All cancelers are bastards.

[zeroenthusiasm]

My opposition to what some people call “cancel culture” or “callout culture” is a direct logical extension of my opposition to the police and prisons--the opposition to retributive or punitive interpretations of justice

Comments

RE: Community

[zeroenthusiasm]

Accountability has always been very important to me, which is why it’s always been crucial for me to remain open and honest in my public writing even when it came to things I was ashamed of. Not everything is available for public consumption anymore-I am a human and I am entitled to having certain things I keep to myself or between me and my loved ones-but I’ve never misrepresented myself. Offline, I have told literally every woman I’ve met since Kara’s first accusations back in 2014 that I am an accused abuser. Every person I am close to knows every shitty thing I’ve ever done, because I am accountable. I have risked relationships by going out of my way to divulge facts about my past to others I’ve cared about. I have opted to be honest to others during situations where I could have easily remained silent and avoided consequences. I have attempted to make amends with those who I have hurt over the past decade or more, and I always did so without needing to be pressured into it with threats of social excommunication. There are some I haven’t been able to because I can’t find them and they have never tried to “hold me accountable”. The people I’ve reached out to over the years have included people who I knew as a teenager, even, because I knew even they still deserved an apology. Perhaps this isn’t satisfying to you because it wasn’t broadcast as a public spectacle, but the reality is that I have put a great deal of effort into improving myself and apologizing for things I have done in my past. These exchanges occurred offline, directly between me and the other people, so I forgive you for not knowing these things. Please exercise some humility in your comments moving forward, because you do not know everything.

Like most human beings, I have of course been someone who has harmed others in my life, but I can say with full confidence that I have never intentionally set out to hurt or control any of my partners, I have never “groomed” anyone, and I have never done anything sexual with anyone without explicit consent. I at one point in my life had very different perspectives on age of consent, yes, and I have been open and honest about this to everyone close to me over the years. I am incredibly embarrassed by once believing those things, but I am not interested in or attracted to underage people, period. Your emphasis on the word “multiple” puzzles me, by the way. As far as I know, Kara is the only person to accuse me of any sexual impropriety. I am or have been in contact with virtually every person I’ve ever been physically intimate with, and conversations with them have only reaffirmed for me that consent has always been a requirement in my sex life.

I don’t know who you are, and I ultimately don’t owe you anything. It’s obvious to me that you don’t care what I have to say, and aren’t willing to bend your rigid idea of what certain people “deserve” to happen to them if they’re accused of harming others. I refuse to admit to things I haven’t done, I have apologized to everyone to the extent that I could, I’ve held myself accountable and put in a lot of effort into becoming a better person over the years, and I am proud of the person I am today. Besides, I have suffered the consequences of the things I’ve been falsely accused of, and my life is still, for all intents and purposes, over. I hope you can at least find some solace in my suffering, since you seem to be of the belief that certain people deserve to suffer. I hope in time you can open your mind and heart a little more.

Re: Community

[zeroenthusiasm]

Dave it was more than one person. You were actively grooming young girls throughout the vegan scene in New York. Multiple women have come forward within the Vegan community with stories of your behavior towards women. Ironically for all of this anti-cancel culture business, you would make long posts cancelling these girls when they would spurn your advances or tell you you were making them uncomfortable. In a very similar manner to what you did to your last partner. The irony again is that you hate cancel culture but sure love writing long diatribes about how bad your partner was or how bad their new partner is. You gave the same treatment to anyone who privately asked you for accountability or ran afoul of you in basically anyway. All the while from your defense of pedophilia to the numerous womyn who expressed to others that they didn't feel comfortable using a community space with you your sexual and gender violence has continued unabated and without accountability.

RE: Re: Community

[zeroenthusiasm]

If it was in fact more than one person, I certainly never saw anything or heard about it, so I can’t speak on it. I’ve gone out of my way to reach out directly to the people I’ve been intimate with over the years, and of all the things I’ve ever been accused of, sexual violence of any kind has never been something brought up to me outside of Kara’s accusations in 2014 and again in 2019. I can’t be accountable for things never communicated to me, and I can’t speak to things I’m unaware of. If there are “multiple women”, then their stories have somehow never gotten to me and I have never heard about them from anyone else, let alone from the accusers themselves. I take these things very seriously and go to great lengths to ensure open lines of communication with the people in my life, so I’m feeling pretty skeptical about what you’re saying and about anyone you could be referring to.

I’d really like to know during what time I was “actively grooming young girls throughout the vegan scene in New York”. I don’t think it’s fair, and I actually find it quite disgusting, for you to so confidently accuse someone of something like that. I have never been the type to flirt or make the first moves, I was always looking for monogamous love more than anything, and I have never viewed other people as conquests. I have never done anything to anyone without explicitly expressed consent, and I am the type to communicate with my partners before, during, and after. I have my blind spots, and my personality isn’t for everyone, so perhaps I have made people uncomfortable without realizing it, but it hasn’t ever been brought up to me.

Where are these “long posts” where I’ve “canceled” girls for “spurning my advances” or telling me I “made them uncomfortable”? Again, I honestly have no idea who or what you could be referring to, nor where you’re getting your information, and I can’t speak on things that I’m unaware of. I’d be more than happy to address specific concerns, and even happier to have a dialog with anyone who I may have hurt without knowing it, but I can’t do those things when all I have to go off of is an anonymous comment apparently speaking on behalf of a group of people who have never attempted to communicate anything to me.

RE: Re: Community

[zeroenthusiasm]

Who has privately asked me for accountability? With the exception of the first messages about not practicing good enough consent from Kara back in 2014, there has only ever been one other person to reach out to me about sexual matters, and I was accountable to that person to the point they even offered me forgiveness. Otherwise, it’s always been me who has sought people out so I could extend an apology and try to make amends, for things I myself realized were wrong and hurtful. One of the first things I did, for example, after hearing that the space here where I did most of my events/programs had been sent multiple emails about me, was directly message every woman I knew personally from the space. All but one of them responded, and I was reassured by the rest that they’d never felt uncomfortable around me. One of them even said they’d never heard from anyone else that I had. I really am trying my best here, but I can only do so much when people are so unwilling or unable to communicate directly with me.

I haven’t tried to cancel anyone who has hurt me, and I never would. I’m still allowed to write publicly about things that have happened to me and how they’ve made me feel, though. My feelings and experiences are valid and important, and I’m entitled to expressing myself in the ways I believe will help me most. I do not believe anyone is inherently good or evil, and I forgive the people who have harmed me. I do not wish to see anyone punished. If anything, it’d just be nice to get some validation and an apology, but I do not hinge my healing on that because I know I may never receive it. I do not tell lies, and can prove just about anything I say. For the record, my most recent ex was an incredible person and partner, up until the end when she did the things she did.

I have also never “defended pedophilia”. In my past, I was skeptical and critical of age of consent laws regarding people in their late teens, but that was a very long time ago and I obviously have drastically different feelings about the subject today. I am also unsure how my “sexual and gender violence has continued unabated” when I have spent the last two years removed from the community that was so important to me and, most recently, have spent the last year of my life completely alone 99% of the time.

If I’ve done something that has hurt someone else, I want to know. I take it seriously, even if it doesn’t rise to the status of “abuse” in my eyes. I’m always prepared to talk to anyone who I’ve hurt, and have proactively pursued doing so over the years. If possible and appropriate, I want to be accountable to those people. However, I will never admit to things I simply have not done, and I have been accused of many things throughout my entire life that I just have not done. I also do not believe I owe anyone other than the person I’ve hurt anything. I do not owe a larger community anything unless it can be demonstrated that I am an active threat to it, which I am not and never have been. Not everything transpires online for public consumption, and it shouldn’t.

In the meantime, I’m going to listen to the women who are still in my life, who have known me intimately and for many years, and allow the people who actually do communicate things to me to help me continue to grow as a person. And you can rest easy knowing I am no longer a part of any communities, I’m not sexually active, I’m not romantically involved with anyone, and my life is not going well, okay?