Vanilla
Title: Vanilla
Rating: nc-17
Word Count: 4.1k
Summary: Luhan struggles to find a way to treat Sehun right when all he’s ever known is how he’s treated himself.
Note: Orginally written for selubration. Firstly, to thank the mods for hosting this exchange and giving me a platform to test out my writing. Secondly and most importantly, to the wonderful beta & test reader that made this fic turn from dust to something I could be happy with.
Can I love you? In this trembling night
Do it just like that . . . do it more . . . you are . . .
At the grind of your hips against mine
You are . . . my . . .Vanilla
- Gackt, Vanilla
You never know what you love until it's too late. After all, how could you predict all the rage of a hurricane in a single man?
---
There are remains of ice caught on every surface surrounding the paved sidewalks of the Seoul street. It's nostalgic and lonely; Luhan thinks, knowing his Christmas is most likely going to be spent in the corner of some bar drowning down the feelings of inadequacy.
He has always hated Christmas. Despite the years that have passed and the new environment he finds that not much else is different. He still has to watch bitterly as his friends walk hand-in-hand with lovers they can introduce to their parents, families that aren't completely dysfunctional and genuinely a shitload of people who have their lives together. It is depressing, yet, he still finds it in myself to yearn for something- for someone, he doesn't have just yet. It's why he finds himself heading to the small barbeque place so the group line message; he was quite forcibly added to might he add, would stop spamming him with desperate pleas of his friends. Luhan isn't a fool, he's quite aware it's a set up. Kim Jongdae would take any and all methods of setting Luhan up on a blind date. Even hosting a Christmas get together with the gang. He notifies Jongdae a future ass kicking if he does not stop with his incessant spamming. Predictably, he gets a winky emoticon back in response.
His hands, cold and chapped from the bitter air, are buried deep into his jacket. His hair is a bit too long and parted to the sides to keep the dyed locks from his face. Luhan makes it a few more steps and nearly slips on ice when he hears shrieking of his name in a out of tune chorus. He turns, mouth parted, when a few warm bodies nearly plummeted him over.
Warm breaths that smells slightly of alcohol fans his face, as a sloppy kiss is place right on his lips. Luhan sputters, pulling back with mock disgust at Jongdae's crescent eyes. His best friends stares back delighted as he laces his arms with Luhan’s. Behind him, Minseok is standing looking sheepish at his boyfriend's actions. Chanyeol and his girlfriend Baekhee stand - newly engaged, Luhan notes. Even Jongin is there with Soojung and Taemin - some type of new age polyarmous relationship. Lastly, Yixing is wrapped around his husband Junmyeon who has more accumulated wealth than everyone else put together.
And a new guy. Which Luhan assumes is for him. His eyes narrow at Jongdae with a huff because he had been brought a kid. He's tall but there is no denying or disguising the youth in the other's face. Strong eyebrows angled down a masculine face, a mess of perfectly styled blonde hair, thin pink lips with an equally pink tongue nervously wetting it, and pretty long eyelashes surrounding dark eyes. He's tucked away in a peacoat hovering in the back of the group. His eyes met Luhan's for a moment then flutter back to the ground, cheeks flushed from more than the cold.
If Jongdae brought a freshly legal twink for him then he's absolutely dead, he thinks bitterly.
“Luhan!” There is a chorus of drunken half-shoutings of his name. It seems like this was not the first bar they've been to, by the looks of it. Which is completely fine with Luhan - he doesn't much plan on staying for long anyway.
“Isn't it our favorite pretty boy?” Baekhee coes at him, perfectly manicured nails reaching to touch his cheeks.
Luhan swerves, eyes darting to Jongdae accusingly. He won't forget this.
“This is Sehun. He's one of Jongin's classmates.” Jongdae says, gesturing to the male.
Luhan looks over, able to fully appraise him now. That meant he was at the dance academy then. He had broad shoulders and a thin waist, even buried under layers of clothes he can tell. He shily smiles at Luhan, pink dusting his pale cheeks.
“Luhan, I am a big fan.” Sehun's voice is deep and timber but soft and compliant.
Fan? Not surprising if he's a dancer as well. Luhan was employed by the Seoul Ballet as a principle dancer. He had worked incredibly hard to get there. But the demanding job and constant pressure made dating a hassle. Nothing to do with his shit personality, Luhan muses.
“It's nice to meet you.” Luhan says with a polite smile turning to the rambunctious group of friends. “Let's go inside before my ass freezes.”
Somewhere within the crowd he suspects someone muttering not like you have an ass. His money is on Taemin, the cheeky shit.
---
Of course there are some expectations when they all go to a bar together. Junmyeon will cry while drinking, almost always reminiscing about the days he first met Yixing. Mortifying for everyone excluding Yixing who finds it cute. Secondly, Baekhee always dances circles around clumsy, Chanyeol often opting to just dance with Taemin, Jongin or Luhan (all professionals and able to keep a rhythm). Lastly, Jongdae will always stir some trouble.
He couldn't be more obvious if he wanted to the way he strategically places Sehun at Luhan's side at the long table. Luhan is somewhat grateful the boy seems shy and the volume of the music makes conversation hard. He watches his friends enjoy themselves waiting for the moment to slip out unnoticed.
But, tonight Jongdae is watching him like a hawk. Everyone is it seems. Luhan fidgets uncomfortably, focusing on the crowd of dancers rather than Chanyeol animatedly explaining his latest gaming adventure.
His friends have their life together. Baekhee is a prominent makeup artist for celebrity while Chanyeol games on YouTube with a million or so subscribers. Minseok, Yixing, and Junmyeon all work in a marketing company advertising for a lot of big name brands. Jongdae is a school teacher. Soojung, Taemin and Jongin are all university students but have bright futures ahead of them. Luhan's own career is deemed successful but that's about all he has going on for himself.
He doesn't have exciting stories to share, new lovers to introduce, or do much of anything but watch Netflix and try out new restaurants popping up in Seoul. Work is his life and it's a bit sad.
It's why seeing his friends happy like this always gets suffocating. They try but truthfully Luhan doesn't want anyone to pity him for being lonely.
He's so deep into his own self depreciation he doesn't even notice Sehun at his side looking at him until Sehun lightly touched his arm.
“Would you like to dance?” Sehun asks, breath smelling faintly of strawberries and alcohol. “I don't think I can take another one of Chanyeol's jokes.” He smiles sheepishly, looking boyish and not near close to a man almost twenty-three.
Luhan pauses. He didn't want to encourage him. God knows what Jongdae or the others have fed him. He would rather put him out of his misery than allow him to become hopeful.
“I'm actually about to g--” Luhan begins but is abruptly interrupted by Baekhee.
“He would love to dance. Right Luhan? Don't keep Sehunnie waiting and get your stiff ass up.”
Luhan side-eyes her but finds himself giving in. He gets up, follows behind the lanky young man, and makes his way to the dance floor.
Truthfully, Luhan had always been a jazz dancer until emerging himself into ballet. He knew how to move and probably was the smoothest on his feet of all his friends. He's curious of Sehun's skill - after all, he seemed a bit timid and like a kitten thrown into a lion ring.
“How did you get dragged into this?” Luhan asks finally, hands finding Sehun's shoulders as the younger male's larger hands span his waist.
Swaying, Sehun blushes. “I asked Jongin to meet you honestly. Jongdae did the rest of the work.” He admits, eyes darting towards anywhere but Luhan's face.
“And why would you want to do that?” Luhan inquires softly, eyes following the elegant dip of the other’s cupid bow. Jongdae, at least, knew exactly what was his type.
“I’ve liked you for a while now.” It’s soft and promising-- and Luhan laughs, catching unsuspecting Sehun in his web.
---
Sehun does not handle his alcohol well. Every shot that comes his way disappears into Luhan’s hand. Sehun sends him small grateful smiles, a shy blush caught on his face most of the time.
It’s when the crew slowly dwindles out that Luhan catches Sehun’s wrist, the hum of alcohol buzzing loudly through his veins. He is relieve to find the clarity floating in Sehun's eyes as he pauses, turning to help steady Luhan.
He smells like lavender, Luhan realizes.
“Do you want to come home with me?” Luhan asks after a moment. The worst he could do was offend the other, possibly never seeing him again. Sehun looks caught off guard but he does not look displeased.
“My place or yours?” Sehun asks, somehow it surprising Luhan. He smiles his wicked smile and lets his hand drop to the others.
“Mine.”
---
He has to thank Jongdae, he thinks. Sehun’s body is walking artwork. He can appreciate that much.
He’s beautiful naked. The flawless expanse of his pale back and the narrow dip of his waist. His legs are long, slender, but faintly curved with muscle of years of rigorous dance practice could provide. His expression is really what gets Luhan--like a man who has seen the sun for the very first time. Considering that said expression is directed towards him makes it all more appealing as his lips curve upward.
Luhan is methodical in preparing Sehun. Normally, he would enjoy this task but now it was cumbersome. He wanted to be buried deep in the other male, skipping all pretenses and emotional foreplay. By the looks of it Sehun doesn’t want to wait either.
Expecting Sehun to be a blushing virgin, he was more than surprised to find that he's anything but. There is a timidity to him but a raw honesty most of Luhan’s past lovers have not had.
“Please... Luhan I cannot wait.” Sehun says between pants his angry red cock pressed hard against his stomach as his lower half fluttered.
It sends a jolt of pleasure down the older man’s body. He had suspected the other had a preference for submission. It was easy to tell with the way Sehun moved and responded to him. Luhan prided himself on knowing his lovers. His fingers press against the other’s lips and obediently Sehun’s mouth parts.
He traces the outline of the plush lips and smirks leaning down to press a small kiss to the corner of Sehun’s mouth. “Kitten, you are driving me crazy.” Sehun’s mouth parts in an expected o as a blush blooms down his chest. Releasing an inaudible sigh, he then can't help but laugh at the younger's eagerness.
Making love to Sehun is like having someone who is capable of yielding perfectly to him. It’s magic to have the tightness surrounding him snugly.
Things don't feel so chaotic, so wild, so unattainable--almost like Luhan is happy.
If Sehun notices the bruised skin marred in ugly yellows and purples he doesn't ask. The decorate various parts of the male's body like a thin layer of paint scattered across his limbs - testaments of his life long pursuit of perfecting his dance. Luhan wonders if Sehun kisses him and tastes the bitterness of his mistakes?
It's almost otherworldly how their bodies connect. Sehun is sweet -- there is no denying the male that. Impossibly obedient, it stirs something under Luhan's skin as he devours him.
It might just be a night together but Luhan wants to be imprinted against his skin. There is absolutely no secret to the fact Luhan is shrouded in mystery and aloofness. He has no expectations of where this coupling will lead--in fact, he just thinks it will fade into a fond collection of memories than turn into anything sustainable.
Luhan just knows by the time they’re spent that he falls next to the other male on the bed as Sehun’s broader frame curls around him that Sehun was halfway fallen from grace. His eyes are bright, alert, and wet. Yet, every inch of the surface of dark brown orbs tell Luhan all he needs to know. The other is completely besotted.
---
“We get it. You’re miserable.” Jongdae snaps a few days later. “But that you did to Sehun was fucked up. If you weren’t going to call you shouldn’t have told him. He looked like a puppy sitting by his phone.”
Luhan looks up from his coffee unphased. “I hardly gave him any reasons for expectations.”
Jongdae looks angry and it's an odd look on the other male who is usually calm and collected. It’s a testament to how disgusted he is with Luhan’s indifference. Jongdae has known him for quite a while, more so than anyone else. He knows Luhan can be heartless--especially, when it comes to people and opening up for them. But this was a new low even for the dancer.
“If you weren’t going to try to be serious with him or give him a proper chance you should have kept it in your pants. He’s Jongin’s best friend.”Jongdae snaps, tired of arguing with someone who would never see the wrong in what he did. “You might be frustrated and lonely but you don’t have any right to take it out on anyone else.”
“Are you done?” Luhan asks slightly annoyed. Jongdae is his friend and should be standing up for him. Not some guy who randomly came into their friend groups so suddenly.
“He’s a good kid. Don’t toy around with him.” Jongdae warns.
Luhan doesn’t bother to dignify him with a response.
---
He doesn’t know how it happens again. When he does manage to contact Sehun it’s through a quick text asking to see him. Sehun responds simply, a one-worded yes.
Sehun arrives later shy and timid as his door, tugging on his sleeves as if unsure what to do with his long limbs. It’s cute. Just like the red blossoming color that floods the taller male’s face as Luhan tugs him in and takes no time to smash his lips against the other.
It never took Luhan long to lure someone into submitting to him if he really tried, but he never learned another’s body this easily or nearly as quick. Perhaps it’s the ease of knowing someone’s body instinctively as he felt Sehun press against him, knowing where and how the other wanted to be touched that gives Luhan a sense of relaxation. Their mouths slot together like they were meant to be. Something deep inside Luhan laughs at that because who in their right mind would ever bother to love him? Sehun is the sun and Luhan happens to be the misguided moon. The moon shares the same sky with the sun but only after the sun dies daily. It’s depressing, really.
Sehun has no idea what he is doing. Irresponsibly kissing someone he knows nothing about and being completely swept off his feet by sad yet adoring eyes and a gentle voice promising him nothing but heartache.
Luhan is a complex person. At times he’s nothing but a menace and other times he can be alluring. He is hard to please and finds it most difficult to find anything pleasing in himself. He isn’t one to give his time or affection to anyone. But there is just something about Sehun he cannot put his finger on. His hands seem to move automatically against his will to tug away at the clothes of the younger. he wants nothing more than to devour the moonwashed derm hiding underneath the thin layer of clothes, painting it with shades of passion and violence.
Sehun however does not disappointment. He is a pleaser. It’s one of his flaws. His shirt is tossed across the room and his pants following. In his boxers with his cock pressed against the fabric, he looks fucking wrecked.
"To think I thought you might be innocent or timid in bed.." Luhan’s voice trailed off implicatively as he lifts Sehun's chin up, turning his head a fraction so their eyes met. Jeopardizing and addictive, he knows, because he has regret and misery engraved in his hazel orbs, and Sehun's irises are just too pure to think he could ever belong in them. “Tell me what you want.” Luhan does not want to feel like he is pushing him in a corner--he does not want this to backfire on him. He might be an asshole but he was a consensual asshole.
“You.” Sehun sounds beautiful and broken.
Luhan goes down on Sehun. There is something about being able to devour a lover that settles well with Luhan. He places small volcanic kisses down the notches of his back, sucking on the extruding mound of bone, and bruising purple blotches down his elegantly curved back. Luhan bites the roundness of the other’s ass none too gently and watches Sehun jerk forward against the wall knees almost going weak.
It’s infectious. How easily a whine escapes those thin pink lips when Luhan fondles him with his tongue gently. It's an experimental wag of his tongue that slides across his hip bone to the junction of his groin, biting hard on the smooth pale flesh. The cock is so close to his face (pretty and red, he might add) jolts for attention straining against his stomach.
“Luhan,” it's breathy and soft. “I'm begging you--”
Luhan smirks, continue mouthing at his inner thighs and worshiping the body given before him on a pillar of misguided trust. Luhan was going to do nothing but leave behind his burn marks. In a way he does feel bad but Sehun just looks like he’s pleading to be wrecked.
He presses his lips against the straining wetness pressing eagerly against his face. Sehun looks on the verge of breaking out in pleading as a small smug look crosses Luhan’s face. His mouth encases the inflared head of Sehun’s cock tasting the bitterness and earthy flavor of the younger male on his tongue. Sehun’s hips buck forward instinctively, Luhan moving with the movement fluidly to avoid choking.
He’s heavy on his tongue. Sehun’s taste is not unpleasant. Luhan can skillfully take him to the hilt if he’s careful and watches out for the overzealous bucks the other occasionally does with a low whine ripping through his throat. Sehun might be too reserved to verbally say what it is he wants but his body has absolutely no qualms about doing it for him.
He pulls away, lungs stinging as they take in air, as his hand wipes his mouth with the back of his palm. Sehun’s chest is heaving and his face flushed. His cock glistens with Luhan’s salvia in it’s redenned glory.
They don’t make it to his bedroom. Luhan hadn’t suspected they would. Instead Sehun is bent over the nearest surface. He’s so pliable to Luhan’s movements. Submission, willing and wanting, runs through his veins. Luhan carefully bends him over the old kitchen table he’s had since his university days. It’s a old rigidity thing. Sehun’s arms are long enough to reach and spread out to hold himself levered so he doesn’t go tumbling and his legs spread apart tauntingly.
Luhan places a small rewarding open mouth kissed on his spine. Such a good, good boy. Their clothes left in the hallways Luhan doesn’t bother with stroking himself. He’s at full hardness by the simple pleasure of being able to watch Sehun transform in front of him. No more harsh blank stares but his face mixed in with the pain of impatience.
Honestly, Luhan doesn’t deserve this. It’s always such a gift to be given someone else’s affection and body so thoroughly. Sehun doesn’t hold anything back. He gives and has no expectations in return.
He hadn’t asked why Luhan hadn’t called him back immediately after their first time. When he goes again Luhan somehow suspects he won’t question it. Instead he will come around again if Luhan so desires it.
Sehun is left limp against the table slowly but surely moving when they’re done as Luhan cleans him with his previously discarded shirt. Sehun tries to stop him but instead Luhan swats his hands away cleaning any remains left of him from Sehun’s body. It was the least he could do after being given something so…pure. Sehun watches in silence as Luhan pats him down eventually pushing back Sehun’s sweaty untidy locks of hair.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
It catches Sehun off guard. The way his lips twitch and his eyes widen. But sitting naked in Luhan’s kitchen on the tiled floor basking in the aftermath of hickies on his thighs and chest, bruises from the imprints of Luhan’s hand, and skin still slightly flushed--Sehun looks like he belongs there.
“Then don’t, hyung.” Sehun replies back as if it’s that simple. Luhan smiles. Typical Sehun doesn’t drill him or question him. It’s been three days spent together and they don’t know each other well yet Sehun seems to understand him.
“I don’t know how to not hurt someone.” Luhan admits watching Sehun lean forward to press his nose in the crook of Luhan’s neck. He’s much too big to fit in Sehun’s lap but that doesn’t stop him from trying anyway.
Luhan feels vulnerable. Sure, he fucked Sehun. But he fucked him with reservations. He had been able to be himself in those moments and Sehun had given him anything and everything he had asked for. Perhaps, it’s because he wants more but Jongdae’s words linger in his head like a freight train: “You might be frustrated and lonely but you don’t have any right to take it out on anyone else.”
He doesn’t know if they would work but he at least wants to give them a fighting chance. He somehow has a feeling Sehun wouldn’t just fall into bed with anyone. Didn’t he have a crush on Luhan to begin with? He should not feel as shy as he does but his lips seemed to be sealed.
“I can teach you, I think.” Sehun says. “How to trust someone other than yourself. I’m not a kid, you know. I’m not fragile or breakable. You don’t have to push yourself to move faster than you are ready for. This time you don’t have to worry about calling me back. A day or a month from now, I’ll still come running. You don’t have to be alone but it’s your choice hyung. Just know I’m here for you,” There is a pause. “I admired you for a while now. I don’t mind waiting until you’re ready. I have a feeling you’re not as bad as you make yourself think.”
For a kid, he’s wise Luhan thinks. Or perhaps he is just a fool? It was his habit to overthink and over-complicated. Sehun made it sound easy. They didn’t have to begin dating today or tomorrow. But, they could take steps in that direction if they found it made them happy. Luhan knows without a doubt it would make him happy--it was just a matter of making Sehun happy as well.
He nods.
Sehun places the smallest and most chaste kiss on his lips. It settles the raging angry butterflies looming in Luhan’s stomach as his hand soothes over the other’s smooth pale cheek. He can feel Sehun daring to smile between their lips--a tiny spark of controllable flame erupts in his chest as he hums. It’s not their first kiss but Luhan somehow wishes it was.
Rating: nc-17
Word Count: 4.1k
Summary: Luhan struggles to find a way to treat Sehun right when all he’s ever known is how he’s treated himself.
Note: Orginally written for selubration. Firstly, to thank the mods for hosting this exchange and giving me a platform to test out my writing. Secondly and most importantly, to the wonderful beta & test reader that made this fic turn from dust to something I could be happy with.
Can I love you? In this trembling night
Do it just like that . . . do it more . . . you are . . .
At the grind of your hips against mine
You are . . . my . . .Vanilla
- Gackt, Vanilla
You never know what you love until it's too late. After all, how could you predict all the rage of a hurricane in a single man?
---
There are remains of ice caught on every surface surrounding the paved sidewalks of the Seoul street. It's nostalgic and lonely; Luhan thinks, knowing his Christmas is most likely going to be spent in the corner of some bar drowning down the feelings of inadequacy.
He has always hated Christmas. Despite the years that have passed and the new environment he finds that not much else is different. He still has to watch bitterly as his friends walk hand-in-hand with lovers they can introduce to their parents, families that aren't completely dysfunctional and genuinely a shitload of people who have their lives together. It is depressing, yet, he still finds it in myself to yearn for something- for someone, he doesn't have just yet. It's why he finds himself heading to the small barbeque place so the group line message; he was quite forcibly added to might he add, would stop spamming him with desperate pleas of his friends. Luhan isn't a fool, he's quite aware it's a set up. Kim Jongdae would take any and all methods of setting Luhan up on a blind date. Even hosting a Christmas get together with the gang. He notifies Jongdae a future ass kicking if he does not stop with his incessant spamming. Predictably, he gets a winky emoticon back in response.
His hands, cold and chapped from the bitter air, are buried deep into his jacket. His hair is a bit too long and parted to the sides to keep the dyed locks from his face. Luhan makes it a few more steps and nearly slips on ice when he hears shrieking of his name in a out of tune chorus. He turns, mouth parted, when a few warm bodies nearly plummeted him over.
Warm breaths that smells slightly of alcohol fans his face, as a sloppy kiss is place right on his lips. Luhan sputters, pulling back with mock disgust at Jongdae's crescent eyes. His best friends stares back delighted as he laces his arms with Luhan’s. Behind him, Minseok is standing looking sheepish at his boyfriend's actions. Chanyeol and his girlfriend Baekhee stand - newly engaged, Luhan notes. Even Jongin is there with Soojung and Taemin - some type of new age polyarmous relationship. Lastly, Yixing is wrapped around his husband Junmyeon who has more accumulated wealth than everyone else put together.
And a new guy. Which Luhan assumes is for him. His eyes narrow at Jongdae with a huff because he had been brought a kid. He's tall but there is no denying or disguising the youth in the other's face. Strong eyebrows angled down a masculine face, a mess of perfectly styled blonde hair, thin pink lips with an equally pink tongue nervously wetting it, and pretty long eyelashes surrounding dark eyes. He's tucked away in a peacoat hovering in the back of the group. His eyes met Luhan's for a moment then flutter back to the ground, cheeks flushed from more than the cold.
If Jongdae brought a freshly legal twink for him then he's absolutely dead, he thinks bitterly.
“Luhan!” There is a chorus of drunken half-shoutings of his name. It seems like this was not the first bar they've been to, by the looks of it. Which is completely fine with Luhan - he doesn't much plan on staying for long anyway.
“Isn't it our favorite pretty boy?” Baekhee coes at him, perfectly manicured nails reaching to touch his cheeks.
Luhan swerves, eyes darting to Jongdae accusingly. He won't forget this.
“This is Sehun. He's one of Jongin's classmates.” Jongdae says, gesturing to the male.
Luhan looks over, able to fully appraise him now. That meant he was at the dance academy then. He had broad shoulders and a thin waist, even buried under layers of clothes he can tell. He shily smiles at Luhan, pink dusting his pale cheeks.
“Luhan, I am a big fan.” Sehun's voice is deep and timber but soft and compliant.
Fan? Not surprising if he's a dancer as well. Luhan was employed by the Seoul Ballet as a principle dancer. He had worked incredibly hard to get there. But the demanding job and constant pressure made dating a hassle. Nothing to do with his shit personality, Luhan muses.
“It's nice to meet you.” Luhan says with a polite smile turning to the rambunctious group of friends. “Let's go inside before my ass freezes.”
Somewhere within the crowd he suspects someone muttering not like you have an ass. His money is on Taemin, the cheeky shit.
---
Of course there are some expectations when they all go to a bar together. Junmyeon will cry while drinking, almost always reminiscing about the days he first met Yixing. Mortifying for everyone excluding Yixing who finds it cute. Secondly, Baekhee always dances circles around clumsy, Chanyeol often opting to just dance with Taemin, Jongin or Luhan (all professionals and able to keep a rhythm). Lastly, Jongdae will always stir some trouble.
He couldn't be more obvious if he wanted to the way he strategically places Sehun at Luhan's side at the long table. Luhan is somewhat grateful the boy seems shy and the volume of the music makes conversation hard. He watches his friends enjoy themselves waiting for the moment to slip out unnoticed.
But, tonight Jongdae is watching him like a hawk. Everyone is it seems. Luhan fidgets uncomfortably, focusing on the crowd of dancers rather than Chanyeol animatedly explaining his latest gaming adventure.
His friends have their life together. Baekhee is a prominent makeup artist for celebrity while Chanyeol games on YouTube with a million or so subscribers. Minseok, Yixing, and Junmyeon all work in a marketing company advertising for a lot of big name brands. Jongdae is a school teacher. Soojung, Taemin and Jongin are all university students but have bright futures ahead of them. Luhan's own career is deemed successful but that's about all he has going on for himself.
He doesn't have exciting stories to share, new lovers to introduce, or do much of anything but watch Netflix and try out new restaurants popping up in Seoul. Work is his life and it's a bit sad.
It's why seeing his friends happy like this always gets suffocating. They try but truthfully Luhan doesn't want anyone to pity him for being lonely.
He's so deep into his own self depreciation he doesn't even notice Sehun at his side looking at him until Sehun lightly touched his arm.
“Would you like to dance?” Sehun asks, breath smelling faintly of strawberries and alcohol. “I don't think I can take another one of Chanyeol's jokes.” He smiles sheepishly, looking boyish and not near close to a man almost twenty-three.
Luhan pauses. He didn't want to encourage him. God knows what Jongdae or the others have fed him. He would rather put him out of his misery than allow him to become hopeful.
“I'm actually about to g--” Luhan begins but is abruptly interrupted by Baekhee.
“He would love to dance. Right Luhan? Don't keep Sehunnie waiting and get your stiff ass up.”
Luhan side-eyes her but finds himself giving in. He gets up, follows behind the lanky young man, and makes his way to the dance floor.
Truthfully, Luhan had always been a jazz dancer until emerging himself into ballet. He knew how to move and probably was the smoothest on his feet of all his friends. He's curious of Sehun's skill - after all, he seemed a bit timid and like a kitten thrown into a lion ring.
“How did you get dragged into this?” Luhan asks finally, hands finding Sehun's shoulders as the younger male's larger hands span his waist.
Swaying, Sehun blushes. “I asked Jongin to meet you honestly. Jongdae did the rest of the work.” He admits, eyes darting towards anywhere but Luhan's face.
“And why would you want to do that?” Luhan inquires softly, eyes following the elegant dip of the other’s cupid bow. Jongdae, at least, knew exactly what was his type.
“I’ve liked you for a while now.” It’s soft and promising-- and Luhan laughs, catching unsuspecting Sehun in his web.
---
Sehun does not handle his alcohol well. Every shot that comes his way disappears into Luhan’s hand. Sehun sends him small grateful smiles, a shy blush caught on his face most of the time.
It’s when the crew slowly dwindles out that Luhan catches Sehun’s wrist, the hum of alcohol buzzing loudly through his veins. He is relieve to find the clarity floating in Sehun's eyes as he pauses, turning to help steady Luhan.
He smells like lavender, Luhan realizes.
“Do you want to come home with me?” Luhan asks after a moment. The worst he could do was offend the other, possibly never seeing him again. Sehun looks caught off guard but he does not look displeased.
“My place or yours?” Sehun asks, somehow it surprising Luhan. He smiles his wicked smile and lets his hand drop to the others.
“Mine.”
---
He has to thank Jongdae, he thinks. Sehun’s body is walking artwork. He can appreciate that much.
He’s beautiful naked. The flawless expanse of his pale back and the narrow dip of his waist. His legs are long, slender, but faintly curved with muscle of years of rigorous dance practice could provide. His expression is really what gets Luhan--like a man who has seen the sun for the very first time. Considering that said expression is directed towards him makes it all more appealing as his lips curve upward.
Luhan is methodical in preparing Sehun. Normally, he would enjoy this task but now it was cumbersome. He wanted to be buried deep in the other male, skipping all pretenses and emotional foreplay. By the looks of it Sehun doesn’t want to wait either.
Expecting Sehun to be a blushing virgin, he was more than surprised to find that he's anything but. There is a timidity to him but a raw honesty most of Luhan’s past lovers have not had.
“Please... Luhan I cannot wait.” Sehun says between pants his angry red cock pressed hard against his stomach as his lower half fluttered.
It sends a jolt of pleasure down the older man’s body. He had suspected the other had a preference for submission. It was easy to tell with the way Sehun moved and responded to him. Luhan prided himself on knowing his lovers. His fingers press against the other’s lips and obediently Sehun’s mouth parts.
He traces the outline of the plush lips and smirks leaning down to press a small kiss to the corner of Sehun’s mouth. “Kitten, you are driving me crazy.” Sehun’s mouth parts in an expected o as a blush blooms down his chest. Releasing an inaudible sigh, he then can't help but laugh at the younger's eagerness.
Making love to Sehun is like having someone who is capable of yielding perfectly to him. It’s magic to have the tightness surrounding him snugly.
Things don't feel so chaotic, so wild, so unattainable--almost like Luhan is happy.
If Sehun notices the bruised skin marred in ugly yellows and purples he doesn't ask. The decorate various parts of the male's body like a thin layer of paint scattered across his limbs - testaments of his life long pursuit of perfecting his dance. Luhan wonders if Sehun kisses him and tastes the bitterness of his mistakes?
It's almost otherworldly how their bodies connect. Sehun is sweet -- there is no denying the male that. Impossibly obedient, it stirs something under Luhan's skin as he devours him.
It might just be a night together but Luhan wants to be imprinted against his skin. There is absolutely no secret to the fact Luhan is shrouded in mystery and aloofness. He has no expectations of where this coupling will lead--in fact, he just thinks it will fade into a fond collection of memories than turn into anything sustainable.
Luhan just knows by the time they’re spent that he falls next to the other male on the bed as Sehun’s broader frame curls around him that Sehun was halfway fallen from grace. His eyes are bright, alert, and wet. Yet, every inch of the surface of dark brown orbs tell Luhan all he needs to know. The other is completely besotted.
---
“We get it. You’re miserable.” Jongdae snaps a few days later. “But that you did to Sehun was fucked up. If you weren’t going to call you shouldn’t have told him. He looked like a puppy sitting by his phone.”
Luhan looks up from his coffee unphased. “I hardly gave him any reasons for expectations.”
Jongdae looks angry and it's an odd look on the other male who is usually calm and collected. It’s a testament to how disgusted he is with Luhan’s indifference. Jongdae has known him for quite a while, more so than anyone else. He knows Luhan can be heartless--especially, when it comes to people and opening up for them. But this was a new low even for the dancer.
“If you weren’t going to try to be serious with him or give him a proper chance you should have kept it in your pants. He’s Jongin’s best friend.”Jongdae snaps, tired of arguing with someone who would never see the wrong in what he did. “You might be frustrated and lonely but you don’t have any right to take it out on anyone else.”
“Are you done?” Luhan asks slightly annoyed. Jongdae is his friend and should be standing up for him. Not some guy who randomly came into their friend groups so suddenly.
“He’s a good kid. Don’t toy around with him.” Jongdae warns.
Luhan doesn’t bother to dignify him with a response.
---
He doesn’t know how it happens again. When he does manage to contact Sehun it’s through a quick text asking to see him. Sehun responds simply, a one-worded yes.
Sehun arrives later shy and timid as his door, tugging on his sleeves as if unsure what to do with his long limbs. It’s cute. Just like the red blossoming color that floods the taller male’s face as Luhan tugs him in and takes no time to smash his lips against the other.
It never took Luhan long to lure someone into submitting to him if he really tried, but he never learned another’s body this easily or nearly as quick. Perhaps it’s the ease of knowing someone’s body instinctively as he felt Sehun press against him, knowing where and how the other wanted to be touched that gives Luhan a sense of relaxation. Their mouths slot together like they were meant to be. Something deep inside Luhan laughs at that because who in their right mind would ever bother to love him? Sehun is the sun and Luhan happens to be the misguided moon. The moon shares the same sky with the sun but only after the sun dies daily. It’s depressing, really.
Sehun has no idea what he is doing. Irresponsibly kissing someone he knows nothing about and being completely swept off his feet by sad yet adoring eyes and a gentle voice promising him nothing but heartache.
Luhan is a complex person. At times he’s nothing but a menace and other times he can be alluring. He is hard to please and finds it most difficult to find anything pleasing in himself. He isn’t one to give his time or affection to anyone. But there is just something about Sehun he cannot put his finger on. His hands seem to move automatically against his will to tug away at the clothes of the younger. he wants nothing more than to devour the moonwashed derm hiding underneath the thin layer of clothes, painting it with shades of passion and violence.
Sehun however does not disappointment. He is a pleaser. It’s one of his flaws. His shirt is tossed across the room and his pants following. In his boxers with his cock pressed against the fabric, he looks fucking wrecked.
"To think I thought you might be innocent or timid in bed.." Luhan’s voice trailed off implicatively as he lifts Sehun's chin up, turning his head a fraction so their eyes met. Jeopardizing and addictive, he knows, because he has regret and misery engraved in his hazel orbs, and Sehun's irises are just too pure to think he could ever belong in them. “Tell me what you want.” Luhan does not want to feel like he is pushing him in a corner--he does not want this to backfire on him. He might be an asshole but he was a consensual asshole.
“You.” Sehun sounds beautiful and broken.
Luhan goes down on Sehun. There is something about being able to devour a lover that settles well with Luhan. He places small volcanic kisses down the notches of his back, sucking on the extruding mound of bone, and bruising purple blotches down his elegantly curved back. Luhan bites the roundness of the other’s ass none too gently and watches Sehun jerk forward against the wall knees almost going weak.
It’s infectious. How easily a whine escapes those thin pink lips when Luhan fondles him with his tongue gently. It's an experimental wag of his tongue that slides across his hip bone to the junction of his groin, biting hard on the smooth pale flesh. The cock is so close to his face (pretty and red, he might add) jolts for attention straining against his stomach.
“Luhan,” it's breathy and soft. “I'm begging you--”
Luhan smirks, continue mouthing at his inner thighs and worshiping the body given before him on a pillar of misguided trust. Luhan was going to do nothing but leave behind his burn marks. In a way he does feel bad but Sehun just looks like he’s pleading to be wrecked.
He presses his lips against the straining wetness pressing eagerly against his face. Sehun looks on the verge of breaking out in pleading as a small smug look crosses Luhan’s face. His mouth encases the inflared head of Sehun’s cock tasting the bitterness and earthy flavor of the younger male on his tongue. Sehun’s hips buck forward instinctively, Luhan moving with the movement fluidly to avoid choking.
He’s heavy on his tongue. Sehun’s taste is not unpleasant. Luhan can skillfully take him to the hilt if he’s careful and watches out for the overzealous bucks the other occasionally does with a low whine ripping through his throat. Sehun might be too reserved to verbally say what it is he wants but his body has absolutely no qualms about doing it for him.
He pulls away, lungs stinging as they take in air, as his hand wipes his mouth with the back of his palm. Sehun’s chest is heaving and his face flushed. His cock glistens with Luhan’s salvia in it’s redenned glory.
They don’t make it to his bedroom. Luhan hadn’t suspected they would. Instead Sehun is bent over the nearest surface. He’s so pliable to Luhan’s movements. Submission, willing and wanting, runs through his veins. Luhan carefully bends him over the old kitchen table he’s had since his university days. It’s a old rigidity thing. Sehun’s arms are long enough to reach and spread out to hold himself levered so he doesn’t go tumbling and his legs spread apart tauntingly.
Luhan places a small rewarding open mouth kissed on his spine. Such a good, good boy. Their clothes left in the hallways Luhan doesn’t bother with stroking himself. He’s at full hardness by the simple pleasure of being able to watch Sehun transform in front of him. No more harsh blank stares but his face mixed in with the pain of impatience.
Honestly, Luhan doesn’t deserve this. It’s always such a gift to be given someone else’s affection and body so thoroughly. Sehun doesn’t hold anything back. He gives and has no expectations in return.
He hadn’t asked why Luhan hadn’t called him back immediately after their first time. When he goes again Luhan somehow suspects he won’t question it. Instead he will come around again if Luhan so desires it.
Sehun is left limp against the table slowly but surely moving when they’re done as Luhan cleans him with his previously discarded shirt. Sehun tries to stop him but instead Luhan swats his hands away cleaning any remains left of him from Sehun’s body. It was the least he could do after being given something so…pure. Sehun watches in silence as Luhan pats him down eventually pushing back Sehun’s sweaty untidy locks of hair.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
It catches Sehun off guard. The way his lips twitch and his eyes widen. But sitting naked in Luhan’s kitchen on the tiled floor basking in the aftermath of hickies on his thighs and chest, bruises from the imprints of Luhan’s hand, and skin still slightly flushed--Sehun looks like he belongs there.
“Then don’t, hyung.” Sehun replies back as if it’s that simple. Luhan smiles. Typical Sehun doesn’t drill him or question him. It’s been three days spent together and they don’t know each other well yet Sehun seems to understand him.
“I don’t know how to not hurt someone.” Luhan admits watching Sehun lean forward to press his nose in the crook of Luhan’s neck. He’s much too big to fit in Sehun’s lap but that doesn’t stop him from trying anyway.
Luhan feels vulnerable. Sure, he fucked Sehun. But he fucked him with reservations. He had been able to be himself in those moments and Sehun had given him anything and everything he had asked for. Perhaps, it’s because he wants more but Jongdae’s words linger in his head like a freight train: “You might be frustrated and lonely but you don’t have any right to take it out on anyone else.”
He doesn’t know if they would work but he at least wants to give them a fighting chance. He somehow has a feeling Sehun wouldn’t just fall into bed with anyone. Didn’t he have a crush on Luhan to begin with? He should not feel as shy as he does but his lips seemed to be sealed.
“I can teach you, I think.” Sehun says. “How to trust someone other than yourself. I’m not a kid, you know. I’m not fragile or breakable. You don’t have to push yourself to move faster than you are ready for. This time you don’t have to worry about calling me back. A day or a month from now, I’ll still come running. You don’t have to be alone but it’s your choice hyung. Just know I’m here for you,” There is a pause. “I admired you for a while now. I don’t mind waiting until you’re ready. I have a feeling you’re not as bad as you make yourself think.”
For a kid, he’s wise Luhan thinks. Or perhaps he is just a fool? It was his habit to overthink and over-complicated. Sehun made it sound easy. They didn’t have to begin dating today or tomorrow. But, they could take steps in that direction if they found it made them happy. Luhan knows without a doubt it would make him happy--it was just a matter of making Sehun happy as well.
He nods.
Sehun places the smallest and most chaste kiss on his lips. It settles the raging angry butterflies looming in Luhan’s stomach as his hand soothes over the other’s smooth pale cheek. He can feel Sehun daring to smile between their lips--a tiny spark of controllable flame erupts in his chest as he hums. It’s not their first kiss but Luhan somehow wishes it was.