--RANT-- Continued
Sometimes, just sometimes, I really resent interacting with my friends. I feel as though the situation degrades into really obnoxious or unrewarding circumstances.
Let's take yesterday for instance, I had the grand intention of going down to Richmond to try and spend a significant portion of the day with a lady who suits my fancy. She is a little quirky, very funny, very cute, and a well rounded individual. Mind you, she may not share the same fancy, but I had it on good advice that my visit was not all for naught. My good friend Mr. jakeherringbone decided to join, and that was good. However, another mutual friend decided to join, and that was bad. What was to be a fun filled day, turned into three men targeting their flirtations on one girl, who, for all intents and purposes has become a spinster for the sole reasoning of enjoying such attention. This would not have been so bad, except for the fact that they both knew of my intentions, and seemingly ignored them. The mutual friend, who is notorious for being completely unable to even hold a decent conversation with a breast-borne human, let alone redeem himself in any interpersonal contest, had the insane feeling that the young lady actually preferred him because she drew on his hand....WTF? I give him very little weight in this situation, however my good friend I do give some weight.
I am becoming rather annoyed with the manner of interactions between my friends and young ladies around. For some reason, whenever I find that a friend or acquaintance is interested in someone to actually value them beyond a one night orgasm, I have a mental response to support that person in their pursuit. It's almost as if a flag goes off in the female database of my mind to say, offlimits while so and so is in pursuit. While this bears no grandiose value to anyone else, I bring this to the floor because I expect the same from those around me. If my intentions were just to spread the seed, then competition is arguably fair because my intentions are assailable, however, when my intentions are significant to the point that I am diligently attracted to someone, then a little room is not unreasonable. Which brings me back to my good friend. I have an unhealthy suspicion that there may be some destructive behavior at foot. It has shown itself before, and I am curious if there was a subconscious attempt at it yesterday.
As the day wore on, I felt more and more disconnected. As though what was to be a day that I was to enjoy and drive, became the odd folly of interlopers as I watched, and occasionally allowed to join in at the random whimsy of others. Needless to say, I drove home extremely angry, as it seems my strong desire to have healthy and valuable friends shall always be placated in the face of an attractive girl. In the most egotistical sense, I feel as though I have attained some status where I must be torn down and beaten in some fashion for others to achieve their own goals. At the very least, I can not tell you how many times I have suppressed my own desires, my own simple wants, to help and assist another, only to have such efforts ignored, under-valued, or relegated to such a position that the continued erosion of my own self-esteem is the only plausible result.
And what is the result, the same as always, I wish I hadn't have gone, and I feel as though the day would have been better invested by myself, as it would have restrained the developing circumstance whereas I question the true value of all those who surround me.
Let's take yesterday for instance, I had the grand intention of going down to Richmond to try and spend a significant portion of the day with a lady who suits my fancy. She is a little quirky, very funny, very cute, and a well rounded individual. Mind you, she may not share the same fancy, but I had it on good advice that my visit was not all for naught. My good friend Mr. jakeherringbone decided to join, and that was good. However, another mutual friend decided to join, and that was bad. What was to be a fun filled day, turned into three men targeting their flirtations on one girl, who, for all intents and purposes has become a spinster for the sole reasoning of enjoying such attention. This would not have been so bad, except for the fact that they both knew of my intentions, and seemingly ignored them. The mutual friend, who is notorious for being completely unable to even hold a decent conversation with a breast-borne human, let alone redeem himself in any interpersonal contest, had the insane feeling that the young lady actually preferred him because she drew on his hand....WTF? I give him very little weight in this situation, however my good friend I do give some weight.
I am becoming rather annoyed with the manner of interactions between my friends and young ladies around. For some reason, whenever I find that a friend or acquaintance is interested in someone to actually value them beyond a one night orgasm, I have a mental response to support that person in their pursuit. It's almost as if a flag goes off in the female database of my mind to say, offlimits while so and so is in pursuit. While this bears no grandiose value to anyone else, I bring this to the floor because I expect the same from those around me. If my intentions were just to spread the seed, then competition is arguably fair because my intentions are assailable, however, when my intentions are significant to the point that I am diligently attracted to someone, then a little room is not unreasonable. Which brings me back to my good friend. I have an unhealthy suspicion that there may be some destructive behavior at foot. It has shown itself before, and I am curious if there was a subconscious attempt at it yesterday.
As the day wore on, I felt more and more disconnected. As though what was to be a day that I was to enjoy and drive, became the odd folly of interlopers as I watched, and occasionally allowed to join in at the random whimsy of others. Needless to say, I drove home extremely angry, as it seems my strong desire to have healthy and valuable friends shall always be placated in the face of an attractive girl. In the most egotistical sense, I feel as though I have attained some status where I must be torn down and beaten in some fashion for others to achieve their own goals. At the very least, I can not tell you how many times I have suppressed my own desires, my own simple wants, to help and assist another, only to have such efforts ignored, under-valued, or relegated to such a position that the continued erosion of my own self-esteem is the only plausible result.
And what is the result, the same as always, I wish I hadn't have gone, and I feel as though the day would have been better invested by myself, as it would have restrained the developing circumstance whereas I question the true value of all those who surround me.