I keep setting myself up for failure..
These familiar feelings have been constantly consuming and overwhelming me. They make me forget who I am, remember even worse who I was, and make it impossible to see what I can be.
I fell into this situation, a romeo and juliet-like complex. Of the people I've even so much as kissed, she was the only one where it actually felt right. There was just something there. I could feel it, and it felt like she did, too. As we latched on to one-another, it felt too good to be just the alcohol or a simple want for sex.
It's only been a couple months now, but I think she's forgotten.. I'm at the stage where I don't know what to do and I don't know what's happening. As hard as I try, it's that stage I can't ever seem to get past.
I'm still in the terrible habit where I keep thinking about it. And it's not even controlled thinking. There's this crazy yet subtle want for it in everything I experience. I'll think of a place to go, and I'll immediately put an axe through plans hoping I'll get a shot at doing it with her. I'll listen to a powerful song, and I'll see myself letting her hear it and having her really enjoy it. I'll think of being with her again like those first couple nights I met her, holding in the end and not wanting to let go.
Like an underlying layer of skin I can't shed, I unknowingly place my life on hold as my imagination runs wild due to either a false or true sense of love, and it eventually wears on me..
A song goes, "Every time you want it, it'll be falling down like castles in the sand." And I keep wanting it and I keep thinking it. It's so hard to help it. I keep setting myself up for failure and I don't realize what I'm doing until it's too late. How do I go about living my life without wanting it? Without imagining it? Without thinking about it? Without hoping? Without leading myself into being let down in the end?
Maybe instead I should begin working on thinking of how to forget..
I fell into this situation, a romeo and juliet-like complex. Of the people I've even so much as kissed, she was the only one where it actually felt right. There was just something there. I could feel it, and it felt like she did, too. As we latched on to one-another, it felt too good to be just the alcohol or a simple want for sex.
It's only been a couple months now, but I think she's forgotten.. I'm at the stage where I don't know what to do and I don't know what's happening. As hard as I try, it's that stage I can't ever seem to get past.
I'm still in the terrible habit where I keep thinking about it. And it's not even controlled thinking. There's this crazy yet subtle want for it in everything I experience. I'll think of a place to go, and I'll immediately put an axe through plans hoping I'll get a shot at doing it with her. I'll listen to a powerful song, and I'll see myself letting her hear it and having her really enjoy it. I'll think of being with her again like those first couple nights I met her, holding in the end and not wanting to let go.
Like an underlying layer of skin I can't shed, I unknowingly place my life on hold as my imagination runs wild due to either a false or true sense of love, and it eventually wears on me..
A song goes, "Every time you want it, it'll be falling down like castles in the sand." And I keep wanting it and I keep thinking it. It's so hard to help it. I keep setting myself up for failure and I don't realize what I'm doing until it's too late. How do I go about living my life without wanting it? Without imagining it? Without thinking about it? Without hoping? Without leading myself into being let down in the end?
Maybe instead I should begin working on thinking of how to forget..