(no subject)
I don't know what to do about Ben. I don't even want to think about it. He is coming in two weeks. If ever there was a time to sort out my feelings and gather up the balls to actually act on them, now is it. Sounds easier than it is...which is to say it doesn't sound impossible.
I can't fuck up this semester. The work I do now will quite literally decide the direction of my entire life. There are only a few such opportunities in the average lifetime and this is unequivocally one of them.
Am I capable? This is not a drill, kids. I have to put all of my pet insanities down and become a real, functioning human being for at least six months. Hell, maybe even make it a habit for the rest of my life. I don't know if I can do this.
I'm so frightened right now of what I'm about to do to myself. I feel it coming.
I can't fuck up this semester. The work I do now will quite literally decide the direction of my entire life. There are only a few such opportunities in the average lifetime and this is unequivocally one of them.
Am I capable? This is not a drill, kids. I have to put all of my pet insanities down and become a real, functioning human being for at least six months. Hell, maybe even make it a habit for the rest of my life. I don't know if I can do this.
I'm so frightened right now of what I'm about to do to myself. I feel it coming.