if you feel like youre under control, youre not going fast enough.
So Nic introduced me to his friend Matt tonight. It was entertaining. He seems really nice, but .. I'm so still hung up. It's too soon for anything. Sigh.
I fucking hate it. I want to just turn it off and not think about him and that hes with her and how I fucking hate it.
I got hit on today after crosscountry. Like as I was waiting in line, like 30 seconds after the race ended. It was pretty entertaining. We're just standing there, then we start talking and walking together and everything. His name was Jake, he goes to Papillion-LaVista. He was pretty cute. :)
That is a guy you can love, someone who can see you all sweaty and soaked and just generally gross and who still thinks youre hott enough to hit on.
Sigh.
I want that SO FUCKING BAD.
It's nice being single, really. But I so want that person I can 'go home to,' that person that cares just for me and wants to be there just for me and.. etc.
Tonight, with Matt, I was completely myself. Just, completely and entirely my weird outthere bymyself self. And he seemed to actually kinda like me. Im always afraid to do that, to just put myself out there.
That's what I did wrong with Mike I guess, I was always afraid to just be myself cuz I was afraid he'd think I was weird or something.. cuz I'm always so shy at work. I'm entirely different outside of work..
But I'm not allowed to think the whatifs. Theres nothing I can do about it and it fucking sucks but oh well. And I know if he came to me and said im sorry i made a mistake take me back Id be like FUCKYES in a heartbeat. I fail so completely and entirely. I just want to be with him so bad..
Entirely out of the blue. I feel so shitty. Ugh. He said maybe we can hang out on saturday or sunday but I dont want to see him after he sees her. Shes a stupid skanky horrible whore who KNEW he was dating someone else and just wanted to fuck with him and his mind and his heart again just for the sheer joy of the power she has over him. God I fucking hate it. So fucking much.
Part of me wants things to work out so hes happy, but part of me wants her to just do it again so he realizes how stupid he is for the decision he made... but guh. :(
I fucking fail.
I fucking hate it. I want to just turn it off and not think about him and that hes with her and how I fucking hate it.
I got hit on today after crosscountry. Like as I was waiting in line, like 30 seconds after the race ended. It was pretty entertaining. We're just standing there, then we start talking and walking together and everything. His name was Jake, he goes to Papillion-LaVista. He was pretty cute. :)
That is a guy you can love, someone who can see you all sweaty and soaked and just generally gross and who still thinks youre hott enough to hit on.
Sigh.
I want that SO FUCKING BAD.
It's nice being single, really. But I so want that person I can 'go home to,' that person that cares just for me and wants to be there just for me and.. etc.
Tonight, with Matt, I was completely myself. Just, completely and entirely my weird outthere bymyself self. And he seemed to actually kinda like me. Im always afraid to do that, to just put myself out there.
That's what I did wrong with Mike I guess, I was always afraid to just be myself cuz I was afraid he'd think I was weird or something.. cuz I'm always so shy at work. I'm entirely different outside of work..
But I'm not allowed to think the whatifs. Theres nothing I can do about it and it fucking sucks but oh well. And I know if he came to me and said im sorry i made a mistake take me back Id be like FUCKYES in a heartbeat. I fail so completely and entirely. I just want to be with him so bad..
Entirely out of the blue. I feel so shitty. Ugh. He said maybe we can hang out on saturday or sunday but I dont want to see him after he sees her. Shes a stupid skanky horrible whore who KNEW he was dating someone else and just wanted to fuck with him and his mind and his heart again just for the sheer joy of the power she has over him. God I fucking hate it. So fucking much.
Part of me wants things to work out so hes happy, but part of me wants her to just do it again so he realizes how stupid he is for the decision he made... but guh. :(
I fucking fail.