Please Don't Say...
Hey everyone! So... a few months ago I had this idea for a fic. I was really pleased and excited about it, because I had thought through it a lot and really started to get into it. I started to write it, and I wrote about 3000 words of a YunJae version of it buuuut I loathed it. My friend was really excited when I told her my idea, but I never finished it.
Then when F.I.X's video for Please Don't Say was released, I found this photoset on tumblr and I was greatly inspired. So, with permission from the photoset artist, I decided to use it as a building block for this one-shot. I know, the Photoset isn't THAT closely connected, but, well... You'll see~
I am considering writing a second part to this... but idk, I might just leave it how it is ^^ I hope you enjoy this little piece of EunHae!
Don't do this, don't tell me that I will meet someone great,
Because I'm scared of love, I don't think I could ever do it again
cr: sojuberry
DongHae leant into HyukJae's gentle touch, “I love you,” he whispered, letting his soft lips ghost over HyukJae's.
“I... I...” HyukJae tried but the words couldn't find it past his lips. DongHae smiled, letting his thumb pass over the red cheeks,
“You can say it, HyukJae-yah, you don't have to be scared anymore.” his voice was so light, so calming. HyukJae could have sworn it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
“I love you,” the blond whispered, his eyes raising to meet those before him. The two shared a kiss, not one of passion or desperation, a kiss of love and a kiss of promise. The promise of forever. When HyukJae opened his eyes he smiled, gazing longingly at the happy look on his love's face.
It was then that everything went dark, the beautiful world shrouded in darkness as a giant hand broke through the earth, clutching DongHae around the middle,
“HyukJae-yah!” DongHae cried, his face fearful and full of confusion as the two were pulled apart.
“DongHae!” the younger screamed, leaping from the dying grass and reaching desperately for the man being pulled away from him. The grass began to be replaced by thick mud that pulled against HyukJae as he tried to run, “No! DongHae!” he screamed again, panic reaching his throat and the elder was pulled further and further away, “I love you!” he screamed as loud as he could, but was only met with soft laughter.
“He doesn't love you.” the voice said, HyukJae recognised it, but he couldn't put it to a name. “No one loves little gay boys, HyukJae.”
“No! Give him back! I need him back! DongHae!”
HyukJae's eyes snapped open and he thrashed in his seat, sweat soaking his body and tears staining his cheeks.
“HyukJae, calm down!” he knew that voice, it was his hyung, his SungMin hyung. SungMin was staring down at him with concern, “It was just a nightmare, it's okay.” There was a jolt and HyukJae finally came to term with his surroundings. He was sitting with SungMin in the backseat of a car as they drove through what looked like snow covered mountains.
“Is he all right?” came an accented voice from the drivers seat, worried eyes glancing at him through the rear view mirror.
“He'll be fine, Geng-hyung.” SungMin replied shortly, his eyes still on HyukJae. “Was it about DongHae again?” he asked, making sure to keep his tone soft as not to involve the two men in the front seat.
“Of course it was about DongHae.” the man in the passenger's seat called out, popping a fruity lolly-pop from his lips. “What else does blondie have to dream about?”
“HeeChul try and be sensitive.” Geng said gently, not moving his eyes from the road.
“Be sensitive? Okay, let me get this straight, our little gay friend back there finds himself one hot fishy, then said fishy breaks him out of his paralysing fear of emotion, then blondie's fuckwit father finds out and kicks fishy on the curb while blondie sits by and does a grand total of fuck all to stop it. Fishy gets scared off to Japan, losing pretty much every relationship he has in Korea, including that with his own parents, while blondie's bitch mother sets him up with some ditsy chick his asshole father approves of, and you're saying I'm supposed to be sensitive to the fact that poor little blondie is butthurt that the love of his life is gone from said life, or lack there of, forever when he did nothing to stop that from happening?” HeeChul bitched, staring at the driver in disbelief. HyukJae felt a stab at his heart with his hyungs words, but stayed silent,
“Yes, that is what I'm saying.” Geng's voice betrayed no emotion as he glanced out his window to check for traffic before changing lanes. HeeChul scoffed, resting his feet on the dashboard and turning to look out the window.
“Why did we bring him, again?” SungMin snapped, glaring at the man in the passenger seat for his lack of tact.
“You brought me because I fucking love that blond asshole, even if he has no balls.” HeeChul replied. “On Monday he is embarking on a brand new life married to an idiot woman, and I want to get his gay ass laid before that happens. Hence, the bucks weekend that was my idea.”
“I still don't understand why we had to come to Japan.” HyukJae mumbled, his arms folded as he gazed out the window at the snow covered mountains.
“You're asshole father can't reach us in Japan, sugar.” HeeChul said, turning to give HyukJae a quick once over. “You look a little pale, are you sure you're okay?” he asked, his voice sincere. Sure, HeeChul was an ass, but he was also the best person HyukJae had ever known. He could be tactless and he would never lie to protect someone, and that honesty could be brutal, but he was kind, and he was loving, if he cared for someone, he cared a lot. HyukJae considered himself incredibly lucky that he was one of the few people HeeChul truly did care for.
“Aaahh there it is.” Geng sighed as they rounded a final corner. HyukJae looked up to see a large structure on the other side of a valley, several buildings all clumped together shrouded in a veil of snow.
“What exactly is it?” SungMin asked, straightening up in his seat to get a better view.
“That, my pink friend, is one of the biggest gay resorts in the world. Clubs, bars and restaurants as far as the eye can see. Hot springs, swimming pools, dancing, drinking, you name it, and you can do it here.” HeeChul sounded almost fond,
“Sounds sleazy.” was all SungMin replied, pulling a face at the sight.
“I actually enjoyed this place a lot when I came here.” Geng said, smiling lightly. Geng was probably the polar opposite of HeeChul, he was calm, gentle and respectful, God knows how the two got along so well. “I promise, they have something for everyone, there are some clubs that are sleazier than others, but you can stay at the friendly ones.”
“Fuck that! We're going to a strip club!” HeeChul cried, jutting his thumb in HyukJae's direction, “They even have Host Clubs... but the special kind where you can take the host home.” HeeChul winked,
“So you mean brothels. There's a difference between a brothel and a host club, Hyung.” SungMin replied.
“Shut up, and stop being a killjoy.” HeeChul snapped, his smile forming into a scowl. Geng pulled up outside the main building and ushered for the passengers to climb out.
“HeeChul has booked rooms for us all, you go check in while I get the car parked.” he said with a smile, clicking the boot open. The men pulled their luggage from the back and dragged them inside. HeeChul stood at the desk, his limited Japanese giving him issues before an impatient SungMin took over, getting them all set and leading them towards wherever the concierge was giving them directions to.
HyukJae flopped onto his king sized bed, leaving his suit case (that HeeChul had packed for him) in the middle of the floor and curling into a ball, his eyes closed tightly. He didn't want to be there, in fact he hadn't known he was even going until the night before when HeeChul had rudely aroused him from his sleep with loud talking as he threw various things at a suitcase. Three days, three days of being in Japan before he returned to Korea where he would get married to some girl he didn't even know, and become heir to a company he didn't even want. He had met his fiancé once before, and she really did seem sweet, but she was missing vital parts of the human anatomy to satisfy him sexually, and she was hardly interesting enough to satisfy him intellectually. He wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, because that was all there was left to do, he had lost every other hope.
HyukJae was pulled from his thoughts when a hand came down heavily on his ass, surprising him enough to cause him to jump off the bed, seeing HeeChul and the other two standing waiting for him.
“We're going out, and you're coming too.” he said, grabbing the blond by the ear and dragging him towards the door, but halting quickly and glancing outside, the sun was setting low and HeeChul was contemplating his game plan. He suddenly let go of HyukJae's ear, walking quickly towards the suitcase in the middle of the room and zipping it open, flinging the younger man's possessions across the floor until he found something.
“Aha!” the man cried in triumph as he pulled a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and a white wife beater from the suitcase holding them up and cocking his head, clicking his tongue in contemplation. He set the clothes down on the floor and rifled through the suitcase again, pulling out a sleek leather jacket with a smile. He stood up and threw the clothes at the blond,
“Put them on.”
“What? But it's minus 10 degrees out there!” HyukJae cried in disbelief. HeeChul sighed,
“We're not going into the snow, idiot, not hurry up, we're all ready.” HyukJae noticed then that the other three had all changed their clothing since he had last seen them. SungMin gave him an encouraging smile as he retreated into the bathroom to change. When he emerged HeeChul gave him a once over, tapping his lip, he quickly ran a hand through the blond's hair, doing something to muss it up.
“These too.” SungMin added, dropping a pair of fake leather converse at his feet. HyukJae hastily slipped them on before Geng opened the door and he was shoved outside, his wallet and phone being pushed into his back pocket as he went. The resort was buzzing with life, people talking happily with one another in the hallways. They passed signs to day-spas and hot springs as they walked through the hotel, but as they continued out the door and onto the street they began to see more and more signs for clubs and bars. HyukJae was amazed, the entire resort being almost like an indoor town, the pavement beneath his feet stone, but with a roof over his head to grasp the warmth.
“This way,” HeeChul directed them down another alley, towards another street of flashing lights. “Up there is all the classy joints filled with wine and polite banter, down here is where we get dancing and real alcohol.” he explained.
“Dancing? You're going to grind on some guy you don't even know... Don't you have a boyfriend, Hyung?” HyukJae asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“He doesn't mind if I dance a bit.” HeeChul smirked,
“I'm sure he doesn't.” Geng said softly, he was glancing around at the neon signs.
“This place is pretty amazing.” SungMin confessed, moving closer in to HyukJae as an attractive man gave him an interested look. “How could I never have heard of this?”
“You live a sheltered life.” HeeChul said, smirking as a man smiled at him. Though HeeChul liked to pick on SungMin, those two were probably the closest out of their entire expanse of friends, give for whatever weird relationship HeeChul had with Geng. SungMin and HeeChul had been friends since SungMin was an adorable child and HeeChul was an obnoxious, yet slightly more censored, eight year old.
“I live a life with you, Hyung, and trust me, that's anything but sheltered.” The group stopped in front of a large establishment guarded with a bouncer at the door, heavy beats pumping from inside. HyukJae read the sign and frowned,
“You're taking me to a strip club?” He asked, unimpressed. HeeChul frowned at him,
“It's not a strip club. It's a club, except there are people here who are payed to... Serve those in need of attention.”
“So it's a bro-”
“No SungMin it is not a brothel!” HeeChul snapped.
“The men working within this establishment are prostitutes, but they are working here to entertain the clients, not to sleep with them. Though, cutie, they will sleep with you, if you offer up enough.” The bouncer winked at SungMin, causing the boy to squeak and hide behind HeeChul. “Private rooms are available for groups such as yourself, if you require.” The bouncer suggested, looking at HeeChul. The eldest seemed to contemplate the offer momentarily before nodding his head,
“Can you take us to one?” he asked, smiling sweetly at the bouncer.
“Happily, sugar.” the bulky man opened the door, leading the group past the mass of people to a flight of stairs leading up to a wall of windows looking out from the private rooms over the expanse of the club. The Bouncer passed several closed doors until he opened the door to one in the middle, letting them slip inside. “I'll get someone up here to take your orders.” he winked at HeeChul one last time before closing the door,
“This place is sleazy.” SungMin pulled a face.
“Duh, we're in the section of sleaze. You can go somewhere classy tomorrow.” HeeChul decided. HyukJae looked over the crowd of people, they all looked so comfortable rubbing sensually against each other in the heat of the moment. He glanced over to a set of booths on the edge of the dance floor, they were each filled with wealthy looking men, but each also had a younger man, most of them must have been in their early twenties if that. HyukJae assumed these were the 'hosts' who provided the clients with entertainment. There was a knock on the door and a young man entered, a smile on his face,
“Can I take any orders?” he asked in a friendly tone. HeeChul looked evilly around at the members of the room, pulling the waiter down to whisper in his ear. The man just nodded and with a small smile to the other members of the room, left, closing the door softly behind him. SungMin cocked his eyebrow,
“What was that about?” he asked, seemingly unimpressed.
“I was just ordering us all some Korean things to make us feel at home.” HeeChul said nonchalantly, waving a hand to dismiss it, before turning and poiting at things through the window. The four friends chatted to themselves for a while before a gentle knock sounded at the door,
“Come in~” HeeChul called. HyukJae's eyes stayed fixed on the crowd when he heard the door click open,
“Good evening gentlemen.” a voice sounded, in perfect Korean, from the door that made him freeze in his spot. He quickly snapped his head around to stare at the man in the doorway,
“Shit...” HeeChul breathed, his eyes nearly popping out of his skull. DongHae stood in the doorway, a tray of Soju in his hands and tight black pants hugging low to his hips. He wore nothing but a vest on his top half, and an array of white leather bracelets around his wrist. His eyes were lined lightly in kohl and there were strands of jet black hair falling into his eyes.
“H-HyukJae-yah...” he breathed, his eyes were wide and his heart was pounding it's way through his chest. The two stared at one another for what felt like year before HeeChul broke the silence,
“Well.. It's been nice seeing you, Fishy, but we're off.” he pulled Geng and SungMin to their feet and dragged them out the door, leaving DongHae and HyukJae alone.
“Can I... take a seat?” DongHae finally asked, hesitantly crossing the room. HyukJae broke from his dumbfounded stare and found himself able to nod his head in agreement. It had been just over a year since HyukJae had last seen the man, but every night he dreamed, and every day he would pray that the other man would be waiting for him around the corner, or standing at the top of the escalator, but he never was.
“Hi...” HyukJae said, stupidly. He mind had not yet started to work.
I love you, I need you, I want to kiss you and hold you. I'm so sorry.
So much racing through his mind, but he was unable to connect it with his mouth.
“You look exactly the same.” DongHae stated with a small smile.
“Your hair was longer.” HyukJae replied,
“I know.” It was then that HyukJae's mind woke up and he fully realised the situation. DongHae, his DongHae, was sitting before him, his clothes were sexy, and he gave off an air of mystery and darkness.
“You're... You're a...” he tried, feeling shock and horror settle in. The smile on DongHae's lips faltered, causing him to look down at the table, his fingers entwining with one another.
“You can say it.”
“You're a host?” HyukJae asked carefully, a lump rising in his throat and his heart pumping dramatically. DongHae just gave a small chuckle,
“No, HyukJae, I'm not. A host... A host is a wealthy and attractive man who entertains other wealthy and attractive men... A host is charismatic and charming. He can win a heart with his words...” there was a silent pause, give for the heavy beat of the music downstairs. “I'm not a host.”
“Oh... Oh god no...” HyukJae's eyes widened.
“I'm a prostitute.” DongHae admitted simply.
“You're a prostitute?” the blond felt as if the knife in his gut was slowly being twisted. “You were always so sweet... so gentle... so innocent... What happened?”
“I had no other choice, HyukJae. There was nothing else I could have done.” DongHae's voice was barely even a whisper. He had come to terms with his job a long time ago, but he had never been proud of it. He could accept his new life, while hating it at the same time. HyukJae reached a hand out, afraid to touch the other, “I was so desperate...”
“You... You have sex with people for money.” HyukJae stated, staring into DongHae's eyes. They were the same as they always had been, dark, beautiful and filled with that warm feeling of home. HyukJae had always been content to just look into those beautiful eyes.
“I was desperate.” DongHae defended himself with a frown, pulling away slightly. “You have no idea what it was like, HyukJae. When I was forced to leave Korea, I left everything behind. I left my family and everybody I had ever known. But most of all? I left you... I loved you more than I even thought was possible. I found myself alone in a country where I didn't speak the language.” DongHae felt a lump rising in his throat. “Your father took everything from me. He took away everything I had worked so hard to achieve, and he took away the one person that I thought I would never be able to live without.” HyukJae just stared at the man as tears began to fall.
“You sell your body...” he whispered, almost in disbelief. For two years that body had been his. His to see, touch, his to love, but now with the right money, someone could buy it for a night of meaningless pleasure. “You were always so beautiful, so innocent and so considerate... Touching you, it was beautiful... You sell your body to the highest bidder...”
“I sell my body to the highest bidder because my body is the only thing I have left.” DongHae was crying now, remembering the time of so much pain, and so much loss. “In a country where I didn't speak the language, had no connections and knew nothing... It was all I could do to survive.”
“I'm sorry.” HyukJae said, his voice soft and his heart in pain. “I'm so sorry.”
“It's not your place to apologise for the wrongs made on me at no fault of your own. There was nothing you could have done.” DongHae smiled at him, even though he was crying.
“I'm still in love with you.” HyukJae confessed, his hand reaching out to touch the man before him. “I miss you so much. I never went a second without missing you...” DongHae's eyes drifted closed as the hand gently cupped his cheek,
“I missed you too.” he said. Neither of them noticed that they were leaning in until their lips came into light contact, just ghosting passed one another. DongHae sucked in a breath before closing the distance, kissing HyukJae timidly. It felt like it was a year ago, when they were blissfully happy just being with one another. Words had never been needed in their relationship, just the two of them being silent in the other's presence was all they ever wanted. The kisses began to get more desperate as their lips parted, allowing their tongues to search through the cave they had once known so well. DongHae leant over the table, his hand reaching up to hold HyukJae's neck. Their hearts were beating rapidly and their tears were flowing freely. They felt home at last, after a long year of battling against the world, they had found one another.
HyukJae broke their lips apart, pulling back and standing, reaching out his hand to pull DongHae from his feet.
“Let's go.” he said, kissing DongHae one more time.
“Where?” the elder questioned, his eyes large and his cheeks red. “I'm still on shift.”
“Well they'll have to live on without you.” The blond tugged him towards the door, not even bothering to pay for their unopened drinks. The two practically ran hand in hand back to the hotel, stopping amidst the crowd of people to share kisses and touches. As soon as HyukJae sloppily pushed the door open, he was pushing DongHae down into the king sized bed, straddling his waist and kissing him again, hands roaming beneath the waist coat that revealed so much.
“I love you, I love you.” HyukJae chanted, not noticing that his words were never repeated to him. The kissing became more and more passionate, filled with desperation and a form of urgency, like they would be torn apart within seconds. One second they were kissing, next DongHae was undoing HyukJae's pants, tugging them off of his hips and discarding them onto the floor. The blond trails gentle kisses down DongHae's chest, making sure that with every kiss, and every touch he shows love, something that a client could never give. The found themselves kissing once more as clothing was removed, skin touching skin in the most beautiful, sinful ways. DongHae sucked on HyukJae's fingers, allowing the blond to prepare him. DongHae felt dirty, this man, the man who he loved more than life its self was about to have sex with him, just like every other man did, only HyukJae got it free of charge. As if hearing the thoghts going through the head of the raven man, HyukJae pushed his fingers inside,
“This isn't sex, DongHae. I'm not here for your body, I'm here for you. This is love.” he whispered, feeling DongHae's hot breath against his neck. The elder moaned in pleasure as he was entered, their lips connected, like they were one. One single entity, their lips entwining and their hearts connected for eternity. Sweat slicked their bodies as they slid together, breath coming heavy and eyes nearly closed. The blond hair was sticking to HyukJae's face as he came close to his climax, his hand reaching between them to pull DongHae with him. The two cried out for each other as they came, stars clouding their vision their heads spinning. HyukJae collapsed onto DongHae, pulling himself away to lie beside the man. Everything was silent, leave for their heaving breath.
“Will you hold me?” DongHae asked, his voice soft and a lump rising in his throat,
“I'll hold onto you forever, Fishy.” the blond used his old nickname, causing a smile. The two lay together, their bodies pressed up close, and HyukJae's arms securely around DongHae's middle. The two fell asleep just like that.
~
When DongHae awoke the following morning he could hear voices,
“I know, Noona!” came HyukJae's exasperated voice through the door to the bathroom. DongHae smiled, stretching his tired body and humming softly at the vague aching in his behind. “Aish!” HyukJae cursed. DongHae felt his heart tighten, he had waited for over a year to hear that voice again, and it was now that he remembered just how much he missed it.
“Sora, please. I know I'm getting married on monday, but you need to tell her to let me have these few days, alright?” HyukJae snapped back. DongHae froze, his eyes widening and his heart stopping. HyukJae was... getting married? It was then that a new feeling crushed down around him. HyukJae was engaged to be married, but that didn't stop him from having sex with DongHae the night before, hurried confessions of love whispered in his ear. He felt used, violated, taken advantage of. He felt as if sleeping with HyukJae was merely work that he wasn't getting paid for.
“I have to shower, okay? He might wake up soon and I want to be there when he does.” HyukJae's voice was gentle, caring but DongHae couldn't take it, he couldn't listen to that voice, it hurt him too much. He scrambled around the floor, finding whatever of his clothing he could find and throwing it on him.
When HyukJae emerged from the bathroom, a towel around his waist and anotherr rubbing his hair dry, the hotel room was empty.
“DongHae?” he called, looking around him, his stomach sinking and his heart racing. He threw the door open, running into the hallway and looking frantically around. “DONGHAE!” he cried.
“HyukJae, what's happened?” A tired looking SungMin stuck his head out of the door beside his.
“He's gone... He's gone again...” HyukJae crumpled to the floor. “I had him, but he's gone.”
~
SungMin had pulled HyukJae off the floor, dragging him back into his own room to get dressed and to calm down. HeeChul and Geng arrived not long after, convincing the two to accompany them to breakfast, and that was where they were, eating in silence.
HyukJae stared down at his food, his coffee going cold and his soup losing it's appeal. He chewed on his bottom lip, fear in his stomach. Why had DongHae just left? Where could he find the boy? How could he convince him to stay?
“So I was thinking... How about we go to a spa or something today?” HeeChul tried awkwardly. Geng reached out and gently touched HeeChul's arm, shaking his head subtly. HyukJae let his head fall down onto the table, a loud bang emitting from the contact. He smashed his fist against the wood and groaned,
“Fuck.” he cursed.
“Do you... Want to talk about it?” SungMin asked, his brow furrowed and the spoon in his hands hanging about his breakfast rice.
“I need to find him.” HyukJae said with determination. HeeChul shook his head,
“He wouldn't be working yet.” he said, “He would be back in the staff quarters and we can't get there. You'll have to wait for tonight.”
“What am I supposed to do until then?” HyukJae cried, a hand running through his hair.
“You'll go to the spa, you will relax and calm down. You will think about everything you want to say and you will figure something out.” Geng replied smoothly, his accent somehow soothing HyukJae. The blond nodded, time to think would be good.
But he couldn't relax. The whole time in the spa, as he soaked in a sweetly scented bath, or while he was massaged gently, his nerves ate at his stomach, his desperation driving him insane, and worst of all, his heart breaking slowly, but surely.
Once the sun had started to set, HyukJae retraced his steps from the previous night, following the path to the same club, pushing inside and passing each of the dancers who were already congregating on the dance floor. He felt hands settle on his hips and a deep voice purr into his ear,
“Hey sexy...” a tongue flicked out and ran it's way along. HyukJae tried to shake the man off but he turned him around instead, a phoney pout on his lips,
“Oh come on, baby, you don't want to play with me?” he pressed their bodies together, their crotches rubbing hotly,
“Get off me,” HyukJae pushed him away, looking frantically around the room. He walked to the bar, trying to get the attention of the bartender,
“I'm looking for someone...” he said, yelling in broken Japanese over the music. The bartender just held his towel in his hand, rubbing a glass dry,
“And who might you be looking for?” he called back,
“DongHae... Lee DongHae, from Korea?” he tried, looking over his shoulder hoping with everything he had that he would see the man. The bartender shook his head,
“He doesn't work here Saturdays.” he stated, walking away from the man to serve other people. HyukJae felt defeated, pushing back through the crowd and onto the busy street outside. He dragged his feet back through the resort, heading back to his room when he saw him. DongHae walked through the empty corridor ahead of him. HyukJae's heart rate began to gain pace,
“DongHae!” he called, but was not acknowledged. “DongHae?” he tried again, his walking turning to running as he stopped in front of the boy, gasping lightly. DongHae was even more done up than he had been the night before. He wore tight leather pants and black boots, a tight white shirt that accented his muscles and there was deep kohl lining his eyes. He looked at HyukJae, his eyes looking pained and tormented as he shifting, hiking the bag he carried further up onto his shoulder,
“What do you want?” he asked, his voice soft.
“What's with the bag?” HyukJae asked, it looked heavy and full,
“It's an... overnight bag,” the man before him said hesitantly.
“Oh... are you going somewhere?” the blond furrowed his brow but DongHae just sighed, a pained look forming over his cheeks as his eyes rested closed for a few brief moments.
“I'm going to work, HyukJae.”
“But that bartender said...”
“Not that work.” he started walking again, pushing past and continuing down the corridor. HyukJae's heart tightened,
“What? No!” he cried, grabbing onto DongHae's arm. “You can't!”
“You have no say in this.” DongHae snapped back, prying HyukJae's hand off of his arm.
“No! DongHae please. You cannot have sex with a man you don't even know!”
“Well I did last night! At least tonight I get payed for it.” DongHae exploded, tears welling in his eyes.
“What are you talking about?”
“Just go back to your fiancé, HyukJae. Stop wasting your time on me.” DongHae whispered it, but to HyukJae it sounded like a scream. He froze in his spot, but DongHae kept walking,
“How did you know?” he asked weakly.
“I heard you talking to Sora.” DongHae paused, his head turning so that he could look over his shoulder.
“I don't love her... I don't even know her.” HyukJae tried, reaching out. “I love you, like I always have. Did you not believe me last night?”
“Men tell me they love me all the time, and it's all an attempt to get me in bed with them... For you I guess it worked.”
“I mean it, DongHae... I do love you.”
“I have to work, HyukJae...”
“No you don't.” he caught up with the man, standing in front of him with pleading eyes. “You don't have to... You can leave right now.”
“You don't understand, HyukJae. You'll go home to your beautiful fiancé. You'll marry her and make your parents proud, you'll inherit the company and you'll father the children your mother has always wanted you to have. I'll stay in Japan and I'll follow the same life I lead now until they don't want me anymore..” he whispered,
“And what then?” HyukJae pushed, taking DongHae's hand in his own and stepping closer,
“Who knows. I'll gather whatever money I have left and leave the country, go wherever there's room for me.” DongHae smiled, tears filling his eyes. “She's probably a great person... Who knows.. One day you might find someone else... Something better than this.”
“But you're what I want.” HyukJae's tears fell,
“I'm not good for you.”
“Don't do this! Don't tell me I'll meet someone great. I'm scared of love... I don't think I could ever do it again..” HyukJae clutched to the man before him. “I love you more than I could ever love anything.” DongHae's tears began to fall as he dropped his bag, pulling HyukJae's lips towards his own, taking them briefly, but desperately.
“This can't happen. Your father destroyed us once, he could do it again in the grandest of fashions.” DongHae confessed, dropping to his knees in the middle of the corridor. The two crouched there, their foreheads pressed together, their tears running down over their cheeks. “I love you.” DongHae whispered for the first time since they met again. “I love you...” he repeated himself.
“Please.. Please don't say that and then leave me again.”
“I love you... but this can't happen.” DongHae felt his own heart be destroyed as the words passed his lips.
“Please don't say...” HyukJae sobbed,
“I have to go...” DongHae's voice was a whisper. He gently pried HyukJae's arms from his body and climbed to his feet, wiping the tears from his cheeks and stepping in front of a door, just a lew metres away.
“You can't... DongHae please... I'll do anything...” HyukJae tried, moving as fast as he could and grabbing his arm again. DongHae turned and looked down at the arm and back up into the pleading eyes before him.
“This is what I am.” he said simply, pushing HyukJae away and knocking on the door. It was pulled open and a man in his mid fifties opened the door,
“D-DongHae?” he asked, his eyes lustful. HyukJae just watched as a charismatic and seductive mask was pulled over the face of the man he loved,
“Good evening.” he said, his voice almost like a purr, “I'm sorry I'm late.”
“No... Come in..” the man stepped aside. DongHae spared one final glance at HyukJae's face before following the man into his room.
HyukJae sat beside the door for almost an hour, waiting desperately for it to be over.
“Ohh fuck me harder..” came loud and clear through the door, shattering his heart. He scrambled to his feet, his ears filled with moans and gentle cries of pleasure that he had heard too much before. Tears trailed down his cheeks as he found the strength to finally walk away, leaving behind him the only man he would ever love.
Then when F.I.X's video for Please Don't Say was released, I found this photoset on tumblr and I was greatly inspired. So, with permission from the photoset artist, I decided to use it as a building block for this one-shot. I know, the Photoset isn't THAT closely connected, but, well... You'll see~
I am considering writing a second part to this... but idk, I might just leave it how it is ^^ I hope you enjoy this little piece of EunHae!
Don't do this, don't tell me that I will meet someone great,
Because I'm scared of love, I don't think I could ever do it again
cr: sojuberry
DongHae leant into HyukJae's gentle touch, “I love you,” he whispered, letting his soft lips ghost over HyukJae's.
“I... I...” HyukJae tried but the words couldn't find it past his lips. DongHae smiled, letting his thumb pass over the red cheeks,
“You can say it, HyukJae-yah, you don't have to be scared anymore.” his voice was so light, so calming. HyukJae could have sworn it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
“I love you,” the blond whispered, his eyes raising to meet those before him. The two shared a kiss, not one of passion or desperation, a kiss of love and a kiss of promise. The promise of forever. When HyukJae opened his eyes he smiled, gazing longingly at the happy look on his love's face.
It was then that everything went dark, the beautiful world shrouded in darkness as a giant hand broke through the earth, clutching DongHae around the middle,
“HyukJae-yah!” DongHae cried, his face fearful and full of confusion as the two were pulled apart.
“DongHae!” the younger screamed, leaping from the dying grass and reaching desperately for the man being pulled away from him. The grass began to be replaced by thick mud that pulled against HyukJae as he tried to run, “No! DongHae!” he screamed again, panic reaching his throat and the elder was pulled further and further away, “I love you!” he screamed as loud as he could, but was only met with soft laughter.
“He doesn't love you.” the voice said, HyukJae recognised it, but he couldn't put it to a name. “No one loves little gay boys, HyukJae.”
“No! Give him back! I need him back! DongHae!”
HyukJae's eyes snapped open and he thrashed in his seat, sweat soaking his body and tears staining his cheeks.
“HyukJae, calm down!” he knew that voice, it was his hyung, his SungMin hyung. SungMin was staring down at him with concern, “It was just a nightmare, it's okay.” There was a jolt and HyukJae finally came to term with his surroundings. He was sitting with SungMin in the backseat of a car as they drove through what looked like snow covered mountains.
“Is he all right?” came an accented voice from the drivers seat, worried eyes glancing at him through the rear view mirror.
“He'll be fine, Geng-hyung.” SungMin replied shortly, his eyes still on HyukJae. “Was it about DongHae again?” he asked, making sure to keep his tone soft as not to involve the two men in the front seat.
“Of course it was about DongHae.” the man in the passenger's seat called out, popping a fruity lolly-pop from his lips. “What else does blondie have to dream about?”
“HeeChul try and be sensitive.” Geng said gently, not moving his eyes from the road.
“Be sensitive? Okay, let me get this straight, our little gay friend back there finds himself one hot fishy, then said fishy breaks him out of his paralysing fear of emotion, then blondie's fuckwit father finds out and kicks fishy on the curb while blondie sits by and does a grand total of fuck all to stop it. Fishy gets scared off to Japan, losing pretty much every relationship he has in Korea, including that with his own parents, while blondie's bitch mother sets him up with some ditsy chick his asshole father approves of, and you're saying I'm supposed to be sensitive to the fact that poor little blondie is butthurt that the love of his life is gone from said life, or lack there of, forever when he did nothing to stop that from happening?” HeeChul bitched, staring at the driver in disbelief. HyukJae felt a stab at his heart with his hyungs words, but stayed silent,
“Yes, that is what I'm saying.” Geng's voice betrayed no emotion as he glanced out his window to check for traffic before changing lanes. HeeChul scoffed, resting his feet on the dashboard and turning to look out the window.
“Why did we bring him, again?” SungMin snapped, glaring at the man in the passenger seat for his lack of tact.
“You brought me because I fucking love that blond asshole, even if he has no balls.” HeeChul replied. “On Monday he is embarking on a brand new life married to an idiot woman, and I want to get his gay ass laid before that happens. Hence, the bucks weekend that was my idea.”
“I still don't understand why we had to come to Japan.” HyukJae mumbled, his arms folded as he gazed out the window at the snow covered mountains.
“You're asshole father can't reach us in Japan, sugar.” HeeChul said, turning to give HyukJae a quick once over. “You look a little pale, are you sure you're okay?” he asked, his voice sincere. Sure, HeeChul was an ass, but he was also the best person HyukJae had ever known. He could be tactless and he would never lie to protect someone, and that honesty could be brutal, but he was kind, and he was loving, if he cared for someone, he cared a lot. HyukJae considered himself incredibly lucky that he was one of the few people HeeChul truly did care for.
“Aaahh there it is.” Geng sighed as they rounded a final corner. HyukJae looked up to see a large structure on the other side of a valley, several buildings all clumped together shrouded in a veil of snow.
“What exactly is it?” SungMin asked, straightening up in his seat to get a better view.
“That, my pink friend, is one of the biggest gay resorts in the world. Clubs, bars and restaurants as far as the eye can see. Hot springs, swimming pools, dancing, drinking, you name it, and you can do it here.” HeeChul sounded almost fond,
“Sounds sleazy.” was all SungMin replied, pulling a face at the sight.
“I actually enjoyed this place a lot when I came here.” Geng said, smiling lightly. Geng was probably the polar opposite of HeeChul, he was calm, gentle and respectful, God knows how the two got along so well. “I promise, they have something for everyone, there are some clubs that are sleazier than others, but you can stay at the friendly ones.”
“Fuck that! We're going to a strip club!” HeeChul cried, jutting his thumb in HyukJae's direction, “They even have Host Clubs... but the special kind where you can take the host home.” HeeChul winked,
“So you mean brothels. There's a difference between a brothel and a host club, Hyung.” SungMin replied.
“Shut up, and stop being a killjoy.” HeeChul snapped, his smile forming into a scowl. Geng pulled up outside the main building and ushered for the passengers to climb out.
“HeeChul has booked rooms for us all, you go check in while I get the car parked.” he said with a smile, clicking the boot open. The men pulled their luggage from the back and dragged them inside. HeeChul stood at the desk, his limited Japanese giving him issues before an impatient SungMin took over, getting them all set and leading them towards wherever the concierge was giving them directions to.
HyukJae flopped onto his king sized bed, leaving his suit case (that HeeChul had packed for him) in the middle of the floor and curling into a ball, his eyes closed tightly. He didn't want to be there, in fact he hadn't known he was even going until the night before when HeeChul had rudely aroused him from his sleep with loud talking as he threw various things at a suitcase. Three days, three days of being in Japan before he returned to Korea where he would get married to some girl he didn't even know, and become heir to a company he didn't even want. He had met his fiancé once before, and she really did seem sweet, but she was missing vital parts of the human anatomy to satisfy him sexually, and she was hardly interesting enough to satisfy him intellectually. He wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, because that was all there was left to do, he had lost every other hope.
HyukJae was pulled from his thoughts when a hand came down heavily on his ass, surprising him enough to cause him to jump off the bed, seeing HeeChul and the other two standing waiting for him.
“We're going out, and you're coming too.” he said, grabbing the blond by the ear and dragging him towards the door, but halting quickly and glancing outside, the sun was setting low and HeeChul was contemplating his game plan. He suddenly let go of HyukJae's ear, walking quickly towards the suitcase in the middle of the room and zipping it open, flinging the younger man's possessions across the floor until he found something.
“Aha!” the man cried in triumph as he pulled a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and a white wife beater from the suitcase holding them up and cocking his head, clicking his tongue in contemplation. He set the clothes down on the floor and rifled through the suitcase again, pulling out a sleek leather jacket with a smile. He stood up and threw the clothes at the blond,
“Put them on.”
“What? But it's minus 10 degrees out there!” HyukJae cried in disbelief. HeeChul sighed,
“We're not going into the snow, idiot, not hurry up, we're all ready.” HyukJae noticed then that the other three had all changed their clothing since he had last seen them. SungMin gave him an encouraging smile as he retreated into the bathroom to change. When he emerged HeeChul gave him a once over, tapping his lip, he quickly ran a hand through the blond's hair, doing something to muss it up.
“These too.” SungMin added, dropping a pair of fake leather converse at his feet. HyukJae hastily slipped them on before Geng opened the door and he was shoved outside, his wallet and phone being pushed into his back pocket as he went. The resort was buzzing with life, people talking happily with one another in the hallways. They passed signs to day-spas and hot springs as they walked through the hotel, but as they continued out the door and onto the street they began to see more and more signs for clubs and bars. HyukJae was amazed, the entire resort being almost like an indoor town, the pavement beneath his feet stone, but with a roof over his head to grasp the warmth.
“This way,” HeeChul directed them down another alley, towards another street of flashing lights. “Up there is all the classy joints filled with wine and polite banter, down here is where we get dancing and real alcohol.” he explained.
“Dancing? You're going to grind on some guy you don't even know... Don't you have a boyfriend, Hyung?” HyukJae asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“He doesn't mind if I dance a bit.” HeeChul smirked,
“I'm sure he doesn't.” Geng said softly, he was glancing around at the neon signs.
“This place is pretty amazing.” SungMin confessed, moving closer in to HyukJae as an attractive man gave him an interested look. “How could I never have heard of this?”
“You live a sheltered life.” HeeChul said, smirking as a man smiled at him. Though HeeChul liked to pick on SungMin, those two were probably the closest out of their entire expanse of friends, give for whatever weird relationship HeeChul had with Geng. SungMin and HeeChul had been friends since SungMin was an adorable child and HeeChul was an obnoxious, yet slightly more censored, eight year old.
“I live a life with you, Hyung, and trust me, that's anything but sheltered.” The group stopped in front of a large establishment guarded with a bouncer at the door, heavy beats pumping from inside. HyukJae read the sign and frowned,
“You're taking me to a strip club?” He asked, unimpressed. HeeChul frowned at him,
“It's not a strip club. It's a club, except there are people here who are payed to... Serve those in need of attention.”
“So it's a bro-”
“No SungMin it is not a brothel!” HeeChul snapped.
“The men working within this establishment are prostitutes, but they are working here to entertain the clients, not to sleep with them. Though, cutie, they will sleep with you, if you offer up enough.” The bouncer winked at SungMin, causing the boy to squeak and hide behind HeeChul. “Private rooms are available for groups such as yourself, if you require.” The bouncer suggested, looking at HeeChul. The eldest seemed to contemplate the offer momentarily before nodding his head,
“Can you take us to one?” he asked, smiling sweetly at the bouncer.
“Happily, sugar.” the bulky man opened the door, leading the group past the mass of people to a flight of stairs leading up to a wall of windows looking out from the private rooms over the expanse of the club. The Bouncer passed several closed doors until he opened the door to one in the middle, letting them slip inside. “I'll get someone up here to take your orders.” he winked at HeeChul one last time before closing the door,
“This place is sleazy.” SungMin pulled a face.
“Duh, we're in the section of sleaze. You can go somewhere classy tomorrow.” HeeChul decided. HyukJae looked over the crowd of people, they all looked so comfortable rubbing sensually against each other in the heat of the moment. He glanced over to a set of booths on the edge of the dance floor, they were each filled with wealthy looking men, but each also had a younger man, most of them must have been in their early twenties if that. HyukJae assumed these were the 'hosts' who provided the clients with entertainment. There was a knock on the door and a young man entered, a smile on his face,
“Can I take any orders?” he asked in a friendly tone. HeeChul looked evilly around at the members of the room, pulling the waiter down to whisper in his ear. The man just nodded and with a small smile to the other members of the room, left, closing the door softly behind him. SungMin cocked his eyebrow,
“What was that about?” he asked, seemingly unimpressed.
“I was just ordering us all some Korean things to make us feel at home.” HeeChul said nonchalantly, waving a hand to dismiss it, before turning and poiting at things through the window. The four friends chatted to themselves for a while before a gentle knock sounded at the door,
“Come in~” HeeChul called. HyukJae's eyes stayed fixed on the crowd when he heard the door click open,
“Good evening gentlemen.” a voice sounded, in perfect Korean, from the door that made him freeze in his spot. He quickly snapped his head around to stare at the man in the doorway,
“Shit...” HeeChul breathed, his eyes nearly popping out of his skull. DongHae stood in the doorway, a tray of Soju in his hands and tight black pants hugging low to his hips. He wore nothing but a vest on his top half, and an array of white leather bracelets around his wrist. His eyes were lined lightly in kohl and there were strands of jet black hair falling into his eyes.
“H-HyukJae-yah...” he breathed, his eyes were wide and his heart was pounding it's way through his chest. The two stared at one another for what felt like year before HeeChul broke the silence,
“Well.. It's been nice seeing you, Fishy, but we're off.” he pulled Geng and SungMin to their feet and dragged them out the door, leaving DongHae and HyukJae alone.
“Can I... take a seat?” DongHae finally asked, hesitantly crossing the room. HyukJae broke from his dumbfounded stare and found himself able to nod his head in agreement. It had been just over a year since HyukJae had last seen the man, but every night he dreamed, and every day he would pray that the other man would be waiting for him around the corner, or standing at the top of the escalator, but he never was.
“Hi...” HyukJae said, stupidly. He mind had not yet started to work.
I love you, I need you, I want to kiss you and hold you. I'm so sorry.
So much racing through his mind, but he was unable to connect it with his mouth.
“You look exactly the same.” DongHae stated with a small smile.
“Your hair was longer.” HyukJae replied,
“I know.” It was then that HyukJae's mind woke up and he fully realised the situation. DongHae, his DongHae, was sitting before him, his clothes were sexy, and he gave off an air of mystery and darkness.
“You're... You're a...” he tried, feeling shock and horror settle in. The smile on DongHae's lips faltered, causing him to look down at the table, his fingers entwining with one another.
“You can say it.”
“You're a host?” HyukJae asked carefully, a lump rising in his throat and his heart pumping dramatically. DongHae just gave a small chuckle,
“No, HyukJae, I'm not. A host... A host is a wealthy and attractive man who entertains other wealthy and attractive men... A host is charismatic and charming. He can win a heart with his words...” there was a silent pause, give for the heavy beat of the music downstairs. “I'm not a host.”
“Oh... Oh god no...” HyukJae's eyes widened.
“I'm a prostitute.” DongHae admitted simply.
“You're a prostitute?” the blond felt as if the knife in his gut was slowly being twisted. “You were always so sweet... so gentle... so innocent... What happened?”
“I had no other choice, HyukJae. There was nothing else I could have done.” DongHae's voice was barely even a whisper. He had come to terms with his job a long time ago, but he had never been proud of it. He could accept his new life, while hating it at the same time. HyukJae reached a hand out, afraid to touch the other, “I was so desperate...”
“You... You have sex with people for money.” HyukJae stated, staring into DongHae's eyes. They were the same as they always had been, dark, beautiful and filled with that warm feeling of home. HyukJae had always been content to just look into those beautiful eyes.
“I was desperate.” DongHae defended himself with a frown, pulling away slightly. “You have no idea what it was like, HyukJae. When I was forced to leave Korea, I left everything behind. I left my family and everybody I had ever known. But most of all? I left you... I loved you more than I even thought was possible. I found myself alone in a country where I didn't speak the language.” DongHae felt a lump rising in his throat. “Your father took everything from me. He took away everything I had worked so hard to achieve, and he took away the one person that I thought I would never be able to live without.” HyukJae just stared at the man as tears began to fall.
“You sell your body...” he whispered, almost in disbelief. For two years that body had been his. His to see, touch, his to love, but now with the right money, someone could buy it for a night of meaningless pleasure. “You were always so beautiful, so innocent and so considerate... Touching you, it was beautiful... You sell your body to the highest bidder...”
“I sell my body to the highest bidder because my body is the only thing I have left.” DongHae was crying now, remembering the time of so much pain, and so much loss. “In a country where I didn't speak the language, had no connections and knew nothing... It was all I could do to survive.”
“I'm sorry.” HyukJae said, his voice soft and his heart in pain. “I'm so sorry.”
“It's not your place to apologise for the wrongs made on me at no fault of your own. There was nothing you could have done.” DongHae smiled at him, even though he was crying.
“I'm still in love with you.” HyukJae confessed, his hand reaching out to touch the man before him. “I miss you so much. I never went a second without missing you...” DongHae's eyes drifted closed as the hand gently cupped his cheek,
“I missed you too.” he said. Neither of them noticed that they were leaning in until their lips came into light contact, just ghosting passed one another. DongHae sucked in a breath before closing the distance, kissing HyukJae timidly. It felt like it was a year ago, when they were blissfully happy just being with one another. Words had never been needed in their relationship, just the two of them being silent in the other's presence was all they ever wanted. The kisses began to get more desperate as their lips parted, allowing their tongues to search through the cave they had once known so well. DongHae leant over the table, his hand reaching up to hold HyukJae's neck. Their hearts were beating rapidly and their tears were flowing freely. They felt home at last, after a long year of battling against the world, they had found one another.
HyukJae broke their lips apart, pulling back and standing, reaching out his hand to pull DongHae from his feet.
“Let's go.” he said, kissing DongHae one more time.
“Where?” the elder questioned, his eyes large and his cheeks red. “I'm still on shift.”
“Well they'll have to live on without you.” The blond tugged him towards the door, not even bothering to pay for their unopened drinks. The two practically ran hand in hand back to the hotel, stopping amidst the crowd of people to share kisses and touches. As soon as HyukJae sloppily pushed the door open, he was pushing DongHae down into the king sized bed, straddling his waist and kissing him again, hands roaming beneath the waist coat that revealed so much.
“I love you, I love you.” HyukJae chanted, not noticing that his words were never repeated to him. The kissing became more and more passionate, filled with desperation and a form of urgency, like they would be torn apart within seconds. One second they were kissing, next DongHae was undoing HyukJae's pants, tugging them off of his hips and discarding them onto the floor. The blond trails gentle kisses down DongHae's chest, making sure that with every kiss, and every touch he shows love, something that a client could never give. The found themselves kissing once more as clothing was removed, skin touching skin in the most beautiful, sinful ways. DongHae sucked on HyukJae's fingers, allowing the blond to prepare him. DongHae felt dirty, this man, the man who he loved more than life its self was about to have sex with him, just like every other man did, only HyukJae got it free of charge. As if hearing the thoghts going through the head of the raven man, HyukJae pushed his fingers inside,
“This isn't sex, DongHae. I'm not here for your body, I'm here for you. This is love.” he whispered, feeling DongHae's hot breath against his neck. The elder moaned in pleasure as he was entered, their lips connected, like they were one. One single entity, their lips entwining and their hearts connected for eternity. Sweat slicked their bodies as they slid together, breath coming heavy and eyes nearly closed. The blond hair was sticking to HyukJae's face as he came close to his climax, his hand reaching between them to pull DongHae with him. The two cried out for each other as they came, stars clouding their vision their heads spinning. HyukJae collapsed onto DongHae, pulling himself away to lie beside the man. Everything was silent, leave for their heaving breath.
“Will you hold me?” DongHae asked, his voice soft and a lump rising in his throat,
“I'll hold onto you forever, Fishy.” the blond used his old nickname, causing a smile. The two lay together, their bodies pressed up close, and HyukJae's arms securely around DongHae's middle. The two fell asleep just like that.
~
When DongHae awoke the following morning he could hear voices,
“I know, Noona!” came HyukJae's exasperated voice through the door to the bathroom. DongHae smiled, stretching his tired body and humming softly at the vague aching in his behind. “Aish!” HyukJae cursed. DongHae felt his heart tighten, he had waited for over a year to hear that voice again, and it was now that he remembered just how much he missed it.
“Sora, please. I know I'm getting married on monday, but you need to tell her to let me have these few days, alright?” HyukJae snapped back. DongHae froze, his eyes widening and his heart stopping. HyukJae was... getting married? It was then that a new feeling crushed down around him. HyukJae was engaged to be married, but that didn't stop him from having sex with DongHae the night before, hurried confessions of love whispered in his ear. He felt used, violated, taken advantage of. He felt as if sleeping with HyukJae was merely work that he wasn't getting paid for.
“I have to shower, okay? He might wake up soon and I want to be there when he does.” HyukJae's voice was gentle, caring but DongHae couldn't take it, he couldn't listen to that voice, it hurt him too much. He scrambled around the floor, finding whatever of his clothing he could find and throwing it on him.
When HyukJae emerged from the bathroom, a towel around his waist and anotherr rubbing his hair dry, the hotel room was empty.
“DongHae?” he called, looking around him, his stomach sinking and his heart racing. He threw the door open, running into the hallway and looking frantically around. “DONGHAE!” he cried.
“HyukJae, what's happened?” A tired looking SungMin stuck his head out of the door beside his.
“He's gone... He's gone again...” HyukJae crumpled to the floor. “I had him, but he's gone.”
~
SungMin had pulled HyukJae off the floor, dragging him back into his own room to get dressed and to calm down. HeeChul and Geng arrived not long after, convincing the two to accompany them to breakfast, and that was where they were, eating in silence.
HyukJae stared down at his food, his coffee going cold and his soup losing it's appeal. He chewed on his bottom lip, fear in his stomach. Why had DongHae just left? Where could he find the boy? How could he convince him to stay?
“So I was thinking... How about we go to a spa or something today?” HeeChul tried awkwardly. Geng reached out and gently touched HeeChul's arm, shaking his head subtly. HyukJae let his head fall down onto the table, a loud bang emitting from the contact. He smashed his fist against the wood and groaned,
“Fuck.” he cursed.
“Do you... Want to talk about it?” SungMin asked, his brow furrowed and the spoon in his hands hanging about his breakfast rice.
“I need to find him.” HyukJae said with determination. HeeChul shook his head,
“He wouldn't be working yet.” he said, “He would be back in the staff quarters and we can't get there. You'll have to wait for tonight.”
“What am I supposed to do until then?” HyukJae cried, a hand running through his hair.
“You'll go to the spa, you will relax and calm down. You will think about everything you want to say and you will figure something out.” Geng replied smoothly, his accent somehow soothing HyukJae. The blond nodded, time to think would be good.
But he couldn't relax. The whole time in the spa, as he soaked in a sweetly scented bath, or while he was massaged gently, his nerves ate at his stomach, his desperation driving him insane, and worst of all, his heart breaking slowly, but surely.
Once the sun had started to set, HyukJae retraced his steps from the previous night, following the path to the same club, pushing inside and passing each of the dancers who were already congregating on the dance floor. He felt hands settle on his hips and a deep voice purr into his ear,
“Hey sexy...” a tongue flicked out and ran it's way along. HyukJae tried to shake the man off but he turned him around instead, a phoney pout on his lips,
“Oh come on, baby, you don't want to play with me?” he pressed their bodies together, their crotches rubbing hotly,
“Get off me,” HyukJae pushed him away, looking frantically around the room. He walked to the bar, trying to get the attention of the bartender,
“I'm looking for someone...” he said, yelling in broken Japanese over the music. The bartender just held his towel in his hand, rubbing a glass dry,
“And who might you be looking for?” he called back,
“DongHae... Lee DongHae, from Korea?” he tried, looking over his shoulder hoping with everything he had that he would see the man. The bartender shook his head,
“He doesn't work here Saturdays.” he stated, walking away from the man to serve other people. HyukJae felt defeated, pushing back through the crowd and onto the busy street outside. He dragged his feet back through the resort, heading back to his room when he saw him. DongHae walked through the empty corridor ahead of him. HyukJae's heart rate began to gain pace,
“DongHae!” he called, but was not acknowledged. “DongHae?” he tried again, his walking turning to running as he stopped in front of the boy, gasping lightly. DongHae was even more done up than he had been the night before. He wore tight leather pants and black boots, a tight white shirt that accented his muscles and there was deep kohl lining his eyes. He looked at HyukJae, his eyes looking pained and tormented as he shifting, hiking the bag he carried further up onto his shoulder,
“What do you want?” he asked, his voice soft.
“What's with the bag?” HyukJae asked, it looked heavy and full,
“It's an... overnight bag,” the man before him said hesitantly.
“Oh... are you going somewhere?” the blond furrowed his brow but DongHae just sighed, a pained look forming over his cheeks as his eyes rested closed for a few brief moments.
“I'm going to work, HyukJae.”
“But that bartender said...”
“Not that work.” he started walking again, pushing past and continuing down the corridor. HyukJae's heart tightened,
“What? No!” he cried, grabbing onto DongHae's arm. “You can't!”
“You have no say in this.” DongHae snapped back, prying HyukJae's hand off of his arm.
“No! DongHae please. You cannot have sex with a man you don't even know!”
“Well I did last night! At least tonight I get payed for it.” DongHae exploded, tears welling in his eyes.
“What are you talking about?”
“Just go back to your fiancé, HyukJae. Stop wasting your time on me.” DongHae whispered it, but to HyukJae it sounded like a scream. He froze in his spot, but DongHae kept walking,
“How did you know?” he asked weakly.
“I heard you talking to Sora.” DongHae paused, his head turning so that he could look over his shoulder.
“I don't love her... I don't even know her.” HyukJae tried, reaching out. “I love you, like I always have. Did you not believe me last night?”
“Men tell me they love me all the time, and it's all an attempt to get me in bed with them... For you I guess it worked.”
“I mean it, DongHae... I do love you.”
“I have to work, HyukJae...”
“No you don't.” he caught up with the man, standing in front of him with pleading eyes. “You don't have to... You can leave right now.”
“You don't understand, HyukJae. You'll go home to your beautiful fiancé. You'll marry her and make your parents proud, you'll inherit the company and you'll father the children your mother has always wanted you to have. I'll stay in Japan and I'll follow the same life I lead now until they don't want me anymore..” he whispered,
“And what then?” HyukJae pushed, taking DongHae's hand in his own and stepping closer,
“Who knows. I'll gather whatever money I have left and leave the country, go wherever there's room for me.” DongHae smiled, tears filling his eyes. “She's probably a great person... Who knows.. One day you might find someone else... Something better than this.”
“But you're what I want.” HyukJae's tears fell,
“I'm not good for you.”
“Don't do this! Don't tell me I'll meet someone great. I'm scared of love... I don't think I could ever do it again..” HyukJae clutched to the man before him. “I love you more than I could ever love anything.” DongHae's tears began to fall as he dropped his bag, pulling HyukJae's lips towards his own, taking them briefly, but desperately.
“This can't happen. Your father destroyed us once, he could do it again in the grandest of fashions.” DongHae confessed, dropping to his knees in the middle of the corridor. The two crouched there, their foreheads pressed together, their tears running down over their cheeks. “I love you.” DongHae whispered for the first time since they met again. “I love you...” he repeated himself.
“Please.. Please don't say that and then leave me again.”
“I love you... but this can't happen.” DongHae felt his own heart be destroyed as the words passed his lips.
“Please don't say...” HyukJae sobbed,
“I have to go...” DongHae's voice was a whisper. He gently pried HyukJae's arms from his body and climbed to his feet, wiping the tears from his cheeks and stepping in front of a door, just a lew metres away.
“You can't... DongHae please... I'll do anything...” HyukJae tried, moving as fast as he could and grabbing his arm again. DongHae turned and looked down at the arm and back up into the pleading eyes before him.
“This is what I am.” he said simply, pushing HyukJae away and knocking on the door. It was pulled open and a man in his mid fifties opened the door,
“D-DongHae?” he asked, his eyes lustful. HyukJae just watched as a charismatic and seductive mask was pulled over the face of the man he loved,
“Good evening.” he said, his voice almost like a purr, “I'm sorry I'm late.”
“No... Come in..” the man stepped aside. DongHae spared one final glance at HyukJae's face before following the man into his room.
HyukJae sat beside the door for almost an hour, waiting desperately for it to be over.
“Ohh fuck me harder..” came loud and clear through the door, shattering his heart. He scrambled to his feet, his ears filled with moans and gentle cries of pleasure that he had heard too much before. Tears trailed down his cheeks as he found the strength to finally walk away, leaving behind him the only man he would ever love.