5 minute Management Course
I thought was very funny
with a few good lessons to learn.
Anyway, I thought you might it enjoy it as
well.
5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as
his wife is finishing up her shower, when
the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll
give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of
Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,'
she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'Did he say
anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining
to credit and risk with your shareholders,
in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the
flesh is weak..'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way..
On his arrival at the church, the priest
rushed to look up Psalm 129..
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you
will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just
one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.
'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I
want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach
with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of
my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there..
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and
dropped some dung on him..
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began
to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came
to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him
out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is
your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to
keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
I hope you enjoyed that.
with a few good lessons to learn.
Anyway, I thought you might it enjoy it as
well.
5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as
his wife is finishing up her shower, when
the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll
give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman
drops her towel and stands naked in front of
Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,'
she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'Did he say
anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining
to credit and risk with your shareholders,
in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember
Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the
flesh is weak..'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way..
On his arrival at the church, the priest
rushed to look up Psalm 129..
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you
will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the
manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just
one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.
'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I
want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach
with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the
office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of
my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was
proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there..
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and
dropped some dung on him..
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began
to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came
to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him
out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is
your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to
keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
I hope you enjoyed that.