A Life Limited
Title: A Life Limited
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam/Cam, Adam/Taylor
Author: i_amthecosmos
Word Count: 1,425
Rating: PG-13
Prompt from glam_kink: Could someone please write a story like that featuring Adam as a gay man in the 1960s forced to date and or marry a woman,either for career reasons, to please his parents or both?
Disclaimer: None of this is true, as made obvious by the setting. Thanks for not Tweeting this to anyone involved.
Adam dressed in his best suit for work, smoothing his shirt and tying his tie perfectly. He was known as the best dressed man in his office, and it was the only thing about it that made him proud.
He had been a theater and dance major once, but he could get nowhere in Broadway, and eventually let his father-in-law get him a job at his firm. That was the least of his compromises.
Every morning he looked at himself and saw a stranger. He knew that his wife felt the same way, but that gave him no comfort, instead made him feel guilty.
Camilla came up to him then with his lunch. “Hey Adam,” she said. She never called him ‘honey’ or any other affectionate term, even though she loved him as much as she could, the same way he loved her. But he hated the dark circles under her eyes, the downward turn of her head, the lack of tone in her voice. “Here’s your lunch, I hope you like it.” She brightened temporarily. “I’ve got a bridge game at one today. I’m looking forward to it.”
Adam’s smile was bittersweet-Camilla was in love with Susan, a woman in her bridge club. Susan was pretty and happy and so very, very straight. At least, she seemed to be. He couldn’t tell when women were pretending or not, only men. “Okay, have a good day, Cam.” He only used this nickname when they were alone, the same way Camilla only wore the trousers and comfortable shirts when she was at home. Adam turned to leave, and as always, ‘I’m sorry’, was on the tip of his tongue.
But neither of them were to blame, and he knew it. So he just left.
He went to work in his shiny, flashy Cadillac. When he got there, just did his boring job straight through until it was time to go. His boss caught him before he left. “Hey Lambert, we’re all going out to the go-go bar for drinks. We’re bringing a new client in.” And well, Adam had no choice, did he?
Adam drank three Scotches at the bar, and paid more attention to the client than the girls. When his boss commented on it, Adam just smiled. “Oh, you know me, I’m married. I love my wife. These women are okay.”
“Okay? Look at the tits on that one!” The new client-Adam should know his name by now-pointed at a girl with huge tits and pasties. Adam nodded in her direction and she smiled. She was beautiful. Adam had loved the dress she had one before the striptease. “Are you sure you don’t want some of that? Your wife won’t know.”
Adam’s boss snickered. “I’ve never seen Lambert even be tempted. He’s a real gentlemen-he only looks.” Then his boss straightened in his chair. “But him and his wife don’t have any children. You’ve been married three years, you should have at least one by now.” Adam saw the slight suspicion in his eyes and shuddered.
“We’re just waiting for a little while,” he said, trying to smile. Then he turned his attention back on the stripper, who was finishing her act. He liked her, she was a good dancer, so he pushed some money onto the table for her act and grinned at her. She winked back and he knew that if he were straight, he could fuck her. It would have been easy.
He got in his car instead, his boss’s latest fag joke ringing in his ears.
Adam didn’t go straight home that night, instead stopping by Taylor’s. Adam was too terrified to go to a street hooker, but Taylor was a slight sweet boy who didn’t play Adam’s game. He had enough family money to live as a dancer and an artist, and Adam would go see him when he could. When he got there, Taylor looked at him, haggard, slightly drunk-and hugged him tight. “Call your wife, let her know you’re safe,” he whispered. They were both terrified that Adam’s car would be noticed in the bohemian part of town, and it would be hard to explain to his job or the police. He kissed Taylor and then went to the phone. Cam was grateful to hear from him, and told him again to be careful.
The time he spent with Taylor was far too short, far too brief, and the best part of his day. He didn’t know if Taylor was in love with him-he would never ask for that-but he kissed him all over as they made love. He almost worshiped him, just for the permission he had to touch, to suck his cock and have his sucked in return. Afterward, he always held Taylor and Taylor would let him.
After a few minutes, Taylor ruffled his hair and said “I think it’s time for you to go honey. It’s far too late and the cops might see you. Take a shower and go home. You know Camilla’s lonely.” Taylor was the only person he had trusted with the truth, and he hoped he hadn’t trusted the wrong person.
“All right,” Adam said, slowly getting up. “You be safe tomorrow, and good luck on your audition.” He almost said ‘I love you’ as he got up to leave, but he never did. From the bittersweet smile Taylor gave him, he knew that Taylor must have guessed. Adam didn’t say goodbye after he’d showered, and re-fixed his hair. He never could bring himself to.
When he got home, Camilla had a small, cold dinner waiting for him. She knew he’d be late and a little drunk, so it was sandwiches and a nice salad. Adam was grateful that she fixed him anything, that she would sit with him while he ate. After he finished his meal he looked at her. “Mr. Devlin asked me when we were going to have kids again.” Cam stiffened and Adam said “I’m sorry. But you know that people whisper.”
“I know they do,” she said. “And I know you want a child.” She didn’t look at him. “And I’m sure we will, because you want one, but…” she started crying then and Adam took her hand. “Kids always know, Adam. Kids can tell when their parents are lying. I knew that my mother was having an affair when I was six years old, I knew my brother was by her boss. And my dad still doesn’t suspect a thing. How can we bring a kid up like this?”
“I don’t know, Cam.” Adam whispered. “I don’t know.” He knew she was right, she generally was. She was the smart one out of the two of them, and he never forgot it. “I’m so sorry,” he said again. “I don’t want to hurt you, or anyone.”
“I know you don’t,” she said then, smiling through her tears. “You’re one of my best friends. I just hate my life, that’s all.” Adam’s heart broke-Cam couldn’t even use her powerful intellect-if she worked, people would talk and say that Adam didn’t make enough money to support them. Adam got up from the table and hugged her. She accepted it, burying her head in Adam’s expensive shirt and crying. “It’s so hard. I don’t know how we do it.”
I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Adam repeated. When Cam’s tears dried, they both got ready for bed. Lying in their twin beds, Adam wanted to reach out to her, tell her everything was okay. But he didn’t think it ever would be.
Six years later, they were both watching TV when the news reported a “homosexual riot” at a place called the Stonewall Inn. Adam watched the footage, fascinated, as drag queens and nelly boys pranced outside the bar. For a brief second he thought he saw Taylor, who had left him two years ago. He stared at Cam, and she looked at him in wonder.
Then Marigold came in the room and said “What are you watching, daddy?” Adam shut off the TV.
“Just the news, baby.” He hugged his daughter. “Just the news.”
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam/Cam, Adam/Taylor
Author: i_amthecosmos
Word Count: 1,425
Rating: PG-13
Prompt from glam_kink: Could someone please write a story like that featuring Adam as a gay man in the 1960s forced to date and or marry a woman,either for career reasons, to please his parents or both?
Disclaimer: None of this is true, as made obvious by the setting. Thanks for not Tweeting this to anyone involved.
Adam dressed in his best suit for work, smoothing his shirt and tying his tie perfectly. He was known as the best dressed man in his office, and it was the only thing about it that made him proud.
He had been a theater and dance major once, but he could get nowhere in Broadway, and eventually let his father-in-law get him a job at his firm. That was the least of his compromises.
Every morning he looked at himself and saw a stranger. He knew that his wife felt the same way, but that gave him no comfort, instead made him feel guilty.
Camilla came up to him then with his lunch. “Hey Adam,” she said. She never called him ‘honey’ or any other affectionate term, even though she loved him as much as she could, the same way he loved her. But he hated the dark circles under her eyes, the downward turn of her head, the lack of tone in her voice. “Here’s your lunch, I hope you like it.” She brightened temporarily. “I’ve got a bridge game at one today. I’m looking forward to it.”
Adam’s smile was bittersweet-Camilla was in love with Susan, a woman in her bridge club. Susan was pretty and happy and so very, very straight. At least, she seemed to be. He couldn’t tell when women were pretending or not, only men. “Okay, have a good day, Cam.” He only used this nickname when they were alone, the same way Camilla only wore the trousers and comfortable shirts when she was at home. Adam turned to leave, and as always, ‘I’m sorry’, was on the tip of his tongue.
But neither of them were to blame, and he knew it. So he just left.
He went to work in his shiny, flashy Cadillac. When he got there, just did his boring job straight through until it was time to go. His boss caught him before he left. “Hey Lambert, we’re all going out to the go-go bar for drinks. We’re bringing a new client in.” And well, Adam had no choice, did he?
Adam drank three Scotches at the bar, and paid more attention to the client than the girls. When his boss commented on it, Adam just smiled. “Oh, you know me, I’m married. I love my wife. These women are okay.”
“Okay? Look at the tits on that one!” The new client-Adam should know his name by now-pointed at a girl with huge tits and pasties. Adam nodded in her direction and she smiled. She was beautiful. Adam had loved the dress she had one before the striptease. “Are you sure you don’t want some of that? Your wife won’t know.”
Adam’s boss snickered. “I’ve never seen Lambert even be tempted. He’s a real gentlemen-he only looks.” Then his boss straightened in his chair. “But him and his wife don’t have any children. You’ve been married three years, you should have at least one by now.” Adam saw the slight suspicion in his eyes and shuddered.
“We’re just waiting for a little while,” he said, trying to smile. Then he turned his attention back on the stripper, who was finishing her act. He liked her, she was a good dancer, so he pushed some money onto the table for her act and grinned at her. She winked back and he knew that if he were straight, he could fuck her. It would have been easy.
He got in his car instead, his boss’s latest fag joke ringing in his ears.
Adam didn’t go straight home that night, instead stopping by Taylor’s. Adam was too terrified to go to a street hooker, but Taylor was a slight sweet boy who didn’t play Adam’s game. He had enough family money to live as a dancer and an artist, and Adam would go see him when he could. When he got there, Taylor looked at him, haggard, slightly drunk-and hugged him tight. “Call your wife, let her know you’re safe,” he whispered. They were both terrified that Adam’s car would be noticed in the bohemian part of town, and it would be hard to explain to his job or the police. He kissed Taylor and then went to the phone. Cam was grateful to hear from him, and told him again to be careful.
The time he spent with Taylor was far too short, far too brief, and the best part of his day. He didn’t know if Taylor was in love with him-he would never ask for that-but he kissed him all over as they made love. He almost worshiped him, just for the permission he had to touch, to suck his cock and have his sucked in return. Afterward, he always held Taylor and Taylor would let him.
After a few minutes, Taylor ruffled his hair and said “I think it’s time for you to go honey. It’s far too late and the cops might see you. Take a shower and go home. You know Camilla’s lonely.” Taylor was the only person he had trusted with the truth, and he hoped he hadn’t trusted the wrong person.
“All right,” Adam said, slowly getting up. “You be safe tomorrow, and good luck on your audition.” He almost said ‘I love you’ as he got up to leave, but he never did. From the bittersweet smile Taylor gave him, he knew that Taylor must have guessed. Adam didn’t say goodbye after he’d showered, and re-fixed his hair. He never could bring himself to.
When he got home, Camilla had a small, cold dinner waiting for him. She knew he’d be late and a little drunk, so it was sandwiches and a nice salad. Adam was grateful that she fixed him anything, that she would sit with him while he ate. After he finished his meal he looked at her. “Mr. Devlin asked me when we were going to have kids again.” Cam stiffened and Adam said “I’m sorry. But you know that people whisper.”
“I know they do,” she said. “And I know you want a child.” She didn’t look at him. “And I’m sure we will, because you want one, but…” she started crying then and Adam took her hand. “Kids always know, Adam. Kids can tell when their parents are lying. I knew that my mother was having an affair when I was six years old, I knew my brother was by her boss. And my dad still doesn’t suspect a thing. How can we bring a kid up like this?”
“I don’t know, Cam.” Adam whispered. “I don’t know.” He knew she was right, she generally was. She was the smart one out of the two of them, and he never forgot it. “I’m so sorry,” he said again. “I don’t want to hurt you, or anyone.”
“I know you don’t,” she said then, smiling through her tears. “You’re one of my best friends. I just hate my life, that’s all.” Adam’s heart broke-Cam couldn’t even use her powerful intellect-if she worked, people would talk and say that Adam didn’t make enough money to support them. Adam got up from the table and hugged her. She accepted it, burying her head in Adam’s expensive shirt and crying. “It’s so hard. I don’t know how we do it.”
I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Adam repeated. When Cam’s tears dried, they both got ready for bed. Lying in their twin beds, Adam wanted to reach out to her, tell her everything was okay. But he didn’t think it ever would be.
Six years later, they were both watching TV when the news reported a “homosexual riot” at a place called the Stonewall Inn. Adam watched the footage, fascinated, as drag queens and nelly boys pranced outside the bar. For a brief second he thought he saw Taylor, who had left him two years ago. He stared at Cam, and she looked at him in wonder.
Then Marigold came in the room and said “What are you watching, daddy?” Adam shut off the TV.
“Just the news, baby.” He hugged his daughter. “Just the news.”