elucidations
"so it's 2.43 on a saturday night and i'm posting on livejournal. awesome.
so, as regards my last post. I was in the car with mari on our way to A Few Good Men, and I noticed my scarf felt different. It didn't smell like a scarf of mine. It turned out the reason why that was is that the last person to wear that scarf was A. Which got me started thinking. As many people know, I have a problem with train of thought drift. So I started thinking about A., of course, and then I started thinking about when he wore the scarf, and the situation that was going on at the time between he and an old acquaintance of his, and then I started thinking about a similar situation that just happened to him regarding an ex of his, and then I started thinking about exes of mine, and then it just hit me:
I've never really been in love.
Now this requires some explanation. In my estimation being "in love" with someone is different than having love for them. It could be argued that I have loved many people; Mike springs to mind, as does Will, Kyle, etc. However, in the case of Mike, it was unrequited love, first off. Unrequited love isn't so much a state of being as it is a pattern of behavior which perpetuates itself due to the feelings you have for the person in question. It isn't so much love as an self-perpetuating addiction. In the case of Will... I really want to say that I was in love with Will, but I know that's not really the case. I wanted to be in love with Will because I wanted to be in love with anyone, anyone who would stick with me that is. I'm not discounting my relationship with him; a lot of growth happened while we were together. but it wasn't love. Kyle, same thing as Mike. I loved him but he didn't love me, and it turned into this bizarre pursuit rather than any kind of healthy relationship."
So, after I typed that I decided that I was going to do the only thing that always makes me happy, that being small-scale construction. I know, you thought I was going to type "booze it up", but no, I actually made a bedframe. I haven't slept on a bed with a frame regularly in about five years, and it's a welcome change. I'm uh. not quite sure how much weight it will support, but I guess I'll find out... and it's not like I spent money on it if it were to break. So yeah, am I awesome or am I awesome?
so, as regards my last post. I was in the car with mari on our way to A Few Good Men, and I noticed my scarf felt different. It didn't smell like a scarf of mine. It turned out the reason why that was is that the last person to wear that scarf was A. Which got me started thinking. As many people know, I have a problem with train of thought drift. So I started thinking about A., of course, and then I started thinking about when he wore the scarf, and the situation that was going on at the time between he and an old acquaintance of his, and then I started thinking about a similar situation that just happened to him regarding an ex of his, and then I started thinking about exes of mine, and then it just hit me:
I've never really been in love.
Now this requires some explanation. In my estimation being "in love" with someone is different than having love for them. It could be argued that I have loved many people; Mike springs to mind, as does Will, Kyle, etc. However, in the case of Mike, it was unrequited love, first off. Unrequited love isn't so much a state of being as it is a pattern of behavior which perpetuates itself due to the feelings you have for the person in question. It isn't so much love as an self-perpetuating addiction. In the case of Will... I really want to say that I was in love with Will, but I know that's not really the case. I wanted to be in love with Will because I wanted to be in love with anyone, anyone who would stick with me that is. I'm not discounting my relationship with him; a lot of growth happened while we were together. but it wasn't love. Kyle, same thing as Mike. I loved him but he didn't love me, and it turned into this bizarre pursuit rather than any kind of healthy relationship."
So, after I typed that I decided that I was going to do the only thing that always makes me happy, that being small-scale construction. I know, you thought I was going to type "booze it up", but no, I actually made a bedframe. I haven't slept on a bed with a frame regularly in about five years, and it's a welcome change. I'm uh. not quite sure how much weight it will support, but I guess I'll find out... and it's not like I spent money on it if it were to break. So yeah, am I awesome or am I awesome?