(no subject)
The past few days have been simply wonderful. I've never been more sad and more happy at the same time. It's odd, but it's working.
Choir rehersals have been pretty nice lately. They have been hella long, but they have been fun. I feel like I'm really getting to know a lot of the girls more. And ofcourse, the guys are there, too. England is coming up quickly, and I'm still not ready. But this is an amazing oppertunity that I should stop whining about and take advantage of. Yes, rape England/Wales.
Emily Tucker is perfect. We bonded tonight. It has been such a good summer with her! I love Lone Lake. Hehe, and drive by adventures. We watched The Notebook and ate popcorn, cookie dough and chocolate soy milk. It was wonderful. I've never cried so hard at a movie in my life. Seriously, she had to hold me so I would stop.
Hmm, I fought with my 'rents today. Really, really fought. Not really with my mom, because she is more rational than my dad when it comes to some things. Today was just ridiculous. I really don't understand my dad sometimes, and when I was talking to my mom about it, she said that she doesn't understand him either. I think that he just says things to get a reaction out of me and then he can prove the point that I'm being irrational or playing the victim. I'm ready to admit my flaws most of the time, especially in the heat of a fight or something, and sometimes, I think that he thinks theres too much pressure on him, or that he can't screw up. Like, I won't love him anymore or something. Which is stupid, because it just makes me so angry that he tries too hard. And he doesn't say he's sorry when it matters. When I get along with my dad, we're best friends. But lately, I can't talk to him about anything.
It's probably because I'm being secretive, but I'm not doing anything that they need to be concerned about. I'm safe. I'm looking out for myself, and right now, what's best for me doesn't seem like it is to everyone else. Plus, I'm the type of person that needs to realize things myself. I can't be told in some situations...which could end up getting me in trouble. It already has, I guess. But let me reiterate...there are things that no one will ever know. For all of us. And even though I'm hurting deeply right now, I still have the courage to be happy.
Choir rehersals have been pretty nice lately. They have been hella long, but they have been fun. I feel like I'm really getting to know a lot of the girls more. And ofcourse, the guys are there, too. England is coming up quickly, and I'm still not ready. But this is an amazing oppertunity that I should stop whining about and take advantage of. Yes, rape England/Wales.
Emily Tucker is perfect. We bonded tonight. It has been such a good summer with her! I love Lone Lake. Hehe, and drive by adventures. We watched The Notebook and ate popcorn, cookie dough and chocolate soy milk. It was wonderful. I've never cried so hard at a movie in my life. Seriously, she had to hold me so I would stop.
Hmm, I fought with my 'rents today. Really, really fought. Not really with my mom, because she is more rational than my dad when it comes to some things. Today was just ridiculous. I really don't understand my dad sometimes, and when I was talking to my mom about it, she said that she doesn't understand him either. I think that he just says things to get a reaction out of me and then he can prove the point that I'm being irrational or playing the victim. I'm ready to admit my flaws most of the time, especially in the heat of a fight or something, and sometimes, I think that he thinks theres too much pressure on him, or that he can't screw up. Like, I won't love him anymore or something. Which is stupid, because it just makes me so angry that he tries too hard. And he doesn't say he's sorry when it matters. When I get along with my dad, we're best friends. But lately, I can't talk to him about anything.
It's probably because I'm being secretive, but I'm not doing anything that they need to be concerned about. I'm safe. I'm looking out for myself, and right now, what's best for me doesn't seem like it is to everyone else. Plus, I'm the type of person that needs to realize things myself. I can't be told in some situations...which could end up getting me in trouble. It already has, I guess. But let me reiterate...there are things that no one will ever know. For all of us. And even though I'm hurting deeply right now, I still have the courage to be happy.