fuck
I'm suddenly filled with the realization that I've been afraid I wouldn't have any real friends if it weren't for Lynn.
I worry that my friends are mostly people who like Lynn and put up with me because I come attached. Would any of these people have actually befriended me had I been on my own with just my own personality to recommend me? I'm really fucking weird, I realize. And really difficult to talk to. I wish I were otherwise and could really have the sort of social ease I see others have, but I just don't know how. I'm just awkward, and I make other people feel awkward in my clumsy attempts to make them like me. I really worry sometimes that my hasty and clumsy attempts at friendship have alienated people I really like to have around.
It really doesn't help that I can't really manage to get words in edgewise in most lively conversation because I have a long delay between thought and word. And when I try to be more spontaneous and less thought-out, what comes out of my mouth is really weird and strange and sometimes really presents me as being a bigger ass than I want to be.
I guess I'm not cut out for this shit. Welcome to the Will under all the calm exterior.
Gods! I hate being kept up at 4 in the morning by this sort of crap. I think I may be suffering from post plan-um depression.
Fuck, I'm emo when I can't sleep!
I worry that my friends are mostly people who like Lynn and put up with me because I come attached. Would any of these people have actually befriended me had I been on my own with just my own personality to recommend me? I'm really fucking weird, I realize. And really difficult to talk to. I wish I were otherwise and could really have the sort of social ease I see others have, but I just don't know how. I'm just awkward, and I make other people feel awkward in my clumsy attempts to make them like me. I really worry sometimes that my hasty and clumsy attempts at friendship have alienated people I really like to have around.
It really doesn't help that I can't really manage to get words in edgewise in most lively conversation because I have a long delay between thought and word. And when I try to be more spontaneous and less thought-out, what comes out of my mouth is really weird and strange and sometimes really presents me as being a bigger ass than I want to be.
I guess I'm not cut out for this shit. Welcome to the Will under all the calm exterior.
Gods! I hate being kept up at 4 in the morning by this sort of crap. I think I may be suffering from post plan-um depression.
Fuck, I'm emo when I can't sleep!