Pulse Point (1/1)
Title: Pulse Point
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13, for semi-off-screen violence and torture, Sirius cursing once, and of course, teh (mild, I swear) slash
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Note: Many thanks to such_heights for giving this a read-through before posting. :D
Summary: He, Sirius, might not have died if James hadn’t come. But Remus would definitely have died. Remus would at this very moment be dead. There would be no Remus Lupin in the flat Sirius was now speeding toward.
It was amazing how he could feel so cold surrounded by so much fire.
Sirius and Remus, after very nearly too close a call.
cold hard wand stabbing into my throat cold hand grabbing my hair dragging my head back hot breath in my ear talk damn it tell us where they are no I won’t kill me I won’t say anything cold wet floor hard under my knees
grey eyes burning eyes Sirius eyes hatefulfearfulangrydesperate eyes
get the other one screaming he’ll talk then
crucio
SIRIUS
Remus jerked awake, drenched in icy sweat, his heart hammering against his ribs. His head throbbed painfully with the echoes of Sirius’s screams, and his throat burned with a sudden sick nausea.
He rolled slightly, burying his face in his pillow, forcing down nausea and headaches and dreams. Something hot and wet soaked his pillow, and angrily he rubbed at his eyes, wiping unrealized and unwanted tears away.
He was fine. Sirius was fine.
Horrible near-fatal missions were not something to dwell on. If he let them get to him, he’d never leave his flat. The fear was like paralysis. He couldn’t afford it if he was going to stay in the Order.
Feeling much older than his nineteen years, Remus Lupin stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom and tried to forget the sound of Sirius being tortured. When he finally fell back asleep, he sank just as quickly back into the nightmare.
- -
pain
whitehot
knives
stopped
gasping
brown eyes terror tears Remus wand at his throat Death Eaters holding him down
let him go let him the fuck go or I’ll kill you do you hear me I’ll kill you you murderous bastards
this one won’t talk kill him we’ll try the other
NO--REMUS--
“Remus--”
Disoriented, it took Sirius a moment to realize where he was, or more accurately, where he was not. He was not in a deserted and filthy Underground station, he was not being tortured with the Cruciatus curse, and he was not about to watch his best friend be killed.
He was in bed. He was also crying.
Absently, he brushed at his eyes with the back of his hand, getting out of bed and grabbing clothes before thinking about it, before realizing why he was doing it. He must have made the decision in his sleep.
Dressing quickly, he pocketed his wand and left his bedroom, slipping into the main room of his flat. The streetlamp outside the window cast an orangeish glow into the room that served as kitchen, dining room, or sitting room as it served Sirius’s fancy, and he moved as quietly as he could when he remembered that at the moment it was serving as a second bedroom. Dumbledore wouldn’t have James staying alone while Lily was on assignment in Scotland with Dearborn and Prewett, no, of course not, not that James was a fully grown and capable wizard or anything, he needed his best mate to babysit him...
“Padfoot?” came a drowsy voice from the couch, and Sirius froze.
Obviously, he’d not moved quietly enough, or his bitter thoughts had been too loud. James’s voice was thick with sleep, and his black hair was more disheveled than ever as he half-sat up, frowning through the dark at Sirius. “’S matter?”
“Nothing.” James would have to be fully asleep to miss the roughness in Sirius’s voice, and he came fully awake in an instant, hand going to his jeans pocket for his wand. Sirius sighed. “No, really, Prongs, I’ve just...gotta go for a bit.”
“Sirius, are you--?”
“Fine, James.” Sirius turned to his fireplace, lighting a small fire with his wand and looking around for his tin of Floo powder. “I’ll be back for breakfast; you’ll be all right on your own for a few hours, I trust?”
“Where are you going in the middle of the night?”
Sirius’s voice was forcedly casual as he elaborated, “Just gonna...check up on Moony, see if he’s, y’know, all right and stuff. Close call today.”
James’s eyes cleared somewhat, suspicion fading to be replaced with understanding. “Right.”
“Thanks, by the way. ’Spect we’d be dead if you hadn’t turned up with Mad-Eye when you did.” That same forced casual tone sounded fake and brittle to even his own ears, and he felt James’s eyes on him. He didn’t turn around.
“Don’t mention it,” James said faintly as Sirius found the Floo powder and threw a glittering handful into the fireplace.
As he whirled through fireplaces, the fire didn’t roar in Sirius’s ears half as loud as his own heartbeat. He, Sirius, might not have died if James hadn’t come. But Remus would definitely have died. Remus would at this very moment be dead. There would be no Remus Lupin in the flat Sirius was now speeding toward.
It was amazing how he could feel so cold surrounded by so much fire.
No more Moony. No more borrowing spellbooks and finding chocolate smudges on the pages. No more nagging about being careful and washing his socks and at least putting some sort of protective spell on his head when he flew his motorbike because for goodness’ sake, Sirius, it’d be really embarrassing to get killed in a crash when you’ve survived so many Death Eater attacks, wouldn’t it?
He stumbled over Remus’s threadbare hearthrug and coughed when he accidentally inhaled a cloud of cinders that flew from his hair. It’s getting ridiculous, you should cut it, you know an exasperated Remus-voice said in his head, and Sirius wanted to laugh like a madman at the relief he felt even hearing Remus’s imaginary voice.
Remus’s bedroom door was slightly open. Sirius tiptoed to the door and peered through, his heart pounding a fearful staccato (maybe he’s not here but he has to be here he’s not dead he’ll be right here but what if he isn’t what’ll I do without my Moony) as he squinted at the pile of sheets in the dim light from the half-moon outside.
The pile of sheets mumbled in sleep and rolled over slightly.
Sirius exhaled the breath he’d unconsciously held, and an overwhelming relief swept through him. Smiling happily, he pushed the door open further and slipped into the bedroom.
“Sirius..."
He froze. He hadn’t meant to wake him-- But Remus was still asleep. Talking in his sleep. Sirius edged closer, and Remus moved again, his sleeping face catching the moonlight, his scars pale silver in the bluish gleam from the window.
Tears glowed on his cheeks, and Sirius felt his throat constrict.
“Sirius..." Remus moaned again, his face pained, and for the second time that night Sirius was moving before he’d thought about it.
“Remus, it’s okay,” he said roughly, sitting down on the bed and shaking him slightly. “I’m here, I’m all right--”
Remus gasped as he woke very suddenly, eyes blank and unfocused as he scrambled back in shock, but Sirius grabbed his wrist with one hand and caught his face with the other. “Remus. Look at me. It’s okay.”
Remus blinked, his face white, and his eyes fastened on Sirius. For a long moment they stared at each other, and then all at once Remus relaxed, pushing himself upright with a semi-annoyed sigh of “Sirius, don’t do that..."
“You were--” crying, Sirius wanted to say, but his throat was too tight. Remus should never cry. Sirius wouldn’t allow it. Wordlessly, his thumb brushed over Remus’s cheek, rubbing away the tear track, and the fingers gripping Remus’s wrist unconsciously sought his pulse point, seeking comfort in the heartbeat.
Remus made a tiny noise, closing his eyes. “Sirius. I don’t want to--”
“Shut up,” Sirius snapped, suddenly embarrassed by his own unwontedly tender gesture and his overprotectiveness in coming here at all. With a grunt, Sirius flopped down on the bed next to Remus and looked defiantly up at him. “We’re not going to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it, either. But if you’re going to have nightmares about me being dead or tortured or whatever, I’m going to be here so you can wake up and see that I’m fine. Now go to sleep.”
Remus blinked, and slowly lay down beside him. They stared at each other for a long few minutes, and Remus huffed in annoyance, “Well, I’m never going to get to sleep now.”
“Sorry if I scared you,” Sirius said quietly, his momentary anger fading. “I just--”
He was glad Remus interrupted him with a sudden confused question, as he had no idea what he was going to say.
“Sirius, what are you even doing here?” Remus sat up, frowning down at him.
Sirius was amazed it had taken him this long to get to that question. He’d thought it would have been the first thing out of Remus’s mouth. “I. Er.” Sirius blinked, sitting up so that their eyes were level. His mouth was dry again. “I don’t know. Exactly.”
Remus’s eyebrows lifted.
“I was dreaming about--” Sirius looked slightly sick and made a you know gesture, and Remus nodded slightly. “Well. I woke up and I just needed to...er..."
“Check on me.” Remus looked at Sirius, eyebrows still raised as though he couldn’t quite believe such a gesture from Sirius Black.
“Yeah,” Sirius said somewhat belligerently, glaring at him. “Problem, is it?”
Remus blinked at him, and then sighed heavily, laying back down. Sirius frowned at him, and Remus made a tired sort of noise and reached up, grabbing the front of Sirius’s shirt and dragging him down onto the bed. Sirius, too surprised to resist him, didn’t try to pull away when Remus grabbed Sirius’s arm and matter-of-factly draped it around himself.
Remus made another noise, but this time a content sort of sound as he rested his head against Sirius’s chest, now safely wrapped in Sirius’s arms. “No,” he murmured, his voice slightly muffled. “Don’t suppose I do.”
Sirius blinked hard, his eyes unexpectedly blurring with tears. Tentatively, he tightened his arms around Remus and rested his cheek on the sandy brown hair. Remus’s hands clenched against Sirius’s shirt, trembling slightly, but his voice was very steady when he said quietly, “I’ll be here, Sirius.”
Sirius nodded, his throat again too tight for words.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG-13, for semi-off-screen violence and torture, Sirius cursing once, and of course, teh (mild, I swear) slash
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Note: Many thanks to such_heights for giving this a read-through before posting. :D
Summary: He, Sirius, might not have died if James hadn’t come. But Remus would definitely have died. Remus would at this very moment be dead. There would be no Remus Lupin in the flat Sirius was now speeding toward.
It was amazing how he could feel so cold surrounded by so much fire.
Sirius and Remus, after very nearly too close a call.
cold hard wand stabbing into my throat cold hand grabbing my hair dragging my head back hot breath in my ear talk damn it tell us where they are no I won’t kill me I won’t say anything cold wet floor hard under my knees
grey eyes burning eyes Sirius eyes hatefulfearfulangrydesperate eyes
get the other one screaming he’ll talk then
crucio
SIRIUS
Remus jerked awake, drenched in icy sweat, his heart hammering against his ribs. His head throbbed painfully with the echoes of Sirius’s screams, and his throat burned with a sudden sick nausea.
He rolled slightly, burying his face in his pillow, forcing down nausea and headaches and dreams. Something hot and wet soaked his pillow, and angrily he rubbed at his eyes, wiping unrealized and unwanted tears away.
He was fine. Sirius was fine.
Horrible near-fatal missions were not something to dwell on. If he let them get to him, he’d never leave his flat. The fear was like paralysis. He couldn’t afford it if he was going to stay in the Order.
Feeling much older than his nineteen years, Remus Lupin stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom and tried to forget the sound of Sirius being tortured. When he finally fell back asleep, he sank just as quickly back into the nightmare.
- -
pain
whitehot
knives
stopped
gasping
brown eyes terror tears Remus wand at his throat Death Eaters holding him down
let him go let him the fuck go or I’ll kill you do you hear me I’ll kill you you murderous bastards
this one won’t talk kill him we’ll try the other
NO--REMUS--
“Remus--”
Disoriented, it took Sirius a moment to realize where he was, or more accurately, where he was not. He was not in a deserted and filthy Underground station, he was not being tortured with the Cruciatus curse, and he was not about to watch his best friend be killed.
He was in bed. He was also crying.
Absently, he brushed at his eyes with the back of his hand, getting out of bed and grabbing clothes before thinking about it, before realizing why he was doing it. He must have made the decision in his sleep.
Dressing quickly, he pocketed his wand and left his bedroom, slipping into the main room of his flat. The streetlamp outside the window cast an orangeish glow into the room that served as kitchen, dining room, or sitting room as it served Sirius’s fancy, and he moved as quietly as he could when he remembered that at the moment it was serving as a second bedroom. Dumbledore wouldn’t have James staying alone while Lily was on assignment in Scotland with Dearborn and Prewett, no, of course not, not that James was a fully grown and capable wizard or anything, he needed his best mate to babysit him...
“Padfoot?” came a drowsy voice from the couch, and Sirius froze.
Obviously, he’d not moved quietly enough, or his bitter thoughts had been too loud. James’s voice was thick with sleep, and his black hair was more disheveled than ever as he half-sat up, frowning through the dark at Sirius. “’S matter?”
“Nothing.” James would have to be fully asleep to miss the roughness in Sirius’s voice, and he came fully awake in an instant, hand going to his jeans pocket for his wand. Sirius sighed. “No, really, Prongs, I’ve just...gotta go for a bit.”
“Sirius, are you--?”
“Fine, James.” Sirius turned to his fireplace, lighting a small fire with his wand and looking around for his tin of Floo powder. “I’ll be back for breakfast; you’ll be all right on your own for a few hours, I trust?”
“Where are you going in the middle of the night?”
Sirius’s voice was forcedly casual as he elaborated, “Just gonna...check up on Moony, see if he’s, y’know, all right and stuff. Close call today.”
James’s eyes cleared somewhat, suspicion fading to be replaced with understanding. “Right.”
“Thanks, by the way. ’Spect we’d be dead if you hadn’t turned up with Mad-Eye when you did.” That same forced casual tone sounded fake and brittle to even his own ears, and he felt James’s eyes on him. He didn’t turn around.
“Don’t mention it,” James said faintly as Sirius found the Floo powder and threw a glittering handful into the fireplace.
As he whirled through fireplaces, the fire didn’t roar in Sirius’s ears half as loud as his own heartbeat. He, Sirius, might not have died if James hadn’t come. But Remus would definitely have died. Remus would at this very moment be dead. There would be no Remus Lupin in the flat Sirius was now speeding toward.
It was amazing how he could feel so cold surrounded by so much fire.
No more Moony. No more borrowing spellbooks and finding chocolate smudges on the pages. No more nagging about being careful and washing his socks and at least putting some sort of protective spell on his head when he flew his motorbike because for goodness’ sake, Sirius, it’d be really embarrassing to get killed in a crash when you’ve survived so many Death Eater attacks, wouldn’t it?
He stumbled over Remus’s threadbare hearthrug and coughed when he accidentally inhaled a cloud of cinders that flew from his hair. It’s getting ridiculous, you should cut it, you know an exasperated Remus-voice said in his head, and Sirius wanted to laugh like a madman at the relief he felt even hearing Remus’s imaginary voice.
Remus’s bedroom door was slightly open. Sirius tiptoed to the door and peered through, his heart pounding a fearful staccato (maybe he’s not here but he has to be here he’s not dead he’ll be right here but what if he isn’t what’ll I do without my Moony) as he squinted at the pile of sheets in the dim light from the half-moon outside.
The pile of sheets mumbled in sleep and rolled over slightly.
Sirius exhaled the breath he’d unconsciously held, and an overwhelming relief swept through him. Smiling happily, he pushed the door open further and slipped into the bedroom.
“Sirius..."
He froze. He hadn’t meant to wake him-- But Remus was still asleep. Talking in his sleep. Sirius edged closer, and Remus moved again, his sleeping face catching the moonlight, his scars pale silver in the bluish gleam from the window.
Tears glowed on his cheeks, and Sirius felt his throat constrict.
“Sirius..." Remus moaned again, his face pained, and for the second time that night Sirius was moving before he’d thought about it.
“Remus, it’s okay,” he said roughly, sitting down on the bed and shaking him slightly. “I’m here, I’m all right--”
Remus gasped as he woke very suddenly, eyes blank and unfocused as he scrambled back in shock, but Sirius grabbed his wrist with one hand and caught his face with the other. “Remus. Look at me. It’s okay.”
Remus blinked, his face white, and his eyes fastened on Sirius. For a long moment they stared at each other, and then all at once Remus relaxed, pushing himself upright with a semi-annoyed sigh of “Sirius, don’t do that..."
“You were--” crying, Sirius wanted to say, but his throat was too tight. Remus should never cry. Sirius wouldn’t allow it. Wordlessly, his thumb brushed over Remus’s cheek, rubbing away the tear track, and the fingers gripping Remus’s wrist unconsciously sought his pulse point, seeking comfort in the heartbeat.
Remus made a tiny noise, closing his eyes. “Sirius. I don’t want to--”
“Shut up,” Sirius snapped, suddenly embarrassed by his own unwontedly tender gesture and his overprotectiveness in coming here at all. With a grunt, Sirius flopped down on the bed next to Remus and looked defiantly up at him. “We’re not going to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it, either. But if you’re going to have nightmares about me being dead or tortured or whatever, I’m going to be here so you can wake up and see that I’m fine. Now go to sleep.”
Remus blinked, and slowly lay down beside him. They stared at each other for a long few minutes, and Remus huffed in annoyance, “Well, I’m never going to get to sleep now.”
“Sorry if I scared you,” Sirius said quietly, his momentary anger fading. “I just--”
He was glad Remus interrupted him with a sudden confused question, as he had no idea what he was going to say.
“Sirius, what are you even doing here?” Remus sat up, frowning down at him.
Sirius was amazed it had taken him this long to get to that question. He’d thought it would have been the first thing out of Remus’s mouth. “I. Er.” Sirius blinked, sitting up so that their eyes were level. His mouth was dry again. “I don’t know. Exactly.”
Remus’s eyebrows lifted.
“I was dreaming about--” Sirius looked slightly sick and made a you know gesture, and Remus nodded slightly. “Well. I woke up and I just needed to...er..."
“Check on me.” Remus looked at Sirius, eyebrows still raised as though he couldn’t quite believe such a gesture from Sirius Black.
“Yeah,” Sirius said somewhat belligerently, glaring at him. “Problem, is it?”
Remus blinked at him, and then sighed heavily, laying back down. Sirius frowned at him, and Remus made a tired sort of noise and reached up, grabbing the front of Sirius’s shirt and dragging him down onto the bed. Sirius, too surprised to resist him, didn’t try to pull away when Remus grabbed Sirius’s arm and matter-of-factly draped it around himself.
Remus made another noise, but this time a content sort of sound as he rested his head against Sirius’s chest, now safely wrapped in Sirius’s arms. “No,” he murmured, his voice slightly muffled. “Don’t suppose I do.”
Sirius blinked hard, his eyes unexpectedly blurring with tears. Tentatively, he tightened his arms around Remus and rested his cheek on the sandy brown hair. Remus’s hands clenched against Sirius’s shirt, trembling slightly, but his voice was very steady when he said quietly, “I’ll be here, Sirius.”
Sirius nodded, his throat again too tight for words.