update
Oy- not having such a great week. Somehow managed to throw my back out this weekend (painting the bathroom? Who knows.) It’s my lower back- this has NEVER happened to me before. Even when I was 9 months pregnant I didn’t have this kind of lower back pain. It was terrible spasms on Monday. Now it just hurts. It sucks, it’s distracting, and it makes me feel really, really old. I was hoping to go to a yoga class to stretch it out this week but my plans were interrupted because….
….Josie is sick. I stayed home yesterday with her (which made my back worse- things like movement and exercise make it feel better, things like sitting on the couch and picking up a 30 pound kid make it feel worse)- today Wade is home with her. Her energy is slowly coming back but her throat is so sore that she can’t eat (when she goes to swallow she cries and says “mouth hurt!”. It’s heart breaking). And of course, to add to the shit storm, Aviva hurt her hand and needed to get 5 stitches so she can’t watch Josie tomorrow- I probably have to take another day off work unless she makes a miraculous discovery. I’m really busy (and falling behind) at work right now. Not to mention that I already have negative 2 sick days? Good things they are lenient about these types of things.
All of this is making it VERY VERY DIFFICULT to stick my “diet” but I’m doing it and not cheating. I actually have very good willpower, but it’s just depressing. It feels like when you break up with someone. It’s not like you are tempted to go get back together with them, but there is this void in your life and it’s just depressing. When I have a tough day, I can’t sit on the couch with a bowl of ice cream or some cookies. There’s nothing in place to make me feel better. This was not an issue when I had the freedom and energy to do healthy or creative things that make me feel better. It’s really become an emotional crutch for me. I’m not doing this to lose weight (and I’ll be surprised if I do lose any weight as a result of this) so it’s not even like I get some kind of tangible reward. I’m still sticking to it, though.
It’s only been 9 days. My hope is that my feelings will change as I go through this journey and that my next update will be more positive. It will help when I’m not in constant pain. I miss the days when I had enough time to take care of myself.
….Josie is sick. I stayed home yesterday with her (which made my back worse- things like movement and exercise make it feel better, things like sitting on the couch and picking up a 30 pound kid make it feel worse)- today Wade is home with her. Her energy is slowly coming back but her throat is so sore that she can’t eat (when she goes to swallow she cries and says “mouth hurt!”. It’s heart breaking). And of course, to add to the shit storm, Aviva hurt her hand and needed to get 5 stitches so she can’t watch Josie tomorrow- I probably have to take another day off work unless she makes a miraculous discovery. I’m really busy (and falling behind) at work right now. Not to mention that I already have negative 2 sick days? Good things they are lenient about these types of things.
All of this is making it VERY VERY DIFFICULT to stick my “diet” but I’m doing it and not cheating. I actually have very good willpower, but it’s just depressing. It feels like when you break up with someone. It’s not like you are tempted to go get back together with them, but there is this void in your life and it’s just depressing. When I have a tough day, I can’t sit on the couch with a bowl of ice cream or some cookies. There’s nothing in place to make me feel better. This was not an issue when I had the freedom and energy to do healthy or creative things that make me feel better. It’s really become an emotional crutch for me. I’m not doing this to lose weight (and I’ll be surprised if I do lose any weight as a result of this) so it’s not even like I get some kind of tangible reward. I’m still sticking to it, though.
It’s only been 9 days. My hope is that my feelings will change as I go through this journey and that my next update will be more positive. It will help when I’m not in constant pain. I miss the days when I had enough time to take care of myself.