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If you've ever wanted to write badfic....read this......
Rules to writing the proper badfic.
Bastardize your characters. Make them as far from believable as possible.
Self-Insertion. Mary-Sue yourself and all of your friends. (Hello Sue! Do you like...bread?)
Make your Sue(s) depressed.
Make your Sue(s) have bad childhoods, lives in general.
Do things “depressedly” or “suicidally”.