There is a giant fly buzzing around my room. My newly cleaned and rearranged room. I have no idea why there's a fucking fly in here. It's mid-November for crying out loud! Go die somewhere. Please
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I refuse to proof read this, so there :PsilvermoonmagicNovember 19 2006, 13:49:15 UTC
Ok so this is kinda of odd and even a bit off topic but bear with me. Trust me it's worth it....oh come on would I ever lie to you? Wait what do you mean? OH COME ON!!! That's no even a fair example. How was I supposed to know that that ugly purple sweater with fuzzy pink polka dots was your favorite? NOO WAIT!! I'm sorry it's not ugly. Oh no, please don't cry. I can't take it when you cry. It makes me hate.....oh just something in your eye eh? ((Internal monologue: and to think I was about to incriminate myself for the sake of their psychological well being. Ugh the fucking nerve)) Huh? yes I am listening...OHH! Right, flies.
So I was given a really, really terrible porn DVD. I mean like the worst of B-line porn. Hell it was entitled Asian Buffet 03. Anyway there was this one scene where a white guy and an Asian girl wearing spandex and roller blades get it on in the middle of the day by a hot tub. ((She of course never takes off the skates and I am pretty sure that they sewed her into the spandex top to "accent" her lack of boobage.)) So the guy is saying horrible, cheesy statements reminiscent in my mind of what should me dirty talk. He some how missed the version 9.3 upgrade. Actually he must not know that an upgrade exists because he's still using version 2.1. I'm getting the point I swear. Anywho the guy has this chick doing all kinds of weird positions ((kinda looked like he was training her to join cirque de soleil)) when all of a sudden in awkward-do not try this at home-position 6 comes ((just because I thought you might like to know: she is doggie style on the edge of the hot tub and he is kneeling behind her, again she is still wearing skates. He instructs her lean down onto her left shoulder, while he balances on his left knee, and somewhere in the process he tells her to put her right leg over his bent right thigh.)) I see a fly go past just as they do the unnecessary clitoral close up. I did a double-take because I wasn't sure if it was on the TV or in the room but given that I didn't have the remote and I wasn't about to manually rewind I left it alone.
Well about 2mins later I see it again so I begin to look around the room for this fly that is fucking disturbing my viewing of disturbing fucking. I don't find it so I go back to talking to Eric and intermittently critiquing this guy’s absurd technique. Some where near this middle of this scene I returned to watching though because I saw a gapping hole out of the corner of my eye. Now this I did rewind and from what Eric, Paul, and I could interpret from this display was that the guy decided he wanted to play gyno. He was using the pointer, middle and index fingers of both hands to pry her open. ((Now look, I know that Asian girls have been known to need the jaws of life, but goddamn if you can comfortably fit three fingers in, the elasticity is just about right, especially if you aren't up to eye popping porn standard in the genital department) Somewhere between his telling her that she was a good cunt/her pussy stretching so much was a good thing, and his next brilliant idea I see the fucking fly again. Again I look and I can't find it in the room. It is at this point that I am convinced that this high pitched Asian girl has a fly trying to get into her now cavernous vaginal canal. Still being lazy and not wanting to rewind I don't stop watching what's going on. I mean I really don't want there to be a fly by her pussy.
Re: I refuse to proof read this, so there :PsilvermoonmagicNovember 19 2006, 13:49:37 UTC
Well awkward position 12 follows the above involving her holding herself in the candle position (hands at small of back supporting legs and ass that are now extended straight into the air). Now this candle is special because Mr. Wack-Job designed it. What's so special about it? Well instead of her legs being straight in the air she has them in a full lotus while still wearing her roller skates. He proceeds to "fuck her tight anus because she has a nice cunt" (something awful to that effect) while making her do all the work in this balancing act. Well somewhere between her fake moan and his pushing her knee caps further into her ears, the fly shows up again and does a dive towards her vag. It was clearly on the TV. You can't really doubt that it was there when you see this fly nose dive not once, but twice towards the chicks "beautifully stretched cunt". (when asked after filming the fly claimed that he was hired to play the hero. The fly didn't realize he was saving Asian vag for the next wack-job)
I nearly died right then and there but instead of ceasing to exist at Mr. Wack-Job's and Ms. Vegina Fly-Trap's expenses, I decided that snails screwing would be far more intriguing and less disgusting so I turned it off.
I hope this makes you feel better about your fly. I mean all things considered at least it's just annoying you with buzzing and not trying to take advantage of the "deeper" more sensitive sides of your uterine walls!
* This message brought to you by the National Association Against Indiscriminant Vaginal Fly Crushing: Fighting for every Fly's right to choose. (FLY PAPER PEOPLE!! HAVE SOME DECENTCY!! JUST BECAUSE YOU DECIDED TO DIE SAVING VAGINA IN NOT PUSHING YOUR GIRLFRIEND OVER/OFF THE HUGE ASS WOODEN DOOR THING AFTER THE TITANIC SUNK DOESN'T MEAN EVER FLY IS WILLING TO DIE PROTECTING PUSSY!)
TEHEHE I can't believe I typed this all out I hope you enjoyed this and it made your day a little brighter.
So I was given a really, really terrible porn DVD. I mean like the worst of B-line porn. Hell it was entitled Asian Buffet 03. Anyway there was this one scene where a white guy and an Asian girl wearing spandex and roller blades get it on in the middle of the day by a hot tub. ((She of course never takes off the skates and I am pretty sure that they sewed her into the spandex top to "accent" her lack of boobage.)) So the guy is saying horrible, cheesy statements reminiscent in my mind of what should me dirty talk. He some how missed the version 9.3 upgrade. Actually he must not know that an upgrade exists because he's still using version 2.1. I'm getting the point I swear. Anywho the guy has this chick doing all kinds of weird positions ((kinda looked like he was training her to join cirque de soleil)) when all of a sudden in awkward-do not try this at home-position 6 comes ((just because I thought you might like to know: she is doggie style on the edge of the hot tub and he is kneeling behind her, again she is still wearing skates. He instructs her lean down onto her left shoulder, while he balances on his left knee, and somewhere in the process he tells her to put her right leg over his bent right thigh.)) I see a fly go past just as they do the unnecessary clitoral close up. I did a double-take because I wasn't sure if it was on the TV or in the room but given that I didn't have the remote and I wasn't about to manually rewind I left it alone.
Well about 2mins later I see it again so I begin to look around the room for this fly that is fucking disturbing my viewing of disturbing fucking. I don't find it so I go back to talking to Eric and intermittently critiquing this guy’s absurd technique. Some where near this middle of this scene I returned to watching though because I saw a gapping hole out of the corner of my eye. Now this I did rewind and from what Eric, Paul, and I could interpret from this display was that the guy decided he wanted to play gyno. He was using the pointer, middle and index fingers of both hands to pry her open. ((Now look, I know that Asian girls have been known to need the jaws of life, but goddamn if you can comfortably fit three fingers in, the elasticity is just about right, especially if you aren't up to eye popping porn standard in the genital department) Somewhere between his telling her that she was a good cunt/her pussy stretching so much was a good thing, and his next brilliant idea I see the fucking fly again. Again I look and I can't find it in the room. It is at this point that I am convinced that this high pitched Asian girl has a fly trying to get into her now cavernous vaginal canal. Still being lazy and not wanting to rewind I don't stop watching what's going on. I mean I really don't want there to be a fly by her pussy.
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I nearly died right then and there but instead of ceasing to exist at Mr. Wack-Job's and Ms. Vegina Fly-Trap's expenses, I decided that snails screwing would be far more intriguing and less disgusting so I turned it off.
I hope this makes you feel better about your fly. I mean all things considered at least it's just annoying you with buzzing and not trying to take advantage of the "deeper" more sensitive sides of your uterine walls!
* This message brought to you by the National Association Against Indiscriminant Vaginal Fly Crushing: Fighting for every Fly's right to choose. (FLY PAPER PEOPLE!! HAVE SOME DECENTCY!! JUST BECAUSE YOU DECIDED TO DIE SAVING VAGINA IN NOT PUSHING YOUR GIRLFRIEND OVER/OFF THE HUGE ASS WOODEN DOOR THING AFTER THE TITANIC SUNK DOESN'T MEAN EVER FLY IS WILLING TO DIE PROTECTING PUSSY!)
TEHEHE I can't believe I typed this all out I hope you enjoyed this and it made your day a little brighter.
Reply
I want flies in my vagina. They can fight off the centipedes.
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