and i whistle past the graveyard when i walk
so there was this one night where I didn't sleep before 24 hour theatre, and when I woke up after the longest day of my life, I found a word document open. this is what was in it. I don't remember writing it but fkljsd ENTIRELY FOR JACKIE, NO ONE ELSE CARES, THE END
"We figured you'd want to sell your power too," Alisha explains, arms folded over her chest.
"They'll give you a shitload of cash," Curtis adds.
Kelly's turn: "You can be normal again." Simon is the only one who doesn't say anything.
The visceral hurt rises in Nathan before he can even think to control it. He's back, but they've left him. "No," he says. Then, more hysterical: "No! Why the fuck would I do that?"
Finally, Simon speaks. "You can also exchange powers," he stammers. "You can get anything you like."
"What I'd like is for you lot to shut up," he hisses, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. When he removes them, they're still there, still staring like suddenly he's the freak. "So you're telling me that none of you've got powers anymore."
Curtis sucks his teeth and heaves an exasperated sigh before responding. "Yeah, that's exactly what we're saying. What are you so upset for?"
Maybe at one point, Nathan would have followed suit. The promise of money is definitely tempting. But immortality got him through so much in New Moore - without it, he vaguely realises, Victorious probably would have burnt down the whole island. The memory stabs at him and he pushes it out of his head quickly with a shake. "I'm not doing it."
After all, he didn't spend all that time facing his shadow only to give up everything he learned.
They call after him as he walks away, fists clenched and jaw grinding. Nathan can't hear them; part of him is still in New Moore, too far removed to care.
Simon finds him smoking against the side of a building that night. When he approaches, Nathan rolls his eyes away.
"I tried three different pubs."
"Good on you," Nathan exhales. His teeth are bared when he sneers, "I bet it'd be loads easier to find someone if you could still turn invisible."
"I didn't want to do it." Damn Barry and his earnest eyes, the way every word sounds like a moral struggle. "Alisha told me-" Nathan's sharp glare cuts him off, and the boy looks away, pressing his hair flat against his head. "She told me… that the man in the mask said we have to do it. And the man in the mask is… me. From the future."
That's quite possibly the worst argument Nathan's ever heard. "Mate, I don't care if she promised she'd shag your brains out for four days straight." A beat. "Well, maybe I do. The point is, that's bullshit. You can't time travel, Alisha's taking the piss. You're all fucking morons and I'm not selling mine." He stamps the cigarette out on the wall behind him so hard, his knuckles bash against red brick and begin to bleed.
Then, Simon does something truly surprising: he grabs Nathan's arm to stop him from going back into the pub and says in hushed tones, "I remember it too. The island. The man who murdered you. I remember."
They duck around to the backside of the pub- more like Nathan drags him, shoves the pack of cigarettes under his nose and doesn't take them away until Simon finally removes one. "You're going to smoke that, and you're going to tell me exactly how much you remember," Nathan growls. Everything, of course. Everything from his short stint in New Moore, and the Victorious details are the clearest. "So if you remember all that," he says with desperation, "D'you see why I'm not keen on up and giving away my power?"
"But we have to." The coughing fits have left him red in the cheek. "Alisha said- I said, we need to, or something bad will happen."
"Whatever." That's exactly when the plan forms. If something horrible really is on the horizon - and Nathan doesn't believe that for a second, but in some farfetched world where it might be true - it's best if he just leaves. "Let's go for a drink." Last chance, he doesn't say.
They have a few beers each, an awkward hug before Barry stumbles off to his flat, Nathan to the community centre. Even though their ASBO orders are up, Nathan still has no desire to run back to his mum. It's all so familiar, even after over a year of being in New Moore - breaking and entering, climbing up the stairs to his makeshift bed, flopping down and hanging one arm off the side of the balcony. He manages to shoot a half-coherent text to Kelly before passing out- importhant: come round in0hte morn, sent five times in a row. Last chance.
"Oh, piss off, would you?"
Those are the last words to come out of that beautiful chav mouth. Nathan watches her retreat and yells once more for good measure, "I'm serious! Come with me!"
Her ponytail flies as she whips around to give him the finger, and then she's gone.
When virtue bitches took over the community centre and brainwashed the lot of them, Nathan came deadly close to running away. It wasn't until he was waiting for his train that he realised he couldn't leave them. This was even before he knew he had a power, but there was still that nagging sense of responsibility - they're my friends, they need help.
The thought crosses his mind again. Same station, same knapsack hanging from his shoulder, same simmering rage at being left behind. This time, he can't just wave a water pistol around and save the day. Well, Nathan thinks, I never was much of a hero anyway. Rubbish at it, really, just complete shit. He doesn't hesitate even a second before boarding. They can save themselves, or go back to being normal people, or do whatever the fuck they want. If they even know what they want.
(Nikki lives. Marnie has her baby alone, continuing a streak of homelessness and prostitution. Turns out that Alisha lied, Superhoodie never told her anything of the sort. They buy back new powers, go back to being fuck-ups, and Nathan can't bring himself to care.)
"If you really must know," Nathan seethes at what feels like the thousandth time Victor has prodded the wounded topic of the Misfits, "They sold their powers to some psycho super-dealer 'cos someone from the future told them to."
For a moment, the cyborg just blinks at him. Then, a tentative laugh. "Yeah, right." Nathan's level stare doesn't budge an inch until he looks down and runs a hand through his hair. "Wait- seriously?" Victor scoots closer on the couch, Mario Kart suddenly a long-forgotten memory. "Selling their powers… They could really do that?"
His voice is thick. "Apparently." Whatever's coming next, he doesn't want to hear it, so Nathan cuts in: "They wouldn't let up about making me sell mine. Barry tried to trick me into it, and if I had to put money on it, I'd say they probably had a backup kidnapping plan in place. But I up and left, so." One hand gestures vaguely in the air before he leans his forehead against it. This shit is still depressing to think about.
Victor says all the right things: that sucks, they shouldn't have tried to force you, you were smart not to do it. But then, the careful curiosity edges into his voice. "So… did they mention the guy's name? The one who buys the powers."
Nathan bolts up from the couch fast, pointing at Victor. "Fuck no, you stop right there, I'm not telling you shit!"
They argue back and forth for far too long. Secretly, Nathan likes the extra viciousness left over from the Runaways leaving Victor - funny how their teams both abandoned them. "Good, get angry!" he barks every time, because the cyborg spends too much time saying the right thing and saving face. He needs to feel things, real and raw things. The second he starts going too far, too close to Victorious territory, Nathan will pull him back. But for the moment, he just goes nose-to-nose with the boy and shouts: "You don't know the first thing you'd do if you didn't have a power."
(He realises then that it's completely ridiculous for them to shout at each other over the Rainbow Road background music.)
"I do," Victor counters immediately, backing down a step or two to look at Nathan properly. "I'd get a normal job, live in a normal house, have a- I'd do the things normal people do, Nathan."
"Boring shit," he spits. "What's so great about being normal?"
The antagonising cock of Victor's head and lilt in his voice is just about enough to set Nathan over the edge completely. He's fully planning to grab Victor and shove him down onto the floor and make him forget this stupid argument by any means necessary, but his words cut off that very appealing train of thought. "I don't know, you're the guy who got scared and ran away to be normal for five years. You tell me."
A beat of silence, and the rigidity of Nathan's stance breaks a bit. He shrugs a shoulder and shoves his hands in his pockets. Alright, the cards are on the table. Time to be real. "It's shit," he explains simply. "It was shit, and it'll always be shit. You-" he points a finger at Victor and pulls a face like he's trying to figure out if this is a gay thing to say or not. "You're good at this hero business. Seriously, you're too good at it, man, it's freakish. I don't get why you'd want to stop."
"I won't always be good at it."
"And I've told you a hundred bloody times, worrying about some shite future that may or may not happen is the worst excuse for not doing something now."
They've reached a stalemate, and just when Nathan's about to say something even more embarrassing than all of that (don't leave, you said you weren't going anywhere) Victor cuts him off. "I guess I'll just have to call Simon."
To: Barry
Subj: FUCK YOURSELF
IF YOU TELL HIM, YOU DIE. NOT JOKING.
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
Hello, Nathan. Victor said you would do this. Glad to hear you're doing well. Alisha says hi and fuck off.
To: Barry
Subj: RE: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
Barry I have access to all kinds of cool weaponry and shit in the Avengers, I'LL COME LAUNCH A ROCKET BLASTER AT YOUR FUCKED UP UGLY SHARK FACE
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Re: RE: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
How do you know I didn't buy immortality?
To: Barry
Subj: RE: Re: RE: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
BECAUSE I NEVER SOLD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
Lol.
Simon's voice is still quiet and stilted, but somehow more confident, and it crackles from the transatlantic call. "I don't think that's a good idea, Victor. You're a cyborg, that isn't a power you can sell. It's who you are."
After a long silence, he adds with a laugh: "Also, we killed Seth. He was the dealer."
The Misfits are so, so screwed up.
Nathan gets so drunk that there are two, maybe three of Victor standing in the doorway, outlined against the dim light of the hall. "Go away, blokes with powers allowed only," he slurs, shoving his face back into the pillow. Maybe he'll smother himself for a lark. That could be fun.
There's a pressure on the bed, and then Victor's hand is on his back. "I didn't do it," he grins, barely able to suppress the hysterical laughter when Nathan's head pops up. The slow turn of his neck and his incredulous face are just all too hilarious.
"Fuck off," the immortal breathes, eyebrows knit together. The dam cracks and Victor starts laughing, first quietly through his nose and then huge, gasping breaths. I wanted to see how you'd react, and you're a mess, he chokes through his laughter. You really freaked out! "Yes, I really fucking did!" Nathan shouts, sitting up so fast that their foreheads crash. "Ow. Fuck you. You're awful. D'you know how dead boring it was going to be without you? Loads. Loads of- really fucking boring is what I'm trying to say."
The laughter subsides as Victor observes him. Nathan cut his hair recently, it's sticking up in funny places. His gaze is intense, though there's a concentrated effort to keep it focused. And yeah, his words are messy, but the point is still there. It sinks in finally. "You were going to stay?"
"Course I was," Nathan grumbles, shoving a hand against Victor's shoulder.
"Even if I sold my power and had to leave, you'd stay," he repeats. Nathan lets out a loud groan in confirmation. "You'd stick around and fight evil without me nagging you?"
He's nodding blearily, staring at Victor's face - wide eyes, small smile, and then it hits him. What he just said. "For fuck's sake," he starts to say, devising ways to take it back, but then Victor's hands are cupping his face and he doesn't want to take it back anymore.
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Gift
Alisha and I bought you and Victor a toaster. Where should I send it?
To: Barry
Subj: RE: Gift
This is why we stopped being friends. That goes for Alisha too
To: Barry
Subj: RE: Gift
And ignoring what a creepy little bastard you still are, you think the Avengers don't outfit their flats with toasters? Really? TOASTERS? FUCK OFF
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Re: RE: Gift
I'll just post it to Iron Man. :-)
"We figured you'd want to sell your power too," Alisha explains, arms folded over her chest.
"They'll give you a shitload of cash," Curtis adds.
Kelly's turn: "You can be normal again." Simon is the only one who doesn't say anything.
The visceral hurt rises in Nathan before he can even think to control it. He's back, but they've left him. "No," he says. Then, more hysterical: "No! Why the fuck would I do that?"
Finally, Simon speaks. "You can also exchange powers," he stammers. "You can get anything you like."
"What I'd like is for you lot to shut up," he hisses, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. When he removes them, they're still there, still staring like suddenly he's the freak. "So you're telling me that none of you've got powers anymore."
Curtis sucks his teeth and heaves an exasperated sigh before responding. "Yeah, that's exactly what we're saying. What are you so upset for?"
Maybe at one point, Nathan would have followed suit. The promise of money is definitely tempting. But immortality got him through so much in New Moore - without it, he vaguely realises, Victorious probably would have burnt down the whole island. The memory stabs at him and he pushes it out of his head quickly with a shake. "I'm not doing it."
After all, he didn't spend all that time facing his shadow only to give up everything he learned.
They call after him as he walks away, fists clenched and jaw grinding. Nathan can't hear them; part of him is still in New Moore, too far removed to care.
Simon finds him smoking against the side of a building that night. When he approaches, Nathan rolls his eyes away.
"I tried three different pubs."
"Good on you," Nathan exhales. His teeth are bared when he sneers, "I bet it'd be loads easier to find someone if you could still turn invisible."
"I didn't want to do it." Damn Barry and his earnest eyes, the way every word sounds like a moral struggle. "Alisha told me-" Nathan's sharp glare cuts him off, and the boy looks away, pressing his hair flat against his head. "She told me… that the man in the mask said we have to do it. And the man in the mask is… me. From the future."
That's quite possibly the worst argument Nathan's ever heard. "Mate, I don't care if she promised she'd shag your brains out for four days straight." A beat. "Well, maybe I do. The point is, that's bullshit. You can't time travel, Alisha's taking the piss. You're all fucking morons and I'm not selling mine." He stamps the cigarette out on the wall behind him so hard, his knuckles bash against red brick and begin to bleed.
Then, Simon does something truly surprising: he grabs Nathan's arm to stop him from going back into the pub and says in hushed tones, "I remember it too. The island. The man who murdered you. I remember."
They duck around to the backside of the pub- more like Nathan drags him, shoves the pack of cigarettes under his nose and doesn't take them away until Simon finally removes one. "You're going to smoke that, and you're going to tell me exactly how much you remember," Nathan growls. Everything, of course. Everything from his short stint in New Moore, and the Victorious details are the clearest. "So if you remember all that," he says with desperation, "D'you see why I'm not keen on up and giving away my power?"
"But we have to." The coughing fits have left him red in the cheek. "Alisha said- I said, we need to, or something bad will happen."
"Whatever." That's exactly when the plan forms. If something horrible really is on the horizon - and Nathan doesn't believe that for a second, but in some farfetched world where it might be true - it's best if he just leaves. "Let's go for a drink." Last chance, he doesn't say.
They have a few beers each, an awkward hug before Barry stumbles off to his flat, Nathan to the community centre. Even though their ASBO orders are up, Nathan still has no desire to run back to his mum. It's all so familiar, even after over a year of being in New Moore - breaking and entering, climbing up the stairs to his makeshift bed, flopping down and hanging one arm off the side of the balcony. He manages to shoot a half-coherent text to Kelly before passing out- importhant: come round in0hte morn, sent five times in a row. Last chance.
"Oh, piss off, would you?"
Those are the last words to come out of that beautiful chav mouth. Nathan watches her retreat and yells once more for good measure, "I'm serious! Come with me!"
Her ponytail flies as she whips around to give him the finger, and then she's gone.
When virtue bitches took over the community centre and brainwashed the lot of them, Nathan came deadly close to running away. It wasn't until he was waiting for his train that he realised he couldn't leave them. This was even before he knew he had a power, but there was still that nagging sense of responsibility - they're my friends, they need help.
The thought crosses his mind again. Same station, same knapsack hanging from his shoulder, same simmering rage at being left behind. This time, he can't just wave a water pistol around and save the day. Well, Nathan thinks, I never was much of a hero anyway. Rubbish at it, really, just complete shit. He doesn't hesitate even a second before boarding. They can save themselves, or go back to being normal people, or do whatever the fuck they want. If they even know what they want.
(Nikki lives. Marnie has her baby alone, continuing a streak of homelessness and prostitution. Turns out that Alisha lied, Superhoodie never told her anything of the sort. They buy back new powers, go back to being fuck-ups, and Nathan can't bring himself to care.)
"If you really must know," Nathan seethes at what feels like the thousandth time Victor has prodded the wounded topic of the Misfits, "They sold their powers to some psycho super-dealer 'cos someone from the future told them to."
For a moment, the cyborg just blinks at him. Then, a tentative laugh. "Yeah, right." Nathan's level stare doesn't budge an inch until he looks down and runs a hand through his hair. "Wait- seriously?" Victor scoots closer on the couch, Mario Kart suddenly a long-forgotten memory. "Selling their powers… They could really do that?"
His voice is thick. "Apparently." Whatever's coming next, he doesn't want to hear it, so Nathan cuts in: "They wouldn't let up about making me sell mine. Barry tried to trick me into it, and if I had to put money on it, I'd say they probably had a backup kidnapping plan in place. But I up and left, so." One hand gestures vaguely in the air before he leans his forehead against it. This shit is still depressing to think about.
Victor says all the right things: that sucks, they shouldn't have tried to force you, you were smart not to do it. But then, the careful curiosity edges into his voice. "So… did they mention the guy's name? The one who buys the powers."
Nathan bolts up from the couch fast, pointing at Victor. "Fuck no, you stop right there, I'm not telling you shit!"
They argue back and forth for far too long. Secretly, Nathan likes the extra viciousness left over from the Runaways leaving Victor - funny how their teams both abandoned them. "Good, get angry!" he barks every time, because the cyborg spends too much time saying the right thing and saving face. He needs to feel things, real and raw things. The second he starts going too far, too close to Victorious territory, Nathan will pull him back. But for the moment, he just goes nose-to-nose with the boy and shouts: "You don't know the first thing you'd do if you didn't have a power."
(He realises then that it's completely ridiculous for them to shout at each other over the Rainbow Road background music.)
"I do," Victor counters immediately, backing down a step or two to look at Nathan properly. "I'd get a normal job, live in a normal house, have a- I'd do the things normal people do, Nathan."
"Boring shit," he spits. "What's so great about being normal?"
The antagonising cock of Victor's head and lilt in his voice is just about enough to set Nathan over the edge completely. He's fully planning to grab Victor and shove him down onto the floor and make him forget this stupid argument by any means necessary, but his words cut off that very appealing train of thought. "I don't know, you're the guy who got scared and ran away to be normal for five years. You tell me."
A beat of silence, and the rigidity of Nathan's stance breaks a bit. He shrugs a shoulder and shoves his hands in his pockets. Alright, the cards are on the table. Time to be real. "It's shit," he explains simply. "It was shit, and it'll always be shit. You-" he points a finger at Victor and pulls a face like he's trying to figure out if this is a gay thing to say or not. "You're good at this hero business. Seriously, you're too good at it, man, it's freakish. I don't get why you'd want to stop."
"I won't always be good at it."
"And I've told you a hundred bloody times, worrying about some shite future that may or may not happen is the worst excuse for not doing something now."
They've reached a stalemate, and just when Nathan's about to say something even more embarrassing than all of that (don't leave, you said you weren't going anywhere) Victor cuts him off. "I guess I'll just have to call Simon."
To: Barry
Subj: FUCK YOURSELF
IF YOU TELL HIM, YOU DIE. NOT JOKING.
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
Hello, Nathan. Victor said you would do this. Glad to hear you're doing well. Alisha says hi and fuck off.
To: Barry
Subj: RE: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
Barry I have access to all kinds of cool weaponry and shit in the Avengers, I'LL COME LAUNCH A ROCKET BLASTER AT YOUR FUCKED UP UGLY SHARK FACE
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Re: RE: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
How do you know I didn't buy immortality?
To: Barry
Subj: RE: Re: RE: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
BECAUSE I NEVER SOLD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Re: RE: Re: RE: Re: FUCK YOURSELF
Lol.
Simon's voice is still quiet and stilted, but somehow more confident, and it crackles from the transatlantic call. "I don't think that's a good idea, Victor. You're a cyborg, that isn't a power you can sell. It's who you are."
After a long silence, he adds with a laugh: "Also, we killed Seth. He was the dealer."
The Misfits are so, so screwed up.
Nathan gets so drunk that there are two, maybe three of Victor standing in the doorway, outlined against the dim light of the hall. "Go away, blokes with powers allowed only," he slurs, shoving his face back into the pillow. Maybe he'll smother himself for a lark. That could be fun.
There's a pressure on the bed, and then Victor's hand is on his back. "I didn't do it," he grins, barely able to suppress the hysterical laughter when Nathan's head pops up. The slow turn of his neck and his incredulous face are just all too hilarious.
"Fuck off," the immortal breathes, eyebrows knit together. The dam cracks and Victor starts laughing, first quietly through his nose and then huge, gasping breaths. I wanted to see how you'd react, and you're a mess, he chokes through his laughter. You really freaked out! "Yes, I really fucking did!" Nathan shouts, sitting up so fast that their foreheads crash. "Ow. Fuck you. You're awful. D'you know how dead boring it was going to be without you? Loads. Loads of- really fucking boring is what I'm trying to say."
The laughter subsides as Victor observes him. Nathan cut his hair recently, it's sticking up in funny places. His gaze is intense, though there's a concentrated effort to keep it focused. And yeah, his words are messy, but the point is still there. It sinks in finally. "You were going to stay?"
"Course I was," Nathan grumbles, shoving a hand against Victor's shoulder.
"Even if I sold my power and had to leave, you'd stay," he repeats. Nathan lets out a loud groan in confirmation. "You'd stick around and fight evil without me nagging you?"
He's nodding blearily, staring at Victor's face - wide eyes, small smile, and then it hits him. What he just said. "For fuck's sake," he starts to say, devising ways to take it back, but then Victor's hands are cupping his face and he doesn't want to take it back anymore.
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Gift
Alisha and I bought you and Victor a toaster. Where should I send it?
To: Barry
Subj: RE: Gift
This is why we stopped being friends. That goes for Alisha too
To: Barry
Subj: RE: Gift
And ignoring what a creepy little bastard you still are, you think the Avengers don't outfit their flats with toasters? Really? TOASTERS? FUCK OFF
To: Nathan Young
Subj: Re: RE: Gift
I'll just post it to Iron Man. :-)