YunJae - Imperfect Perfection
Written for dbsk_flashfic Challenge 44: Make Sense.
Title: Imperfect Perfection
Word count: 2,131 words
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Angst, implied sex, brief mentions of the lawsuit
Summary: They were almost the image of a couple happily in love. Almost two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting together. Of course, almost doesn’t count.
Disclaimer: DBSK do not belong to me.
Notes: I originally intended a sad ending, but I'm telling you - writing angsty Yunjae already feels like kicking puppies. I just can't bear to give my Kpop OTP a sad ending (at least, not this time). Finished this at 4 am in the morning, so will check later for typos. T___T
It starts out with the impulse of curiosity. After all, they were growing boys becoming men. They were two strangers who were forced to sink or swim in this cruel world of glamour and glitter, where one is forced to abandon his identity for a shot at achieving his dreams. They were no longer Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong, two nobodies from the countryside. They are now U-Know Yunho and Youngwoong Jaejoong, leader and lead singer of Dong Bang Shin Ki.
“I want to marry a cute girl,” he says.
“My dream is to dance like Michael Jackson,” he says.
And so it was a case of nerves when they find themselves in a dark room right before their first performance. Their lips meet, a hasty and clumsy union of teeth and saliva. They cling onto each other, the other’s warmth and beating heart the only affirmation of their existence. Afterwards, they quickly push each other away, clawing away the veil of confusion slowly clouding their minds.
“I like girls, okay? This is nothing. I’m just nervous about my singing, that’s all.”
“I know. C’mon Jaejoong, we have to perform in five minutes. Let’s get out of here.”
***********************
They just got home, adrenaline racing through their veins from the exhilaration of winning their first award. Slowly but surely, they begin touching people's hearts with their efforts, affirming their existence. Yet the more people recognized them, they lonelier they felt. They are rising to the top, living up to their name, yet have no one to share their happiness with. They are nothing but caged birds, always performing for others, but forever separated from the world by the iron bars of fame. They are famous, yet they are utterly alone.
And so they call it a desperate fight against loneliness as they tumble on the bed, hands ripping away clothes and mouths and tongue meeting warm skin.
“S-someday, I’m going to marry a beautiful woman, and I’ll have children with her,” says Yunho, moaning slightly as the singer kissed his way down his chest.
“I know, you don’t need to tell me.” Jaejoong smirked into the other’s skin.
'I-I’m not gay,' Yunho wants to say, but all coherent thoughts vanish from his mind as the other licks a path down his stomach.
***********************
Yunho steps into the kitchen and sees Jaejoong stirring a bowl of his signature kimchee jigae. Slowly, hesitantly, he encircles his arms around the other’s slim waist, resting the chin on the singer’s shoulders. “Need help with making dinner?” he asks.
Jaejoong slowly turns his head, almost nuzzling the taller man’s cheek, almost the image of a couple happily in love. Almost two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting together. Of course, almost doesn’t count. “No,” he says.
Silence.
“Management says the fans are very receptive of our fanservice. They want us to continue it…if you’re okay with it, I mean.” Yunho adds quickly.
“I’m okay with it.”
Silence.
Yunho closes his eyes and imagines his future - wrapping his arms around his lovely wife as she makes dinner for their family. He imagines feminine curves and a petite frame, yet all he can think of are broad shoulders and hard muscle.
When the other man makes no attempt to move from his position, Jaejoong laughs softly. “Yunho-yah, are you still practicing on me?”
Yunho quickly steps away. “Sorry about that,” he grins sheepishly. “Anyways, I’ll be in my room, call me if you need my help. Thanks for making dinner, Jaejoong.” He walks away, his manager-hyung’s words of approval ringing in his head. ‘Yunho, you and Jaejoong are excellent actors. You’ve got all your fans fooled.’
Sometimes, he wishes he can fool himself as well.
***********************
Consciousness slowly creeps into his senses and Jaejoong opens his eyes, blinking away the cobwebs of sleep. He finds himself in the music room, falling asleep after spending hours composing his new song. He begins making his way back to his bedroom when he hears footsteps approaching. Despite his better judgment, Jaejoong slumps back on the desk, feigning sleep.
He inhales the distinctive scent of his leader and feels warmth spreading on his back as a blanket is draped over his body. He feels warm breath on his skin as Yunho kisses his cheek almost like a lover would, and hears a soft sigh as the other whispers, “Jaejoongie, why can’t you be a woman?”
Jaejoong holds his breath, not daring to breathe until he is sure the other man has left. In the dead silence of the room, he can almost hear his heart breaking, shattering into a million pieces like a broken mirror. His vision suddenly blurs, a kaleidoscope of colors, and it takes him a moment to realize tears are falling down his face.
***********************
“Yunho doesn’t think of me as a man,” says Jaejoong and the audience screams in response. Yunho is frozen in place, the normally calm leader at a loss for words. It takes a few jokes from Junsu to diffuse the situation. “Don’t think of this as anything!” says the dolphin boy. “Y-yah, don’t think of this as anything,” he manages weakly.
When they arrive back home, he roughly drags Jaejoong into the bedroom, slamming the door shut. The others make themselves scarce, knowing better than to intrude.
“What the hell was that for?” yells Yunho, his voice growing hoarse with anger.
Jaejoong merely smirks. “I was just telling the audience the truth. Our proper leader-sshi wouldn’t ever think of kissing another man, right?”
“This is none of the audience’s business! Don’t you know we can get in trouble for this?!?! Why can’t you ever think of the consequences of your actions?” Yunho grabs the smaller man and shakes him roughly.
“Oh please, everyone and their mom know that you want to get married and have twenty-five children! This is nothing new to them!” Jaejoong jerks his arm away and walks toward the door, abruptly ending their argument
Before he can stop himself, Yunho grabs the lead singer and roughly kisses him, pushing him onto the bed. Jaejoong returns the kiss with equal ferocity, biting down hard enough to draw blood, wanting to leave a mark on the other man’s body, like the way the other left a mark on his heart.
When it is all over, he roughly pushes Yunho off of him, his body still trembling. Before he closes the door behind him, Jaejoong turns back, the darkness of the room concealing his unshed tears. “No matter how much you think otherwise, I’m still a man,” he whispers.
Yunho sits up, running a hand roughly through is hair, breathing harshly. With a sigh, he lies down on the bed still warm from the other’s body heat. He can still smell Jaejoong’s scent on his pillow, on his sheets, on his body. He does not get any sleep that night.
***********************
So it all comes down to this. Is this really how everything ends? Almost six years together and they went from being strangers to friends to brothers and a simple lawsuit is almost enough to cause them to be strangers again. Jaejoong carefully packs the last of his belongings into his luggage, carrying his bags to the front door. He senses his leader’s presence at the door before actually seeing him. He smiles, willing himself to calm down, steeling himself.
“Jaejoong, just drop the lawsuit. Let’s try to negotiate with them more. Things don’t have to be like this,” says Yunho, gripping the other’s hand tightly. Jaejoong looks down at their joined hands. Of all the countless times they held hands in front of the camera, he realizes that this is the first time they’ve done it for themselves. This time, he lets go.
“No, Yunho. You’ve always said that I don’t think of the consequences of my actions, right? Well, this time I’ve thought it through.” Jaejoong laughs softly.
“Don’t leave. Please.” He hears the tremble in his leader’s voice, as if the other man was using all of his strength to utter those simple words.
“I have to. I have to fight for everyone.” For you, Jaejoong wants to say. This is a fight I must fight, so that you wouldn’t be hospitalized during filming, so that you wouldn’t be forced to dance with a broken back, so that you wouldn’t have to perform minutes after passing out, so that you can still have the health and strength to live your dreams.
Jaejoong swallows his unspoken words. “For our freedom,” he says instead.
He hands the other man a notebook. “This has the recipes for Changmin’s favorite foods. Take care of him, Yunho-yah.” The front door closes. Yunho is alone in the apartment
He can still see Jaejoong tripping over his own feet, hands concealing a shy chuckle. He can still hear Jaejoong’s trademark hahaha at Junsu’s oyagi gags until all five of them are on the floor, rolling around helplessly with mirth and laughter. He can still smell Jaejoong’s home cooked meals, sometimes still warm and on the table for him after filming or dance practice. He can still feel Jaejoong’s body over him, under him, and next to him in bed.
“Jaejoong-ah, why can’t you see that I’m the one who needs you the most?” he asks the empty apartment. There is no response.
***********************
Jaejoong knows he’s been with Yunho for too long. Yunho, a shining star both on and off the stage, and you cannot help but to be drawn to his brightness, until you step too close, past the event horizon of his smiles and goofy chuckles, and he’s pulling you in until resistance is futile. They say that all objects exert a gravitational pull on each other, and Jaejoong wants to blame the laws of nature, but he knows he can’t. After all, gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Jaejoong knows he’s been with Yunho for too long. Yunho, whose passion for dancing and work and life ignites everything he touches, makes the impossible seem possible. Maybe that passion is just a bit too infectious.
So he finds himself standing backstage, after screams of fans have died out and the scuffle of staff have quieted down, and there’s only Yunho. There has always been only Yunho.
The younger man is in the middle of wiping off the last traces of his makeup, wiping off the last traces of U-Know, King of the Gods. Offstage, he is just Jung Yunho, a mere mortal of twenty-four years, a confused man unsure of what he wants. A man too afraid of what he wants. He turns when he hears the sound of footsteps approaching. He instinctively knows who they belong to. He smiles.
“I know you’ll be here, Jaejoong-ah.” It’s funny how after all these years, they developed an uncanny ability sense each other, to know each other’s minds just as well as they know each other’s bodies. Maybe, just maybe, they can read each other’s minds even better than they can read their own.
Jaejoong stops moving at the sound of his leader’s bass voice, and raises his eyes to meet the other’s. Yunho was now standing before him. Gone were his provocative stage outfits that clung to his body like second skin and instead, he was clothed in a pair of old black sweatpants and a too large gray t-shirt. Without his makeup, Jaejoong can see dark under-eye circles and a haggard expression worn down by too many hours of practice and too little sleep. Yet this Yunho standing before him has never shown brighter. Jaejoong smiles.
“Congratulations, Yunho-yah. You finally achieved your dreams.”
Yunho steps forward, and slowly makes his way towards the lead singer. He had three weeks to practice his idol’s famous choreography. He had twenty-four years to practice these few steps. He stops, just inches away from the other man. They can almost hear each other’s heart beat. Maybe, just maybe, they can finally read each other’s hearts as well.
Yunho raises a trembling hand to tenderly cup the other’s cheek. “Not yet, Jaejoongie. Not yet.”
“I’m not a woman, Yunho.” A tinge of bittersweetness laced the lead singer’s voice.
“I know.” Man or woman, all he can see was Jaejoong. And he finally, finally understands: that is already enough for him.
“I-I can’t bear you twenty-five children.” A slight stammer hidden by nervous laughter.
“I don’t care.” I just need you.
“I---“ Silence.
Their lips meet, a hasty and clumsy union of teeth and saliva. They cling onto each other, the other’s warmth and beating heart the only affirmation of their existence. They are the image of imperfect perfection. It is just like the first time, except that this time, there is no more curiosity. Just confirmation.
You’re the only one, Yunho.
You’re my dream, Jaejoong.
Things finally made sense.
Title: Imperfect Perfection
Word count: 2,131 words
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Angst, implied sex, brief mentions of the lawsuit
Summary: They were almost the image of a couple happily in love. Almost two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting together. Of course, almost doesn’t count.
Disclaimer: DBSK do not belong to me.
Notes: I originally intended a sad ending, but I'm telling you - writing angsty Yunjae already feels like kicking puppies. I just can't bear to give my Kpop OTP a sad ending (at least, not this time). Finished this at 4 am in the morning, so will check later for typos. T___T
It starts out with the impulse of curiosity. After all, they were growing boys becoming men. They were two strangers who were forced to sink or swim in this cruel world of glamour and glitter, where one is forced to abandon his identity for a shot at achieving his dreams. They were no longer Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong, two nobodies from the countryside. They are now U-Know Yunho and Youngwoong Jaejoong, leader and lead singer of Dong Bang Shin Ki.
“I want to marry a cute girl,” he says.
“My dream is to dance like Michael Jackson,” he says.
And so it was a case of nerves when they find themselves in a dark room right before their first performance. Their lips meet, a hasty and clumsy union of teeth and saliva. They cling onto each other, the other’s warmth and beating heart the only affirmation of their existence. Afterwards, they quickly push each other away, clawing away the veil of confusion slowly clouding their minds.
“I like girls, okay? This is nothing. I’m just nervous about my singing, that’s all.”
“I know. C’mon Jaejoong, we have to perform in five minutes. Let’s get out of here.”
***********************
They just got home, adrenaline racing through their veins from the exhilaration of winning their first award. Slowly but surely, they begin touching people's hearts with their efforts, affirming their existence. Yet the more people recognized them, they lonelier they felt. They are rising to the top, living up to their name, yet have no one to share their happiness with. They are nothing but caged birds, always performing for others, but forever separated from the world by the iron bars of fame. They are famous, yet they are utterly alone.
And so they call it a desperate fight against loneliness as they tumble on the bed, hands ripping away clothes and mouths and tongue meeting warm skin.
“S-someday, I’m going to marry a beautiful woman, and I’ll have children with her,” says Yunho, moaning slightly as the singer kissed his way down his chest.
“I know, you don’t need to tell me.” Jaejoong smirked into the other’s skin.
'I-I’m not gay,' Yunho wants to say, but all coherent thoughts vanish from his mind as the other licks a path down his stomach.
***********************
Yunho steps into the kitchen and sees Jaejoong stirring a bowl of his signature kimchee jigae. Slowly, hesitantly, he encircles his arms around the other’s slim waist, resting the chin on the singer’s shoulders. “Need help with making dinner?” he asks.
Jaejoong slowly turns his head, almost nuzzling the taller man’s cheek, almost the image of a couple happily in love. Almost two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fitting together. Of course, almost doesn’t count. “No,” he says.
Silence.
“Management says the fans are very receptive of our fanservice. They want us to continue it…if you’re okay with it, I mean.” Yunho adds quickly.
“I’m okay with it.”
Silence.
Yunho closes his eyes and imagines his future - wrapping his arms around his lovely wife as she makes dinner for their family. He imagines feminine curves and a petite frame, yet all he can think of are broad shoulders and hard muscle.
When the other man makes no attempt to move from his position, Jaejoong laughs softly. “Yunho-yah, are you still practicing on me?”
Yunho quickly steps away. “Sorry about that,” he grins sheepishly. “Anyways, I’ll be in my room, call me if you need my help. Thanks for making dinner, Jaejoong.” He walks away, his manager-hyung’s words of approval ringing in his head. ‘Yunho, you and Jaejoong are excellent actors. You’ve got all your fans fooled.’
Sometimes, he wishes he can fool himself as well.
***********************
Consciousness slowly creeps into his senses and Jaejoong opens his eyes, blinking away the cobwebs of sleep. He finds himself in the music room, falling asleep after spending hours composing his new song. He begins making his way back to his bedroom when he hears footsteps approaching. Despite his better judgment, Jaejoong slumps back on the desk, feigning sleep.
He inhales the distinctive scent of his leader and feels warmth spreading on his back as a blanket is draped over his body. He feels warm breath on his skin as Yunho kisses his cheek almost like a lover would, and hears a soft sigh as the other whispers, “Jaejoongie, why can’t you be a woman?”
Jaejoong holds his breath, not daring to breathe until he is sure the other man has left. In the dead silence of the room, he can almost hear his heart breaking, shattering into a million pieces like a broken mirror. His vision suddenly blurs, a kaleidoscope of colors, and it takes him a moment to realize tears are falling down his face.
***********************
“Yunho doesn’t think of me as a man,” says Jaejoong and the audience screams in response. Yunho is frozen in place, the normally calm leader at a loss for words. It takes a few jokes from Junsu to diffuse the situation. “Don’t think of this as anything!” says the dolphin boy. “Y-yah, don’t think of this as anything,” he manages weakly.
When they arrive back home, he roughly drags Jaejoong into the bedroom, slamming the door shut. The others make themselves scarce, knowing better than to intrude.
“What the hell was that for?” yells Yunho, his voice growing hoarse with anger.
Jaejoong merely smirks. “I was just telling the audience the truth. Our proper leader-sshi wouldn’t ever think of kissing another man, right?”
“This is none of the audience’s business! Don’t you know we can get in trouble for this?!?! Why can’t you ever think of the consequences of your actions?” Yunho grabs the smaller man and shakes him roughly.
“Oh please, everyone and their mom know that you want to get married and have twenty-five children! This is nothing new to them!” Jaejoong jerks his arm away and walks toward the door, abruptly ending their argument
Before he can stop himself, Yunho grabs the lead singer and roughly kisses him, pushing him onto the bed. Jaejoong returns the kiss with equal ferocity, biting down hard enough to draw blood, wanting to leave a mark on the other man’s body, like the way the other left a mark on his heart.
When it is all over, he roughly pushes Yunho off of him, his body still trembling. Before he closes the door behind him, Jaejoong turns back, the darkness of the room concealing his unshed tears. “No matter how much you think otherwise, I’m still a man,” he whispers.
Yunho sits up, running a hand roughly through is hair, breathing harshly. With a sigh, he lies down on the bed still warm from the other’s body heat. He can still smell Jaejoong’s scent on his pillow, on his sheets, on his body. He does not get any sleep that night.
***********************
So it all comes down to this. Is this really how everything ends? Almost six years together and they went from being strangers to friends to brothers and a simple lawsuit is almost enough to cause them to be strangers again. Jaejoong carefully packs the last of his belongings into his luggage, carrying his bags to the front door. He senses his leader’s presence at the door before actually seeing him. He smiles, willing himself to calm down, steeling himself.
“Jaejoong, just drop the lawsuit. Let’s try to negotiate with them more. Things don’t have to be like this,” says Yunho, gripping the other’s hand tightly. Jaejoong looks down at their joined hands. Of all the countless times they held hands in front of the camera, he realizes that this is the first time they’ve done it for themselves. This time, he lets go.
“No, Yunho. You’ve always said that I don’t think of the consequences of my actions, right? Well, this time I’ve thought it through.” Jaejoong laughs softly.
“Don’t leave. Please.” He hears the tremble in his leader’s voice, as if the other man was using all of his strength to utter those simple words.
“I have to. I have to fight for everyone.” For you, Jaejoong wants to say. This is a fight I must fight, so that you wouldn’t be hospitalized during filming, so that you wouldn’t be forced to dance with a broken back, so that you wouldn’t have to perform minutes after passing out, so that you can still have the health and strength to live your dreams.
Jaejoong swallows his unspoken words. “For our freedom,” he says instead.
He hands the other man a notebook. “This has the recipes for Changmin’s favorite foods. Take care of him, Yunho-yah.” The front door closes. Yunho is alone in the apartment
He can still see Jaejoong tripping over his own feet, hands concealing a shy chuckle. He can still hear Jaejoong’s trademark hahaha at Junsu’s oyagi gags until all five of them are on the floor, rolling around helplessly with mirth and laughter. He can still smell Jaejoong’s home cooked meals, sometimes still warm and on the table for him after filming or dance practice. He can still feel Jaejoong’s body over him, under him, and next to him in bed.
“Jaejoong-ah, why can’t you see that I’m the one who needs you the most?” he asks the empty apartment. There is no response.
***********************
Jaejoong knows he’s been with Yunho for too long. Yunho, a shining star both on and off the stage, and you cannot help but to be drawn to his brightness, until you step too close, past the event horizon of his smiles and goofy chuckles, and he’s pulling you in until resistance is futile. They say that all objects exert a gravitational pull on each other, and Jaejoong wants to blame the laws of nature, but he knows he can’t. After all, gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Jaejoong knows he’s been with Yunho for too long. Yunho, whose passion for dancing and work and life ignites everything he touches, makes the impossible seem possible. Maybe that passion is just a bit too infectious.
So he finds himself standing backstage, after screams of fans have died out and the scuffle of staff have quieted down, and there’s only Yunho. There has always been only Yunho.
The younger man is in the middle of wiping off the last traces of his makeup, wiping off the last traces of U-Know, King of the Gods. Offstage, he is just Jung Yunho, a mere mortal of twenty-four years, a confused man unsure of what he wants. A man too afraid of what he wants. He turns when he hears the sound of footsteps approaching. He instinctively knows who they belong to. He smiles.
“I know you’ll be here, Jaejoong-ah.” It’s funny how after all these years, they developed an uncanny ability sense each other, to know each other’s minds just as well as they know each other’s bodies. Maybe, just maybe, they can read each other’s minds even better than they can read their own.
Jaejoong stops moving at the sound of his leader’s bass voice, and raises his eyes to meet the other’s. Yunho was now standing before him. Gone were his provocative stage outfits that clung to his body like second skin and instead, he was clothed in a pair of old black sweatpants and a too large gray t-shirt. Without his makeup, Jaejoong can see dark under-eye circles and a haggard expression worn down by too many hours of practice and too little sleep. Yet this Yunho standing before him has never shown brighter. Jaejoong smiles.
“Congratulations, Yunho-yah. You finally achieved your dreams.”
Yunho steps forward, and slowly makes his way towards the lead singer. He had three weeks to practice his idol’s famous choreography. He had twenty-four years to practice these few steps. He stops, just inches away from the other man. They can almost hear each other’s heart beat. Maybe, just maybe, they can finally read each other’s hearts as well.
Yunho raises a trembling hand to tenderly cup the other’s cheek. “Not yet, Jaejoongie. Not yet.”
“I’m not a woman, Yunho.” A tinge of bittersweetness laced the lead singer’s voice.
“I know.” Man or woman, all he can see was Jaejoong. And he finally, finally understands: that is already enough for him.
“I-I can’t bear you twenty-five children.” A slight stammer hidden by nervous laughter.
“I don’t care.” I just need you.
“I---“ Silence.
Their lips meet, a hasty and clumsy union of teeth and saliva. They cling onto each other, the other’s warmth and beating heart the only affirmation of their existence. They are the image of imperfect perfection. It is just like the first time, except that this time, there is no more curiosity. Just confirmation.
You’re the only one, Yunho.
You’re my dream, Jaejoong.
Things finally made sense.