(no subject)
i am not even going to mention what I ate for dinner tonight. Lets just say, it was BAD.
But i went on the scale a few minutes ago and it only budged 1lb, and i think it's because my tummy is full...i hate the feeling of full.
I knew what I was eating, I knew it was so bad for me. I think it's because I had 250 cals and three diet pills and a shit load more of caffeine, my body felt really bad so i decided to eat a ton to make up for it...if that makes sense....but my stomach is so small now..and i think my mind didn't realize it, because I was SOO full i couldn't believe it! After I ate it I had the instant feeling that I had just gained all my hard work back. 30+ pounds back because of that one meal. but i know this is not true.... i really wanted to purge it, but i couldn't because of the boyfriend.
So even though I'm a bit disappointed in myself, it could have been much worse. I am still in control. i am still in control. i am still in control of what i put in my body.
I really need to stop with the diet pills for a while. I don't want my body (or mind) to become dependent on them. I have a way too addictive personality to be taking so many of them. So I will cut down to 1 per day for a week and then try a week without any and see how much progress I can make that way.
And I am on my period (sorry if that's too much info) so I will happily be expecting a few pounds to magically drop in a couple days. yay!
But i went on the scale a few minutes ago and it only budged 1lb, and i think it's because my tummy is full...i hate the feeling of full.
I knew what I was eating, I knew it was so bad for me. I think it's because I had 250 cals and three diet pills and a shit load more of caffeine, my body felt really bad so i decided to eat a ton to make up for it...if that makes sense....but my stomach is so small now..and i think my mind didn't realize it, because I was SOO full i couldn't believe it! After I ate it I had the instant feeling that I had just gained all my hard work back. 30+ pounds back because of that one meal. but i know this is not true.... i really wanted to purge it, but i couldn't because of the boyfriend.
So even though I'm a bit disappointed in myself, it could have been much worse. I am still in control. i am still in control. i am still in control of what i put in my body.
I really need to stop with the diet pills for a while. I don't want my body (or mind) to become dependent on them. I have a way too addictive personality to be taking so many of them. So I will cut down to 1 per day for a week and then try a week without any and see how much progress I can make that way.
And I am on my period (sorry if that's too much info) so I will happily be expecting a few pounds to magically drop in a couple days. yay!