoned off his ass. Adam walked back there, wondering if he was even allowed to. He knocked on the door. “Hey, it’s me.” He heard a snort, as if Tommy had just woken up. “Can I come in?”
“Sure, come on in,” Tommy said. He sounded groggy and kind of out of it. Adam opened the door and saw the dim figure of Tommy on his bed. “Hey, sorry. I was sleeping a little. I’m kinda stoned.” Adam came in and switched on a light. “I’m really sorry.”
“About what?” Adam said. “I told you I was going to do one thing, and then I did something else. But I promise I wasn’t lying.” Adam approached Tommy gently and sat on his bed. “I just-I wound up going to the movies and a cabaret. I think I just needed some time.” Tommy nodded and looked down. Adam looked at him-he looked upset and sad, a complete one-eighty from how he was this afternoon. “Hey, I’m sorry. Don’t be upset.”
“It’s not you really,” Tommy said. “But I have to ask you something.” Adam tensed up as Tommy took in a breath. “I heard about you and the guys at the park. You know, people talk, you can’t hide a goddamn thing there.” Adam knew what was coming. “So…are you going to move on soon? I just want to know if you’re going to leave.”
Adam reached for Tommy’s hand, and was glad when he didn’t flinch away. “No,” he said, and Tommy looked at him. “I know how much of a slut I might seem to you, but actually, most of those guys broke up with me. I guess it was my fault. But I’m trying. I don’t want to make the same mistakes. You have to try to trust me, and I’ll trust you. Okay?”
“I don’t think you’re a slut,” Tommy said, voice quiet. “I mean, you are so different from the way people talk about you. You’ve been…really nice to me.” Adam felt his heart twinge at that-Tommy didn’t even expect kindness from the people he slept with. “I just wanted to know if…I don’t know.” Adam understood the self-censoring that Tommy just did, he was hiding things himself. But he wanted to let Tommy know it was okay, so he moved closer and put an arm around him.
“I know , it’s okay,” he said. “I have problems too. If there’s stuff you can’t talk about-it’s okay.” Tommy looked scared, but Adam kept touching him. “We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks. We can wait if you want.” He stroked Tommy’s hair. “We aren’t perfect, and we both know that.”
“Yeah,” Tommy said. “Um, one more thing.” Adam kept stroking Tommy’s hair as they looked at each other. “People say that Brad was your old boyfriend. And that you were trying to get over him. Is that why? Is that why you tried with so many others?” Adam had to hold in a gasp-he didn’t even know that one was going around. He held still for a long time, before he came closer, pulling Tommy into a hug.
“Yes,” is all he said at first, kissing Tommy’s neck. When Tommy didn’t pull away or yell at him, he said “We’re barely talking right now. He’s mad. I think he’s jealous of me dating you.” Adam pulled back so he could see Tommy’s face. “I mean, we haven’t been together long at all, but everyone’s acting like it’s different.” Adam couldn’t tell Tommy yet that it was.
Tommy looked at him with red eyes, and smiled a little. “Maybe they’re right,” he said. “I know it’s different for me.” He hugged Adam again. “So I didn’t scare you off,” and Adam shook his head against Tommy’s shoulder. “So are we boyfriends?” Adam rubbed Tommy’s back.
“I think we are. I hope we are.”
Fandom: Adam Lambert/Glam Nation
Pairings: Adam/Tommy, past Adam/Brad, past Tommy/Isaac
Author: i_amthecosmos
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Adam and Tommy establish some trust, but there’s still a way to go.
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4,338
Disclaimer: I made this story up, and I make no profit from it. Please do not Twitter this to anyone portrayed. My apologies to the Disney Co. but hey, I could make you guys look so much worse. You know that I could.
Adam didn’t have rehearsal that morning, instead he had an audition. He hadn’t had a part in a musical in a while, and he was really excited about just being there. He sang part of one of the songs and got a good reaction from the casting director. When Adam left, he was feeling pretty good about a callback. After that, he called Danielle and asked her to lunch when she was free.
“So,” Danielle said when they were at the diner near her job. “There’s a new guy, and this would be totally boring news. Except that he’s making Brad nervous. Also, you should see yourself dude. Normally you look happy about every guy you meet, but this…”
“What is it?” Adam said, eating a little of his salad. “Because it’s like people know something, but I’m not sure that I do.” Danielle grinned at that and shook her head in that fond way she had when she thought he was being an idiot. “What?”
“You seem to-you always throw yourself into these things you hope will be the next big romance, and you kinda did that here…” Adam looked down, not ready to hear about how much of a foolish, slutty idiot he was.
“…But this time, the guy you’re with seems to be easygoing while still not letting you control his life. I think you might have a chance here.” Danielle cut a piece of her goat cheese and grilled veggies Panini off and bit into it. “You’ll have to let me meet him, if you’re still together in a week.”
“That’s more validation than anyone else has given me, so thanks.” A thought seized Adam right then. “Oh shit, what if he hates me for his mom finding out!” Danielle slapped a hand to her forehead. “He could! He’s been closeted!”
Danielle slumped forward in her booth.“There’s not a fucking bit of evidence to support that he hates you. You told me he marched right in there and talked to his mom like an adult. So don’t even use this as an excuse to freak out, okay? That’s an order. Jesus, you’re trying to find an excuse to screw it up.” Danielle ate more of her sandwich and Adam picked at his salad for a few minutes until Danielle looked at him. “Don’t pout. I’m not trying to make you mad, I just don’t want you to worry yourself out of getting to know someone. So be happy.”
“Okay,” Adam said, smiling at her. “You’re right, we’re still getting to know each other. I shouldn’t panic.” He ate a big of the frissee and strawberry salad with balsamic dressing. “I haven’t told him about Brad yet.” Danielle just nodded and drank her latte. “Do you think that’s okay?”
“Sure, it hasn’t been that long. Go ahead and let it rest for a while. Don’t worry about that yet. So, he’s got PT today? He should be home by now. You should call him, I think. See how he’s doing-after all that bullshit he might want to see you. I gotta get back to work.” Danielle got up and put down her half for lunch over Adam’s protest, then kissed his cheek. “See you. Remember, don’t screw up.”
“Yes ma’am”, he said, and Danielle whapped him on the arm before leaving.
When Tommy got out of PT, his mom took him to lunch and then back home. When they got in, she sat down next to him, obviously trying to get up her nerve. “I want to ask you a lot of things,” she finally said. “But I don’t know where to start. I-how long?”
“I told you how long I’ve been seeing-oh”. Tommy stopped when she shook her head. “Oh, you don’t mean Adam. You mean guys.” Tommy went stiff as he thought about Isaac and how he shamelessly flirted with Tommy until all his defenses were worn down. He thought about how Isaac had isolated him from the rest of their band, until he was done and there was no band left. He didn’t know how to tell her, and thought about what he’d told Adam. But he couldn’t do the same here. “I don’t like to talk about it,” he said, and his mom looked alarmed. “No, no. I just had someone bad in my life, and he’s gone now. I’m glad he’s gone, but I still hate talking about it.” Tommy just looked straight ahead. “Let’s just let that go mom, at least for now.”
His mom was silent for a long minute, then she went to the kitchen and came back with a coke. Tommy drank it, glad for the interruption. “So...just that guy? And then Adam and that’s all?” Tommy felt his body stiffen. “And honey, you barely play your guitar anymore. Is there a reason why-“ Tommy wanted to cut that off right then.
“I’m not a slut, mom,” he said through gritted teeth. “I didn’t-look, it’s not something that a lot of people know about. Dave knew, and I told you and a friend this week. And I don’t have that many problems.” His mom looked doubtful and he sighed. “No, I’m not scared. I’m not scared of Adam or what people think about us being together.” Actually he believed this about sixty percent, but he kept making himself say it.
“I’m not scared, mom.”
When Adam got home, he checked the phone he had turned off for lunch and there were four messages from Tommy. He brain was whirring so fast, trying to figure out what he had done, that he almost missed the last message: “Just come on over, okay? My mom asked me questions forever and I want to see you. Okay?” Then Adam couldn’t dial Tommy’s number fast enough.
“Hey,” Tommy said. “Do you have to be there tonight?” Adam said no, and ignored the fear in his stomach that maybe Tommy was mad or freaked out. “Good, come over here. I need you to get my mind off this, and quick.” Adam’s eyes widened at the desperation in his voice. “Come here and fuck me.” Adam barely stuttered out an answer before he was in the car and heading to Tommy’s fast as he could go.
Tommy only had to wait a while before he heard someone nearly running up the front stairs and knocking. “Door’s open,” he said and Adam rushed in, closing the door behind him. Tommy just had his robe on and he smiled at Adam. “Sorry, but I need to stop thinking. Take me to bed, now.”
Adam’s smile was very sharp as he rubbed over Tommy’s chest where the robe was open, and pinched a nipple. “Pushy little slut,” he said. Tommy stood on his tiptoes and bit his neck. Adam growled and picked Tommy up and carried him to the bedroom. It made Tommy’s leg twinge a little, but he honestly didn’t fucking care.
“Need you,” Tommy said as they kissed. “I want you so bad.” He hadn’t been this turned on in forever. “I really want you to fuck me. Come on.” Tommy kissed Adam again, the hair raising up on his arms just from the touch of their lips. “I know you’re good.”
“Tommy, Tommy,” Adam said biting at his lip. “I’ll hurt you if we fuck. Won’t I? Tommy kissed him again to shut him up, and then Adam pulled back. “Wait,” he said and grinned at him. Tommy had to grin back, even though he was nearly dying from want. “I got it. Can you do it spooning? I love that.”
“Fuck yes,” Tommy said, and rolled on his side, sliding up so his ass was close enough for Adam to touch. Adam rubbed over his ass first, then smacked it once, pulling a whine out of Tommy. “Don’t fuckin’ tease me, just-oh god yeah-“. Adam had already gotten the lube and pushed one finger in.
“Fuck you’re tight baby,” Adam said, and Tommy shivered. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, I can tell it has.” Tommy nodded, breathing out and letting Adam touch him, open him up. “You’re flushed already, god. You’re so hard, it’s so sexy.” Adam kept dirty talking him as he pressed in another finger, then another. Tommy moaned and wanted to tell him to get on with it already. But the fingers felt so good, and so did the arm around his chest, holding him.
“Hey,” Adam said a few long minutes later. “Do you want the vibrator? It’ll help open you up.” Tommy shook his head-they could play with that later. “Okay,” Adam whispered , and Tommy whimpered when Adam withdrew his fingers and got a condom on. “Shhh, I’m right here,” Adam said, and then Tommy held his breath as Adam guided himself in. Tommy held his leg up, making it easier for him. “Breathe, baby,” Adam said, and Tommy breathed out, feeling Adam nudge in a little more.
Adam groaned when he got all the way inside-Tommy was so tight around his cock. He went slowly, letting Tommy get used to him as one of his legs slide between Tommy’s. The angle was awkward, so he pulled out, slid Tommy up a bit more, and pushed in again. Tommy moaned again, and Adam tightened the arm around his chest as his pace got a little faster. “That’s it honey, hold on for me. Don’t come yet.” It was amazing, and Adam didn’t want it to be over too soon.
He held Tommy the entire time, kissing his neck sometimes, and only falling out about twice. After a long time, he let go of Tommy’s hip and grabbed his cock. “You can come, I want you to come baby, I wanna feel you…” He didn’t get much further before Tommy came over his hand, letting out a long cry. Adam looked at the way Tommy tilted his face up, and he didn’t last much longer.
They spooned a long time after, Adam kissing Tommy’s neck, his shoulders, his back. Tommy slid in and out of consciousness, sleeping a little and then sighing as he woke. “Thank you,” he finally said, voice rough with sleep. “I needed that so much.” Tommy kissed Adam's arm, still holding him, and kept talking.. “Adam, I’m so glad you came over. My mom had a lot of questions and it was weird. I wanted to see you to…you know, I knew you’d come, but… “ Tommy stopped trying to explain and just stroked his hand over Adam’s arm.
Adam cleared his throat. “I know, it’s a little scary for both of us.” He knew that Tommy understood that he meant them together, and not just Tommy coming out. "So that's why you called me over? Because of this morning?”
Tommy paused a little, and then laughed. “Yeah, pretty much.I had never told her anything and suddenly there’s a naked man in my bedroom.” Adam laughed a little and Tommy giggled too. “So I wanted you to come by. I needed to just-this made it a lot better.” Tommy moved so he was on his back, and looking at Adam. He looked a little worried, which made Tommy worry. “You okay? Did everything go alright today?”
Adam smiled then. “Oh yeah, I had an audition for a theater production and I think I’ll get a callback. It’s just nerve-wracking, you know? And I had lunch with my best friend.” Tommy felt a twinge at that-Adam out with his best friend and probably not even mentioning him once-
“Yeah, I told her about you,” Adam said, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. “She said she wants to meet you if-“ Tommy heard him break off, but he didn’t have time to worry about that.
“Wait, you told your friend? You’re talking about us?” He grinned at Adam, suddenly even happier than he was before. “I mean-you’re not hiding me? That’s great! Yeah, I wanna meet her if she still does.” Tommy wanted to bounce on the bed, but his leg still ached a little even after PT. “God, that’s awesome, thank you.” Tommy had to kiss Adam again after this.
Adam kissed back, but there was a worried part of his brain. Why is it so important to Tommy that I talked about him to Danielle? It’s not that big of a deal. Is it? Adam decided to worry about it later and relaxed into the kiss. Then Tommy kissed down his neck, biting over the pulse, and Adam groaned. “Too early for me to go again, babe,” he said, but Tommy keep kissing and nuzzling him. “Oh, shit,” he said. “I guess I was wrong. Could you…”
“I’ll blow you,” Tommy said, and Adam slid up to his knees, in front of Tommy’s mouth. Tommy sucked and licked him, better than even the last two times, more enthusiastic. Adam thrust in his mouth, forgetting that he was supposed to be gentle. When Adam was ready, he pulled out and Tommy jacked him until he came, Adam gasping as Tommy finished him.
When he tried to reach for Tommy, he just shook him off. “It’s okay, I’m okay, we can do more later. I have to wait a little longer.” Tommy slowly got up, and Adam noticed that he was moving better than before. “I’m going to get cleaned up,” Tommy looked over his shoulder. “Don’t go anywhere.”
“Wouldn’t think of it,” Adam said, and Tommy laughed, limping to the bathroom. Adam laid back and waited for him to come back. Tommy was pretty and sweet and not as messed up as him. He was sure of that. It was then that he felt it inside his chest, like a lotus opening. He knew that feeling, he had it so many times and it was wrong that he wasn’t sure he could trust it. Adam held a breath, and waited for Tommy to come back.
When he did, washcloth in hand, Adam knew that it was love.
And his next thought was Oh god, it’s too soon.
“I think I screwed up,” Tommy said to Dave when he came in. “I mean, we had a great time, it was awesome, but he looked a little freaked out after. I don’t know what I did to Adam. I was really happy, and he was too, but-“Tommy sighed and drank his beer.
“But he stayed later, right?” Dave said. Tommy nodded. “I mean, he stayed until I got home. I don’t think he hates you or anything. How was he weird? Just right after you guys did it?”
“After the first time, yeah.” Tommy ignored the face Dave made and kept going. “He acted like he was expecting me to kick him out, or that he was going to leave or something. But then we started kissing again and he calmed down. And then...yeah.” Tommy just drank more of his beer. He didn’t want to get into serious detail with his straight buddy about all the sex they had.
“Doesn’t sound that serious,” Dave said. I think you should be more worried about you goddamn ankle. Did the PT help any?” Tommy grinned and rotated his ankle a few times. “Oh how impressive, regular range of motion.”
“It’s an exercise, jackass. They had me write the alphabet with my foot.” Tommy laughed as Dave shook his head and left the room, muttering about how some people will pay for anything. “Shut the fuck up, it helped.”
Dave came back with another beer for himself and a Coke for Tommy-his doc told him to scale back the drinking, and he was trying to. “So, Adam coming back tonight, or is he gone?” Dave sat down on the couch and Tommy took his Coke. Dave, the asshole, turned the channel onto football, Fuck, he hated sports.
“He said he needed to go home and clean up his apartment. He hasn’t been there much.” Tommy noticed that Adam seemed a little nervous when he left, but that didn’t bother him so much. Adam needed space like everybody else, and he’d either been here or at work for days. “So I’m gonna let him do his laundry and shit.” Dave grunted, and Tommy leaned back into the couch cushions, until he was half asleep.
Adam drove around a lot after he left Tommy’s. He told Tommy he had to clean his apartment, but first he just had to go. He wound up driving around West Hollywood, finally stopping at a small restored movie theater. He came out of the cute little art movie he saw, feeling better but not remembering much of it. After that, he just walked around by himself. You just need to be alone a little, e thought. Don’t call anyone and over-analyze for once, don’t hide behind your friends. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to not think about this for a couple of hours. He looked around WeHo ad thought about bringing Tommy with him sometime. That almost made him start worrying again that they might not make it that far, but then he saw a cabaret bar, and smiled. What the hell, a drag show might calm your ass down a little. Adam went to the door and paid his twenty dollars to get in.
Tommy woke up the next morning in his bead and having no fucking idea how he got there. He muttered and threw his hand out, and nearly knocked over a bottle of water. There was a note on the nightstand, and Tommy picked it up, noticing Dave’s handwriting.
Dragged your sorry ass in bed. Your mom called, and Carla too. I told them you were tired. Call either of them if you need help. Tommy frowned. Adam hadn’t called, and Tommy wasn’t sure if he had work or not that day. He got up, moving slow and careful, wondering if calling as soon as he got up was needy or not. He decided that it was, and got dressed. As he grabbed his PT exercise bands, he thought about last night. It was good. There were some weird moments, but it was good. Then he had to stop thinking about it before he got turned on.
Tommy’s day was spent alone. With less pain medication it was kind of boring, but he played video games until about four. Then he called Adam. It went to message. An hour later, he called again, and it went to message. At six pm, his hand went to call, and this time it picked up. “Adam? Hey,” he said, and winced at how desperate he sounded.
“Hey baby,” Adam said, and he sounded the same. “How are you? I’m okay, but I kind of have a hangover. How’s your leg?” Tommy heard movement and chatter in the background, and figured that Adam must be at the park. He was quiet a minute, absorbing that information.
“My leg’s okay, I’m just bored. Um, why are you hungover? What happened, did you go out?” Inwardly, Tommy was panicking, wondering if Adam had just pulled an Isaac and went out to fuck someone else after getting Tommy addicted. “Did you go to-“
“I went to a movie and a drag show,” Adam said, and Tommy held his breath. “And if you’re worried, no. I didn’t dance with anyone.” Adam’s then voice got lower, almost a growl. “I didn’t fuck anyone, Tommy. So don’t get jealous, okay?” Tommy took a deep breath out, probably sounding too relieved. “I don’t know why you even think that right now.I’ll come by tonight. See you then.”
“Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll see you.” He hung up and huddled on the couch, his arms wrapped around his body. I think I just screwed up, he thought. He sat there for a few minutes, looking at the muted TV. It was Criminal Minds, but he wasn’t in the mood for police shows right then. Tommy got up from the couch, limping on his bad foot. He needed pot after that.
Adam hung up the phone and shook his head. This is probably my fault, he thought. I’m scared, and he can tell. Fuck. Adam took a deep breath and was trying to finish his dinner when Brad walked over to him. “Trouble in paradise?” Brad said, sneering at him. “I know you like your tricks, but I don’t see the appeal of this guy at all. I mean, he’s closeted.”
“Well, be glad you’re not dating him then,” he snapped. Fuck if he was taking this shit now. “And he’s not closeted anymore, so fuck off on that.” Brad raised an eyebrow, and suddenly looked less pissed and more intrigued. “Don’t look at me like that, Brad. You’ve treated me like shit all week. I’m not dishing for you.”
Brad straightened up and stared at Adam. Adam caught the hurt in his eyes right before Brad’s expression shut down. “Okay, fine. I guess there’s a first for everything.” Brad walked away from him and went over to where Taylor was. Adam watched him go, and wondered why he had loved him so much earlier. Because he was wonderful, his inner voice said. Until it went all wrong. Don’t worry about it, he broke up with you. Adam took another drink from his water bottle, break nearly over, and thought I know, but easier said than done.
When Adam got off work (and it felt like work this time, because his heart wasn’t in it), he drove right over to Tommy’s place. Dave let him in and told him Tommy was in his bedroom and stoned off his ass. Adam walked back there, wondering if he was even allowed to. He knocked on the door. “Hey, it’s me.” He heard a snort, as if Tommy had just woken up. “Can I come in?”
“Sure, come on in,” Tommy said. He sounded groggy and kind of out of it. Adam opened the door and saw the dim figure of Tommy on his bed. “Hey, sorry. I was sleeping a little. I’m kinda stoned.” Adam came in and switched on a light. “I’m really sorry.”
“About what?” Adam said. “I told you I was going to do one thing, and then I did something else. But I promise I wasn’t lying.” Adam approached Tommy gently and sat on his bed. “I just-I wound up going to the movies and a cabaret. I think I just needed some time.” Tommy nodded and looked down. Adam looked at him-he looked upset and sad, a complete one-eighty from how he was this afternoon. “Hey, I’m sorry. Don’t be upset.”
“It’s not you really,” Tommy said. “But I have to ask you something.” Adam tensed up as Tommy took in a breath. “I heard about you and the guys at the park. You know, people talk, you can’t hide a goddamn thing there.” Adam knew what was coming. “So…are you going to move on soon? I just want to know if you’re going to leave.”
Adam reached for Tommy’s hand, and was glad when he didn’t flinch away. “No,” he said, and Tommy looked at him. “I know how much of a slut I might seem to you, but actually, most of those guys broke up with me. I guess it was my fault. But I’m trying. I don’t want to make the same mistakes. You have to try to trust me, and I’ll trust you. Okay?”
“I don’t think you’re a slut,” Tommy said, voice quiet. “I mean, you are so different from the way people talk about you. You’ve been…really nice to me.” Adam felt his heart twinge at that-Tommy didn’t even expect kindness from the people he slept with. “I just wanted to know if…I don’t know.” Adam understood the self-censoring that Tommy just did, he was hiding things himself. But he wanted to let Tommy know it was okay, so he moved closer and put an arm around him.
“I know , it’s okay,” he said. “I have problems too. If there’s stuff you can’t talk about-it’s okay.” Tommy looked scared, but Adam kept touching him. “We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks. We can wait if you want.” He stroked Tommy’s hair. “We aren’t perfect, and we both know that.”
“Yeah,” Tommy said. “Um, one more thing.” Adam kept stroking Tommy’s hair as they looked at each other. “People say that Brad was your old boyfriend. And that you were trying to get over him. Is that why? Is that why you tried with so many others?” Adam had to hold in a gasp-he didn’t even know that one was going around. He held still for a long time, before he came closer, pulling Tommy into a hug.
“Yes,” is all he said at first, kissing Tommy’s neck. When Tommy didn’t pull away or yell at him, he said “We’re barely talking right now. He’s mad. I think he’s jealous of me dating you.” Adam pulled back so he could see Tommy’s face. “I mean, we haven’t been together long at all, but everyone’s acting like it’s different.” Adam couldn’t tell Tommy yet that it was.
Tommy looked at him with red eyes, and smiled a little. “Maybe they’re right,” he said. “I know it’s different for me.” He hugged Adam again. “So I didn’t scare you off,” and Adam shook his head against Tommy’s shoulder. “So are we boyfriends?” Adam rubbed Tommy’s back.
“I think we are. I hope we are.”