.....Sooooooooooooo......Yeah....................
Okay. So, I don't pretend to have ever experienced these feeling before or to know what they're about. But I've really needed to get this out lately. And honestly, I don't know where else to post it. So here it is. Please, just bare with me.
Sometimes. as I'm walking home, shopping or just hanging around somewhere. I suddenly feel a surge of energy. Sometimes, it comes up the spine. Sometimes, it just starts in my head. My hands instinctively start cracking their fingers. Muscles tense up. The person next to me explodes in a torrent of warm carnage and my head is filled with a euphoric feeling, demanding to destroy and kill everything. I control my hands, who want nothing more than to crush the nearest person. I almost grab my face to hide the huge grin and I quickly subdue my voice before I start laughing like a mad idiot.
It generally takes a good bit to shake off the feeling. But after a few minutes, I revert back to the status quo. That nothingness. Not even depression or sadness, just a state of non-feeling. Numb.
It started out as a rare occurrence. Though now, these sudden impulses have become more frequent over the past year and I feel my controlled disposition towards other people becoming more and more callous as the urge to kill and instill fear only grows.
I was hoping, as usual, that I could vent a bit here. Hoping to see if anyone can offer any perspectives on what the holy fucking hell this is. Because frankly, I've got nothing. >END TRANSMISSION
Sometimes. as I'm walking home, shopping or just hanging around somewhere. I suddenly feel a surge of energy. Sometimes, it comes up the spine. Sometimes, it just starts in my head. My hands instinctively start cracking their fingers. Muscles tense up. The person next to me explodes in a torrent of warm carnage and my head is filled with a euphoric feeling, demanding to destroy and kill everything. I control my hands, who want nothing more than to crush the nearest person. I almost grab my face to hide the huge grin and I quickly subdue my voice before I start laughing like a mad idiot.
It generally takes a good bit to shake off the feeling. But after a few minutes, I revert back to the status quo. That nothingness. Not even depression or sadness, just a state of non-feeling. Numb.
It started out as a rare occurrence. Though now, these sudden impulses have become more frequent over the past year and I feel my controlled disposition towards other people becoming more and more callous as the urge to kill and instill fear only grows.
I was hoping, as usual, that I could vent a bit here. Hoping to see if anyone can offer any perspectives on what the holy fucking hell this is. Because frankly, I've got nothing. >END TRANSMISSION