The Pianist [Chapter 12/12]
Title: The Pianist
Author: zetastation
Beta: matturemuser
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, fluff.
Summary: "You want a revelation, some kind of resolution"
Feedback: Yes, please!
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse nor any song mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended. The summary corresponds to verses from the song "No Light No Light", by Florence + The Machine. The photography from the banner was taken by take_a_bow06 (thank you sweetie! <3) and edited by me.
Author's Note: nononono! This is NOT the last chapter of the fic, this is the last chapter of the FIRST part of this series. After discussing with a few friends, I decided to split The Pianist in two big parts. The second part will only be posted when I have it all finished. Thank you very much for all the support and I hope you can still enjoying this story <3
(During flashbacks, conversations are in italics and narrative is regular)
Previous Chapter
***
“It feels so good, Dom,” Matt uttered, giggling, “and it also tickles!”
“What? The sand?” I asked, smiling and moving a long lock of my blond hair away from my eyes. It was a sunny, windy day and Matt and I had decided to go to the beach; but the strong breeze had been a pain in the arse since we’d arrived.
“Of course. What else feels good and tickles?” With a smirk playing on his lips, he turned to face me, lazily punching me in the arm.
“I don’t know! Many things,” we laughed and kept walking towards the shore. Observing our surroundings, I noticed the beach was not very crowded.
“Such as…” he started, leaving the rest for me to complete.
“Oh, uh, such as kissing…?”
“Does kissing tickle?!” he cackled, making fun of me, “Did it tickle when I kissed you-” I hurried to cover his mouth with my hand, muffling his laughter.
“Shut up!” I whined. “No one needs to know!” I let go of him and noticed his red face.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring back bad memories for you,” He laughed even louder.
“Idiot…”
We stopped walking as soon as our feet sank into the wet sand that marked the waves’ reach. The sea was a couple of metres ahead of us. I quickly glanced back over my shoulders just to see our footprints in the sand and, I don’t know why, but I felt warm, butterflies going wild in my stomach.
Because those were Matt’s footprints and mine. Side by side.
Actually, that was a silly feeling and I was sure it would pass soon. Well, that was what I thought until I turned my head back to Matt just in time to watch him closing his eyes and slowly throwing his head back, a subtle smile on his lips.
He looked so calm and serene, his hair being blown by the wind. My eyes traced down his exposed pale neck and landed on his shirt-clad chest moving up and down every time he breathed in.
“Is there something wrong with my chest, Dom?” Matt’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I promptly shook my head, feeling my face heating as I found him smiling at me.
“N-no! Uh… I was just- Eh, I like your new Nirvana t-shirt,” I made up and scratched the back of my neck, looking away from his face and hearing him chuckling.
“Well this shirt you like so much is about to get soaked. C’mon, Dom!” he took me by the hand and dragged me to the water.
I didn’t even have time to protest.
***
Remember that time, when I said that I would like that Matt’s face could be the first thing I would see every day for the rest of my life? Oddly, it’s becoming more and more usual.
This time though, we were completely sober, yet we had still decided to sleep together last night; mostly because he insisted, but also because I just couldn’t refuse his suggestion. And now that I stopped to think more clearly, I did have a choice. I could have slept in another guest room, I could have changed the sheets of the damp bed. Also about the clothes issue. I could have just slept in the soiled ones I was wearing at the time; even if that was not the best decision, it was the most rationally acceptable choice.
But no. Instead, I accepted sleeping with him, I accepted taking off my clothes. Deep inside that was what I really expected because I just wanted to drift off to sleep knowing that Matthew was there too, beside me, and it was his own choice. I was so blinded by my primal desires that had concluded that the only solution for dealing with our dirty clothes was going to bed with none.
What did I have in mind? What was I expecting in the end?
Maybe it was time to call Tom and ask for help. I remember, in the hospital when Matt had just woken up from the coma, that he offered to help in Matt’s recovery. That was probably the right thing to do at this moment. Staying with Matt was a constant temptation. He’s like a jewel that will never belong to me. He’s a star that I can’t reach.
Sighing in defeat, I decided that it was time to get up, take a shower, clear my mind and realise that this was not the end of the world; although it was equally as painful.
But just when I started to wriggle in the bed to disengage myself from the sheets, I felt something warm being pressed against the centre of my chest. I stopped moving and looked down to catch sight of Matt’s hand.
He had been laying on his stomach, one hand on each side of his head, but had shifted this one onto my chest. My eyes landed on his bare back, the sheets covering his frame only to his lower back; my gaze rising up his body until I noticed quiet, azure eyes staring at me.
The Dom from yesterday would’ve panicked by this time, rushing to apologise and getting out of the bed in a millisecond. The Dom from today just watched the way those hypnotic irises searched my face, looking very interested.
We both remained silent as Matt moved his hand, placing it over the left side of my chest, right on top of my heart. He wriggled closer and I could now feel the heat of his whole arm resting on my stomach and his sides pressing against mine. Goosebumps formed on my skin, my eyes never leaving Matt’s.
Surely my heart was beating madly, I could feel it nearly coming out of my chest. Matt certainly noticed it too. It was then that he propped up on his free elbow - and now he was practically hovering over me - took one of my hands and placed it on his chest while our gazes were still locked.
His heart was beating as fast as mine.
“Hi,” he whispered, sounding a bit nervous.
“H-hi…” What were we doing?
“Why does this always happen?” he asked, but I just frowned in confusion.
“What?”
“This,” still holding my hand, he pressed it even more firmly against his chest, making me feel more of his skin and the uncontrolled beats of his heart.
What does he mean…?
I opened my mouth, ready to ask something, but I couldn’t organize my thoughts to ask a proper question. I just kept looking at him.
“And it’s happening to you too,” leaving my hand, he placed his on my chest once again, “See?” A faint smile.
I was still speechless, I couldn’t look away from him. I’d been swallowed by the depth and hope of his eyes, that shade of blue that couldn’t be put in words. That indescribable shade of blue that only belongs to Matthew.
Soon I realised that his face was just a few inches of mine. My eyes were fluctuating from his own to his parted lips.
“Matt…” I finally said. He stopped getting closer and I swear I could distinguish a disappointed look in his eyes. What was that?
“What?” he sounded afraid of my answer.
Oh… I get it now, I guess. Would it be possible for him to be afraid of my rejection? Because I was always fleeing, avoiding certain situations and, when we kissed that night, I said that was not a good idea. I was always ignoring the reality, I’d been blind and couldn’t face what was happening.
Scepticism usually took control over my mind and blinded me to the truth right before my eyes, twisting it into an illusion that I could ignore.
Why couldn’t I just accept the fact that I might be wrong? Why would it be so hard to believe?
“Dom…?” his voice was weak and wavering, still waiting for my answer.
It was my decision now.
The hand that was still on Matt’s chest headed up to his shoulder, smoothing the skin there, and continued its way to his neck, my fingers reaching his nape and slowly caressing that area. Matt squirmed at my touch and goose bumps appeared on his pale skin.
I swallowed before continuing; anticipating a sign that indicated that Matt was unwilling to proceed. Said sign never happened. Then I carefully pulled him down, our faces now perfectly aligned, closing the gap between us. Our shaky breaths mingled together as our mouths approached each other’s; the tip of his nose and his forehead were now pressing against mine.
He closed his eyes, and so did I.
It was in my hands now, the decision to keep going or not.
Without pausing to consider potential regret, I barely moved my face forward before our lips touched, briefly. Again. And again.
Matthew melted against my body, not hesitating to rest his weight on my frame. His warmth was inviting, welcoming; and so were his sweet, moist lips. It didn’t take long until I felt Matt’s tongue nudging my mouth, begging for entrance. I gladly obliged. A jolt of electricity passing through my body as he slipped his tongue in, slowly moving it, exploring every inch, every corner he could.
My other hand that was not holding his neck landed on his back, and we were now wrapped in each other’s arms, our bodies pressed against each other’s in a tight hug.
The sheets that were previously covering us slipped off the bed as we rolled, Matt now beneath me. He hooked one leg on my waist when we parted to catch breath, and I started placing wet kisses on his face and his neck, dragging my lips down to the dip between his collarbones. I felt his chest heaving along with his erratic breath.
He let out a low grunt as I kissed his jawline, squeezing himself against my body. I looked down and found his eyes shut, crimson cheeks and parted lips, as I admired the perfection of his being. I loved Matthew so much, I truly loved him and now he’ was here with me. We were not drunk, this was not an accident or a joke.
It was happening. Finally. It was real.
“Matt,” I said, panting.
“What?” whispering, he opened his eyes. I licked my lips before pressing a sweet kiss on his; I moved away just enough to look into his blue eyes again.
“We need to talk.”
I watched the frown form on his face, but I didn’t want him to be afraid of what we were going to discuss. I smiled reassuringly and cupped his face with one hand, brushing my thumb lightly on his cheek. The frown subtly vanished from his face and Matt threaded one hand into my hair, caressing my scalp. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his long fingers massaging my head.
I lowered my head, intending to resume our previous kissing session, but that was when I heard a knock on the door.
Suddenly, realisation struck me and my head was thrown back to reality. How the hell had I forgotten where we are and the whole situation that had led us here?!
I widened my eyes and Matt looked at me, equally bewildered. The knock repeated and this time it was followed by a friendly voice, “Dom, Matt? Are you guys there?” It was Tom.
“Oh, shit!” I hurried to get out of the bed, looking for our clothes that were folded over the recamier.
“Is that Tom?” Matt asked, whispering, as he stood up and I threw him his trousers and shirt.
“Yeah, it sounds like him.”
“Guys, I’m gonna come in!” Tom said when I was finishing buttoning up my shirt.
“Fuck!” I muttered, “Hold on!” I shouted and looked back at Matt. He had just finished setting his collar and nodded to me. I went to the door and opened it, “Hey, Tom, buddy! Good morning!” I smiled nervously and Tom quirked an eyebrow, looking suspiciously at me and then over my shoulders, surely staring at Matt.
“What are you guys up to?” he folded his arms over his chest.
“N-nothing! We were just getting ready to go downstairs and prepare the breakfast!”
“I see…” he narrowed his eyes and an awkward silence fell on the room. I could feel I was about to break out in a cold sweat, but suddenly Tom’s face changed, a large grin on his face and a playful gleam in his eyes, “You guys...” Laughing, he patted my shoulders and I tried to laugh along with him. Tom is crazy, what the hell is he doing? “C’mon, Matt!” he gestured for Matt to approach us. “Aren’t you guys hungry? Let’s take the kids out to have breakfast.”
“Sure, sure! Just let me get my wallet.”
***
That uncomfortable atmosphere hung over us during the whole morning and it was not even because what had happened between Matt and I earlier, but because of Tom. I don’t know why, but I felt a pang in my stomach, something close to a feeling of guilt for hiding from him what he had just interrupted.
“So, what are you doing here, Tom?” Matthew asked awkwardly, as we sat in a booth inside the Café with the kids.
“Oh, Jaclyn and I were out of the city yesterday. I got a new camera and wanted to take some pictures of nature and-”
“Eh, Tom.” I interrupted him.
“Sorry, sorry!” he apologetically smiled before continuing, “I only checked my phone again when I was back to town, saw eighteen calls from Chris and called him back. He told me about the emergency and that he was going to ask me to look after his children, but since I hadn’t called him back, he asked you guys. I confess I’m still surprised seeing you two alive,” he actually whispered the last line, winking, but Alfie heard Tom and nudged him with his elbow. “What did I do?” Tom faked unawareness, but couldn’t hold back a giggle.
We spent some time more at the Café and in the end Tom suggested that Matt and I should go back home. Not to Chris' though, but to Matt's. At first I felt anxious about that suggestion. It's not like I didn't have anything to worry about, being alone with Matt again. I really didn't know what to expect from now on, how I should act, what I should say. Things were not clear and kept getting more and more confusing.
Tom made a quick reminder that we were still wearing the same clothes as yesterday and we didn't even take a shower. Oh, well... He was right! How disgusting and unexpected from someone like me! Tom told us to go home one more time. I looked at Matt, trying to see if he was uncomfortable with the idea, but he was so distracted talking to the kids that he just nodded in response to Tom when he quickly told him that we should come back.
I wonder if Matt ever paid attention to Tom.
Whatever, we ended up saying good bye to the children and wishing Tom good luck in dealing with them.
***
Once we were back at Matt’s place, I couldn’t help feeling awkward around him. Not after what had happened that morning. Throughout the whole day, he hadn’t mentioned a single word about the kiss or acted like there was anything different between us. That’s what made me surprised. It seemed like everything was still the same.
At least on Matt’s behalf.
The night went surprisingly well, without any awful event. Matt actually offered to help prepare the dinner, saying that he’d try his best not to break anything or get cut again. I smiled weakly at him and nodded, inviting him to stir the tomato sauce with a wooden spoon. Fortunately, he didn’t set fire on his house or get any sort of burn.
It was a nice moment and, despite my initial nervousness, it turned out to be a good time spent while we made a few jokes or recalled our time with the kids. We ate our meal in a comfortable silence and Matt helped me to wash the dishes.
Well, he did drop one glass, but no one is perfect, right?
And now I’m here, in bed, waiting for a peaceful sleep to claim me. As it could be expected, I found myself distracted by some thoughts about the latest happenings in my life. I started reconsidering the things I’d done that morning; they truly expressed my real feelings and I acted accordingly to how I wanted to act. But now I wondered if that had been a good move.
To be honest, I regret nothing; so what was the point in pondering over what I’d done? Maybe I had spent so much time suppressing my real feelings and wishes and now I was trying to convince myself that what I had done was wrong. It was pointless thinking so. That didn’t feel wrong.
I should stop worrying so much.
As soon as I sighed, I heard a faint knock at the door of my bedroom. “Come in,” I said as I sat up.
Even though the lights were off when he opened the door, I still could see Matt’s brunet head looking from one side to the other, trying to spot me inside my dark room. How stupid am I? I giggled and turned on the lampshade on my nightstand. “Sorry for all the darkness,” I apologised with a smile.
“Hey,” Matt was already wearing his pajamas; a grey long sleeved shirt and loose trousers. When he lifted his arm to rub the back of his neck, I was able to see the waistband of his boxers plus a tiny bit of the exposed pale skin of his stomach.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah… Just want to talk.” his eyes wavered from my face to the floor.
“Oh, sure!” I patted the empty side of my bed, “Sit here.”
Well, where did all this sudden self-control come from, Dom?
Matt obliged and sat at the edge of the mattress, obviously not wanting to get any closer. I was worried for one moment. What if he regretted what had happened this morning? Would he be afraid of me and want me out of his house tomorrow?
“Why?” It was the only thing he said, still not looking at me.
“W-what…?” I asked, concerned.
“Why so much fear?” he finally looked me in the eyes, but I still couldn’t understand what he meant. “Why are you afraid to show your feelings? What’s the point in hiding them?”
“Matt, what are you-”
“Dom, let me explain, please!” he moved forward, a hand clutching on his chest and a pleading look in his face. Whatever he was going to say, he looked confused yet determined. “I know how I feel, but I can’t tell how I feel. I don’t know, it gives me headaches at the same time that I need it. Yes, it’s a need. You may have not realised, but I paid attention every time you avoided me and I wondered whether I was doing something wrong. But I can’t help it, okay? It just happened like that! I can’t explain why, but I feel much better when you’re around, when we’re in the same room, when we’re close to each other. I like when you tell me facts about me, my family, friends and, especially, stories where the main characters are both of us. We’ve fought many times in a short space of time since I woke up, but still, I feel happy when I’m with you. I liked to know Tom, Chris and the others, but no-one makes me feel safe like you do, Dom.”
He paused for a moment just to catch his breath. He was talking too fast, sounding desperate to make himself clear. It was obvious that his ideas were still confused, but even running in circles, being redundant, I got what he was trying to say.
That was hard to believe though.
“Matt, I-” I tried to say, but he touched my knee and interrupted me.
“Do you trust me?” came the sudden question.
“Of course.”
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Just close your eyes, you said you trust me.”
I closed my eyes, but not before looking deep into his, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Once I couldn’t see anything anymore, I could listen to my crazy heartbeats and shaky breathing. I also heard Matt approaching as the bed creaked; I felt his heat as he sat closer to me and felt his breath tickling my face.
“Forget everything outside this room, beyond the walls. There is only you and me now.”
I gulped and nodded slightly, waiting for his next move.
But then I felt his warm hand touching my face, carefully, brushing his thumb on my cheek. “I’d give everything to stay here with you, touching you, feeling you…” Still with my eyes closed, I felt his breath even closer to my face and I waited for an imminent kiss; but maybe Matt reconsidered what he was going to do and he moved away, though his hand did not abandon my face. “But… I obviously can’t do anything if I don’t know how you truly feel about it. I need words, Dom.”
Without thinking twice, I placed a hand over the one caressing my face and slowly opened my eyes. I found quiet blue eyes staring at me as if they were looking directly at my soul, reading me like I was an open book. We didn’t utter a word, even though Matt had asked for them. I felt his hand trembling beneath mine, but I couldn’t say I wasn’t shaking as well.
I looked for answers in his eyes, but I found home instead.
***
Author's Note2: end of the first big part :) I can't be sure when I'll start posting the second part (that will be called 'The Pianist: Redemption'). I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know, please! <3
Author: zetastation
Beta: matturemuser
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, fluff.
Summary: "You want a revelation, some kind of resolution"
Feedback: Yes, please!
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse nor any song mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended. The summary corresponds to verses from the song "No Light No Light", by Florence + The Machine. The photography from the banner was taken by take_a_bow06 (thank you sweetie! <3) and edited by me.
Author's Note: nononono! This is NOT the last chapter of the fic, this is the last chapter of the FIRST part of this series. After discussing with a few friends, I decided to split The Pianist in two big parts. The second part will only be posted when I have it all finished. Thank you very much for all the support and I hope you can still enjoying this story <3
(During flashbacks, conversations are in italics and narrative is regular)
Previous Chapter
***
“It feels so good, Dom,” Matt uttered, giggling, “and it also tickles!”
“What? The sand?” I asked, smiling and moving a long lock of my blond hair away from my eyes. It was a sunny, windy day and Matt and I had decided to go to the beach; but the strong breeze had been a pain in the arse since we’d arrived.
“Of course. What else feels good and tickles?” With a smirk playing on his lips, he turned to face me, lazily punching me in the arm.
“I don’t know! Many things,” we laughed and kept walking towards the shore. Observing our surroundings, I noticed the beach was not very crowded.
“Such as…” he started, leaving the rest for me to complete.
“Oh, uh, such as kissing…?”
“Does kissing tickle?!” he cackled, making fun of me, “Did it tickle when I kissed you-” I hurried to cover his mouth with my hand, muffling his laughter.
“Shut up!” I whined. “No one needs to know!” I let go of him and noticed his red face.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring back bad memories for you,” He laughed even louder.
“Idiot…”
We stopped walking as soon as our feet sank into the wet sand that marked the waves’ reach. The sea was a couple of metres ahead of us. I quickly glanced back over my shoulders just to see our footprints in the sand and, I don’t know why, but I felt warm, butterflies going wild in my stomach.
Because those were Matt’s footprints and mine. Side by side.
Actually, that was a silly feeling and I was sure it would pass soon. Well, that was what I thought until I turned my head back to Matt just in time to watch him closing his eyes and slowly throwing his head back, a subtle smile on his lips.
He looked so calm and serene, his hair being blown by the wind. My eyes traced down his exposed pale neck and landed on his shirt-clad chest moving up and down every time he breathed in.
“Is there something wrong with my chest, Dom?” Matt’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I promptly shook my head, feeling my face heating as I found him smiling at me.
“N-no! Uh… I was just- Eh, I like your new Nirvana t-shirt,” I made up and scratched the back of my neck, looking away from his face and hearing him chuckling.
“Well this shirt you like so much is about to get soaked. C’mon, Dom!” he took me by the hand and dragged me to the water.
I didn’t even have time to protest.
***
Remember that time, when I said that I would like that Matt’s face could be the first thing I would see every day for the rest of my life? Oddly, it’s becoming more and more usual.
This time though, we were completely sober, yet we had still decided to sleep together last night; mostly because he insisted, but also because I just couldn’t refuse his suggestion. And now that I stopped to think more clearly, I did have a choice. I could have slept in another guest room, I could have changed the sheets of the damp bed. Also about the clothes issue. I could have just slept in the soiled ones I was wearing at the time; even if that was not the best decision, it was the most rationally acceptable choice.
But no. Instead, I accepted sleeping with him, I accepted taking off my clothes. Deep inside that was what I really expected because I just wanted to drift off to sleep knowing that Matthew was there too, beside me, and it was his own choice. I was so blinded by my primal desires that had concluded that the only solution for dealing with our dirty clothes was going to bed with none.
What did I have in mind? What was I expecting in the end?
Maybe it was time to call Tom and ask for help. I remember, in the hospital when Matt had just woken up from the coma, that he offered to help in Matt’s recovery. That was probably the right thing to do at this moment. Staying with Matt was a constant temptation. He’s like a jewel that will never belong to me. He’s a star that I can’t reach.
Sighing in defeat, I decided that it was time to get up, take a shower, clear my mind and realise that this was not the end of the world; although it was equally as painful.
But just when I started to wriggle in the bed to disengage myself from the sheets, I felt something warm being pressed against the centre of my chest. I stopped moving and looked down to catch sight of Matt’s hand.
He had been laying on his stomach, one hand on each side of his head, but had shifted this one onto my chest. My eyes landed on his bare back, the sheets covering his frame only to his lower back; my gaze rising up his body until I noticed quiet, azure eyes staring at me.
The Dom from yesterday would’ve panicked by this time, rushing to apologise and getting out of the bed in a millisecond. The Dom from today just watched the way those hypnotic irises searched my face, looking very interested.
We both remained silent as Matt moved his hand, placing it over the left side of my chest, right on top of my heart. He wriggled closer and I could now feel the heat of his whole arm resting on my stomach and his sides pressing against mine. Goosebumps formed on my skin, my eyes never leaving Matt’s.
Surely my heart was beating madly, I could feel it nearly coming out of my chest. Matt certainly noticed it too. It was then that he propped up on his free elbow - and now he was practically hovering over me - took one of my hands and placed it on his chest while our gazes were still locked.
His heart was beating as fast as mine.
“Hi,” he whispered, sounding a bit nervous.
“H-hi…” What were we doing?
“Why does this always happen?” he asked, but I just frowned in confusion.
“What?”
“This,” still holding my hand, he pressed it even more firmly against his chest, making me feel more of his skin and the uncontrolled beats of his heart.
What does he mean…?
I opened my mouth, ready to ask something, but I couldn’t organize my thoughts to ask a proper question. I just kept looking at him.
“And it’s happening to you too,” leaving my hand, he placed his on my chest once again, “See?” A faint smile.
I was still speechless, I couldn’t look away from him. I’d been swallowed by the depth and hope of his eyes, that shade of blue that couldn’t be put in words. That indescribable shade of blue that only belongs to Matthew.
Soon I realised that his face was just a few inches of mine. My eyes were fluctuating from his own to his parted lips.
“Matt…” I finally said. He stopped getting closer and I swear I could distinguish a disappointed look in his eyes. What was that?
“What?” he sounded afraid of my answer.
Oh… I get it now, I guess. Would it be possible for him to be afraid of my rejection? Because I was always fleeing, avoiding certain situations and, when we kissed that night, I said that was not a good idea. I was always ignoring the reality, I’d been blind and couldn’t face what was happening.
Scepticism usually took control over my mind and blinded me to the truth right before my eyes, twisting it into an illusion that I could ignore.
Why couldn’t I just accept the fact that I might be wrong? Why would it be so hard to believe?
“Dom…?” his voice was weak and wavering, still waiting for my answer.
It was my decision now.
The hand that was still on Matt’s chest headed up to his shoulder, smoothing the skin there, and continued its way to his neck, my fingers reaching his nape and slowly caressing that area. Matt squirmed at my touch and goose bumps appeared on his pale skin.
I swallowed before continuing; anticipating a sign that indicated that Matt was unwilling to proceed. Said sign never happened. Then I carefully pulled him down, our faces now perfectly aligned, closing the gap between us. Our shaky breaths mingled together as our mouths approached each other’s; the tip of his nose and his forehead were now pressing against mine.
He closed his eyes, and so did I.
It was in my hands now, the decision to keep going or not.
Without pausing to consider potential regret, I barely moved my face forward before our lips touched, briefly. Again. And again.
Matthew melted against my body, not hesitating to rest his weight on my frame. His warmth was inviting, welcoming; and so were his sweet, moist lips. It didn’t take long until I felt Matt’s tongue nudging my mouth, begging for entrance. I gladly obliged. A jolt of electricity passing through my body as he slipped his tongue in, slowly moving it, exploring every inch, every corner he could.
My other hand that was not holding his neck landed on his back, and we were now wrapped in each other’s arms, our bodies pressed against each other’s in a tight hug.
The sheets that were previously covering us slipped off the bed as we rolled, Matt now beneath me. He hooked one leg on my waist when we parted to catch breath, and I started placing wet kisses on his face and his neck, dragging my lips down to the dip between his collarbones. I felt his chest heaving along with his erratic breath.
He let out a low grunt as I kissed his jawline, squeezing himself against my body. I looked down and found his eyes shut, crimson cheeks and parted lips, as I admired the perfection of his being. I loved Matthew so much, I truly loved him and now he’ was here with me. We were not drunk, this was not an accident or a joke.
It was happening. Finally. It was real.
“Matt,” I said, panting.
“What?” whispering, he opened his eyes. I licked my lips before pressing a sweet kiss on his; I moved away just enough to look into his blue eyes again.
“We need to talk.”
I watched the frown form on his face, but I didn’t want him to be afraid of what we were going to discuss. I smiled reassuringly and cupped his face with one hand, brushing my thumb lightly on his cheek. The frown subtly vanished from his face and Matt threaded one hand into my hair, caressing my scalp. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his long fingers massaging my head.
I lowered my head, intending to resume our previous kissing session, but that was when I heard a knock on the door.
Suddenly, realisation struck me and my head was thrown back to reality. How the hell had I forgotten where we are and the whole situation that had led us here?!
I widened my eyes and Matt looked at me, equally bewildered. The knock repeated and this time it was followed by a friendly voice, “Dom, Matt? Are you guys there?” It was Tom.
“Oh, shit!” I hurried to get out of the bed, looking for our clothes that were folded over the recamier.
“Is that Tom?” Matt asked, whispering, as he stood up and I threw him his trousers and shirt.
“Yeah, it sounds like him.”
“Guys, I’m gonna come in!” Tom said when I was finishing buttoning up my shirt.
“Fuck!” I muttered, “Hold on!” I shouted and looked back at Matt. He had just finished setting his collar and nodded to me. I went to the door and opened it, “Hey, Tom, buddy! Good morning!” I smiled nervously and Tom quirked an eyebrow, looking suspiciously at me and then over my shoulders, surely staring at Matt.
“What are you guys up to?” he folded his arms over his chest.
“N-nothing! We were just getting ready to go downstairs and prepare the breakfast!”
“I see…” he narrowed his eyes and an awkward silence fell on the room. I could feel I was about to break out in a cold sweat, but suddenly Tom’s face changed, a large grin on his face and a playful gleam in his eyes, “You guys...” Laughing, he patted my shoulders and I tried to laugh along with him. Tom is crazy, what the hell is he doing? “C’mon, Matt!” he gestured for Matt to approach us. “Aren’t you guys hungry? Let’s take the kids out to have breakfast.”
“Sure, sure! Just let me get my wallet.”
***
That uncomfortable atmosphere hung over us during the whole morning and it was not even because what had happened between Matt and I earlier, but because of Tom. I don’t know why, but I felt a pang in my stomach, something close to a feeling of guilt for hiding from him what he had just interrupted.
“So, what are you doing here, Tom?” Matthew asked awkwardly, as we sat in a booth inside the Café with the kids.
“Oh, Jaclyn and I were out of the city yesterday. I got a new camera and wanted to take some pictures of nature and-”
“Eh, Tom.” I interrupted him.
“Sorry, sorry!” he apologetically smiled before continuing, “I only checked my phone again when I was back to town, saw eighteen calls from Chris and called him back. He told me about the emergency and that he was going to ask me to look after his children, but since I hadn’t called him back, he asked you guys. I confess I’m still surprised seeing you two alive,” he actually whispered the last line, winking, but Alfie heard Tom and nudged him with his elbow. “What did I do?” Tom faked unawareness, but couldn’t hold back a giggle.
We spent some time more at the Café and in the end Tom suggested that Matt and I should go back home. Not to Chris' though, but to Matt's. At first I felt anxious about that suggestion. It's not like I didn't have anything to worry about, being alone with Matt again. I really didn't know what to expect from now on, how I should act, what I should say. Things were not clear and kept getting more and more confusing.
Tom made a quick reminder that we were still wearing the same clothes as yesterday and we didn't even take a shower. Oh, well... He was right! How disgusting and unexpected from someone like me! Tom told us to go home one more time. I looked at Matt, trying to see if he was uncomfortable with the idea, but he was so distracted talking to the kids that he just nodded in response to Tom when he quickly told him that we should come back.
I wonder if Matt ever paid attention to Tom.
Whatever, we ended up saying good bye to the children and wishing Tom good luck in dealing with them.
***
Once we were back at Matt’s place, I couldn’t help feeling awkward around him. Not after what had happened that morning. Throughout the whole day, he hadn’t mentioned a single word about the kiss or acted like there was anything different between us. That’s what made me surprised. It seemed like everything was still the same.
At least on Matt’s behalf.
The night went surprisingly well, without any awful event. Matt actually offered to help prepare the dinner, saying that he’d try his best not to break anything or get cut again. I smiled weakly at him and nodded, inviting him to stir the tomato sauce with a wooden spoon. Fortunately, he didn’t set fire on his house or get any sort of burn.
It was a nice moment and, despite my initial nervousness, it turned out to be a good time spent while we made a few jokes or recalled our time with the kids. We ate our meal in a comfortable silence and Matt helped me to wash the dishes.
Well, he did drop one glass, but no one is perfect, right?
And now I’m here, in bed, waiting for a peaceful sleep to claim me. As it could be expected, I found myself distracted by some thoughts about the latest happenings in my life. I started reconsidering the things I’d done that morning; they truly expressed my real feelings and I acted accordingly to how I wanted to act. But now I wondered if that had been a good move.
To be honest, I regret nothing; so what was the point in pondering over what I’d done? Maybe I had spent so much time suppressing my real feelings and wishes and now I was trying to convince myself that what I had done was wrong. It was pointless thinking so. That didn’t feel wrong.
I should stop worrying so much.
As soon as I sighed, I heard a faint knock at the door of my bedroom. “Come in,” I said as I sat up.
Even though the lights were off when he opened the door, I still could see Matt’s brunet head looking from one side to the other, trying to spot me inside my dark room. How stupid am I? I giggled and turned on the lampshade on my nightstand. “Sorry for all the darkness,” I apologised with a smile.
“Hey,” Matt was already wearing his pajamas; a grey long sleeved shirt and loose trousers. When he lifted his arm to rub the back of his neck, I was able to see the waistband of his boxers plus a tiny bit of the exposed pale skin of his stomach.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah… Just want to talk.” his eyes wavered from my face to the floor.
“Oh, sure!” I patted the empty side of my bed, “Sit here.”
Well, where did all this sudden self-control come from, Dom?
Matt obliged and sat at the edge of the mattress, obviously not wanting to get any closer. I was worried for one moment. What if he regretted what had happened this morning? Would he be afraid of me and want me out of his house tomorrow?
“Why?” It was the only thing he said, still not looking at me.
“W-what…?” I asked, concerned.
“Why so much fear?” he finally looked me in the eyes, but I still couldn’t understand what he meant. “Why are you afraid to show your feelings? What’s the point in hiding them?”
“Matt, what are you-”
“Dom, let me explain, please!” he moved forward, a hand clutching on his chest and a pleading look in his face. Whatever he was going to say, he looked confused yet determined. “I know how I feel, but I can’t tell how I feel. I don’t know, it gives me headaches at the same time that I need it. Yes, it’s a need. You may have not realised, but I paid attention every time you avoided me and I wondered whether I was doing something wrong. But I can’t help it, okay? It just happened like that! I can’t explain why, but I feel much better when you’re around, when we’re in the same room, when we’re close to each other. I like when you tell me facts about me, my family, friends and, especially, stories where the main characters are both of us. We’ve fought many times in a short space of time since I woke up, but still, I feel happy when I’m with you. I liked to know Tom, Chris and the others, but no-one makes me feel safe like you do, Dom.”
He paused for a moment just to catch his breath. He was talking too fast, sounding desperate to make himself clear. It was obvious that his ideas were still confused, but even running in circles, being redundant, I got what he was trying to say.
That was hard to believe though.
“Matt, I-” I tried to say, but he touched my knee and interrupted me.
“Do you trust me?” came the sudden question.
“Of course.”
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Just close your eyes, you said you trust me.”
I closed my eyes, but not before looking deep into his, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Once I couldn’t see anything anymore, I could listen to my crazy heartbeats and shaky breathing. I also heard Matt approaching as the bed creaked; I felt his heat as he sat closer to me and felt his breath tickling my face.
“Forget everything outside this room, beyond the walls. There is only you and me now.”
I gulped and nodded slightly, waiting for his next move.
But then I felt his warm hand touching my face, carefully, brushing his thumb on my cheek. “I’d give everything to stay here with you, touching you, feeling you…” Still with my eyes closed, I felt his breath even closer to my face and I waited for an imminent kiss; but maybe Matt reconsidered what he was going to do and he moved away, though his hand did not abandon my face. “But… I obviously can’t do anything if I don’t know how you truly feel about it. I need words, Dom.”
Without thinking twice, I placed a hand over the one caressing my face and slowly opened my eyes. I found quiet blue eyes staring at me as if they were looking directly at my soul, reading me like I was an open book. We didn’t utter a word, even though Matt had asked for them. I felt his hand trembling beneath mine, but I couldn’t say I wasn’t shaking as well.
I looked for answers in his eyes, but I found home instead.
***
Author's Note2: end of the first big part :) I can't be sure when I'll start posting the second part (that will be called 'The Pianist: Redemption'). I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know, please! <3