1:00am
Something depressing happened at work on Monday. Sitting in my car, going about my business, I was listening 89X, when on came a song that I had not heard in mothns. A song from the CD that she made me.
Three guitar cords was all that was necessary to take me back to the days when would "Sit on front pourches/ and swing life away." Memories, long buried, returned in a violent flood. Desperatly -patheticly- I clawed at my bullet-resistant vest, believing, perhaps, that the physical protection of the vest would provide emotional protection.
The feeling of the emotional dam breaking was entirly confusing. I have spent months burning the pages in my memory. I despise you. How is it even possible that I can think of you warmly?
I listened to the words anyhow, each of them hitting my like acid. Still, plenty were arguments for me to feel not bad:
"Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words"
"[I] get by just fine here on minimum wage"
"I been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winters so cold, summers over too soon"
So I put on another song describe my feelings:
"I tear my heart open, I'll sew myself shut... My scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear myself open, just to feel."
Three guitar cords was all that was necessary to take me back to the days when would "Sit on front pourches/ and swing life away." Memories, long buried, returned in a violent flood. Desperatly -patheticly- I clawed at my bullet-resistant vest, believing, perhaps, that the physical protection of the vest would provide emotional protection.
The feeling of the emotional dam breaking was entirly confusing. I have spent months burning the pages in my memory. I despise you. How is it even possible that I can think of you warmly?
I listened to the words anyhow, each of them hitting my like acid. Still, plenty were arguments for me to feel not bad:
"Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words"
"[I] get by just fine here on minimum wage"
"I been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winters so cold, summers over too soon"
So I put on another song describe my feelings:
"I tear my heart open, I'll sew myself shut... My scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear myself open, just to feel."