ghost of you
Title: ghost of you
Genre: angst, romance
Length: 1.3k
Pairing(s): Kim Jongin/Oh Sehun
Note: This was just be testing out writing a small bit of something I was considering for a while. I don't have time right now to make it a full-fledged chaptered fic but I will consider it in the future.
Summary:
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
---
It is a low throb of pain that erupts through Sehun’s chest as he sits across from his childhood love. Sehun does not have expectations of his lingering feelings from his days spent in the basking sun soaking in Jongin’s glory to ever be noticed. They are summers long forgotten and buried deeply under a carefully crafted facade of indifference. He has spent a lifetime of watching his dreams corrode and whisk away in the breeze like insignificant ash for him to truly ever feel disappointment.
It was just the way things were. Jongin’s heart would never belong to one single person at any given time. That is what Sehun fell in love with.
Perhaps he had foolishly fell in love with the idea of someone who he could save. It was much easier to feel the destructive habits of Kim Jongin rather than ever face his own.
Even now, years since he has last seen Jongin he knows that if Jongin would have him he’d come running.
A hand slaps Sehun on the shoulder none too gently as a slightly tipsy, slightly goofy Baekhyun is coming into his vision. “Hey, bud. Don’t sit here and drink yourself into an emotional stupor. You know how Jongin is.” The words are meant to be helpful but Sehun cannot help but feel a bit worse.
It’s the first reunion of the graduating class of the private academy he had went to. Despite the varying age differences Jongin and Sehun had been the two youngest of their class. They had bonded, became best friends, and ultimately fell apart when Sehun’s feeling suffocated their once comfortable relationship.
Years later, at twenty-seven, Sehun can only envy the pretty woman at Jongin’s side smiling dutifully at all of Jongin’s old friends. He hasn’t bothered to greet him. Only a handful of people recognize the once wallflower as Oh Sehun-- he hadn’t bothered to befriend many and most didn’t bother with him when the turbulent angst of loving someone who didn’t love you in return was ever floating in Sehun’s mood.
Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were a few of the only who had even bothered with Sehun. Baekhyun was piss drunk by the rate he was swaying. Kyungsoo looked agitated and ready to return to his isolated life of a writer. The three sat at their own table in the corner of the hotel ballroom.
Sehun had to admit it was quite nice. He did not see the point in gloating his life in front of people he hadn’t liked him back then. Now successfully working as a model, Sehun had been all around the world. But, none of his accomplishments, his adventures, his lovers, or anything he had done seemed sustainable enough to forget Kim Jongin.
Baekhyun was a well known up and coming jewelry maker. He had always been obnoxious. No amount of years would erase his shit eating grin. Kyungsoo wrote fantasy novels and had quite a following. The three kept in contact through a group message often spammed by Baekhyun to meet up for lunch when their schedules permitted. Sehun is grateful for their friendship but he knows that eventually like everyone around him they’ll drift off when they begin forming families and leaving behind their childhood friends.
Yes, he knows how Jongin is better than anyone. He had watched his best friend tear women apart-- he was ruthless. Sehun had always justified it with the hard life Jongin had when he was younger but it seems even now the casanova didn’t change.
Sehun tilts back his champagne with a bitter smile. He should have brought Soojung but she would have known immediately right away how Sehun felt for Jongin if she saw them together. The last thing he needed was to explain to his parents why his engagement was broken off again. Soojung was a clever and gorgeous girl--but, she was no Jongin.
His life is a mess but ultimately he finds it amusing he can trace back every bad decision to a singular point. Every compass in his life has pointed to Jongin. It seems silly that he holds onto his first love. But, as he thinks about it, it cannot be that odd. It’s the first man he’s ever found attractive. The first moment he has cared about someone more than himself.
Did feelings like those ever fade? Traumatic in nature and passionate by default.
Jongin sticks like glue. It does not help he is everything Sehun wanted to be. Handsome, charming, and intelligent. He has a longer list of more dubious traits: manipulative, a liar, lecherous, selfish, and aloof. Watching him now discreetly from behind his glass he knows Jongin has not changed. Fate was not that kind.
“I don’t mean to cause you a hernia but it looks like he is headed our way.” Kyungsoo murmurs over the rim of his tequila.
Sehun tenses but grunts dismissively. He had come knowing this was a possibility. He had just hoped it would happen after a few more drinks. It’s a mistake when his eyes flutter up when Jongin pulls out a chair at their table to take a seat.
Jongin’s taste has always been expensive. His suit is no exception as he slides into the cushioned seat with a knowing smile. “The trio!” He says eyes flickering over them each.
Baekhyun, unlike Kyungsoo, doesn’t have the decency to hide his dislike. “Hey shithead.” Baekhyun murmurs with a dismissive glance. “Where did your fling walk off too?”
“She had a headache so she went back to our room.” Jongin looks unphased. “I thought you three might be too big shot to come a meager reunion.”
Kyungsoo snorts. “If you’re wondering if we came to see how far you had fallen then the answer is yes.”
Jongin smiles at that and turns his attention to Sehun. He has aged, Sehun realized. His face isn’t the same boyishly soft one he had fallen in love with. There are lines and evidence of both age and stress. He still is breathtakingly handsome but now something is different Sehun cannot quite put his finger on. “Sehun?”
“Yes?” It comes out throaty, hoarse, and uncomfortable. His face warms. He had hoped he would be strong but it seems that those destructive butterflies have returned. His throat feels like it’s closing in on itself--or perhaps that is the alcohol?
“You’re still the same,” Jongin says and it sounds almost disappointment. It sinks a weight down his stomach. Sehun tenses. “I was curious if you would be the same person from back then. You never disappoint Sehunnie.” The once fond nickname just sounds sour coming out of Jongin’s lips.
Sehun takes a small breath. Calm. “A lot of things have changed, Jongin.”
“Not some things,” Jongin retorts knowingly and stands. “It was nice seeing you guys. I better be going. Joohyun will get demanding if I take too long to join her.” He pauses slightly, hovering at the edge of the table. “You should send me a message sometime, Sehun. Whenever you’re in Seoul it would be nice to catch up.”
Sehun doesn't have a chance to respond thankfully because Jongin is walking away. It occurs to him belatedly that Jongin must have been keeping tabs on him if they knew that he traveled around a lot and wasn’t located solely in Seoul.
Baekhyun breaks his pending internal panic attack by ungracefully saying, “That jackass hasn’t changed. Still a twat. I never approved of him anyway.”
Sehun forces a smile as he picks up his drink again. “Well, I didn’t exactly ask to get so enamoured by the most unavailable guy, you know. I think my taste has gotten considerably better. Even you like Soojung.”
Baekhyun and Kyungsoo give him pitying looks. They are both aware he is only marrying Soojung to please his parents.
“At least Soojung knows how to deal with your emo shit. That woman wears the pants I swear.” Baekhyun says softly and pours Sehun a refill sliding it over.
Sehun was only going to be needing a few more.
“Yeah, thankfully.” Sehun chuckles bitterly.
Genre: angst, romance
Length: 1.3k
Pairing(s): Kim Jongin/Oh Sehun
Note: This was just be testing out writing a small bit of something I was considering for a while. I don't have time right now to make it a full-fledged chaptered fic but I will consider it in the future.
Summary:
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
---
It is a low throb of pain that erupts through Sehun’s chest as he sits across from his childhood love. Sehun does not have expectations of his lingering feelings from his days spent in the basking sun soaking in Jongin’s glory to ever be noticed. They are summers long forgotten and buried deeply under a carefully crafted facade of indifference. He has spent a lifetime of watching his dreams corrode and whisk away in the breeze like insignificant ash for him to truly ever feel disappointment.
It was just the way things were. Jongin’s heart would never belong to one single person at any given time. That is what Sehun fell in love with.
Perhaps he had foolishly fell in love with the idea of someone who he could save. It was much easier to feel the destructive habits of Kim Jongin rather than ever face his own.
Even now, years since he has last seen Jongin he knows that if Jongin would have him he’d come running.
A hand slaps Sehun on the shoulder none too gently as a slightly tipsy, slightly goofy Baekhyun is coming into his vision. “Hey, bud. Don’t sit here and drink yourself into an emotional stupor. You know how Jongin is.” The words are meant to be helpful but Sehun cannot help but feel a bit worse.
It’s the first reunion of the graduating class of the private academy he had went to. Despite the varying age differences Jongin and Sehun had been the two youngest of their class. They had bonded, became best friends, and ultimately fell apart when Sehun’s feeling suffocated their once comfortable relationship.
Years later, at twenty-seven, Sehun can only envy the pretty woman at Jongin’s side smiling dutifully at all of Jongin’s old friends. He hasn’t bothered to greet him. Only a handful of people recognize the once wallflower as Oh Sehun-- he hadn’t bothered to befriend many and most didn’t bother with him when the turbulent angst of loving someone who didn’t love you in return was ever floating in Sehun’s mood.
Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were a few of the only who had even bothered with Sehun. Baekhyun was piss drunk by the rate he was swaying. Kyungsoo looked agitated and ready to return to his isolated life of a writer. The three sat at their own table in the corner of the hotel ballroom.
Sehun had to admit it was quite nice. He did not see the point in gloating his life in front of people he hadn’t liked him back then. Now successfully working as a model, Sehun had been all around the world. But, none of his accomplishments, his adventures, his lovers, or anything he had done seemed sustainable enough to forget Kim Jongin.
Baekhyun was a well known up and coming jewelry maker. He had always been obnoxious. No amount of years would erase his shit eating grin. Kyungsoo wrote fantasy novels and had quite a following. The three kept in contact through a group message often spammed by Baekhyun to meet up for lunch when their schedules permitted. Sehun is grateful for their friendship but he knows that eventually like everyone around him they’ll drift off when they begin forming families and leaving behind their childhood friends.
Yes, he knows how Jongin is better than anyone. He had watched his best friend tear women apart-- he was ruthless. Sehun had always justified it with the hard life Jongin had when he was younger but it seems even now the casanova didn’t change.
Sehun tilts back his champagne with a bitter smile. He should have brought Soojung but she would have known immediately right away how Sehun felt for Jongin if she saw them together. The last thing he needed was to explain to his parents why his engagement was broken off again. Soojung was a clever and gorgeous girl--but, she was no Jongin.
His life is a mess but ultimately he finds it amusing he can trace back every bad decision to a singular point. Every compass in his life has pointed to Jongin. It seems silly that he holds onto his first love. But, as he thinks about it, it cannot be that odd. It’s the first man he’s ever found attractive. The first moment he has cared about someone more than himself.
Did feelings like those ever fade? Traumatic in nature and passionate by default.
Jongin sticks like glue. It does not help he is everything Sehun wanted to be. Handsome, charming, and intelligent. He has a longer list of more dubious traits: manipulative, a liar, lecherous, selfish, and aloof. Watching him now discreetly from behind his glass he knows Jongin has not changed. Fate was not that kind.
“I don’t mean to cause you a hernia but it looks like he is headed our way.” Kyungsoo murmurs over the rim of his tequila.
Sehun tenses but grunts dismissively. He had come knowing this was a possibility. He had just hoped it would happen after a few more drinks. It’s a mistake when his eyes flutter up when Jongin pulls out a chair at their table to take a seat.
Jongin’s taste has always been expensive. His suit is no exception as he slides into the cushioned seat with a knowing smile. “The trio!” He says eyes flickering over them each.
Baekhyun, unlike Kyungsoo, doesn’t have the decency to hide his dislike. “Hey shithead.” Baekhyun murmurs with a dismissive glance. “Where did your fling walk off too?”
“She had a headache so she went back to our room.” Jongin looks unphased. “I thought you three might be too big shot to come a meager reunion.”
Kyungsoo snorts. “If you’re wondering if we came to see how far you had fallen then the answer is yes.”
Jongin smiles at that and turns his attention to Sehun. He has aged, Sehun realized. His face isn’t the same boyishly soft one he had fallen in love with. There are lines and evidence of both age and stress. He still is breathtakingly handsome but now something is different Sehun cannot quite put his finger on. “Sehun?”
“Yes?” It comes out throaty, hoarse, and uncomfortable. His face warms. He had hoped he would be strong but it seems that those destructive butterflies have returned. His throat feels like it’s closing in on itself--or perhaps that is the alcohol?
“You’re still the same,” Jongin says and it sounds almost disappointment. It sinks a weight down his stomach. Sehun tenses. “I was curious if you would be the same person from back then. You never disappoint Sehunnie.” The once fond nickname just sounds sour coming out of Jongin’s lips.
Sehun takes a small breath. Calm. “A lot of things have changed, Jongin.”
“Not some things,” Jongin retorts knowingly and stands. “It was nice seeing you guys. I better be going. Joohyun will get demanding if I take too long to join her.” He pauses slightly, hovering at the edge of the table. “You should send me a message sometime, Sehun. Whenever you’re in Seoul it would be nice to catch up.”
Sehun doesn't have a chance to respond thankfully because Jongin is walking away. It occurs to him belatedly that Jongin must have been keeping tabs on him if they knew that he traveled around a lot and wasn’t located solely in Seoul.
Baekhyun breaks his pending internal panic attack by ungracefully saying, “That jackass hasn’t changed. Still a twat. I never approved of him anyway.”
Sehun forces a smile as he picks up his drink again. “Well, I didn’t exactly ask to get so enamoured by the most unavailable guy, you know. I think my taste has gotten considerably better. Even you like Soojung.”
Baekhyun and Kyungsoo give him pitying looks. They are both aware he is only marrying Soojung to please his parents.
“At least Soojung knows how to deal with your emo shit. That woman wears the pants I swear.” Baekhyun says softly and pours Sehun a refill sliding it over.
Sehun was only going to be needing a few more.
“Yeah, thankfully.” Sehun chuckles bitterly.