Coagulation (02/20)
My sincerest apologies for taking over a month to update this. I really am very, very sorry! I hope all those who were excited to support me with the first chapter are still here to help me with the second~
I know this entire story is pretty corny, but I ope that everyone has fun with it, and that it makes you smile. This isn't supposed to be some major piece of art or anything, it's just supposed to be enjoyable, and maybe entertaining.
I hope you continue to support me!
Previous chapters.
どうして…君に何も伝えられなかったんだろう?
毎日毎晩募ってく想い
溢れ出す言葉 解ってたのに(もう届かない)
- Why Did I Fall In Love With You? by Tohoshinki
“Again.” the trainer said gruffly from his position leaning against the wall. The nine exhausted trainees took their places and, as the music began, started to recite the dance moves they already knew too well. JaeJoong watched his reflection move in the mirror on the wall of the dance studio, watching as his limp hair stick to the sweat on his forehead. He could feel his tired legs about to give out from under him as he pushed on, determined to make it until the end of the training session. The beat of the overplayed song was heavy and the trainees worked their bodies through the choreography under the sharp watch of their trainer. JaeJoong let his eyes wander from his own reflection, across the other trainees, watching as their strained expressions showed nothing but pure exhaustion. Finally, the trainee's gaze landed on YunHo. The concentrated expression on the teen's face as his body moved in perfect time captivated JaeJoong. YunHo was perfect every time, whether it was the first or thousandth time they learned a routine. JaeJoong's mind wondering away from him confused his already exhausted body, causing his legs to give out from beneath him.
“Ooof.” the teen grunted as he came into sharp contact with the solid practice room floor.
“Stop!” the trainer yelled, anger evident on his face. JaeJoong swallowed, looking up at the man storming towards him. The trainer grabbed him by the collar and pulled him off the floor, “Can you do nothing?” he bellowed. “It's a simple step, JaeJoong, or are you just too stupid?”
“I'm sorry, Susang-nim.” Jae mumbled, trying to avoid eye contact. He felt frustration and anger wash over him.
“He's tired, Susang-Nim. We're all tired.” YunHo's gentle voice came, causing the trainer to avert his attentive eyes. He looked between the teens in the room, their bodies sweaty and their breath heaving.
“Fine. Take a fifteen minute break.” he snapped, roughly pushing JaeJoong away from him. The members of the group grabbed at their water bottles from the floor and sat down, their heads drooping in exhaustion. JaeJoong couldn't stand that little room anymore, turning away and without thinking, sprinting as far as he could in an attempt to get some kind of refuge from the stress building up.
The door to the roof swung open as the aggravated teen ran, taking in the fresh air and letting it calm him. Finally, he let himself stop, sitting down hard on the concrete. The harsh words of the trainer brought everything out of him, his frustration, anger, stress, nerves and homesickness. Home... that was a place he knew he wouldn't be seeing for a long time. He was working so hard, hoping it would pay off. Almost thirteen hours a day were spent in that darned room, going over the same steps and the same routines, sometimes even longer. What if this was all for nothing? What if he would never debut? What if he was slowly letting himself be worked to death only to be thrown aside like so many had before? JaeJoong gritted his teeth against the tears, clenching a fist and slamming it down as hard as he could onto the concrete, again and again.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!” he yelled, his hand hurting, but having no will to stop.
“You'll break you hand, you know. If you keep doing that.” came a voice from the other side of the roof. Jae's hand stopped mid air as he looked up to see YunHo's concerned expression.
“It's all I can do to let it out...” Jae said, those damn tears still trying to fall. YunHo gave him a knowing smile, sitting himself down beside the elder teen.
“It's okay to cry, you know, Jae.” he said, his expression almost wise. It was like someone had turned on a tap. He couldn't hold it in anymore, the tears were too much. “The Lord knows I do. I work as hard as I can while I'm here, then I go home and cry to my mum.” YunHo flashed Jae a toothy smile, though he looked sad. Jae wiped at his face, the wet trails almost washing away the stress. It felt good to cry.
“Crying to mum... if only I had that luxury.” Jae sighed, rubbing his eyes.
“You're not from here, are you? You come from the South, right?” YunHo asked, leaning back on his arms, watching the sleepless city move.
“GongJu... It's in Chungcheongnam-do. But even there I can't cry to mum. I'm adopted.” JaeJoong forced a smile. “Growing up with Eight elder sisters, it's not like my adoptive parents really had any time for me anyway. But this is the the time for my sob story.” Jae said, determined to changed the subject.
“Eight sisters? Whoa... I had enough trouble with just the one. But then I guess I'm the eldest, so I have the power.” YunHo smiled again, this time more sincere. “Jae... Don't feel scared to cry. It will only hurt you if you keep it in.” YunHo gave the elder another concerned look.
“When, though?” JaeJoong asked, “How can I just cry? Everyone will think I'm even more pathetic than they already do.” he hung his head, wiping the tears from his cheeks. YunHo laughed, he actually laughed out loud.
“You? Pathetic?” YunHo laughed still, “Jae, every girl down there who isn't in love with DongHae-ah is in love with you. I'm pretty sure that MinRi girl is planning to ask you out tomorrow, and I heard half of them whispering about what they wanted to do for you on white day.”
“What...?” Jae asked, his eyes going wide.
“You do this thing, so I hear, it's like a smirk or something. Half of the girls talk about. Some of the trainees here know my sister, and I know she wants to meet you, she has heard so much.” YunHo grinned at Jae, punching him gently in the shoulder. “Aigoo you're a lady killer and you didn't even know it.” JaeJoong felt a confidence boost, if he was popular, would that mean something? He still felt like an idiot for crying.
“I had no idea...” he said, laughing through the tears that he frantically wiped from his cheeks.
“Jae... I understand that you're scared. Lord knows how much I understand. Please promise me you won't try to hold it in. It will make you tear yourself apart, and you are far too good for that.” YunHo's hand found it's way to Jae's back, rubbing back and forth comfortingly. “Right here. Every time you feel like you're about to explode, just run up here and I'll be there for you, okay?” Jae almost felt the urge to cry again. YunHo was there for him. He nodded gently, his tears melting into a soft smile.
This time he noticed the girl's stares and whispers as he walked through the hallways.
“So?” MinJong asked, his eyes were full of understanding. It pained JaeJoong that this young teen knew that feeling of stress and pressure. He was too young for that... Everyone was too young for that. “Did you ever see him on the roof again?” Jae's smile told MinJong he was about to hear what he wanted.
“Every time... Every single time I felt at a loss, or I felt homesick, or I felt sad or stressed, he would always take me up to the roof and would repeat those same reassuring words to me. Sometimes I would try and hide it from him, but he would never miss a beat. He would tell me that I had to let it out, and that he wouldn't let me corrode in front of him.” JaeJoong heard himself laugh, “he is such a hypocrite. About a year later, I was the one cornering him and telling him he had to cry. He was too fixed on holding it in, and not crying in front of the other members. Babo...”
“Do you... Do you still love him?” MinJong asked hesitantly. It was the question he needed to know that answer to, but one that he couldn't find it within himself to ask. JaeJoong was still smiling, but now he looked sad. He looked pale, and older. Like he had lost some part of himself.
“You can't skip to the end... We've hardly even started the beginning yet...”
It was White Day. The day of love and South Korea was blooming. The training session had been cut short by almost six hours, as the trainers jumped in their determination to run home to their loved ones. Jae towelled his hair roughly as he emerged from the men's shower room, his limbs tired from the vigourous dancing, but a content hum in the pit of his stomach. He walked comfortably in the dark jeans that hugged his legs, his shoulders protruding from a wife-beater.
“S-Sunbae-nim?” came a nervous voice from behind him. Jae turned to see three girls, their cheeks pink and their eyes low to the floor. He smiled as lightly as he could at the girls, they were a few years younger, but they looked sweet. Suddenly, all three of them held their hands out, small packages in each of them, their faces now turned completely to the floor. “Please take these gifts! We want you to be happy on white day.” the one in the front said. Jae was surprised and touched by the efforts of these girls, they were so kind.
“Thank you!” he said, taking the gifts with the bright smile still on his face. “Can I ask your name?” he said to the girl, her face the colour of a ripe tomato.
“J-Jung SooYeon, Sunbae-nim!” was all she said, her eyes wide.
“Well it's nice to meet you SooYeon Hoobae-nim!” he said kindly, bowing to her and her friends. “Thank you so much for this, really.” he said. Deep down he was embarrassed. Girls actually targeted him above the other boys? He held down a blush the threatened to creep onto his cheeks.
“JaeJoong-ah! I have been looking for you!” a thickly accented voice came from behind the girls. Jae looked up and saw Han Geng walking towards him, his gentle and contagious smile lighting up the room. The Chinese man hugged the younger briefly before bowing to the girls and leading him off towards their own training room. “The others are making plans to go out, and they wanted me to make sure you were in on it.” he grinned, opening the door. The room was filled with all the boys in their training group, as well as four others he recognised from seeing in the hallways, but whom he did not know.
“Eu Kyang Kyang.” Jae heard from the corner and knew something mischievous was going on. JunSu, DongHae and HyukJae were standing by the wall, their bright smiles and happy laughing ringing in the room, permanent markers in their hands.
“What are you idiots doing now?” a voice came from the other side of Han Geng. JaeJoong looked the boy up and down, taking in his appearance. He was pretty, if you can say that about a man; he looked a few years older, and more mature, he was probably around the same age as Han Geng. His hair was dark and his eyes were wise and knowing, but he had an air of childishness around him.
“White Day 2002, training group E. Maybe we haven't debuted yet, and maybe we have a long way to go, but we will never lose faith in ourselves and in each other. We are the best! Training Group E hwaiting!” DongHae read aloud, leaving all the other members in the room with soft smiles on their faces.
“And the other bit?” the pretty boy asked again. Jae looked at him with curious eyes, how had he known? The three boys by the wall burst out laughing again, grinning wickedly at each other.
“The last person to get a White Day gift has to buy everyone else Kimchi friend rice!” HyukJae laughed, looking around at the other men.
JaeJoong paused, laughing, as he got to his feet, walking over to the other side of the room. Nostalgia coursed through him as he ran his fingertips over the words permanently inked onto the wall.
“You trained here?” MinJong asked, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and he had missed it.
“I did... 13 hours a day, every day, for around two years.” Jae smiled, laughing at the memories from the room. He went back to his spot against the wall, his fond memories bringing happiness to his heart. He continued...
“Yah!” SungMin, another boy in their training group, called out, a distinct pout evident on his delicate features. “You're only saying that because the three of you have already been given White Day gifts!” There was another burst of hysterical laughter as the three tricksters were caught out. Some of the teens in the room looked nervous, and Jae caught sight of an expression crossing YunHo's face on the other side of the room.
“Now!” DongHae yelled, thrusting an arm into the air, “It's time for singles Noraebang!” he said, grinning. Everyone looked so happy, it felt like it was the first time the trainees were spending time together outside of training. JaeJoong grabbed his bag off the floor and swung it over his shoulder,
“You coming, Hyung?” JunSu asked, approaching JaeJoong. He was smiling wider than Jae had ever seen him smile before.
“Of course.” Was all Jae could reply, he was excited. The room slowly emptied out as the boys made their way down the hall of the training building. Jae turned his head and saw YunHo walking with SungMin and another boy, giving them both small White Day gifts.
“If anyone asks, just say you got them from a girl you don't know. I'm not even one hundred percent sure of the names of the girls who gave them to me.” he smiled, both boys bowing to him.
“Thank you so much, YunHo-ah.” SungMin said, “I know HyukJae and the other two would make me buy them food.” He was still pouting slightly, but had a big smile on his face. The two teens stuffed the small packages into their bags and hurried from the room, leaving YunHo and JaeJoong alone.
“That was... a very generous thing to do.” Jae smiled, watching as the younger pulled his bag from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. YunHo just shrugged, and Jae knew that being selfless as his second nature. The two hurried out of the room and followed the others, ready for a night for themselves.
~
Laughter filled the room as HyukJae and JunSu sung their duet, swaying to the trot beat with feather boas around their necks. They pulled faces and put on ridiculous voices as they sung the lyrics every Korean would know. JaeJoong's hand came up to cover his mouth as he heartily laughed, barely even remembering the last time he had this amount of fun. JunSu and HyukJae turned to the audience and bowed low, flourishing their hands, with cocky grins on their faces. HyukJae sent a notable wink across the room, and as Jae glanced back, he caught sight of a small blush creep up on DongHae's cheeks. Downing the last of his drink, JaeJoong shook his head, deciding he was imagining things. The alcohol coursing through his body made his head feel light, and made his smiles come fast, though they made his bladder heavy. The trainee excused himself from the party, wondering down the hall in search of a bathroom.
As he washed his hands, the door was pushed open, and that same pretty boy from earlier entered, giving Jae a lively smile before moving to check his appearance in the mirror.
“Hello.” he said, turning to look at Jae.
“Hello, Sunbae-nim.” Jae replied, bowing.
“You're the infamous JaeJoong, right?” the boy asked, cocking an eyebrow as he turned back to his own reflection, starting to fiddle with his already perfect hair.
“I'm infamous?” Jae asked, cocking his head, a giggle coming up his throat. The boy smirked, nodding his head.
“You and a couple of your little friends are all the girls in my training group talk about.” he said. “I'm HeeChul.” he introduced, bowing his head slightly in the mirror, now looking at Jae.
“It's nice to meet you, HeeChul Sunbae-nim.” Jae replied, trying to smile.
“So.” HeeChul started, moving to lean against the wall. “How long have you and YunHo been together?” he asked tactlessly, surprising JaeJoong enough to cause the teen to choke on his own saliva.
“Excuse me?” he asked, once he had recovered.
“Oh please.” HeeChul smiled, tossing his hair. “You can't lie to me. It's obvious you like him, even if you're not together. I saw the way you looked at him.”
“I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.” JaeJoong mumbled, he was sobering up, and fast.
“Really?” HeeChul looked surprised. He gave Jae a once over, cocking his head slightly. “I could have sworn...”
“I...” Jae tried, but what could he say?
“Sorry, pretty boy, I was sure... The way you look at him, it looks like he's fucking Prince Charming and you just woke up from your beauty sleep.” HeeChul said, smiling ever so slightly. “I was sure you were in love with him.”
“I...” Jae tried again, but to no avail.
“See you later, then.” HeeChul smiled, leaving the bathrooms. Jae looked at his reflection. Him, in love with YunHo? Not only was YunHo a man but he was Jae's friend. Really good friend. Of course Jae loved YunHo, but in love? The trainee shook his head, it must be nothing. He left the bathrooms and re-entered the party, seeing YunHo's bright smile as he sung along to the hilarious trot song. His smile was so happy, he looked so happy. His body moved to the beat and his voice sounded content, calm. Jae felt the sudden urge to hold him tightly and never let go, to never let him lose that feeling of contentedness and of happiness; he wanted to kiss those smiling lips and to hold on to that moment forever; he wanted to laugh and oh my god he was in love with YunHo.
JaeJoong sat back down, poured himself a glass of soju and continued to drink.
Jae went silent, his cheeks going slightly pink.
“So this is when you realised you were in love with YunHo?” MinJong asked, his voice almost cocky. “Did you tell him? Was there some massive romantic scene?”
“Well...” Jae said, rubbing at his face. He remembered it clearly, the most humiliating moment of his young life. “I did tell him... though it was hardly romantic.”
“Oh...?” MinJong asked, he looked curious now.
“Well.. Erm... You know how I said I... After I realised my feelings towards YunHo... I drank a bit...”
“JaeJoong?” a voice called, pulling Jae out of his daze. “Hyung?” Jae's eyes opened and was met with the mixture of bright lights and DongHae's gentle smile. DongHae was really quite handsome, how had he never noticed that before? He was handsome.. but he seemed to be lacking. His hair was sharp black, but it wasn't as perfect as YunHo's. His eyes were kind and gentle, but not like YunHo's. His smile was friendly and contagious, but it wasn't the same as YunHo's.
Jae groaned loudly, feeling butterflies rise in his stomach. He sat up, his head still feeling light and a small giggle erupting from his throat.
“Hyung are you all right?” DongHae asked, concern on his face.
“It's okay, DongHae-ah. You take HyukJae-ah and I'll take Jae.” YunHo's voice came from beside him. Jae smiled, looking up,
“Yunnie!” he said, giggling again. YunHo smirked slightly at the name, pulling Jae off the floor. DongHae held onto a mumbling HyukJae and made an attempt to bow at the two,
“Thank you, Hyung.” DongHae said, giving YunHo a look of relief as the man held tightly onto JaeJoong. YunHo just nodded his head, letting the younger two leave.
“Yunnie?” Jae giggled again, puffing out his cheeks and prodding a finger at YunHo's nose. “Can I call you Yunnie?” he asked, hiccupping slightly. “You can call me... BooJae!” Jae laughed again.
“BooJae?” YunHo asked, trying to hold down a chuckle.
“Yes BooJae!” Jae pouted, poking YunHo once more. “Yunnie, do you know what?”
“Tell me what.” YunHo said, making an attempt to half carry, half drag Jae down the halls and to the door.
“Have you ever noticed how handsome DongHae is?” Jae asked, as they made it to the door, walking out on to the abandoned streets. YunHo gave Jae a look of slight surprise.
“No... I guess I've never thought about it...” he replied, giving Jae a curious look.
“I was thinking today, you know, Yunnie... And I think I figured something out.” Jae said, his head was light and his mouth was moving, even though his brain was protesting.
“What did you figure out, Jae?” YunHo asked, helping Jae walk along the side-walk.
“I think I;m in love with you.” the elder replied matter-of-factly. YunHo began to cough, his eyes wide. “And you know what I think?” Jae asked, wrapping an arm around YunHo's middle. “If I wasn't so in love with you, I'd go for DongHae.” he said, hiccupping again. Jae didn't notice the look of surprise on YunHo's face, a look he attempted to hide with a small laugh, in fact, Jae didn't notice much because at that moment, he promptly bent over and threw up the entire contents of his stomach onto the side-walk. YunHo did not hesitate in holding back Jae's hair, a million questions running through his brain.
~
The sun was so bright when Jae awoke the following morning, still fully clothed and spread out over his bed. He groaned and pulled a pillow over his face.
He remembered everything.
I know this entire story is pretty corny, but I ope that everyone has fun with it, and that it makes you smile. This isn't supposed to be some major piece of art or anything, it's just supposed to be enjoyable, and maybe entertaining.
I hope you continue to support me!
Previous chapters.
どうして…君に何も伝えられなかったんだろう?
毎日毎晩募ってく想い
溢れ出す言葉 解ってたのに(もう届かない)
- Why Did I Fall In Love With You? by Tohoshinki
“Again.” the trainer said gruffly from his position leaning against the wall. The nine exhausted trainees took their places and, as the music began, started to recite the dance moves they already knew too well. JaeJoong watched his reflection move in the mirror on the wall of the dance studio, watching as his limp hair stick to the sweat on his forehead. He could feel his tired legs about to give out from under him as he pushed on, determined to make it until the end of the training session. The beat of the overplayed song was heavy and the trainees worked their bodies through the choreography under the sharp watch of their trainer. JaeJoong let his eyes wander from his own reflection, across the other trainees, watching as their strained expressions showed nothing but pure exhaustion. Finally, the trainee's gaze landed on YunHo. The concentrated expression on the teen's face as his body moved in perfect time captivated JaeJoong. YunHo was perfect every time, whether it was the first or thousandth time they learned a routine. JaeJoong's mind wondering away from him confused his already exhausted body, causing his legs to give out from beneath him.
“Ooof.” the teen grunted as he came into sharp contact with the solid practice room floor.
“Stop!” the trainer yelled, anger evident on his face. JaeJoong swallowed, looking up at the man storming towards him. The trainer grabbed him by the collar and pulled him off the floor, “Can you do nothing?” he bellowed. “It's a simple step, JaeJoong, or are you just too stupid?”
“I'm sorry, Susang-nim.” Jae mumbled, trying to avoid eye contact. He felt frustration and anger wash over him.
“He's tired, Susang-Nim. We're all tired.” YunHo's gentle voice came, causing the trainer to avert his attentive eyes. He looked between the teens in the room, their bodies sweaty and their breath heaving.
“Fine. Take a fifteen minute break.” he snapped, roughly pushing JaeJoong away from him. The members of the group grabbed at their water bottles from the floor and sat down, their heads drooping in exhaustion. JaeJoong couldn't stand that little room anymore, turning away and without thinking, sprinting as far as he could in an attempt to get some kind of refuge from the stress building up.
The door to the roof swung open as the aggravated teen ran, taking in the fresh air and letting it calm him. Finally, he let himself stop, sitting down hard on the concrete. The harsh words of the trainer brought everything out of him, his frustration, anger, stress, nerves and homesickness. Home... that was a place he knew he wouldn't be seeing for a long time. He was working so hard, hoping it would pay off. Almost thirteen hours a day were spent in that darned room, going over the same steps and the same routines, sometimes even longer. What if this was all for nothing? What if he would never debut? What if he was slowly letting himself be worked to death only to be thrown aside like so many had before? JaeJoong gritted his teeth against the tears, clenching a fist and slamming it down as hard as he could onto the concrete, again and again.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!” he yelled, his hand hurting, but having no will to stop.
“You'll break you hand, you know. If you keep doing that.” came a voice from the other side of the roof. Jae's hand stopped mid air as he looked up to see YunHo's concerned expression.
“It's all I can do to let it out...” Jae said, those damn tears still trying to fall. YunHo gave him a knowing smile, sitting himself down beside the elder teen.
“It's okay to cry, you know, Jae.” he said, his expression almost wise. It was like someone had turned on a tap. He couldn't hold it in anymore, the tears were too much. “The Lord knows I do. I work as hard as I can while I'm here, then I go home and cry to my mum.” YunHo flashed Jae a toothy smile, though he looked sad. Jae wiped at his face, the wet trails almost washing away the stress. It felt good to cry.
“Crying to mum... if only I had that luxury.” Jae sighed, rubbing his eyes.
“You're not from here, are you? You come from the South, right?” YunHo asked, leaning back on his arms, watching the sleepless city move.
“GongJu... It's in Chungcheongnam-do. But even there I can't cry to mum. I'm adopted.” JaeJoong forced a smile. “Growing up with Eight elder sisters, it's not like my adoptive parents really had any time for me anyway. But this is the the time for my sob story.” Jae said, determined to changed the subject.
“Eight sisters? Whoa... I had enough trouble with just the one. But then I guess I'm the eldest, so I have the power.” YunHo smiled again, this time more sincere. “Jae... Don't feel scared to cry. It will only hurt you if you keep it in.” YunHo gave the elder another concerned look.
“When, though?” JaeJoong asked, “How can I just cry? Everyone will think I'm even more pathetic than they already do.” he hung his head, wiping the tears from his cheeks. YunHo laughed, he actually laughed out loud.
“You? Pathetic?” YunHo laughed still, “Jae, every girl down there who isn't in love with DongHae-ah is in love with you. I'm pretty sure that MinRi girl is planning to ask you out tomorrow, and I heard half of them whispering about what they wanted to do for you on white day.”
“What...?” Jae asked, his eyes going wide.
“You do this thing, so I hear, it's like a smirk or something. Half of the girls talk about. Some of the trainees here know my sister, and I know she wants to meet you, she has heard so much.” YunHo grinned at Jae, punching him gently in the shoulder. “Aigoo you're a lady killer and you didn't even know it.” JaeJoong felt a confidence boost, if he was popular, would that mean something? He still felt like an idiot for crying.
“I had no idea...” he said, laughing through the tears that he frantically wiped from his cheeks.
“Jae... I understand that you're scared. Lord knows how much I understand. Please promise me you won't try to hold it in. It will make you tear yourself apart, and you are far too good for that.” YunHo's hand found it's way to Jae's back, rubbing back and forth comfortingly. “Right here. Every time you feel like you're about to explode, just run up here and I'll be there for you, okay?” Jae almost felt the urge to cry again. YunHo was there for him. He nodded gently, his tears melting into a soft smile.
This time he noticed the girl's stares and whispers as he walked through the hallways.
“So?” MinJong asked, his eyes were full of understanding. It pained JaeJoong that this young teen knew that feeling of stress and pressure. He was too young for that... Everyone was too young for that. “Did you ever see him on the roof again?” Jae's smile told MinJong he was about to hear what he wanted.
“Every time... Every single time I felt at a loss, or I felt homesick, or I felt sad or stressed, he would always take me up to the roof and would repeat those same reassuring words to me. Sometimes I would try and hide it from him, but he would never miss a beat. He would tell me that I had to let it out, and that he wouldn't let me corrode in front of him.” JaeJoong heard himself laugh, “he is such a hypocrite. About a year later, I was the one cornering him and telling him he had to cry. He was too fixed on holding it in, and not crying in front of the other members. Babo...”
“Do you... Do you still love him?” MinJong asked hesitantly. It was the question he needed to know that answer to, but one that he couldn't find it within himself to ask. JaeJoong was still smiling, but now he looked sad. He looked pale, and older. Like he had lost some part of himself.
“You can't skip to the end... We've hardly even started the beginning yet...”
It was White Day. The day of love and South Korea was blooming. The training session had been cut short by almost six hours, as the trainers jumped in their determination to run home to their loved ones. Jae towelled his hair roughly as he emerged from the men's shower room, his limbs tired from the vigourous dancing, but a content hum in the pit of his stomach. He walked comfortably in the dark jeans that hugged his legs, his shoulders protruding from a wife-beater.
“S-Sunbae-nim?” came a nervous voice from behind him. Jae turned to see three girls, their cheeks pink and their eyes low to the floor. He smiled as lightly as he could at the girls, they were a few years younger, but they looked sweet. Suddenly, all three of them held their hands out, small packages in each of them, their faces now turned completely to the floor. “Please take these gifts! We want you to be happy on white day.” the one in the front said. Jae was surprised and touched by the efforts of these girls, they were so kind.
“Thank you!” he said, taking the gifts with the bright smile still on his face. “Can I ask your name?” he said to the girl, her face the colour of a ripe tomato.
“J-Jung SooYeon, Sunbae-nim!” was all she said, her eyes wide.
“Well it's nice to meet you SooYeon Hoobae-nim!” he said kindly, bowing to her and her friends. “Thank you so much for this, really.” he said. Deep down he was embarrassed. Girls actually targeted him above the other boys? He held down a blush the threatened to creep onto his cheeks.
“JaeJoong-ah! I have been looking for you!” a thickly accented voice came from behind the girls. Jae looked up and saw Han Geng walking towards him, his gentle and contagious smile lighting up the room. The Chinese man hugged the younger briefly before bowing to the girls and leading him off towards their own training room. “The others are making plans to go out, and they wanted me to make sure you were in on it.” he grinned, opening the door. The room was filled with all the boys in their training group, as well as four others he recognised from seeing in the hallways, but whom he did not know.
“Eu Kyang Kyang.” Jae heard from the corner and knew something mischievous was going on. JunSu, DongHae and HyukJae were standing by the wall, their bright smiles and happy laughing ringing in the room, permanent markers in their hands.
“What are you idiots doing now?” a voice came from the other side of Han Geng. JaeJoong looked the boy up and down, taking in his appearance. He was pretty, if you can say that about a man; he looked a few years older, and more mature, he was probably around the same age as Han Geng. His hair was dark and his eyes were wise and knowing, but he had an air of childishness around him.
“White Day 2002, training group E. Maybe we haven't debuted yet, and maybe we have a long way to go, but we will never lose faith in ourselves and in each other. We are the best! Training Group E hwaiting!” DongHae read aloud, leaving all the other members in the room with soft smiles on their faces.
“And the other bit?” the pretty boy asked again. Jae looked at him with curious eyes, how had he known? The three boys by the wall burst out laughing again, grinning wickedly at each other.
“The last person to get a White Day gift has to buy everyone else Kimchi friend rice!” HyukJae laughed, looking around at the other men.
JaeJoong paused, laughing, as he got to his feet, walking over to the other side of the room. Nostalgia coursed through him as he ran his fingertips over the words permanently inked onto the wall.
“You trained here?” MinJong asked, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and he had missed it.
“I did... 13 hours a day, every day, for around two years.” Jae smiled, laughing at the memories from the room. He went back to his spot against the wall, his fond memories bringing happiness to his heart. He continued...
“Yah!” SungMin, another boy in their training group, called out, a distinct pout evident on his delicate features. “You're only saying that because the three of you have already been given White Day gifts!” There was another burst of hysterical laughter as the three tricksters were caught out. Some of the teens in the room looked nervous, and Jae caught sight of an expression crossing YunHo's face on the other side of the room.
“Now!” DongHae yelled, thrusting an arm into the air, “It's time for singles Noraebang!” he said, grinning. Everyone looked so happy, it felt like it was the first time the trainees were spending time together outside of training. JaeJoong grabbed his bag off the floor and swung it over his shoulder,
“You coming, Hyung?” JunSu asked, approaching JaeJoong. He was smiling wider than Jae had ever seen him smile before.
“Of course.” Was all Jae could reply, he was excited. The room slowly emptied out as the boys made their way down the hall of the training building. Jae turned his head and saw YunHo walking with SungMin and another boy, giving them both small White Day gifts.
“If anyone asks, just say you got them from a girl you don't know. I'm not even one hundred percent sure of the names of the girls who gave them to me.” he smiled, both boys bowing to him.
“Thank you so much, YunHo-ah.” SungMin said, “I know HyukJae and the other two would make me buy them food.” He was still pouting slightly, but had a big smile on his face. The two teens stuffed the small packages into their bags and hurried from the room, leaving YunHo and JaeJoong alone.
“That was... a very generous thing to do.” Jae smiled, watching as the younger pulled his bag from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. YunHo just shrugged, and Jae knew that being selfless as his second nature. The two hurried out of the room and followed the others, ready for a night for themselves.
~
Laughter filled the room as HyukJae and JunSu sung their duet, swaying to the trot beat with feather boas around their necks. They pulled faces and put on ridiculous voices as they sung the lyrics every Korean would know. JaeJoong's hand came up to cover his mouth as he heartily laughed, barely even remembering the last time he had this amount of fun. JunSu and HyukJae turned to the audience and bowed low, flourishing their hands, with cocky grins on their faces. HyukJae sent a notable wink across the room, and as Jae glanced back, he caught sight of a small blush creep up on DongHae's cheeks. Downing the last of his drink, JaeJoong shook his head, deciding he was imagining things. The alcohol coursing through his body made his head feel light, and made his smiles come fast, though they made his bladder heavy. The trainee excused himself from the party, wondering down the hall in search of a bathroom.
As he washed his hands, the door was pushed open, and that same pretty boy from earlier entered, giving Jae a lively smile before moving to check his appearance in the mirror.
“Hello.” he said, turning to look at Jae.
“Hello, Sunbae-nim.” Jae replied, bowing.
“You're the infamous JaeJoong, right?” the boy asked, cocking an eyebrow as he turned back to his own reflection, starting to fiddle with his already perfect hair.
“I'm infamous?” Jae asked, cocking his head, a giggle coming up his throat. The boy smirked, nodding his head.
“You and a couple of your little friends are all the girls in my training group talk about.” he said. “I'm HeeChul.” he introduced, bowing his head slightly in the mirror, now looking at Jae.
“It's nice to meet you, HeeChul Sunbae-nim.” Jae replied, trying to smile.
“So.” HeeChul started, moving to lean against the wall. “How long have you and YunHo been together?” he asked tactlessly, surprising JaeJoong enough to cause the teen to choke on his own saliva.
“Excuse me?” he asked, once he had recovered.
“Oh please.” HeeChul smiled, tossing his hair. “You can't lie to me. It's obvious you like him, even if you're not together. I saw the way you looked at him.”
“I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.” JaeJoong mumbled, he was sobering up, and fast.
“Really?” HeeChul looked surprised. He gave Jae a once over, cocking his head slightly. “I could have sworn...”
“I...” Jae tried, but what could he say?
“Sorry, pretty boy, I was sure... The way you look at him, it looks like he's fucking Prince Charming and you just woke up from your beauty sleep.” HeeChul said, smiling ever so slightly. “I was sure you were in love with him.”
“I...” Jae tried again, but to no avail.
“See you later, then.” HeeChul smiled, leaving the bathrooms. Jae looked at his reflection. Him, in love with YunHo? Not only was YunHo a man but he was Jae's friend. Really good friend. Of course Jae loved YunHo, but in love? The trainee shook his head, it must be nothing. He left the bathrooms and re-entered the party, seeing YunHo's bright smile as he sung along to the hilarious trot song. His smile was so happy, he looked so happy. His body moved to the beat and his voice sounded content, calm. Jae felt the sudden urge to hold him tightly and never let go, to never let him lose that feeling of contentedness and of happiness; he wanted to kiss those smiling lips and to hold on to that moment forever; he wanted to laugh and oh my god he was in love with YunHo.
JaeJoong sat back down, poured himself a glass of soju and continued to drink.
Jae went silent, his cheeks going slightly pink.
“So this is when you realised you were in love with YunHo?” MinJong asked, his voice almost cocky. “Did you tell him? Was there some massive romantic scene?”
“Well...” Jae said, rubbing at his face. He remembered it clearly, the most humiliating moment of his young life. “I did tell him... though it was hardly romantic.”
“Oh...?” MinJong asked, he looked curious now.
“Well.. Erm... You know how I said I... After I realised my feelings towards YunHo... I drank a bit...”
“JaeJoong?” a voice called, pulling Jae out of his daze. “Hyung?” Jae's eyes opened and was met with the mixture of bright lights and DongHae's gentle smile. DongHae was really quite handsome, how had he never noticed that before? He was handsome.. but he seemed to be lacking. His hair was sharp black, but it wasn't as perfect as YunHo's. His eyes were kind and gentle, but not like YunHo's. His smile was friendly and contagious, but it wasn't the same as YunHo's.
Jae groaned loudly, feeling butterflies rise in his stomach. He sat up, his head still feeling light and a small giggle erupting from his throat.
“Hyung are you all right?” DongHae asked, concern on his face.
“It's okay, DongHae-ah. You take HyukJae-ah and I'll take Jae.” YunHo's voice came from beside him. Jae smiled, looking up,
“Yunnie!” he said, giggling again. YunHo smirked slightly at the name, pulling Jae off the floor. DongHae held onto a mumbling HyukJae and made an attempt to bow at the two,
“Thank you, Hyung.” DongHae said, giving YunHo a look of relief as the man held tightly onto JaeJoong. YunHo just nodded his head, letting the younger two leave.
“Yunnie?” Jae giggled again, puffing out his cheeks and prodding a finger at YunHo's nose. “Can I call you Yunnie?” he asked, hiccupping slightly. “You can call me... BooJae!” Jae laughed again.
“BooJae?” YunHo asked, trying to hold down a chuckle.
“Yes BooJae!” Jae pouted, poking YunHo once more. “Yunnie, do you know what?”
“Tell me what.” YunHo said, making an attempt to half carry, half drag Jae down the halls and to the door.
“Have you ever noticed how handsome DongHae is?” Jae asked, as they made it to the door, walking out on to the abandoned streets. YunHo gave Jae a look of slight surprise.
“No... I guess I've never thought about it...” he replied, giving Jae a curious look.
“I was thinking today, you know, Yunnie... And I think I figured something out.” Jae said, his head was light and his mouth was moving, even though his brain was protesting.
“What did you figure out, Jae?” YunHo asked, helping Jae walk along the side-walk.
“I think I;m in love with you.” the elder replied matter-of-factly. YunHo began to cough, his eyes wide. “And you know what I think?” Jae asked, wrapping an arm around YunHo's middle. “If I wasn't so in love with you, I'd go for DongHae.” he said, hiccupping again. Jae didn't notice the look of surprise on YunHo's face, a look he attempted to hide with a small laugh, in fact, Jae didn't notice much because at that moment, he promptly bent over and threw up the entire contents of his stomach onto the side-walk. YunHo did not hesitate in holding back Jae's hair, a million questions running through his brain.
~
The sun was so bright when Jae awoke the following morning, still fully clothed and spread out over his bed. He groaned and pulled a pillow over his face.
He remembered everything.