there are a few things that I have found disturbing with girls ever since high school and I found an article on the matter that pretty much makes you think
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I hope you don't mind a stranger in your journal--I wandered over from roleplayers (your post there will probably get deleted by the moderator, just so you know) and this essay caught my attention. Since I'm going to be rather caustic in my response, let me say that despite the username I'm more of a Nice Guy than an Asshole as described in the essay. I've also been married for about six years.
What the "Nice Guy" doesn't realize is that girls don't share his vision of an ideal relationship. His principles say that a relationship for the sex is totally inferior, and he imposes this standard on the world-at-large. He sees the object of his affections as a Goddess who can do no wrong, and thus rationalizes her bad relationship as being totally the fault of her Asshole boyfriend. "If only I could save her from the influence of that dastardly Asshole, she could be happy with me!"
But the Nice Guy is too afraid to confront the Girl with his feelings, and he'll rationalize this in one of two ways. He might say that it'll give the Girl extra emotional baggage in her time of troubles, and being the Nice Guy, he couldn't possibly do anything that might cause her grief. More likely, he doesn't want to be seen as somebody who stole the Girl away from her boyfriend, because in the Nice Guy's mind, this would make him no better than the Asshole. And so waits for the Girl to "come to her senses," ready to charge in and save the day once her relationship with the Asshole ends.
Things rarely go down according to the Nice Guy's plan. The Girl will either pick up another Asshole on the rebound, or decide that she needs some time to herself. The Nice Guy can't fathom either of these, because he thinks of himself as being the perfect guy for the Girl. He may wait it out for a few cycles, but eventually he'll write off the Girl as being hopeless and/or stupid. This will make him pretty bitter...until he finds a new Girl to worship.
So the Nice Guy remains alone with his principles, bemoaning his lot but refusing to do anything to change it. The Asshole may be a bad choice for the Girl, but she'll take an Asshole over a Doormat any day of the week. If the Nice Guy showed some backbone or was willing to compromise on his vision of the ideal relationship, he wouldn't end up alone.
no, not at all. You are welcome to comment here. Well, I will say that you overall point is accurate. Yes, if the "Nice Guy" would show some backbone and not wait out and see if she will come to her senses. I know this for a fact. I wasted 4 yrs of my life on a girl that I never hooked up with. It never came into fruition seeing how my friend claimed that I was in what they called "The Friend Box" with no light or even a keyhole to look out of. While for a year and a half I did wait it out seeing how she was having medical issues. I was the one who showed up caring for her most of the time when her asshole boyfriend (Now husband) only showed up when he wanted to on his time. To me thats just appauling. After a while, I just said fuck it and left. I have asked many a times to go out with her the one thing that set me off was the fact I had to force a "thank you" outta her after taking her out to dinner on Valentine's day. Three months later, I hook up with someone else who is 1000 times more better and couldn't be happier. It like looking back at those for 4yrs and asking myself, "What the hell was I thinking".
You basically got it right when you said:
The Girl will either pick up another Asshole on the rebound, or decide that she needs some time to herself. The Nice Guy can't fathom either of these, because he thinks of himself as being the perfect guy for the Girl. He may wait it out for a few cycles, but eventually he'll write off the Girl as being hopeless and/or stupid. This will make him pretty bitter...until he finds a new Girl to worship.
Well, in my experience, I didn't think of myself as the perfect guy for the girl. No, I thought of myself as something better than the Asshole she was with. One, that would treat her better than he could do. Did I call her hopeless? Yea, I did. After 4yrs of nothing and missed opptunities with other girls, you do tend to get a little bitter at the girl for causing you this grief but most likely blamed yourself because you allowed it to happen. Its a learning experience, I will give it that.
What the "Nice Guy" doesn't realize is that girls don't share his vision of an ideal relationship. His principles say that a relationship for the sex is totally inferior, and he imposes this standard on the world-at-large. He sees the object of his affections as a Goddess who can do no wrong, and thus rationalizes her bad relationship as being totally the fault of her Asshole boyfriend. "If only I could save her from the influence of that dastardly Asshole, she could be happy with me!"
But the Nice Guy is too afraid to confront the Girl with his feelings, and he'll rationalize this in one of two ways. He might say that it'll give the Girl extra emotional baggage in her time of troubles, and being the Nice Guy, he couldn't possibly do anything that might cause her grief. More likely, he doesn't want to be seen as somebody who stole the Girl away from her boyfriend, because in the Nice Guy's mind, this would make him no better than the Asshole. And so waits for the Girl to "come to her senses," ready to charge in and save the day once her relationship with the Asshole ends.
Things rarely go down according to the Nice Guy's plan. The Girl will either pick up another Asshole on the rebound, or decide that she needs some time to herself. The Nice Guy can't fathom either of these, because he thinks of himself as being the perfect guy for the Girl. He may wait it out for a few cycles, but eventually he'll write off the Girl as being hopeless and/or stupid. This will make him pretty bitter...until he finds a new Girl to worship.
So the Nice Guy remains alone with his principles, bemoaning his lot but refusing to do anything to change it. The Asshole may be a bad choice for the Girl, but she'll take an Asshole over a Doormat any day of the week. If the Nice Guy showed some backbone or was willing to compromise on his vision of the ideal relationship, he wouldn't end up alone.
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You basically got it right when you said:
The Girl will either pick up another Asshole on the rebound, or decide that she needs some time to herself. The Nice Guy can't fathom either of these, because he thinks of himself as being the perfect guy for the Girl. He may wait it out for a few cycles, but eventually he'll write off the Girl as being hopeless and/or stupid. This will make him pretty bitter...until he finds a new Girl to worship.
Well, in my experience, I didn't think of myself as the perfect guy for the girl. No, I thought of myself as something better than the Asshole she was with. One, that would treat her better than he could do. Did I call her hopeless? Yea, I did. After 4yrs of nothing and missed opptunities with other girls, you do tend to get a little bitter at the girl for causing you this grief but most likely blamed yourself because you allowed it to happen.
Its a learning experience, I will give it that.
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