TV Soapbox
Are shows just getting dumber, or am I just catching onto them better?
I called, like, every "twist" in Cold Case’s finale tonight. Not that it was a bad episode, I'm just getting good I guess.
Also, how stupid and offensive are the Kohl's commercials?
Like, a woman will be on a golf course and she'll keep sinking her putts, hitting all the balls into the water or something. Then her friend consoles her that at least she doesn't fail at saving, pointing out her (girl) child's jeans, her breezy scarf (that would blow away in five seconds on a calm day), her wraparound shades that obviously limit her vision, and her FUCKING STILETTOS ON A FUCKING GOLF COURSE. And then it pans out and you see the golf course is really a mini-golf place, and not even a slightly hard/naturalish one like you'd expect from the pond shown, but one of those dinky little ones that's in the back lot of a warehouse in center city, or something. (There’s actually a really nice mini-golf course by where I live that’s in a nice rural/woodsy area that’s like that. There are several bodies of water, small and large, that make it a bit more difficult to navigate. For that matter where is this chick getting all these balls to just bat into the pond? If you’re really lucky you might get one spare at most places, if they’re moderately expensive. A quarter of the fun at Pine Creek is chasing your ball down a stream!)
Or another one:
Another woman's commiserating with her friends in a café or ice cream place or somewhere (because eating is central to a woman’s comfort), and she's talking about how her mother-in-law is degrading her (not, in and of itself so far-fetched). But then they're like, "Don't worry; you can always go to Kohl's. You may actually suck at cooking, but we'll be polite and not mention it, let alone tell you to reassert yourself within your own space (a.k.a. Tell Her What's What), like any normal conversation might feasibly go." Then she gets all inspired and stands on a table to give this speech about how great it will make her to save at Kohls, while all the people in the Starbucks/Caravel’s (ALL women of course, because men don’t shop, even at nice cheap places that have entire sections devoted to them,) get this look of awe, as if she’s the messiah or announcing free shots of espresso for everyone. GAH.
THAT will TOTALLY show her in-laws!
Instead of, yanno, politely telling Mother Dearest to go fuck her high-and-mighty self; that "This is my house, I'll cook how I like. I was only trying to be nice by inviting you to work with me to promote a sense of family and get to know you better. But now you can go sit in the goddamn living room with the annoying screaming five-year olds your precious son has graciously guilted me into having. And afterwards, you'll eat whatever-the-fuck I put out in front of you and LIKE IT just like the little child you insist on being. And I'll make sure to put something you hate and/or are mildly allergic to in it too, just for kicks. Bitch."
Okay, so maybe that last bit is my addition and is another reason I shouldn't marry, but still.
The commercials are a bit funny/stupid the first time you see them. Then your brain kicks in. They wouldn't be so bad if they didn't make it seem like women can only find worth in/are only good at shopping. And that saving is the only thing they’re capable of, except they wouldn’t even manage that if they didn’t have Kohl’s to help them with their constant sales and clearance racks and $10 for every $50 spent on things that cost twenty cents to make. Don’t get me wrong. I do like to save, because I work hard for my money, and don’t want to part with it. And I do shop at Kohl’s, when I don’t shop at Goodwill, because it’s the only non-boutique, non-$80 ruffled batiste skirt (that I could make with $8 and an hour) store around that isn’t Walmart, or the impenetrably-lotted Target. I just don’t appreciate that all my sex’s worth is constantly pared down to this shallow, ditzy stupidity. Can’t there, just once, be a commercial where - say - a mathematician is happily adding up all her savings so she can get 237% more bang for her buck? Or a librarian who grabs a new bookshelf with all the money she saved on her sexy new outfit? Because, hello, smart people can be pretty/ fashionable too! For that matter, can there be a commercial where guys are excited about shopping besides electronics and that fucking annoying Staples guy? I'll settle for a man in a food store, since if we were to go by the media, there are no bachelors in commercial-land.
Fuck it, I’m watching Into the Universe now, just to make myself feel smarter again. Hmm, Doppler effect. I wonder if Piper can see sounds?