Coagulation (04/20)
Hey everyone! I'm back :O Already posting chapter 4. As I said, this chapter and the chapter before it were supposed to be one, but then I decided it made far more sense to just split them, even though it resulted in last chapter being terribly boring :/ haha! I promise things start to get VERY exciting from here~ I just want to take this opportunity now to thank everyone for reading and supporting me through this. You have no idea how happy it makes me~
I hope you continue to enjoy as this fic gets more interesting ;)
Coagulation Masterpost.
아직까지 못해준 그 말,
목이 메여 시큰한 그 말,
누구보다 사랑해.
오직 너와 나 난나나 난나나 난나 이
순간이 행복해 정말,
내게 와서 고마워 정말,
나를 다 줄 한 사람
오직 너와 나 난나나 난나나 바로 너.
- All My Heart by Super Junior
Half an hour passed by so quickly, and before they knew it, JaeJoong and YunHo were standing outside a heavy door, taking in harsh breaths.
“This is it, I guess...” JaeJoong said, his dark eyes fixed on the door before him.
“This is it...” YunHo replied, his eyes moving for a split second to land on the beautiful boy at his side. “I'm glad, you know...” he said, his voice so quiet it was barely above a whisper, “I'm glad I'll be in a group with you.” he was smiling, and it made Jae feel so warm inside.
“I'm glad too.” he smiled back. Their eyes turned again to the door, sucking in another sharp breath. Both of their hands reacher for the doorknob at the same time, colliding as they came into contact with the cold metal.
“Together?” YunHo asked, looking Jae right in the eye.
“Together.” the elder concurred. The two twisted the door knob, letting it swing open to reveal a round table, almost like a conference room. Lee SooMan sat beside a man Jae didn't recognise, the two looked at the trainees entering the room with smiles on their faces. Five more chairs were situated around the desk, each one evenly spaced to the others, three of the five chairs already filled. Each of the boys turned their head to curiously look at those entering. Jae let out a sigh as he saw JunSu give him a wide grin.
“Hyun-Deul!” he said, his eyes full of relief. Jae gave the younger man an affectionate smile as he bowed to all in the room.
“JaeJoong, YunHo.” Lee SooMan said, nodding his head to the pair, “Please, sit down.” The two did as they were told, taking the two empty seats beside JunSu. Their friend leant in, giving them both a nervous look,
“Why are we here?” he whispered, as Lee SooMan and the other man began to talk in hushed voices. YunHo smiled at the younger,
“Wait and see.” he said. JunSu didn't look any less nervous, but he sat back in his chair and was silent. The two men halted their conversation and grinned, looking both pleased and excited.
“YoungWoong JaeJoong.” SooMan said, looking Jae right in the eyes. Jae looked surprised, but just nodded his head. “U-know YunHo.” the man continued, sending a proud look in YunHo's direction. “Micky YooChun, and Xiah JunSu.” he said, turning to the two boys, “and finally, the little Maknae, Choikang ChangMin.” All five trainees in the room watched the CEO carefully. “Those will be your stage names when the five of you debut under the name Dong Bang Shin Ki.” Jae watched JunSu's eyes widen, he also witnessed the two he didn't know as their faces lit up uncontrollably. “The five of you will be starting to train for this group immediately, and we hope to have you on stage by January 2004.” he said. “There is some business to be arranged around your group, as well as contracts, for which I need the help of your new trainer,” he paused, gesturing to the man beside him, “You will be beginning work tomorrow.” Each of the trainees nodded, their happiness overwhelming them. “Now, JaeJoong, take JunSu, YooChun and ChangMin down the hallway to the cloud room. You will be spending the day together so you can get to know one another. You will, after all, be living side by side for years to come. YunHo, I need to speak with you privately.” Both teens nodded their heads. Jae got to his feet, sending YunHo a protective look, why did he need to be spoken to privately? Before over thinking, he gestured for the younger three to follow him.
MinJong saw Jae bite his teeth together hard. He looked bitter and full of contempt as he paused in his memory.
“JaeJoong-nim?” MinJong asked, he was slightly frightened by the change in heart from the elder. Jae clenched his fists tightly, his eyes closing.
“That man...” Jae said slowly, refusing to re-open them. MinJong's eyes widened as he realised.
“You really hate Lee SooMan-nim don't you?” he asked, trying not to get his head bitten off. Jae laughed bitterly, shaking his head.
“You have no idea...” he replied. “He was my mentor, and my role-model. I lived to please him.” Jae said, then turning to MinJong, his eyes wide open and his expression serious. “You have to understand. Never live your live your life for someone's pride in you. No matter how much respect you have for them. Never let anyone threaten you with their faith in your, or try and make you work harder or more, because it would result in them patting you on the head and saying you have done well. It will never end up pretty.”
“What about... What about living for someone?” MinJong asked, hesitating slightly. Jae raised an eyebrow.
“I lived for YunHo. I thought that without him... Everything would lose it's colour and it's light. I thought that without him there was no me. I was convinced that I would love him forever, that he was everything in my life and I honestly believed that would never change.” Jae said, he sighed.
“And...? Did it change?” MinJong asked. Jae laughed at him,it was bitter again.
“Stop reading ahead.”
The four had been awkwardly standing alone in the room for almost half an hour by the time YunHo joined them. He looked more nervous than Jae had ever seen him look before, and it worried him.
“Hyung!” JunSu called out, he had been happily conversing with the boy SooMan had named Micky YooChun. “What did Susang-nim want to talk to you about?” YunHo's eyes wondered over to JaeJoong, but he refused to make eye contact. YunHo smiled, Jae knew it was fake.
“He talked to me about the group. He told me... He told me that he trusted me, and that he knew me well enough to make a crucial decision that could shape the entire group.” YunHo said, the four boys came and stood together in the centre of the room. YunHo sat down and gestured for the others to do the same. They all sat together in a circle, all looking around at faces they didn't know, but whom belonged to people they would soon call brothers. “He told me about positions in the group.” YunHo finished, he still refused to make eye contact with Jae.
“Oh?” YooChun asked, he raised an eyebrow.
“Yes.” YunHo smiled. “ChangMin-ssi, since you're the youngest, that makes you the Maknae. You're also one of the three lead singers.” YunHo smiled at the boy. It was then that Jae realised how terrified the child looked. He had been hiding by himself during their time in the room, on the phone to someone. ChangMin bowed his head,
“Yes, Sunbae-nim!” he replied quickly. YunHo sent the boy a kind smile, it was real and full of affection.
“Please, call me Hyung.” he said, looking at both ChangMin and YooChun, “And as the Hyungs in the group, I expect you all to take good care of him.” YunHo finished, his words aimed at YooChun and JunSu. The maknae nodded his head, he looked relieved. Jae smiled to himself. ChangMin looked like he was about to cry, but with those kind words from YunHo, it almost seemed like some weight he had been carrying had been lifting from his shoulders.
“JunSu-ah, you're gonna be another of the lead singers, as well as the second dancer.” YunHo smiled. JunSu broke out in a grin,
“Thank you, Hyung!” he cried. “Wait till I tell HyukJae, he'll be so proud that I'm a dancer,” he added on to the end. “And my Hyung! He'll just be proud period!” JunSu's laughter made YooChun and ChangMin send him a weird look.
“You sound like a Dolphin.” ChangMin said, rudely. JunSu went pink and hung his head.
“ChangMin!” YunHo scolded, holding down his laughter. The maknae just shrugged. “YooChun-ssi, you're a rapper, as well as a singer and dancer. You're not a lead in any, but you're a triple threat.” YunHo grinned, “Susang-nim described you as 'talented at all three,' so I agree this is appropriate.” YooChun smiled at the teen before him.
“Thank you, Hyung-nim.” YooChun smiled, bowing his head. YunHo swallowed slowly, looking anywhere in the room but at JaeJoong.
“JaeJoong-ssi, you're another lead singer.” he said quickly. Jae felt like he had been punched in the gut. YunHo wouldn't even look at him. Why? Why now of all times?
It was like that for a week. Everyday Jae would train with his new group; everyday YunHo would avoid him; everyday he would return to his small apartment, that he could barely afford, to pack his things neatly into boxes in preparation for moving into the dorm. Jae was terrified of moving into the dorm. He wouldn't be able to hide from YunHo's avoidance. He wouldn't be able to have at least a few hours a day when he could get away from the pain of being ignored by the one he loved.
Jae woke up early on the following Saturday morning. Training was not on, but instead it was the dreaded day when Jae had to leave his cramped little home in favour for the one he would share with YunHo. He sat up in bed, looking around at the boxes filling his one-bedroom apartment. Deep down, Jae knew he was happy to be leaving. He hated the tiny room, and the idea of having a real bed, instead of the old mattress on the floor, made him smile, anticipating the coming comfort. He pottered around, washing himself and making a small bite to eat out of the tiny amount of food left from the night before. He heard a knock on his door, and pulled it open to reveal his manager, a bright smile on his face,
“Good morning, JaeJoong-ah!” he said, striding past the boy and into the room.
“Good morning, Hyung-nim.” Jae replied, bowing. The manager picked up the closest box and began to make for the door.
“This is everything?” he asked, gesturing to the three other boxes by the door. Jae nodded, pushing them into the hallway and shutting the door to his small apartment for the last time. He had no where to run to now.
~
“I CALL THIS BED!” ChangMin yelled as he leapt onto the mattress below the window, burying his face into the sheets.
“Yah! ChangMin-ah! I want that bed!” JunSu pouted, running over to the Maknae and shoving him hard.
“You snooze you lose!” the younger said, poking his tongue out. “I got here first!” Jae watch the two fighting from his own bed beside them. He couldn't resist a smile as they pushed and shoved one another, nearly falling onto the floor.
“Yah! If you two aren't careful you'll fall out the window.” YunHo said, his voice full of affection. Jae looked up at him, placing his things on the bed furthest away on the other side of the room. He looked tired, almost as if he hadn't slept in days.
“We're twenty floors up, falling out that window won't be a party.” YooChun said, a smile on his face. JunSu climbed off the Maknae and sat on the bed to the other side of him.
“Fine. ChangMin can have the middle But I expect him to pay me back for this! I have not yet forgiven him!” he said dramatically. YooChun laughed and pinched the teen's cheeks,
“Naw, admit it, you just didn't want to kill the Maknae.” he said. JunSu swatted his hands away, starting to laugh too.
“You really do sound like a Dolphin.” ChangMin observed. He was laying on his back, the sun in his face. His hands were resting gently behind his head and there was a peaceful look on his face... Until JunSu hit him over the head with a pillow.
“Well you have big ears!” he retaliated. ChangMin opened one eye and raised his eyebrows.
“Really? That's all you've got?” he asked. JunSu just glared at him, but before he could retaliate, YunHo raised a hand.
“That's enough from both of you. Can you shut up?” he asked, he was massaging his temples with a pained and distressed look on his face. Jae was filled with concern, swinging one leg off the bed.
“Are you alright, YunHo-ah?” he asked, his brow furrowing.
“I'm fine, JaeJoong-ssi.” YunHo's reply was impatient and harsh, causing Jae to bite down hard on his own tongue.
“You don't sound like it, Hyung.” ChangMin said, sitting up. “I'll get you a glass of water.” he said, getting to his feet. The five had only been together for a week, and already Jae could sense the connection growing between the leader and the maknae. YunHo had a sense of protectiveness over the younger, a sense of perfection. Everything ChangMin did was right, and Jae had heard YunHo talking to YooChun about what a 'sweet boy' ChangMin was, over and over again. Jae was filled with jealousy. A thick, vile sensation coursing through his body, and as he watched YunHo hug the boy as he was given the glass, it forced him to turn away. Why was ChangMin perfect? Why could YunHo not even look Jae in the eye, but he could praise a child he didn't even know. What had changed? What had risen up in YunHo and ruined everything? Jae still felt the urge to touch YunHo. To hold him and to love him. He felt it every day, every time his eyes lay themselves on YunHo.
The leader stood from his spot on the bed as ChangMin sat down,
“Hyung?” he asked, he still sounded so concerned. YunHo just smiled at him, baring his uneven teeth.
“I'm just getting some fresh air.” the leader replied, leaving the room. Jae got to his feet and followed, shutting the bedroom door behind him, leaving the three youngest in the room. He had to know why. Once they were alone, he spoke,
“YunHo-ah.” Jae said, causing the man in front of him to stop. “What is wrong?”
“I already told you, JaeJoong-ssi, I'm-”
“JaeJoong-ssi? JaeJoong-ssi?” Jae cut him off. “We have been friends for nearly two years, YunHo. Don't you dare talk to me like I am a stranger.”
“JaeJoong..” YunHo tried again, but Jae just raised a hand and continued to speak.
“Why are you ignoring me?” he demanded. “Why can't you even look at me anymore? What happened? YunHo, this is bullshit!” the elder winced at the tone in Jae's voice as he swore. He was angry and he was hurt.
And YunHo was guilty.
“I can look you you!” he snapped back, glaring at the other man, not knowing what it was he wanted to win. All he knew was that he wanted to grab the man and hold him. Hold him tightly to his chest.
“No you cannot! YunHo we were best friends! I told you everything. I went to you when I was in need and you helped me.” Jae felt tears prick into his eyes. “Then one day, we both received the best news of our lives. You told me, you said how happy you were that we could do this together. How happy you were that I, of all people, was the one chosen for you to set out on this incredible journey with. And then suddenly, you can't even look at me. You can't speak to me and you ignore me completely. We are about to debut together! We are living together, working together. Don't you remember? The five of us as brothers.” Jae was hurting himself with his words, he knew it. He let the first tears roll down his cheeks and stared at the man before him. He never wanted to be YunHo's brother, but he would take anything over this.
“We can't be brothers, Jae. You and I... we could never be brothers.” YunHo said, he rubbed at his eye again. Jae stared at him, not even making an attempt to stop the tears.
“So that's it then? We will live together and work together as if the other doesn't exist? Would you care to give me a fucking reason for why my best friend doesn't want to look at me anymore?” YunHo was silent, his own emotions eating away at him. His damn pride. His damn need to be perfect for his parents. He had slept under bridges, he had camped out on the floor of JunSu's house because of his parents. They didn't care about him. All they wanted was for him to be the best at something. They didn't want his love or his happiness, they want a son they can gloat about.
And who would gloat about a fag?
“I thought you were a good person.” Jae said, “I... I told you that I loved you. I said something that would make any man in Korea run and hide, but you never once treated me differently. That day was so perfect, everything was so perfect, until it felt like you had just punched me in the face.” a sob erupted from his throat, making YunHo look up at him. YunHo's eyes widened as he saw Jae's red and puffy eyes. “I thought you would hate me, but you never did. Why do you hate me now? What did I do that made me so repulsive?”
“JaeJoong-ah..” YunHo said, trying to stop himself from reaching out. He didn't know what he could say, he didn't know what he could do. Jae just gave him a disappointed look as the silence stretched out. The elder looked at the ground, wiping at his face furiously.
“Fine. You don't exist to me. I don't exist to you. Remember that this will be your fault when it destroys Dong Bang Shin Ki... Or when it destroys me.” he said, turning and heading towards the front door, desperate to get away. YunHo didn't know what to do, his heart ached and his head spun, he wanted to reach out, he wanted to stop him from going, he wanted to hold him tightly until everything that hurt went away. YunHo took in a deep breath and walked strongly across the room, grabbing Jae by the arm, forcing him to turn around, and then with every ounce of hope, passion and love inside of him, YunHo grabbed the back of Jae's neck and kissed him.
******
Now, as promised, the basis of fiction on fact. The story of YunJae's first kiss was taken from an episode of Come To Play from October 2008. The member's describe their first kiss, proper kiss. Though Jae's didn't seem very satisfying, YunHo shared a beautiful story.
In my opinion, this story was one of three things. Either it was complete bullshit, actually JaeJoong or YunHo just lives in some kinda of cliché ^^
I could not find a cut of this story, so here is the part of the full episode in which YunHo shares this story.
[Eng Sub] C0m3 T0 PIay DBSK [6/7] by iTheTime
part one of the full episode can be found here.
I hope you continue to enjoy as this fic gets more interesting ;)
Coagulation Masterpost.
아직까지 못해준 그 말,
목이 메여 시큰한 그 말,
누구보다 사랑해.
오직 너와 나 난나나 난나나 난나 이
순간이 행복해 정말,
내게 와서 고마워 정말,
나를 다 줄 한 사람
오직 너와 나 난나나 난나나 바로 너.
- All My Heart by Super Junior
Half an hour passed by so quickly, and before they knew it, JaeJoong and YunHo were standing outside a heavy door, taking in harsh breaths.
“This is it, I guess...” JaeJoong said, his dark eyes fixed on the door before him.
“This is it...” YunHo replied, his eyes moving for a split second to land on the beautiful boy at his side. “I'm glad, you know...” he said, his voice so quiet it was barely above a whisper, “I'm glad I'll be in a group with you.” he was smiling, and it made Jae feel so warm inside.
“I'm glad too.” he smiled back. Their eyes turned again to the door, sucking in another sharp breath. Both of their hands reacher for the doorknob at the same time, colliding as they came into contact with the cold metal.
“Together?” YunHo asked, looking Jae right in the eye.
“Together.” the elder concurred. The two twisted the door knob, letting it swing open to reveal a round table, almost like a conference room. Lee SooMan sat beside a man Jae didn't recognise, the two looked at the trainees entering the room with smiles on their faces. Five more chairs were situated around the desk, each one evenly spaced to the others, three of the five chairs already filled. Each of the boys turned their head to curiously look at those entering. Jae let out a sigh as he saw JunSu give him a wide grin.
“Hyun-Deul!” he said, his eyes full of relief. Jae gave the younger man an affectionate smile as he bowed to all in the room.
“JaeJoong, YunHo.” Lee SooMan said, nodding his head to the pair, “Please, sit down.” The two did as they were told, taking the two empty seats beside JunSu. Their friend leant in, giving them both a nervous look,
“Why are we here?” he whispered, as Lee SooMan and the other man began to talk in hushed voices. YunHo smiled at the younger,
“Wait and see.” he said. JunSu didn't look any less nervous, but he sat back in his chair and was silent. The two men halted their conversation and grinned, looking both pleased and excited.
“YoungWoong JaeJoong.” SooMan said, looking Jae right in the eyes. Jae looked surprised, but just nodded his head. “U-know YunHo.” the man continued, sending a proud look in YunHo's direction. “Micky YooChun, and Xiah JunSu.” he said, turning to the two boys, “and finally, the little Maknae, Choikang ChangMin.” All five trainees in the room watched the CEO carefully. “Those will be your stage names when the five of you debut under the name Dong Bang Shin Ki.” Jae watched JunSu's eyes widen, he also witnessed the two he didn't know as their faces lit up uncontrollably. “The five of you will be starting to train for this group immediately, and we hope to have you on stage by January 2004.” he said. “There is some business to be arranged around your group, as well as contracts, for which I need the help of your new trainer,” he paused, gesturing to the man beside him, “You will be beginning work tomorrow.” Each of the trainees nodded, their happiness overwhelming them. “Now, JaeJoong, take JunSu, YooChun and ChangMin down the hallway to the cloud room. You will be spending the day together so you can get to know one another. You will, after all, be living side by side for years to come. YunHo, I need to speak with you privately.” Both teens nodded their heads. Jae got to his feet, sending YunHo a protective look, why did he need to be spoken to privately? Before over thinking, he gestured for the younger three to follow him.
MinJong saw Jae bite his teeth together hard. He looked bitter and full of contempt as he paused in his memory.
“JaeJoong-nim?” MinJong asked, he was slightly frightened by the change in heart from the elder. Jae clenched his fists tightly, his eyes closing.
“That man...” Jae said slowly, refusing to re-open them. MinJong's eyes widened as he realised.
“You really hate Lee SooMan-nim don't you?” he asked, trying not to get his head bitten off. Jae laughed bitterly, shaking his head.
“You have no idea...” he replied. “He was my mentor, and my role-model. I lived to please him.” Jae said, then turning to MinJong, his eyes wide open and his expression serious. “You have to understand. Never live your live your life for someone's pride in you. No matter how much respect you have for them. Never let anyone threaten you with their faith in your, or try and make you work harder or more, because it would result in them patting you on the head and saying you have done well. It will never end up pretty.”
“What about... What about living for someone?” MinJong asked, hesitating slightly. Jae raised an eyebrow.
“I lived for YunHo. I thought that without him... Everything would lose it's colour and it's light. I thought that without him there was no me. I was convinced that I would love him forever, that he was everything in my life and I honestly believed that would never change.” Jae said, he sighed.
“And...? Did it change?” MinJong asked. Jae laughed at him,it was bitter again.
“Stop reading ahead.”
The four had been awkwardly standing alone in the room for almost half an hour by the time YunHo joined them. He looked more nervous than Jae had ever seen him look before, and it worried him.
“Hyung!” JunSu called out, he had been happily conversing with the boy SooMan had named Micky YooChun. “What did Susang-nim want to talk to you about?” YunHo's eyes wondered over to JaeJoong, but he refused to make eye contact. YunHo smiled, Jae knew it was fake.
“He talked to me about the group. He told me... He told me that he trusted me, and that he knew me well enough to make a crucial decision that could shape the entire group.” YunHo said, the four boys came and stood together in the centre of the room. YunHo sat down and gestured for the others to do the same. They all sat together in a circle, all looking around at faces they didn't know, but whom belonged to people they would soon call brothers. “He told me about positions in the group.” YunHo finished, he still refused to make eye contact with Jae.
“Oh?” YooChun asked, he raised an eyebrow.
“Yes.” YunHo smiled. “ChangMin-ssi, since you're the youngest, that makes you the Maknae. You're also one of the three lead singers.” YunHo smiled at the boy. It was then that Jae realised how terrified the child looked. He had been hiding by himself during their time in the room, on the phone to someone. ChangMin bowed his head,
“Yes, Sunbae-nim!” he replied quickly. YunHo sent the boy a kind smile, it was real and full of affection.
“Please, call me Hyung.” he said, looking at both ChangMin and YooChun, “And as the Hyungs in the group, I expect you all to take good care of him.” YunHo finished, his words aimed at YooChun and JunSu. The maknae nodded his head, he looked relieved. Jae smiled to himself. ChangMin looked like he was about to cry, but with those kind words from YunHo, it almost seemed like some weight he had been carrying had been lifting from his shoulders.
“JunSu-ah, you're gonna be another of the lead singers, as well as the second dancer.” YunHo smiled. JunSu broke out in a grin,
“Thank you, Hyung!” he cried. “Wait till I tell HyukJae, he'll be so proud that I'm a dancer,” he added on to the end. “And my Hyung! He'll just be proud period!” JunSu's laughter made YooChun and ChangMin send him a weird look.
“You sound like a Dolphin.” ChangMin said, rudely. JunSu went pink and hung his head.
“ChangMin!” YunHo scolded, holding down his laughter. The maknae just shrugged. “YooChun-ssi, you're a rapper, as well as a singer and dancer. You're not a lead in any, but you're a triple threat.” YunHo grinned, “Susang-nim described you as 'talented at all three,' so I agree this is appropriate.” YooChun smiled at the teen before him.
“Thank you, Hyung-nim.” YooChun smiled, bowing his head. YunHo swallowed slowly, looking anywhere in the room but at JaeJoong.
“JaeJoong-ssi, you're another lead singer.” he said quickly. Jae felt like he had been punched in the gut. YunHo wouldn't even look at him. Why? Why now of all times?
It was like that for a week. Everyday Jae would train with his new group; everyday YunHo would avoid him; everyday he would return to his small apartment, that he could barely afford, to pack his things neatly into boxes in preparation for moving into the dorm. Jae was terrified of moving into the dorm. He wouldn't be able to hide from YunHo's avoidance. He wouldn't be able to have at least a few hours a day when he could get away from the pain of being ignored by the one he loved.
Jae woke up early on the following Saturday morning. Training was not on, but instead it was the dreaded day when Jae had to leave his cramped little home in favour for the one he would share with YunHo. He sat up in bed, looking around at the boxes filling his one-bedroom apartment. Deep down, Jae knew he was happy to be leaving. He hated the tiny room, and the idea of having a real bed, instead of the old mattress on the floor, made him smile, anticipating the coming comfort. He pottered around, washing himself and making a small bite to eat out of the tiny amount of food left from the night before. He heard a knock on his door, and pulled it open to reveal his manager, a bright smile on his face,
“Good morning, JaeJoong-ah!” he said, striding past the boy and into the room.
“Good morning, Hyung-nim.” Jae replied, bowing. The manager picked up the closest box and began to make for the door.
“This is everything?” he asked, gesturing to the three other boxes by the door. Jae nodded, pushing them into the hallway and shutting the door to his small apartment for the last time. He had no where to run to now.
~
“I CALL THIS BED!” ChangMin yelled as he leapt onto the mattress below the window, burying his face into the sheets.
“Yah! ChangMin-ah! I want that bed!” JunSu pouted, running over to the Maknae and shoving him hard.
“You snooze you lose!” the younger said, poking his tongue out. “I got here first!” Jae watch the two fighting from his own bed beside them. He couldn't resist a smile as they pushed and shoved one another, nearly falling onto the floor.
“Yah! If you two aren't careful you'll fall out the window.” YunHo said, his voice full of affection. Jae looked up at him, placing his things on the bed furthest away on the other side of the room. He looked tired, almost as if he hadn't slept in days.
“We're twenty floors up, falling out that window won't be a party.” YooChun said, a smile on his face. JunSu climbed off the Maknae and sat on the bed to the other side of him.
“Fine. ChangMin can have the middle But I expect him to pay me back for this! I have not yet forgiven him!” he said dramatically. YooChun laughed and pinched the teen's cheeks,
“Naw, admit it, you just didn't want to kill the Maknae.” he said. JunSu swatted his hands away, starting to laugh too.
“You really do sound like a Dolphin.” ChangMin observed. He was laying on his back, the sun in his face. His hands were resting gently behind his head and there was a peaceful look on his face... Until JunSu hit him over the head with a pillow.
“Well you have big ears!” he retaliated. ChangMin opened one eye and raised his eyebrows.
“Really? That's all you've got?” he asked. JunSu just glared at him, but before he could retaliate, YunHo raised a hand.
“That's enough from both of you. Can you shut up?” he asked, he was massaging his temples with a pained and distressed look on his face. Jae was filled with concern, swinging one leg off the bed.
“Are you alright, YunHo-ah?” he asked, his brow furrowing.
“I'm fine, JaeJoong-ssi.” YunHo's reply was impatient and harsh, causing Jae to bite down hard on his own tongue.
“You don't sound like it, Hyung.” ChangMin said, sitting up. “I'll get you a glass of water.” he said, getting to his feet. The five had only been together for a week, and already Jae could sense the connection growing between the leader and the maknae. YunHo had a sense of protectiveness over the younger, a sense of perfection. Everything ChangMin did was right, and Jae had heard YunHo talking to YooChun about what a 'sweet boy' ChangMin was, over and over again. Jae was filled with jealousy. A thick, vile sensation coursing through his body, and as he watched YunHo hug the boy as he was given the glass, it forced him to turn away. Why was ChangMin perfect? Why could YunHo not even look Jae in the eye, but he could praise a child he didn't even know. What had changed? What had risen up in YunHo and ruined everything? Jae still felt the urge to touch YunHo. To hold him and to love him. He felt it every day, every time his eyes lay themselves on YunHo.
The leader stood from his spot on the bed as ChangMin sat down,
“Hyung?” he asked, he still sounded so concerned. YunHo just smiled at him, baring his uneven teeth.
“I'm just getting some fresh air.” the leader replied, leaving the room. Jae got to his feet and followed, shutting the bedroom door behind him, leaving the three youngest in the room. He had to know why. Once they were alone, he spoke,
“YunHo-ah.” Jae said, causing the man in front of him to stop. “What is wrong?”
“I already told you, JaeJoong-ssi, I'm-”
“JaeJoong-ssi? JaeJoong-ssi?” Jae cut him off. “We have been friends for nearly two years, YunHo. Don't you dare talk to me like I am a stranger.”
“JaeJoong..” YunHo tried again, but Jae just raised a hand and continued to speak.
“Why are you ignoring me?” he demanded. “Why can't you even look at me anymore? What happened? YunHo, this is bullshit!” the elder winced at the tone in Jae's voice as he swore. He was angry and he was hurt.
And YunHo was guilty.
“I can look you you!” he snapped back, glaring at the other man, not knowing what it was he wanted to win. All he knew was that he wanted to grab the man and hold him. Hold him tightly to his chest.
“No you cannot! YunHo we were best friends! I told you everything. I went to you when I was in need and you helped me.” Jae felt tears prick into his eyes. “Then one day, we both received the best news of our lives. You told me, you said how happy you were that we could do this together. How happy you were that I, of all people, was the one chosen for you to set out on this incredible journey with. And then suddenly, you can't even look at me. You can't speak to me and you ignore me completely. We are about to debut together! We are living together, working together. Don't you remember? The five of us as brothers.” Jae was hurting himself with his words, he knew it. He let the first tears roll down his cheeks and stared at the man before him. He never wanted to be YunHo's brother, but he would take anything over this.
“We can't be brothers, Jae. You and I... we could never be brothers.” YunHo said, he rubbed at his eye again. Jae stared at him, not even making an attempt to stop the tears.
“So that's it then? We will live together and work together as if the other doesn't exist? Would you care to give me a fucking reason for why my best friend doesn't want to look at me anymore?” YunHo was silent, his own emotions eating away at him. His damn pride. His damn need to be perfect for his parents. He had slept under bridges, he had camped out on the floor of JunSu's house because of his parents. They didn't care about him. All they wanted was for him to be the best at something. They didn't want his love or his happiness, they want a son they can gloat about.
And who would gloat about a fag?
“I thought you were a good person.” Jae said, “I... I told you that I loved you. I said something that would make any man in Korea run and hide, but you never once treated me differently. That day was so perfect, everything was so perfect, until it felt like you had just punched me in the face.” a sob erupted from his throat, making YunHo look up at him. YunHo's eyes widened as he saw Jae's red and puffy eyes. “I thought you would hate me, but you never did. Why do you hate me now? What did I do that made me so repulsive?”
“JaeJoong-ah..” YunHo said, trying to stop himself from reaching out. He didn't know what he could say, he didn't know what he could do. Jae just gave him a disappointed look as the silence stretched out. The elder looked at the ground, wiping at his face furiously.
“Fine. You don't exist to me. I don't exist to you. Remember that this will be your fault when it destroys Dong Bang Shin Ki... Or when it destroys me.” he said, turning and heading towards the front door, desperate to get away. YunHo didn't know what to do, his heart ached and his head spun, he wanted to reach out, he wanted to stop him from going, he wanted to hold him tightly until everything that hurt went away. YunHo took in a deep breath and walked strongly across the room, grabbing Jae by the arm, forcing him to turn around, and then with every ounce of hope, passion and love inside of him, YunHo grabbed the back of Jae's neck and kissed him.
******
Now, as promised, the basis of fiction on fact. The story of YunJae's first kiss was taken from an episode of Come To Play from October 2008. The member's describe their first kiss, proper kiss. Though Jae's didn't seem very satisfying, YunHo shared a beautiful story.
In my opinion, this story was one of three things. Either it was complete bullshit, actually JaeJoong or YunHo just lives in some kinda of cliché ^^
I could not find a cut of this story, so here is the part of the full episode in which YunHo shares this story.
[Eng Sub] C0m3 T0 PIay DBSK [6/7] by iTheTime
part one of the full episode can be found here.