Life
I am drained. I think I have finally stretched myself to the limit. I dropped a class about a week ago and have been beating myself up over it. I felt like a slacker by dropping it even though it only dropped me down to 16 hours of credit and 20 hours of actual classwork...damn lab work. I feel better about it now though. Actually I think it was the best decision I have made in a long time. It helped me realize alot of things. I have decided to clear out my life and mind. The past couple of months I have been piling more and more things on myself and have finally decided it's enough. I quit my second job even though i desperately need the money, and I have decided that I am going to stop worrying about other people more than myself despite how selfish it may seem. Lately all the decisions I have made have been made based upon how I think other people feel and what their expectations of me are; without any regard for my own feelings. Yesterday I was talking to a friend who felt the same way. She was constantly concerned with doing things for others and worrying about what other people thought of her. So much that the stress she was feeling was having severe effects on her. I told her that she needed to focus on her life and that if our other friends could not see that she needed to help herself then they weren't very good friends. As I was telling her all of this I suddenly realized that I need to take my own advice. I have so many good things in my life but lately they have been overshadowed by the difficulties I am experiencing. This is all going to be hard at first. Especially since it is human nature to try to please others. However, I have noticed changes in my personality. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't like it. I am going to start concentrating on the good things in my life and try not to worry about anything else. I need to be myself again. Alot of things have happened to me lately with my family that have forced some big changes but I now see that I can't change them. I am accepting the changes and embracing them. I am going to be the bigger person and reach out to them because I love them very much. Everything always work out for the best and throughout the journey the people standing with you at the end are the people who really care. I am lucky to have some great people in my life and I love each and every one of you.