(no subject)
A great weight has finally been lifted off my shoulders.
Yes, we're talking about her again.
At the meetings, I told myself several times. "If I don't tell her this, I'm going to explode". After the meetings, I walk up to her, and my words stock in my throat. I walk outside for a little bit and bash my head a few times, and then go back inside and confront her for real.
"Last time I do this", I assure her. "If I talk about this one more time you can slap me across the head."
Then I explain to her. I want to know if there's something about me that she doesn't like. Anything at all, that has made her change her feelings for me. I assure her that whatever it is, I can change. I can, and I will change, if she wants me to. I will do anything for her, I want to take care of her, I want to spend my life with her, and all I require is some of her love back. And I mean every word. I ask her if she doesn't even want to take the chance? To see if we still fit together? I definitely want to, I tell her. Because I love you, I tell her.
It's awkward for her, I can see it, but it's awkward for me too. Also considering the spot we were talking in wasn't exactly secluded, as people were walking in the hall and my mother came and left some tapes to me (we record the meetings on tape so my grandma can hear them also). Words of wisdom I heard once upon a time - courage isn't about not being afraid. Courage is about doing it anyways.
She tells me that she does still have troubles in life. I tell her that maybe this could take her thoughts off her troubles. It does for me, at least. But she tells me she doesn't know what has happened...she just doesn't feel the same way anymore. At least not for the moment being.
"But in the future, what could happen?" she tells me.
I nod at her. I tell her I would strongly envy whoever might capture her love. She's one in a million, and I've realized so late...
So asking if that was her final decision, she nods. Her eyes are turning reddish by the edges - she knows she's making me disappointed, and she seems sad for it as well.
"But you can still send me text messages", she assures me with a smile. "That's what friends can do, right?"
I nod again. "Then that's it for this time", I tell her, smiling back. "You take care of yourself...try to fix up those problems you have."
I then give her a slight peck on her forehead.
The conversation has ended.
Finally, finally, I could tell her what I've been meaning to do for so long. Finally, I could muster that courage. Even if I would've wanted a better outcome, I still feel I've gotten a long way, just by mastering such a thing.
And I will remain single until she either changes her mind or marries someone else...
I'm not letting her go. She's way too precious...more than I ever realized before.
Yes, we're talking about her again.
At the meetings, I told myself several times. "If I don't tell her this, I'm going to explode". After the meetings, I walk up to her, and my words stock in my throat. I walk outside for a little bit and bash my head a few times, and then go back inside and confront her for real.
"Last time I do this", I assure her. "If I talk about this one more time you can slap me across the head."
Then I explain to her. I want to know if there's something about me that she doesn't like. Anything at all, that has made her change her feelings for me. I assure her that whatever it is, I can change. I can, and I will change, if she wants me to. I will do anything for her, I want to take care of her, I want to spend my life with her, and all I require is some of her love back. And I mean every word. I ask her if she doesn't even want to take the chance? To see if we still fit together? I definitely want to, I tell her. Because I love you, I tell her.
It's awkward for her, I can see it, but it's awkward for me too. Also considering the spot we were talking in wasn't exactly secluded, as people were walking in the hall and my mother came and left some tapes to me (we record the meetings on tape so my grandma can hear them also). Words of wisdom I heard once upon a time - courage isn't about not being afraid. Courage is about doing it anyways.
She tells me that she does still have troubles in life. I tell her that maybe this could take her thoughts off her troubles. It does for me, at least. But she tells me she doesn't know what has happened...she just doesn't feel the same way anymore. At least not for the moment being.
"But in the future, what could happen?" she tells me.
I nod at her. I tell her I would strongly envy whoever might capture her love. She's one in a million, and I've realized so late...
So asking if that was her final decision, she nods. Her eyes are turning reddish by the edges - she knows she's making me disappointed, and she seems sad for it as well.
"But you can still send me text messages", she assures me with a smile. "That's what friends can do, right?"
I nod again. "Then that's it for this time", I tell her, smiling back. "You take care of yourself...try to fix up those problems you have."
I then give her a slight peck on her forehead.
The conversation has ended.
Finally, finally, I could tell her what I've been meaning to do for so long. Finally, I could muster that courage. Even if I would've wanted a better outcome, I still feel I've gotten a long way, just by mastering such a thing.
And I will remain single until she either changes her mind or marries someone else...
I'm not letting her go. She's way too precious...more than I ever realized before.