She likes me for me, not because ...*forgets how the rest of the song goes*...
NdThenSheSaid (3:18:10 PM): what do you want your life to consist of 10 years from now?
KrsGF22 (3:18:27 PM): 2 parts water and 1 part instant oatmeal
i didn't go to school today either. too depressed i guess. i hate this. in 10 years from now ill be 24 almost 25 and i want to be graduating college preferably new york school of performance arts and i want to be making independant films and selling my art and i don't know. i want to someday get married in italy or somewhere like that. i don't think im ever going to find somebody that is willing to spend the rest fo their life with me though. i want to somehow have *special connections* with the staff of some underground club so i can go there for free. maybe i could dj there or something. i want to have somebody to talk to somebody who i can fall asleep with at night and wake up with each morning. i just want somebody that i know i can go to no matter what. im not saying i want thsi 10 years from nwo just someday. i someday want to go on a roadtrip with somebody and just talk about everything in the world and universe and in all existance. i want to know somebody just as well as they knwo themselves and vice versa. i want to run away with somebody and just keep on running from everything while experiencing as much as possible at the same time. i don't knwo if there is ever going to be somebody that wants to knwo me like this. alot of times people miss configure my insanity. like, i'll say something thta makes sense in my head and people wont understand so i'll just let them be confused instead of explaining it to people. i dunno maybe i like to be mysterious and have people wonder about me. maybe i just don't want to open up to everybody and i let them think im insane by doing so.
last night i had a dream that my mom was driving really really fast and i asked her to slow down and her eyes were fixed on the roan and she had this little smirk and the more i asked her to slow down the faster she went. then there was this pickup truck passing this huge stop and shop like truck ahead of us so there was a car coming our way in the same lane as us. instead of listening to me my mom just continued on speeding but went off the side of the road barely missing the trees and then she went back on the road. then there was a red light ahead and a four-way intersection and instead of listening to me screaming at her to slow down or stop or somethign she drove rigth through the intersection and right past the red light and right off the roan and over this little cliff that went into a huge lake and the car was underwater. i opened my door so i could swim to the surface so i didn't die but then when i noticed i wasn't getting wet from the water i realized i was dreaming and i woke up with tears in my eyes.
this was at like three in the morning.
then after i feel back asleep and my dad woke me up and we went to my psychologist place and then to meet with my principal and then my dad brought me back home at like 9 in the morning i fell back asleep and dreamt that my mom got back together with jimmy and didn't tell me until he was in the front seat of the car when she came ot pick me up. i sat next to molly in the backseat. then we were at big-y and my mom said to meet her and jimmy in the store and to get molly out of the car and when i brought her in i took her and ran away from jimmy cuz i still didn' trust him and my mom wouldn't believe that he raped me. then people in the military were trying to make the mushroom cloud thingy with jars of mosquito jelly (lmao) and they were all blowing up and then somebody tried to blow jimmy up and everybody thoguht he was dead ut i knew he wasn't because there wasn't enough blood and i got all paranoid and yeah i forget the rest. just it was really bloody and i was terrified of jimmy and worried about molly and mad at my mom for beign a trader.
then i woke up and sat in bed sort of in and out of sleep-zones and sort of half awake for a couple of hours thinking about things. im lonely. like, i dunno i need to see people more i feel lonely and unwanted alot of the time when im at home. the principal of my school said that ally was really upset on friday afternoon and came down to the office cuz she was so upset that i wasn't being let into school. i feel so bad i miss her so much i want to see her! i hate how she's grounded. i hate how i never see people i dunno i wish somebody cared about me. i feel so alone in this world like noboby knows what it's like to be me. well, obviously but yeah i want to share the experience of life with somebody but there is nobody there. it's like there is a door that has a sign saying "the answer" on it and i open the door and there's just an empty room filled with nothingness. im doing a little better with the whole depression issue or atleast i am when i take my medication but even when im happy it still feels like there's something missing. except i don't know what it is. i need to get away i need to start over, go somewhere else i need change. im sick of the boredom of my daily shitty routined life where i feel like a zombie. im sick of the same shit happening over and over again. i want to experience the world. i want to wake up enthused. i want to get away from all this shit. i want to see something else. try something else.
me and anna and stasia and ali were all in the girls bathroom at the mall on saturday night before we took the dextro we took stasias sharpie and wrote in the handicapped stall i decorated the tiles and wrote random things ali and stasia wrote lyrics and one thing stasia wrote was "Smile, even though your heart is breaking" (i LOVE that song btw!) and i just keep thinking about it. it reminds me of ian's profile where somebody wrote something about how love keeps you crucified because love i slike suicide so by thinking about it you're just keeping yourself in love and screwing yourself over. or SOMETHING alogn the lines of that.
Smile, even though your heart is breaking.
by the way people, see that little link on the bottom right side of this post? SEE IT!?!? yeah, well you should click on it because nobody EVER leaves me comments! i wonder if anybody even READS this thing...lol. anyways ima go finish my apple and try to think of...something to do... peace out and muchos <3 *Kaela* ¿?
KrsGF22 (3:18:27 PM): 2 parts water and 1 part instant oatmeal
i didn't go to school today either. too depressed i guess. i hate this. in 10 years from now ill be 24 almost 25 and i want to be graduating college preferably new york school of performance arts and i want to be making independant films and selling my art and i don't know. i want to someday get married in italy or somewhere like that. i don't think im ever going to find somebody that is willing to spend the rest fo their life with me though. i want to somehow have *special connections* with the staff of some underground club so i can go there for free. maybe i could dj there or something. i want to have somebody to talk to somebody who i can fall asleep with at night and wake up with each morning. i just want somebody that i know i can go to no matter what. im not saying i want thsi 10 years from nwo just someday. i someday want to go on a roadtrip with somebody and just talk about everything in the world and universe and in all existance. i want to know somebody just as well as they knwo themselves and vice versa. i want to run away with somebody and just keep on running from everything while experiencing as much as possible at the same time. i don't knwo if there is ever going to be somebody that wants to knwo me like this. alot of times people miss configure my insanity. like, i'll say something thta makes sense in my head and people wont understand so i'll just let them be confused instead of explaining it to people. i dunno maybe i like to be mysterious and have people wonder about me. maybe i just don't want to open up to everybody and i let them think im insane by doing so.
last night i had a dream that my mom was driving really really fast and i asked her to slow down and her eyes were fixed on the roan and she had this little smirk and the more i asked her to slow down the faster she went. then there was this pickup truck passing this huge stop and shop like truck ahead of us so there was a car coming our way in the same lane as us. instead of listening to me my mom just continued on speeding but went off the side of the road barely missing the trees and then she went back on the road. then there was a red light ahead and a four-way intersection and instead of listening to me screaming at her to slow down or stop or somethign she drove rigth through the intersection and right past the red light and right off the roan and over this little cliff that went into a huge lake and the car was underwater. i opened my door so i could swim to the surface so i didn't die but then when i noticed i wasn't getting wet from the water i realized i was dreaming and i woke up with tears in my eyes.
this was at like three in the morning.
then after i feel back asleep and my dad woke me up and we went to my psychologist place and then to meet with my principal and then my dad brought me back home at like 9 in the morning i fell back asleep and dreamt that my mom got back together with jimmy and didn't tell me until he was in the front seat of the car when she came ot pick me up. i sat next to molly in the backseat. then we were at big-y and my mom said to meet her and jimmy in the store and to get molly out of the car and when i brought her in i took her and ran away from jimmy cuz i still didn' trust him and my mom wouldn't believe that he raped me. then people in the military were trying to make the mushroom cloud thingy with jars of mosquito jelly (lmao) and they were all blowing up and then somebody tried to blow jimmy up and everybody thoguht he was dead ut i knew he wasn't because there wasn't enough blood and i got all paranoid and yeah i forget the rest. just it was really bloody and i was terrified of jimmy and worried about molly and mad at my mom for beign a trader.
then i woke up and sat in bed sort of in and out of sleep-zones and sort of half awake for a couple of hours thinking about things. im lonely. like, i dunno i need to see people more i feel lonely and unwanted alot of the time when im at home. the principal of my school said that ally was really upset on friday afternoon and came down to the office cuz she was so upset that i wasn't being let into school. i feel so bad i miss her so much i want to see her! i hate how she's grounded. i hate how i never see people i dunno i wish somebody cared about me. i feel so alone in this world like noboby knows what it's like to be me. well, obviously but yeah i want to share the experience of life with somebody but there is nobody there. it's like there is a door that has a sign saying "the answer" on it and i open the door and there's just an empty room filled with nothingness. im doing a little better with the whole depression issue or atleast i am when i take my medication but even when im happy it still feels like there's something missing. except i don't know what it is. i need to get away i need to start over, go somewhere else i need change. im sick of the boredom of my daily shitty routined life where i feel like a zombie. im sick of the same shit happening over and over again. i want to experience the world. i want to wake up enthused. i want to get away from all this shit. i want to see something else. try something else.
me and anna and stasia and ali were all in the girls bathroom at the mall on saturday night before we took the dextro we took stasias sharpie and wrote in the handicapped stall i decorated the tiles and wrote random things ali and stasia wrote lyrics and one thing stasia wrote was "Smile, even though your heart is breaking" (i LOVE that song btw!) and i just keep thinking about it. it reminds me of ian's profile where somebody wrote something about how love keeps you crucified because love i slike suicide so by thinking about it you're just keeping yourself in love and screwing yourself over. or SOMETHING alogn the lines of that.
Smile, even though your heart is breaking.
by the way people, see that little link on the bottom right side of this post? SEE IT!?!? yeah, well you should click on it because nobody EVER leaves me comments! i wonder if anybody even READS this thing...lol. anyways ima go finish my apple and try to think of...something to do... peace out and muchos <3 *Kaela* ¿?