(no subject)
things are really bad when you can't even be miserable anymore. I guess I cried sad once too often. Was I ever really that sad? Or did I just want the attention. Things are really bad when your self-disgust is met only by others disgust at your self-disgust, because they think it is just an act to get them to comfort you. Honestly, my self-disgust doesn't spring now from wanting your attention, it springs from the fact that I am someone whose friends find disgusting. And changing is only an option if I give up everything I've so carefully saved for myself, everything I call myself. So my options are to cease being disgusting to those I care about, but to cease existing as who I am, thus becoming not the person they may or may not care about, or to continue in being this person they know, only to know how they turn their heads to speak. My head hurts, and Im going to bed.