Geneva
A letter arrived this morning from [M] - I’d not heard from her in almost 2 years and I’ve lost count of how long I’ve known her. In the beginning she saw me before I saw her, she was in the audience and I was giving a speech whacked out of valium and whisky. The evening ended with her being held back from jumping me by a friend keening “he has a girlfriend [M] - he has a girlfriend” in her ear.
In those days she was a little out of control - my memory of her from that night is of red lipstick and a bright red crew-cut in an evening dress turning an already wild party into a gorgeous howling mess. Hard girl to forget.
It was always the way with [M] and I that one or the other of us was attached - never both single at the same time. Through that slightly irritating dance of fidelity we became close friends. She liked me because I made her laugh and had a decent ass, I liked her because she spoke even less than I did and had a mouth like a tiger. We got along.
Not only did she (when sober) talk less than me, she smoked more - that in itself was something of a miracle. We would spend long quiet evenings together playing “fill the ashtray” happy in each others company in a semblance of post coital smoke sharing bliss, but without all the messy grunting that precedes it. Once while preparing to go out she asked me how she looked and I - quite honestly - told her she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She came over, straddled me and kissed me with that verdant mouth so deeply I thought I would pass out. One of us was unfaithful that night, but I can’t remember which of us it was.
Years later she broke one of our nicotine silences with “I love you”.
When I am dead and hauled before the Chief to answer for my sins I wince at the thought of being called to explain what came next. My dear devoted friend says “I love you” and my response a second later? “Well that’s not such a big deal tho’ is it?” A few quiet seconds pass (where I’m sure if I had listened carefully I could have heard them throw another sack of coal into my reserved furnace in hell) and she answered “Not for you perhaps, but I’ve never said that to anyone before in my life.”
Despite my inherent evil [M] somehow saw something in me worth persevering with and our relationship carried on from there in much the same way. Last I knew she was living with a guy who she described to me as “A god!” - I was happy to find that I was delighted for her.
The letter this morning was brief. She has a new address with a sofa and duvet whenever I want to come visit, unless I am married in which case I am still welcome but have to say in the nearby Holiday Inn.
[Me] and [M] both single at the same time. That’s not such a big deal tho’. Is it?
In those days she was a little out of control - my memory of her from that night is of red lipstick and a bright red crew-cut in an evening dress turning an already wild party into a gorgeous howling mess. Hard girl to forget.
It was always the way with [M] and I that one or the other of us was attached - never both single at the same time. Through that slightly irritating dance of fidelity we became close friends. She liked me because I made her laugh and had a decent ass, I liked her because she spoke even less than I did and had a mouth like a tiger. We got along.
Not only did she (when sober) talk less than me, she smoked more - that in itself was something of a miracle. We would spend long quiet evenings together playing “fill the ashtray” happy in each others company in a semblance of post coital smoke sharing bliss, but without all the messy grunting that precedes it. Once while preparing to go out she asked me how she looked and I - quite honestly - told her she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She came over, straddled me and kissed me with that verdant mouth so deeply I thought I would pass out. One of us was unfaithful that night, but I can’t remember which of us it was.
Years later she broke one of our nicotine silences with “I love you”.
When I am dead and hauled before the Chief to answer for my sins I wince at the thought of being called to explain what came next. My dear devoted friend says “I love you” and my response a second later? “Well that’s not such a big deal tho’ is it?” A few quiet seconds pass (where I’m sure if I had listened carefully I could have heard them throw another sack of coal into my reserved furnace in hell) and she answered “Not for you perhaps, but I’ve never said that to anyone before in my life.”
Despite my inherent evil [M] somehow saw something in me worth persevering with and our relationship carried on from there in much the same way. Last I knew she was living with a guy who she described to me as “A god!” - I was happy to find that I was delighted for her.
The letter this morning was brief. She has a new address with a sofa and duvet whenever I want to come visit, unless I am married in which case I am still welcome but have to say in the nearby Holiday Inn.
[Me] and [M] both single at the same time. That’s not such a big deal tho’. Is it?