Playing with Kids
There's been discussion about how much a parent should play with their kids, and I'm posting this in support of all of you now involved in the "work" of raising kids. Any of my own offspring (and other family) can add their own perspective!
How much “should” parents play with their toddlers? What do we really mean by “play” anyway? We know that play is essential to healthy child development, but to get at the “should,” let me frame this discussion by defining “play.”
Play is usually agreed upon as having some of these specific aspects:
- a child experimenting with the physical world with no particular goal except to satisfy the child’s curiosity. The curiosity might be about any number of aspects: what the object tastes like, how it feels to throw it up and catch it, what it can be combined with to explode.
- a child experimenting with the physical world in rough imitation of adults, a genetically programmed urge. Somehow the child knows that he or she will need to be able to shoot arrows accurately from a bow, or fix things with a screwdriver, and can play at learning skills without perfect results.
- a child experimenting with his or her mental world, as with word games, as a child’s language development becomes a focus of his or her attention, or artistic or musical expression, as the voice or colored markers or instruments pass through their hands (this is when the “only on paper” lesson comes in).
- any of these or other activities prompted simply by a desire to have fun, based only on the child’s interest. This can escalate into silliness, and knows no bounds.
- a child experimenting with how his or her own body can move and experience sensations.
Playing with a child by blowing raspberries also gives the blower the fun of hearing the blowee giggle.
- babies discover the nature of the world with games such as peek-a-boo, which makes a game out of learning that people and things do exist even when they disappear from vision.
And gravity. What a fun thing to play with from a high chair!
Parents often are involved in play activities, by intention, such as inviting a small child to catch a rolling ball, or by opportunity, as in swinging a small child who wants to fly around in the air.
But the nature of a child’s play is that, at core, they are “child-centered” activities. Children will play and they will experiment, regardless of what a parent does. But learning more and having more fun can be supported by a parent by providing time, space, and materials, whether it be sand and water, a guitar, or an X-box.
Parents can demonstrate how much fun an activity can be, putting together several legos to make a person, reading with a child before they can read, discussing things in language beyond which the child comprehends totally. But only if doing these things are also “play” for the parent. I rarely got into the sandpile and made the trucks go “rrrrrrr.”
One pleasure of parenting is that you can play with a child in whatever way feels like “play” to you, benefiting you both. Of course, playing with a child is giving the child attention and strengthens the bond between you, and lets the child feel valued. My father used to play with my kids, who wanted to be pushed in a swing, by counting each push in Spanish. That made it fun for him, and as an intuitive teacher, he knew it was an effective way to teach.
“Playing” with a child also encompasses activities that might not be thought of as “play” to a parent, like gardening and encouraging the child to “help” you. Sometimes, if the parent is feeling very patient, play can even be combined with work, (!) such as letting the child join you in washing dishes.
And we all know it is more fun to play than not play, so having a child show you how to play when you otherwise wouldn’t be is their gift to us. I think I probably would have benefited by playing more!
How much “playing with” a child is necessary for good development of your child and your relationship with him or her? Just enough. And only as much as feels fun to you.
How much “should” parents play with their toddlers? What do we really mean by “play” anyway? We know that play is essential to healthy child development, but to get at the “should,” let me frame this discussion by defining “play.”
Play is usually agreed upon as having some of these specific aspects:
- a child experimenting with the physical world with no particular goal except to satisfy the child’s curiosity. The curiosity might be about any number of aspects: what the object tastes like, how it feels to throw it up and catch it, what it can be combined with to explode.
- a child experimenting with the physical world in rough imitation of adults, a genetically programmed urge. Somehow the child knows that he or she will need to be able to shoot arrows accurately from a bow, or fix things with a screwdriver, and can play at learning skills without perfect results.
- a child experimenting with his or her mental world, as with word games, as a child’s language development becomes a focus of his or her attention, or artistic or musical expression, as the voice or colored markers or instruments pass through their hands (this is when the “only on paper” lesson comes in).
- any of these or other activities prompted simply by a desire to have fun, based only on the child’s interest. This can escalate into silliness, and knows no bounds.
- a child experimenting with how his or her own body can move and experience sensations.
Playing with a child by blowing raspberries also gives the blower the fun of hearing the blowee giggle.
- babies discover the nature of the world with games such as peek-a-boo, which makes a game out of learning that people and things do exist even when they disappear from vision.
And gravity. What a fun thing to play with from a high chair!
Parents often are involved in play activities, by intention, such as inviting a small child to catch a rolling ball, or by opportunity, as in swinging a small child who wants to fly around in the air.
But the nature of a child’s play is that, at core, they are “child-centered” activities. Children will play and they will experiment, regardless of what a parent does. But learning more and having more fun can be supported by a parent by providing time, space, and materials, whether it be sand and water, a guitar, or an X-box.
Parents can demonstrate how much fun an activity can be, putting together several legos to make a person, reading with a child before they can read, discussing things in language beyond which the child comprehends totally. But only if doing these things are also “play” for the parent. I rarely got into the sandpile and made the trucks go “rrrrrrr.”
One pleasure of parenting is that you can play with a child in whatever way feels like “play” to you, benefiting you both. Of course, playing with a child is giving the child attention and strengthens the bond between you, and lets the child feel valued. My father used to play with my kids, who wanted to be pushed in a swing, by counting each push in Spanish. That made it fun for him, and as an intuitive teacher, he knew it was an effective way to teach.
“Playing” with a child also encompasses activities that might not be thought of as “play” to a parent, like gardening and encouraging the child to “help” you. Sometimes, if the parent is feeling very patient, play can even be combined with work, (!) such as letting the child join you in washing dishes.
And we all know it is more fun to play than not play, so having a child show you how to play when you otherwise wouldn’t be is their gift to us. I think I probably would have benefited by playing more!
How much “playing with” a child is necessary for good development of your child and your relationship with him or her? Just enough. And only as much as feels fun to you.